Grand space war

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[edit] Common misconceptions on the Grand Space War

The Grand Space War is often mistaken for several movies, TV shows, comic books, novels, plays and drunken rants by your mom which have similar names and generally similar scenarios such as Star Wars, Star Trek, Dune, The Dark Tower, The Lord of the Rings, The Lord of the Flies and Space Balls. The confusion is also extended to the various porn variations of these works of fiction such as Star Whores, Star Man-Whores, Star Trek Whores, Whore: The Story of William Shatner, The Dark Flesh Tower, Lord of The Ding-a-Lings, Space Balls and your mom.

It is important to note that if you are confused about these works you are stupid or just can't remember real good. Do not, under any circumstances, express your confusion around people who can be defined as nerds, geeks, trekkies or jedi masters for they will rise up as one and slay you.

[edit] The Beggining

The Grand Space War began in 2399.

[edit] The End

The Grand Space War ended in 2457.

[edit] The Middle

The Grand Space War happened between 2399 and 2457. It was a grand war, in space, with spaceships and such. The actual war happened in a span of 15 minutes sometime in 2456 (before the End Of Time). In the time between 2399 up until that moment most of the troops were engaged in preparations that included several war rituals that were put in place after World War XX to avoid unpleasant incidents such as occurred in that particular war, which ended in no deaths and a single duck wounded. Much of the aftermath of said war included troops eating popcorn and milk duds while watching The Big Lebowski.

Because this was the first time such rituals were used extensively, the Grand Space War was also known as All Worlds War I, World War Of All Worlds, The War To End All Worlds In War, The War Above All Worlds But Not Actually On Them, The War Of Wars After the End Of World Wars And Beginning Of Space Wars, Awesome Kickass War or A Whacky Afternoon At Jimmy's. In retrospect, the use of such rituals was also what caused the failure of the Grand Space War. Much as in World War XX, only a single soldier suffered a paper cut and a platypus was personally offended by the smell of bodily functions released in a tent by a very angry Portuguese-American soldier with a bad case of the munchies.

[edit] Main Figures

The following is a list of the most important men, women, animals and robots that took part in the Grand Space War.

[edit] General Jack Parakeet Highlander

Jack Parakeet Highlander was a blind rabbit trainer and psychic pie baker up until 2390 when he became a full blown asshole after reading a novel by a retired army 76-star general called K.K. Blingholewinger. This man regained his sight and led the blue team to victory, with nothing but a glowstick and several post-its. He used said post-its to mislead enemy troops leaving notes that read "the enemy is dat-a-way" and such.

[edit] The Ewoks

The Ewoks are furry little teddy-bear looking things that are in the stone age. They were first invented when Mini-Me fucked Teddy Ruxpin. They mainly catered through the war, serving various jelly rolls and fancy cookies under the supervision of Elton Johns 56th clone.

[edit] Those Cool Little Robot Vaccum Cleaners

Dude, those things are cool.

[edit] Other important people

• your mom
• your dad
• the guy who is actually your dad but your mom never told you because it was the 70's and she was a groupie and, well, it's complicated
• your hot sister
• your neighbor Todd
• The floating head of Madonna
• A recording of Richard Nixon saying: "Oh boy, they got us by the nuts now!"