Green Hornet

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Revision as of 13:03, January 6, 2012 by MadMax (talk | contribs)

Jump to: navigation, search
Whoops! Maybe you were looking for The Green Lantern, or Jolly Green Giant? How about Mister Green Jeans?
DramaticQuestionMark
Did you know...
In 2011 a Seth Rogan movie was released?

The Green Hornet is a media franchise which dates back to 1936 radio, As such it was one of the more successful rip-offs of the popular radioactive bug origin superheros. Spiderman to a point, but the main source material was the immensely successful Blue Beetle franchise. Seeing the success of the Blue Beetle, Clear Channel Detroit powerhouse WXYZ purchased the staff and writers from the Blue Beetle, and launched this show in 1936. A French film was released in 2006.

The Green Hornet

Green Hornet Spin
GH Media Franchise Inc., SA, AG, Ltd

PublisherWXYZ Radio
First appearance1936
Created byFormer staff of Blue Beetle
Statistics
Real nameBritt Reid
StatusFilms, Comics, product endorsements
AffiliationsGiant Green Hornet Vegetables, Green Hornet Bug Spray
Previous affiliationsAmerican Motors, Playboy's Green Hornette marital series
Notable aliasesRadioactive Bug-guy
Notable relativesWasp Woman, Bee Girls, Yellow Jackets & Red shirts
Notable powersSurprise,
Surprise & Fear

Radio in the 1930s

Radio in the 1930s was like the internet bubble boom of the 90s, 00s and 10s. Good ideas were few, and copycats were plentiful. The totally original concept of the Blue Beetle was aped by many in the form of Spiderman, the X-Men and the subject of this article, The Green Hornet.

The green hornet short 2006

2 thumbs up for this '06 French short film

Detroit radio executive Barry Gordy, needed a success for his station to compete with the likes of Chicago's WLS and WGN, New York's WOR and Pixley's WPIG. His pockets were deep from the venture capitalists of Windsor Ontario, and he bought, outright, the writing staff of the Blue Beetle, to create a radioactive bug guy for his station. This is not unlike AOL buying the Huffington Post, but would be closer if Steven Case had bought Arianna Huffington herself.

Origin Story

“With the staff in place, the new Blue Beetle radioactive bug-guy was ready to be origin storied”
~ Barry Gordy

The writers knew they would have to come up with an original story as to why their bug-guy was a color, and knew they could not use the same reason the beetle was blue. The answer was Kryptonite. A minor plot piece in the Superman world, Kryptonite was a mysterious green rock that apparently was left over from the explosion of Superman's home planet, Grassteroid. Its distinctive green color due to the excellent grounds-keeping skills of their artison lawnboys, was the perfect color for the new Bug-guy as he was initially known. A piece of Grassteroid became encased in ice as it hurled through void of space, until it hit the earth's atmosphere. As it started to melt, the grassteroid was nourished, and by the time it hit the earth, it was full to seed.

The Green Hornet cover

As things happen in stories such as origin, it landed on the roof of WXYZ, Detroit's Home of the New stuff. Upon hearing the clatter, the writers clamored up to the roof, to see what was the matter, and what did their shining eyes to have seen? Part of Superman's grassteroid, but importantly, green!, and for some reason, 8 tiny reindeer. But, they had their color!

The choice of bug was a different problem. Beetle was out, spiders as well. They were about to give up and went to the local beanery for some cup of salvation. As the steaming cup of life was poured from the carafe of energy, the waitress Vera's massive beehive hair-do burst free of its hairnet prison and the net dropped into the coffee. It should be mentioned, but by complete coincidence the hairnet was green as the grassteroid. " Get that Green Hairnet out of my coffee and back on your beehive", they exclaimed, when it hit them. Beehive, hairnet, wow, Vera is kind of hot, I would totally hit that, excuse me while I go wash my hands. Upon coming out of the restroom, the Green Whore Net was born. Lawyers suggested a name change to Hornet, since they were looking for a radioactive bug to begin with.

Premise

1973-amc-hornet-1973-amc-hornet-x

Green Hornet's Black Beauty

The Green Hornet was in reality Britt Reid, an amateur criminologist and air guitar enthusiast. His faithful valet, Hagador Spartacus served as his driver, and apple polisher. Britt Reid also owned the radio station WXYZ, as well as competing Canadian station CCOD. He used his crack team of news reporters as air back up for his air band. When he was not practicing, and they actually were dong work, they found mysteries to solve. The genre of Mystery Solving Musicians had not been invented until the Bugaloos several decades later. Musicologists claim the Green Hornet may have inspired the popular genre, decades later. But the fact that no one listened to old radio shows in the 70s puts it at odds with some Vegas bookmakers.

"Green so Hornet,
Oh Green So Hornet
"
—shoulda been theme song by 2 Live Crew

When mysteries surfaced, Reid would put down his air guitar, and put on his air mask. Hagador Spartacus would get the car out from under their house in a way, radio did not need to describe. The car, known as Black Beauty was actually a pimp mobile confiscated from Jerome Taylor George Washington Supafuzz after a misunderstanding involving chili cheese fries. It was fast and sleek, and every time the horn blew, flight of the bumblebee played. He always meant to get that changed to some 2 live crew song, but never did.

The Green Hornet was wanted by the police. Commissioner Westin, Inspector Faraday and Dick Tracy all had him at the top of their lists of most wanted. Even J Edgar Hoover wanted him, but for different reasons. But the catch is, he didn't do anything wrong. He was framed for a crime he didn't commit. This plot device was so original, they dropped all references to the hooker with the heart of gold, that featured so prominently in the pilot episode.

Green-hornet-agent
Airdate 1936-1977
Frequency 97.6 MHz, 102.8 MHz
and 96.7 MHz
Share 33
Area DTW
Format action
Owner Barry Gordy
Website www.w3.org

Cast

Bouncywikilogo4
For those without comedic tastes, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia have an article about Green Hornet.

Main Characters

  • Green Hornet / Brit Reid - Jaime Del Valle
  • Hagador / Spartacus - Warner Oland
  • Inspector Faraday - Maurice Tarplin
  • Commissioner Weston - Ray Collins
  • Lenore Case - Gertrude Warner

In other media

Print

Several comics were released over the years starring the Green Hornet. Some were played for laughs others with all the seriousness of Dashiell Hammett. Currently The Green Hornet Comic franchise resides in the DC Universe, somewhere between Planet Batman and the Blue Beetle Moon.

Film

In the 1940s, two film serials were made by General Mills. Due to high sales and fiber content, Kellogg's started Sugar Smacks with a bee as their mascot. It killed the Green Hornet serial, and there was nothing until 2006 when a 10-minute French short film reintroduced the character to modern audiences, of ten minute French short films. Both viewers agreed, it was astounding.

Television

In the 1960s a spin off of the popular Batman, the TV Green Hornet was less about goofy villains and more about Bruce Lee, who played Hagador / Spartacus.

Virtual Reality

The Green Hornet Virtual Reality Experience will be a hit upon release in 2031

Cquote1 Giant Green Hornet brand buttered peas are the only peas on our plate Cquote2

—TV's Mrs. Brady, Florence Henderson

Merchandising

Green hornet logo golden age

The Green Hornet

The trademark holders have been leaders in product placement and brand management. The Green Hornet name has been applied to Insecticide, environmentally friendly cleaning products, automobiles, racing teams and canned vegetables. The AMC Hornet was the most popular vehicle of the large American Motors lineup, outselling even the popular Jeep brands. Except of course the The Jeep Grand Hornet luxury SUV. Playboy Enterprises released a Green Hornette series of marital videos for the couples market. Longtime GH product compensated endorser, Florence Henderson, served as narrator for the series of films on topics including Saran Wrap door greeting.

Mr-t
   v  d  e
All-American Role Models and Rejects
Adam West | Aunt Jemima | Billy Mays | Blue Beetle | Bob Knight | Bob Saget | Bruce Campbell | Burger King | Cheese Jesus | Christopher Walken | Chuck Norris | Clint Eastwood | Count Chocula | Dolph Lundgren | Eric Cartman | George Carlin | Green Hornet | Hanson | Hillary Clinton | Joe Camel | Kanye West | Knight Rider | MacGyver | Mr. T | Pedobear | Pillsbury Doughboy | Qin Shi Huang | Rick Astley | Ronald McDonald | Sean Connery | Sarah Palin | Sloth | Trix Rabbit | Uncle Ben | Vanilla Ice | William Hung | Willy Wonka | Wonder Woman | Yogi Bear | Your Mom
Personal tools
projects