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Groundhog Day

Despite their cooperation with the Catholic Church, groundhogs could still be persecuted by the Spanish Inquisition.

Groundhog Day is another attempt of the Catholic Church to steal the thunder from pagan gods, through the use of groundhogs seeing shadows. I, myself, HATE Groundhog Day. See Christmas and Easter.

HistoryEdit

The determination of the date for Groundhog Day is, like so much of Catholicism, a rich pageant, steeped in history, byzantine procedures, secretive acts, nepotism, corruption, and sometimes pedophilia.

Every year, the College of Cardinals meets on January first in a hung-over stupor from the New Year's party the night before, and selects, with the aid of the Knights of Columbus Ladies Auxillary, a random Tuesday in spring. And then this stupid groundhog does this whole song and dance involving a shadow. The ladies auxiliary is essential to this process, as they are geniuses with statistics from running the bingo racket in North America. I have never cared for it, in fact I only celebrate it because Rita insists I do. Anyway, The selection occurs in a detailed and extravagant ritual developed in the 4th century by St. Adolphus of Camembert. Geez, I can't wait for this section to be over.

HistoryEdit

The determination of the date for Groundhog Day is, like so much of Catholicism, a rich pageant, steeped in... wait a second. This sounds very familiar. Haven't I done this before?

Every year, the college of cardinals... wait, I have definitely said this before, yesterday! Now someone is going to mention "statistics from running the bingo racket in North America"! Okay, this is getting creepy. AM I repeating the same section as the previous? No, that can't be right. But very little seems to have changed! The selection occurs in a detailed and extravagant ritual developed in the 4th century by St. Adolphus of Camembert. Okay time for bed. Wait! I'll just break a pencil. Tomorrow, I'll check to see if it's different.

HistoryEdit

The determination of the date for Groundhog Day is... hold on, I'll check the pencil... What the... how can this be? Wait, if this day is the same as yesterday, I can do anything I want without consequence!

Pencil2

Huh? I could have sworn I broke that yesterday!

Yeah! No more Mr. nice guy anymore! Every year, the college of cardinals is a horrible society of jerks that can crawl in a hole and die for all I care! Ha Ha! Forget this, this article isn't even going to be on Groundhog Day! I'm gonna go have a beer. Or three. Alrightty men, letts drive! ErrrrrrrrrrrRURrrrrrrrrrrrr... BEEP BEEP! Let's drive on the railroad tracks! Hold on, "EXUSE ME, Mr. TRAIN, BUT COULD YOU PLEASE MOVE OUT OF THE WAY!" [crunch]

HistoryEdit

The determination of the... wait, how am I still alive? And I'm not hungover! Absolutely fantastic! Now, to go out on a date with the lovely Rita.

Hi there, can I buy you a drink? Hmm? Oh, I'll take a shot of vermouth with a twist. That's your favorite too? Yeah, I love these drinks almost as much as I love the mountains. You love the mountains too? What a coinky-dink. 19th century French Realism? Oh, no, don't get me wrong, I love Realism. In fact, Non ce n'est pas toi, La fille que j'aimerons, Non ce n'est pas toi, La fille que j'aimera. Hmm? Of course it was beautiful, it was in French!

HistoryEdit

GroundHog Day is a cinematic feature starring Bill Murray. In the movie a weather man continues to relive groundhog day over and over until he becomes a better person. Ironically the movie will continue to play over and over on TBS until it becomes a better movie. Groundhog Day is today. Its also today. And again today. And today, And today, And today, And today, And today, And today, And today, And today, And today, And today, And today, And today, And today, And today, And today, And today, And today, And today, And today, And today, And today, And today, And today, And today, And today, And today, And today, And today, And today, And today, And today. In the spirit of Bill Murray it is everyday.

HistoryEdit

  • The 'Diem Porcinus Terram' intermission entertainment features simple, traditional skits, which are funnier than Saturday Night Live, because anything is funnier than Saturday Night Live?
  • That groundhogs have an oral tradition that tells the tale of the son of a Jewish used camel dealer who was buried alive and saved by a groundhog?
  • That the entrails of a groundhog are 'read' to select a new pope?

HistoryEdit

The determination of the date for Groundhog Day is, like so much of Catholicism, a rich pageant, steeped in history, byzantine procedures, secretive acts, nepotism, corruption, and sometimes pedophilia.

Every year, the College of Cardinals meets on January first in a hung-over stupor from the New Year's party the night before, and selects, with the aid of the Knights of Columbus Ladies Auxillary, a random Tuesday in spring. And then this stupid groundhog does this whole song and dance involving a shadow. The ladies auxiliary is essential to this process, as they are geniuses with statistics from running the bingo racket in North America. I have never cared for it, in fact I only celebrate it because Rita insists I do. Anyway, The selection occurs in a detailed and extravagant ritual developed in the 4th century by St. Adolphus of Camembert. Geez, I can't wait for this section to be over.

HistoryEdit

The determination of the date for Groundhog Day is, like so much of Catholicism, a rich pageant, steeped in history, byzantine procedures, secretive acts, nepotism, corruption, and sometimes pedophilia.

Groundhog time machine

After a short snack, an unidentified groundhog attempts to go back in time to murder one or two pop stars.

Every year, the College of Cardinals meets on January first in a hung-over stupor from the New Year's party the night before, and selects, with the aid of the Knights of Columbus Ladies Auxillary, a random Tuesday in spring. And then this stupid groundhog does this whole song and dance involving a shadow. The ladies auxiliary is essential to this process, as they are geniuses with statistics from running the bingo racket in North America. I have never cared for it, in fact I only celebrate it because Rita insists I do. Anyway, The selection occurs in a detailed and extravagant ritual developed in the 4th century by St. Adolphus of Camembert. Geez, I can't wait for this section to be over.

HistoryEdit

The determination of the date for Groundhog Day is, like so much of Catholicism, a rich pageant, steeped in... wait a second. This sounds very familiar. Haven't I done this before?

Every year, the college of cardinals... wait, I have definitely said this before, yesterday! Now someone is going to mention "statistics from running the bingo racket in North America"! Okay, this is getting creepy. AM I repeating the same section as the previous? No, that can't be right. But very little seems to have changed! The selection occurs in a detailed and extravagant ritual developed in the 4th century by St. Adolphus of Camembert. Okay time for bed. Wait! I'll just break a pencil. Tomorrow, I'll check to see if it's different.

HistoryEdit

The determination of the... wait, how am I still alive? And I'm not hungover! Absolutely fantastic! Now, to go out on a date with the lovely Rita.

Hi there, can I buy you a drink? Hmm? Oh, I'll take a shot of vermouth with a twist. That's your favorite too? Yeah, I love these drinks almost as much as I love the mountains. You love the mountains too? What a coinky-dink. 19th century French Realism? Oh, no, don't get me wrong, I love Realism. In fact, Non ce n'est pas toi, La fille que j'aimerons, Non ce n'est pas toi, La fille que j'aimera. Hmm? Of course it was beautiful, it was in French!