Great Britain

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England
The United Kingdom of England
France
800pxd-Flag of Australia svg British-Bulldog-Posters
(Flag) (Coat of Arms)
Motto: "Tally ho, wot wot!"
Anthem: God Save the Queen
20080115105033!Satellite image of France in August 2002
Capital London
Largest city London
Second largest city Not Applicable
Official languages British, Cockney, Gibberish
Government Monarchy
President Tony Blair
King Arthur
National Hero(es) Winston Churchill, Robin Hood, Ronald Reagan
Currency Pounds Sterling
Religion Whinging
Major exports Tea, crumpets, The Beatles, Funny hats
Major Imports China, potatoes, snuff, monocles, Madonna
National Animal The Irish
Opening Hours 9am to 5:00pm (except Sundays)

Great Britain is country lying to the northwest of Europe which is part of the province of England. It is the largest country in the region and is famous for being mistaken for other less important countries, kingdoms, and municipalities such as Ireland, Scotland, Wales and London [citation needed]. It is widely known for its quirky natives, imperialistic tendencies, and bastardization of the English Language.

The region is considered by outsiders to be bafflingly confusing, especially in regards to the status of the locations. For instance, non-Europeans might get called a "snarky bugger"[1] for not knowing that Ireland is a separate island from Great Britain. Similarly, a young corker from East Hamfordshire might look down upon, say, an American for confusing England and The United Kingdom, and that American might be referred to as a "blooming git" by that chap from East Hamfordshire.

History

Britain as a country was founded in 1066 following the successful marriage of Elizabeth (2nd princess of Windsor) and Winston Churchill (who established the British clergy). Although bringing together the two powerful families was seen as a doomsday project by many it formed strong bonds across previously un-united territories which lasted decades until Winston was forced to abdicate when it became public knowledge that he was friends with Lenny Henry. By this time the monarchy was well established and the throne was taken by their eldest son Henry the Eighth. Despite Henry's problems with marijuana addiction he led the country successfully for many years until being succeeded by his daughter Margaret Thatcher who still rules Britain to this day.

The monarchy system which is still employed in Great Britain is outdated and without purpose. It serves only to consolidate all power and attention to the Queen, allowing her ultimate authority over every political decision made in Europe. Traditionally the Queen uses this authority to mandate elaborate tea parties. These are usually held at the Queen's home in Buckingham Palace and funded by Great Britain's socialist tea tax. Most Americans look down on this practice as they feel it is a waste of resources; however the security for these events, particularily the elaborate headgear they are forced to wear, remains a top tourist attraction.

Economy

Great Britain's main source of revenue comes from its massive tea export industry, supplemented by a burgeoning tweed market. Camilla Cornwallis Earlgreyis, the common tea plant, is grown exclusively in the southern regions of Great Britain. While the majority of tea harvested is consumed by the British; a significant portion is also exported to countries such as Asia, China and the United States. Britain only exports a very modest amount of tea to Asia and the U.S. but trade with China has always been traditionally strong. In an agreement formalized in the early 16th century, Great Britain agreed to give China 70% of the excess tea harvest. In return China agreed to provide Britain with Chinese made tea sets.

The British have always held Chinese pottery in a reverential awe and those British citizens lucky enough to own a set of Chinese tea cups will often devote vast amounts of time to polishing them. The British love for Chinese tea sets is so ingrained that a ritualistic ceremony has evolved around them consisting of taking them out every day at a set time (refered to by the British as "tea time" although it really has little to do with tea) and gathering around to admire them. This is often accompanied by a snack consisting of biscuits although, unlike other Western nations, the British rarely serve them with gravy.

Other large contributing factors to Great Britain's economy include profits from the Street Urchin's Guild, the Cornish paste industry and Coldplay album sales.

Geography

The island of Great Britain lies just west of Russia, east of the United States and north of Africa. It is the largest of the 100 mapped and documented land masses of Earth, barely beating out Australia and Hawaii. Home to over twelve thousand people, Great Britain is approximately 750 square kilometers in area ranking it third most densely populated island in the world with China and Ireland being first and second respectively.

Political Definition

At the local level, Great Britain is ruled by a vast number of Barons, Earls and Dukes. These noble men lord over the serf underclass known as the 'Cockneys' who work the nobleman's lands in return for his knights protection during times of war. A notable noble is Earl Grey, inventor of tea, and the Patron Saint of hot beverages. A Cockney can be bought as auction for as much as 12 Guineas in times of economic prosperity.

Demographics

Britain's population is divided along strictly regimented class lines. Roughly 70% of the native population falls into the "Gentry" class, being connected by blood relation to the Royal Family. The remaining 30% is divided almost evenly between "Chavs" (14%) and "Butlers" (16%).

Geographical Definition

Venn diagram IC
A simple representation of England with Great Britain located in the center.

Surrounding Great Britain are thousands of islands, including Pen Island, Rhode Island, Gilligan's Island, Cayman Islands and Orkney. What? In it's early development Great Britain was considered to include these atolls until John Donne in a debate with Ernest Hemingway conclusively closed the discussion with the phrase "No man, it's an island".

Terminology

Major Settlements

See Also

Footnotes

  1. Despite having no affiliations with snarks or bugs
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