Grunge

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(Post-edit Anon: Listy sections on "Famous Grungers" and "List of Grunge Bands" is overwhelmingly to inform and not to amuse. Also kill external links (fanboy videos))
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{{Q|I can't move!|Alice|being in chains}}
 
{{Q|I can't move!|Alice|being in chains}}
   
[[Image:Typicalpand.JPG|thumb|250px|left to right; bassist ,guitarist ,drummer. typical grunge band. Note that the bassist's [[penis|guitar]] is larger.]]
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[[Image:Typicalpand.JPG|thumb|250px|A typical grunge band, as drawn by a [[junkie|very devoted grunge artist]].]]
   
'''Grunge''' is a board game similar to 'Jumanji' (that one with the animals). The original board game was meant to release a new fantastic sound of music when activated (instead of animals), however something fucked up along the way and a lot of smelly people from Seattle came out instead. Confused as why they were there and what had just happened, these smelly people began to pass the time by applying their close-caveman minds into trying to do covers of what they heard on the radio. Unfortunately they had no sense of music or rhythm and all their instruments were broken but this didn't stop them! These proud, dirty, ape-like men demanded their music be played on the radio!
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'''Grunge''' is one of the more fortunate offspring genres to come out of [[heavy metal]], named after a board game similar to '[[Jumanji]]' (that one with the animals). The original board game was meant to release a new fantastic sound of music when activated (instead of animals); however, something fucked up along the way and a lot of smelly people from [[Seattle]] came out instead. Confused as to why they were there and what had just happened, these smelly people began to pass the time by applying their close-caveman minds into trying to do covers of what they heard on the radio. Unfortunately they had no sense of music or rhythm and all their instruments were broken but this didn't stop them! These proud, dirty, ape-like men demanded their music be played on the radio!
   
This was achieved by simply scaring the record companies into giving them a a contract by throwing shit at them and trying to eat everything near them.
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This was achieved by simply scaring the record companies into giving them a contract through threatening to give large quantities of [[heroin]] to the unsuspecting [[public]]. What the record companies didn't realise was that the [[junkies]] of grunge weren't ever going to give their damn heroin away for free, and thus they gave in. Now that their music was going to be played all they needed was some album art. As a result of their love of spinning wheels, disfigured dogs and high-fiving in front of big words this was all achieved in good time.
   
Now that their music was going to be played all they needed was some album art. As a result of their love of [[pedophilia|naked babies]], disfigured dogs and high-fiving in front of big words this was all achieved in good time.
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But as it turns out, a lot of people seemed to buy what ever the hell was being released and it became popular. A [[The Pixies|Pixies]] cover band known simply as [[Nirvana]] were considered close enough to Seattle, and led the grunge movement despite the fact their music wasn't near as depressing or even grungy enough. Nirvana themselves are not to blame for this - in fact, lead singer Kurt Cobain was so reluctant of this label he ended up killing himself to rid his association with grunge.
   
But as it turns out, a lot of people seemed to buy what ever the hell was being released and it became popular. Unfortunately these 'Grunge-folk' didn't understand that word and got so confused that they decided to kill theme selves, die in some other way or just disappear completely to stop the bringing up of this horribly confusing word.
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==The Grunge sound==
====The Grunge Sound====
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[[Image:Guitar Dirty.jpg|left|thumb|250px|If you plan on being a grunge musician, [[MTV]]'s ''Unplugged'' is a must. Take this guitar for help.]]
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The grunge sound is achieved by playing a really sludgy sound on your guitar. Popular grunge band [[Alice in Chains]] melted their amps inside Layne Staley's heroin spoon, which achieved the sludgy effect necessary, while [[Soundgarden]] decided to inject their amps with holy water, described on their song "Holy Water". Pearl Jam filled their amps with the tears of homeless people. For vocals, grungers usually like to make the most impossible to emulate vocal noises imaginable. Chris Cornell, for instance, usually raises his voice at a pitch higher than Layne Staley on a Saturday night.
[[Image:Guitar Dirty.jpg|right|thumb|250px|A Dirty Guitar]]
 
Combining the sound made by the bacterial beast with instruments, will make this "marketable music". Most grunge bands like [[Nirvana|Kurt Cobain & Brother Nirvana]] use a dirty guitar, probably found at the local [[Second]] [[Hand]] Shop. The use of second hand instruments and Strong Riffs could easily fend off local [[chav]]s..
 
   
 
==How to become a grunger==
 
==How to become a grunger==
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To be a stereotypical grunger, one must first and immediately stop using the term "grunger". Facial hair is a must. Beards and sideburns if you can. Clothes to be worn include ragged jeans and flannel shirts. Wear everything secondhand, including you underwear. And you must have a hate for the subhuman [[emo]] scum that corrupt the music industry, although since this is completely irrelevant to grunge fans, no musician ever talks about this (although it is easily recognisable, since everyone hates emos).
   
To be a stereotypical Grunger, one must grow the hair. Facial hair is a must. Beards and sideburns if you can...mustaches are gay. Try and grow the bangs and back and sides to an equal length. Then, don't wash it. Ever. Clothes to be worn include ragged jeans and flannel shirts. Wear everything secondhand, including you underwear. And you must have a hate for the fucking EMO! A more acceptable form of grungers includes(and very limited to) bowl haircuts, taking showers frequently, suits, ties, mullets, eyeliner, excessive amounts of hairspray, and selling out your beliefs to be cool like all the other kids.
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If you wish to truly be admired for your grunge tastes, you must not under any circumstances name "Nirvana" if someone asks you a question along the lines of "name a grunge band". This is equivalent to saying "Michael Jackson" when asked "what is your favourite brand of toothpaste?". If you do not want grunge fans to tear you apart, you must be able to name irrelevant 80s Seattle bands, such as the Screaming Trees or whatever. This will show you have a diverse musical taste and it will make you look smarter.
   
==This May or May Not Have Happened After That==
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==Post-grunge==
 
{{main|Post-grunge}}
 
{{main|Post-grunge}}
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Post-grunge was born when a dirty [[yoshi]] egg dropped out of [[Dave Grohl]]'s ass' arse. Grohl proceeded to sit on said egg until a retarded fetus cracked out, which Grohl named [[Foo Fighters]]. His band Foo Fighters is often labelled "post-grunge" - this has nothing to do with what type of music they produce, but is entirely related to the fact that Dave Grohl was once in a band labelled "grunge".
Post-Grunge was born when a dirty [[yoshi]] egg dropped out of [[Dave Grohl]]'s ass in 1874. He proceeded to sit on said egg until a retarded fetus cracked out, his name was [[Foo Fighters]]. [[Dave Grohl|One of the Nirvana brothers]] then formed a band called [[Foo Fighters|The Froo (up) Fighters]] named after his nine-toed hatchling. From this he went on to become one of the the scariest men alive, he also does some devil acting for some spare cash in some lame Jack Black movie.
 
 
===Things you need to know about Grunge===
 
[[Image:Cobain2.jpg|thumb|250px|right|Kurt Cobain and the Nirvana Brothers]]
 
 
*make sure you stop washing and grooming your self
 
*and that all other forms of music are shit compared to it eg cuntry music
 
*Selling out is a must
 
 
==Grunge Is Dead==
 
Grunge is DEAD after everyone’s attempt to be Kurt Cobain by not showering has failed miserably. Dave Grohl even clamed that he used to be in a band called [[Orgasm|Nirvana]] with Kurt. But after [[CSI]] investigated into the issue they only found that Dave had a secret romance with Kurt but no evidence of a band called Nirvana was found.
 
 
Recent revival attempts have included taping the sounds of people being mangled by grizzly bears and throwing Hindu children off rooftops in order to capture their screams of terror, but so far nothing has been quite as offensive to the ear.
 
 
==Grunge is Un-Dead==
 
Zombie grungers rise again, beasts of night and uncleanliness. Similar to the average zombie, only more dirty, and more difficult to kill. Known to congrigate around thrift stores and near large stores of dirt. They move as packs and are nearly unstoppable, it is becoming more evident that this possible plague may have some uses; because of the grunges ability to just not care, they appear to have a direct adverse effect to emos, in a scene where all the time is spent adjusting yourself and looking good, grunge is truelly the negative of this, no-one cares; it is possible the grunge zombies could be unleashed into emo heavy zones such as hot topic and malls, to spread their unearthly grime and corruption, killing the emo trend in its tracks. Further investigation is needed..The Zico Chain are a good subsitute.
 
   
 
==See also==
 
==See also==
*[[Post-grunge]]
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*[[Heroin]], physical grunge
   
 
[[Category:Grunge|*]]
 
[[Category:Grunge|*]]

Latest revision as of 13:00, October 30, 2014

“I can't move!”
~ Alice on being in chains
Typicalpand

A typical grunge band, as drawn by a very devoted grunge artist.

Grunge is one of the more fortunate offspring genres to come out of heavy metal, named after a board game similar to 'Jumanji' (that one with the animals). The original board game was meant to release a new fantastic sound of music when activated (instead of animals); however, something fucked up along the way and a lot of smelly people from Seattle came out instead. Confused as to why they were there and what had just happened, these smelly people began to pass the time by applying their close-caveman minds into trying to do covers of what they heard on the radio. Unfortunately they had no sense of music or rhythm and all their instruments were broken but this didn't stop them! These proud, dirty, ape-like men demanded their music be played on the radio!

This was achieved by simply scaring the record companies into giving them a contract through threatening to give large quantities of heroin to the unsuspecting public. What the record companies didn't realise was that the junkies of grunge weren't ever going to give their damn heroin away for free, and thus they gave in. Now that their music was going to be played all they needed was some album art. As a result of their love of spinning wheels, disfigured dogs and high-fiving in front of big words this was all achieved in good time.

But as it turns out, a lot of people seemed to buy what ever the hell was being released and it became popular. A Pixies cover band known simply as Nirvana were considered close enough to Seattle, and led the grunge movement despite the fact their music wasn't near as depressing or even grungy enough. Nirvana themselves are not to blame for this - in fact, lead singer Kurt Cobain was so reluctant of this label he ended up killing himself to rid his association with grunge.

edit The Grunge sound

Guitar Dirty

If you plan on being a grunge musician, MTV's Unplugged is a must. Take this guitar for help.

The grunge sound is achieved by playing a really sludgy sound on your guitar. Popular grunge band Alice in Chains melted their amps inside Layne Staley's heroin spoon, which achieved the sludgy effect necessary, while Soundgarden decided to inject their amps with holy water, described on their song "Holy Water". Pearl Jam filled their amps with the tears of homeless people. For vocals, grungers usually like to make the most impossible to emulate vocal noises imaginable. Chris Cornell, for instance, usually raises his voice at a pitch higher than Layne Staley on a Saturday night.

edit How to become a grunger

To be a stereotypical grunger, one must first and immediately stop using the term "grunger". Facial hair is a must. Beards and sideburns if you can. Clothes to be worn include ragged jeans and flannel shirts. Wear everything secondhand, including you underwear. And you must have a hate for the subhuman emo scum that corrupt the music industry, although since this is completely irrelevant to grunge fans, no musician ever talks about this (although it is easily recognisable, since everyone hates emos).

If you wish to truly be admired for your grunge tastes, you must not under any circumstances name "Nirvana" if someone asks you a question along the lines of "name a grunge band". This is equivalent to saying "Michael Jackson" when asked "what is your favourite brand of toothpaste?". If you do not want grunge fans to tear you apart, you must be able to name irrelevant 80s Seattle bands, such as the Screaming Trees or whatever. This will show you have a diverse musical taste and it will make you look smarter.

edit Post-grunge

Main article: Post-grunge

Post-grunge was born when a dirty yoshi egg dropped out of Dave Grohl's ass' arse. Grohl proceeded to sit on said egg until a retarded fetus cracked out, which Grohl named Foo Fighters. His band Foo Fighters is often labelled "post-grunge" - this has nothing to do with what type of music they produce, but is entirely related to the fact that Dave Grohl was once in a band labelled "grunge".

edit See also

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