Grey Jedi

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Leia help

"Help me, Obi Ji-wy-en, I have cervical cancer."

In dramatizations such as Star Wars, wielders of the force are portrayed in black and white moral terms. Either good or evil, Jedi or Sith. In reality the world of force-weilders is a far more complex, morally gray one.

There are, in fact, a large number of former Jedi who are not so much evil as they are a tad unscrupulous. The power of the force my corrupt the pure of heart, but the rapscallions of the universe usually just use it to have a little fun.

OBGYN-Kenobi

Kenobi 011

"These are not the sex droids you are looking for."

The most famous of these is OBGYN-Kenobi (pronounced O-bi Ji-wy-en Ke-no-bi). Though not his given name, this pseudo-Jedi earned the nickname for his tendency to use the powers of the Jedi Mind Trick to impersonate a gynecologist. You see, as it turns out, most fallen Jedi are less interested in the dark side of the force than in the dark side of a girl's pants.

Darth Bater

One notorious grey jedi is Master Darth Bater, a.k.a. Master Bater. Best known as the inventor of the force grip, he used this expertly designed technique for the sexual arousal of his victims, while also developing it for his own special technique for use during the solitary eons he spent roaming the universe. Alone.

More on Darth Bater

He is also known to have the ability to survive without sex for record times. This is achieved through the mastery of the mysterious and ancient force technique commonly practiced by both sides of the force, only referred to as Master-Bation in his honor (variants may include Darthbation or Masterdarthbation).

Gigoli

This tactic, or some variation of it, is quite common among semi-fallen Jedi that they as a whole are often referred to as Gigoli. Despite the somewhat unethical nature of the seduction practices that Gigoli tend to use, many women report them to be excellent lovers. Use of the force during foreplay allows for a variety of maneuvers not otherwise possible and, during intercourse, use of the Force can substitute for a hand, allowing for further manipulation. It is a little-known fact that the gripping power famously used by Darth Vader (previously Darth Bater's Padawan) to choke his enemies can also be applied to other body parts with significantly more pleasurable results.

Force Powers

Interestingly, possession of Force powers renders some of these pesky whippersnappers more effective than actual gynecologists; all one needs to be convinced are the powers of:

  • Force Push
  • Force Speed
  • Force Sight
  • Force Heal
  • Force Drain
  • Force Grip
  • Force(d) Sex
  • But Most Importantly, Force Orgasm

Any Jedi can easily scan and deliver a baby without any of that complicated machinery! With additional force training, abortions can be performed easily and safely (where legal, of course).

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