Grassington

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Grassington

Grassington is probably here, but no one cares

Grassington is a tourist town located in the North of England featuring four major attractions, including the tourist information centre, a Church and a somewhat interesting stick. As such, there are approximately 300 visitors arriving every decade. The town is located 8 miles away from a much more interesting and significant area, meaning there is actually little reason to visit unless you are willing to stare at grass and houses for around eight hours.

edit History

Grassington has one of the most in-depth histories of any town in England. It is home to The Old Hall, which was built in the 13th to 14th century. It is in the National Register as the oldest building in all of Yorkshire and the one with the most unoriginal name.

The Grassington golf club was created in 1908, and is the only thing that makes the town remotely interesting. Shame it no longer exists. In modern times, the focus of the town has shifted towards the torture of countless school students for the sole purpose of annoying locals, tourists and people who observe grass for extensive amounts of time (a.k.a. Middle-aged unmarried men).

edit Local economy

The entire Grassington economy is (unfortunately) based around tourism and grass farming. Due to the unsuccessful government scheme to boost tourism, the area and local residents struggle daily with extreme poverty. Many critics suggest the cause of the scheme's failure was due to a lack of effort on behalf of the council and the scheme never existing.

Major imports to Grassington include tourists and government funding (or not, it all depends on how you interpret a lost MP who accidentally dropped a ten-pound note). The only exports of the town are miserable people and large quantities of grass. The grass industry was originally successful up until the 1980's, but has been steadily declining in recent years as a consequence of the tourist trampling residents' gardens and a reduced demand for the product.

Many charities are currently attempting to provide essentials such as food and shelter to the many poverty stricken residents, however, many argue the crisis is beyond saving and should be ignored.

edit Religion and Culture

The two main religions of Grassington are Christianity and Jedi Knight, which make up over 70% of the town's religious demographic. There are other religions such as Buddhism and Islam, but there are unfortunately not enough people identified as these to care. The town contains a Church, one of the four tourist attractions, and a Jedi temple in the town centre.

Annual festivals are held celebrating the multiculturalism of the town in an attempt to attract tourists. The most popular of these festivals is the Jedi Knight Ceremony, where the few Jedi of the town demonstrate their abilities to the tourist.

edit Scenery

edit The Scenery of Grassington

Grassandrocks

An example of the scenery in and around Grassington

Grassington features a wonderful vista of: grass, interestingly shaped rocks and more grass. Eight out of ten people questioned responded with "It was all right" and "I liked the rocks," thus proving the town's scenery to be popular among 80% of all people. Despite this, many people argue the study was flawed for multiple reasons including: the study was performed over multiple years, the people interviewed were as equally boring as the town itself and the interviewees were held at gunpoint.

edit Issues Involving the Scenery

Some of the problems with the surrounding area of Grassington have been noticed in recent years. Many motorists complain about the lack of roads as well as the dangerous rocks for miles around the town. This has led to many cars being destroyed before even reaching the town, further discouraging visitors from driving there. Many residents have suggested an airport to help counter this issue, however, the town lacks the funding to do so.

Furthermore, the town's economy is completely reliant upon grass, making winter a difficult time for a large amount of the population as not only tourism is damaged but the grass export industry is entirely halted in the colder months of the year.

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