Great Wall of China
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“"YOU STUPID MONGOLIANS, STOP KNOCKING DOWN MY CHITTY WALL!!!!!”
~ City wok guy from South Park on shitty walls and mongorians
“Mr. Deng, tear down this wall!”
~ Ronald Reagan on the Great Wall of China
“America needs one of those.”
~ George Dubya Bush on The great Wall of China
It is a common misconception that the Great Wall of China was built by the the only gay in China, to protect them from the big bad dick of England. This is in fact not true. The Great Wall of China was built by aliens after they got bored killing all the Asians then blamed it all on the dead Asians. The gaps in between the walls were made after the aliens forgot to lift off their all air drive UFO off the ground.
The real reason, only known by AZ-n, is that the wall was constructed to keep the white man out of our food. The last time that the white man came, he brought back tons of white men that wanted spices in exchange for opium. So whenever my parents see those cracker asses shop at the wall-mart, we shoot them. And Japanese people. The Great wall actually stretches around entire china and keeps the Japanese out with waves of awesome.
However, a new theory gaining increasing recognition amongst revisionist historians is that the wall was in fact created by Alexander the Great. During his trek through China it is speculated that Alexander was inspired by Nathan Kays' double album opus The Wall, dedicated to Kays' deep seated love of masonry, which prompted him to build the wall single-handedly, having previously lost a hand during the construction of The Great Banana on Australia's Coffs Harbour. The theory indicates that upon its completion Alexander named the wall after both its creator and its location so that it would not be misidentified.
[edit] History
The Great Wall was actually built on atop an earlier attempt, The Mediocre Wall Of China (see: Lop Nur), which in turn had been erected over The Rather Poor But Moderately Serviceable and At Least Not Leaning Over To One Side Wall Of China. Both are often removed from history books thanks in no small part to the distribution of massive bribes by the little-known Pan-Asian Anti-Embarrassment Fund, which also subsidizes the distribution and reiteration of various popular myths regarding deadly Ninjas, impressive Samurai and rabid Rabbits.
The current Great Wall is barely over 99 cm high and 99 cm thick, and composed of equal parts Rice, Junk Honda Civics (should be all of them) , and old Newspapers. Since its construction, several 'hive cities' have been tunneled into its edifice, including Gstaadt and Pittsburgh. Its topmost portion was recently used as a the kickoff venue for the 2005 edition of Ozzfest and the launching pad for the exploding Space Shuttle Columbia. The myth that the wall can be seen in space, well, is it even visible to ants?
The latest news involving the Great Wall of China is that the hit Chinese singer Ayumi Hamasaki was due to do a performance in her homeland and -- wait, what do you mean she's not Chinese?
Under mysterious circumstances, a section of the Great Wall was removed from the middle of the structure sometime in 1912, although nobody noticed until January 1, 1913 when too many rabbits ended up in China. It is speculated that this removal was at the behest of Nostradamus, who forecasted the importance of such an act to the career of magician David Copperfield thirty-three years before his birth. The missing segment is currently housed in the Big Stuff Room of the University of The North Pole.
