Grand Theft Auto: Television City
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Grand Theft Auto: Television City is the newest installment of the Grand Theft Auto series. This game takes place in and around CBS Television City in Los Angeles. You play as game show deity Bob Barker in a quest for respect, animal rights and game show superiority. You are helped along the way by trusty sidekicks Rich Fields, Roger Dobkowitz and Kathy "Fingers" Greco as you take on Pat Sajak, Alex Trebek, Happy Gilmore, Samoan contestants and everyone else who stands in the way of your goals.
It's not easy being on top. Bob Barker certainly knows this. As the World's Greatest Master of Ceremonies, everyone wants a piece of Bob and his greatness.
Rival game show hosts seek to conquer him and the ratings; people opposed to animal rights want to abuse him the same way they abuse animals; and a crazy hockey player-turned-golfer wants revenge for being defeated at Bob's hands.
Bob decides it's time to chew bubblegum and kick ass... except he's all out of bubblegum.
Take control of the television legend as you seek to strengthen your hold, wipe out your enemies, and acquire more money and Barker's Beauties. Fight rival gangs and work with your trusted allies to take over the game show industry once and for all, and prove to those who dare to oppose you that while the price may be right, their price is wrong... BITCH!
edit The Price Gang
edit Bob Barker
Super-annuated superhuman game show legend, and head of the Price gang. Bob hosts the timeless game show The Price Is Right by day, and uses the staff and studio as a base for his operations for game show supremecy and to wipe out his enemies.
While Bob seems warm and lovable on TV, he is a dangerous man when crossed. He has broken people in two, thanks to the karate skills taught to him by Chuck Norris.
Tired of the love and praise heaped upon rival game show hosts, Happy Gilmore's golf success, and people who refuse to spay and neuter their pets, Bob begins a rampage to make the world a better place for pets... and the Price gang.
As this game is a realistic portrayal of the almighty Bob, Bob is indestructable. Cars - and even tanks - explode if they run into him. Bullets bounce off him. And punching him will only piss him off even worse.
edit Rich Fields
Bob's announcer, and new protege. Bob is teaching Rich everything he knows so he can take over the Price gang some day - so that Bob can finally retire.
Rich attainted his current position after assassinating Rod Roddy, as revenge for Rod's assassination of Rich's hero Johnny Olson.
Rich, like Johnny, is unfailingly loyal to Bob, and is more than happy to learn from the master until he is given his oppotunity to run the Price gang.
Rich accompanies Bob on some missions, and helps run Bob's car-boosting ring - where they keep the cars they like, and give the rest away on The Price Is Right.
edit Roger "The Dob" Dobkowitz
Bob's right-hand man, and producer of The Price Is Right. Roger is the second most powerful member of the Price gang - despite that, he too is faithful to Bob and no threat to try to overthrow him.
The Dob is the mastermind behind some of Bob's plans, and some of the most evil pricing game setups you'll ever see on the show. Most of his plans are fool-proof, which has inspired fans and enemies alike to shout out "Can't stop The Dob!" after yet another success.
Roger also gives Bob some of his side-missions.
edit Kathy "Fingers" Greco
Assistant to Roger (both on the show and in the crime family), and perhaps the most ruthless and psychotic member of the Price gang.
"Fingers" is rumored to have earned her nickname by chopping the fingers off of people who are captured by Bob (according to the rumors, she has thousands of fingers hanging on her walls), and her favorite hobby is feeding people to gators while she dances. She also enjoys torturing people after chaining them to a secret X.
"Fingers", as well as aiding Roger, also provides weapons to Bob through the game.
edit Marty Wagner
Longtime CBS cameraman and an expert on what's going down in the scene. He gives Bob rampages to complete during the game.
edit Barker's Beauties
Bob's personal harem. Bob got his start pimping them out, but now that's he rich and powerful, he refuses to share them with anyone, and has vowed to destroy anyone who tries to touch them.
Bob declares war later in the game after another game show host tries to help himself to them.
edit Chuck Dukas
Head of the CBS Page gang (who are loyal allies to the Price gang). Chuck and his pages help defend the turf around Television City, and collect protection money from the nearby businesses.
Chuck accompanies Bob on a few missions.
edit CBS Interns
These guys are the peons, they walk around in their red suit jackets hoping to get the chance to even speak to Bob. You can waste as many as possible and take their money, because they just keep on appearing.
A rival gang that encourages eating meat, wearing leather and furs, and using animals for research. Bob quickly declares war on them, vowing to give them all a hole in one (or two).
A minor gang who merely annoy Bob by picking him up every chance they get. Bob finally snaps and takes them on after a Samoan picks him up and knocks two hairs out of place.
edit Pat Sajak
Host of Wheel Of Fortune, and head of the Wheel Watchers gang. Earned a place on Bob's shit list after he became successful and stole Vanna White from his harem. Bob and his Big Wheel eventually square off with Sajak in a bloody showdown.
edit Alex Trebek
Host of Jeopardy!, and head of the Daily Double gang. He, too, is targeted by Bob. Eventually, Bob kicks Trebek in his daily doubles and gives him a punishment far worse than death - an eternity on Celebrity Jeopardy! with Sean Connery.
edit Howie Mandel
Host of Deal Or No Deal who tries to horn in on Bob's business by starting his own harem. Dumb enough decision. But, quickly draws the ire of Bob by trying to steal some of his Beauties for his harem. Bob and Howie eventually battle to the death.
edit Regis Philbin
Arch enemy and host of Who Wants To Be A Millionaire. Bob declares war on him after Regis tells a contestant, "I've never heard the name Bob Barker before."
edit Katie Couric
A reporter for CBS News. She replaced Dan Rather in September 2006 after he was fired in November 2004. She loves to interrupt The Price is Right with "CBS News Special Reports" so much that Bob suspects her to be a bitch of...
edit George W. Bush
Former President of the United States. For whatever reason, he just loves to hold press conferences at 11:00 A.M. on the White House's Rose Garden, causing preemptions of The Price is Right in the Eastern and Central time zones. He is the head of the NeoCon Gang, and his understudies include Katie Couric, Rush Limbaugh, Bill O' Reilly, and Ann Coulter, as well as his staff. It is unknown why he likes 11:00 A.M. or what Bob Barker ever did to him (if anything) to deserve having TPIR preempted so much, but it does piss Bob off so much that he and Dubya eventually square off just before the final battle against...
edit Eldrick "Happy" Gilmore
World-class golfer, and Bob's archenemy. Bob once destroyed Happy in a fight. Happy, instead of seeking immediate and direct revenge, devotes himself to becoming a golf legend.
After claiming the gold, green, white, black and fuschia jackets, Happy then launched his plans. Using his fame, influence and Nike money, Happy devotes the majority of his time and money to destroying Bob Barker. Happy creates the Gilmore's Goons gang - a collection of hockey wannabes and crazed golf fanatics. Happy has also funded a series of attempted terrorist attacks against Bob and his Television City headquarters. He is also rumored by some to be behind ATEP, and may have even helped Howie Mandel get his start.
Bob battles Happy and his gang throughout the game, and the two bitter enemies finally battle it out one final time in the game's last mission.
edit The Bob Barker Studio
The home studio of The Price Is Right, and the main base of operations for the Price gang. Bob can store his weapons and hundreds of vehicles here.
edit Bob's Mansion
An impressive, fortress-like mansion. Declared a historical landmark simply because it's Bob's home. He keeps a great deal of his money and his Beauties here.
edit Sony Pictures Studio
Main base of operations for both Alex Trebek and Pat Sajak, and their respective gangs.
edit Culver Studios
Home of Deal Or No Deal and base of Howie Mandel's pathetic pimping operations.
Home of Regis Philbin. Bob travels here for his missions to wipe out Millionaire and cutoff Regis' lifelines.
edit Ed Sullivan Theater
Home to the Late Show with David Letterman., Bob travels here for adding segments borrowed for the Late Show.
edit Washington D.C.
Home of the White House, Bob travels here to fight George W. Bush and his gang. There are also a few other minor missions he does here, too, like an interview for The Washington Post.
edit Happy Gilmore's Grandmother's House
Home base for Happy's sinister plots. The final missions of the game take place here.
While Bob is powerful and can get around on foot as fast as by car, he does occasionally need to ride in luxury - or transport people and weapons on his missions. For these purposes, here are some of the vehicles available.
- Chevy Aveo: Basic form of transportation. Bob and Rich have thousands of these, and desperately try to get rid of them on The Price Is Right.
- Chevy Cobalt: Somewhat similar to the Aveo, but more cobaltish.
- Ford Focus: Slightly better than the Aveo, and almost as common.
- Ford Mustang: Somewhat sportier car, and another frequent prize on The Price Is Right. For some reason, contestants think they cost more than they are really worth.
- Lincoln Town Car: Once was Bob's favorite car, and he'll still gladly drive one if its the best choice available.
- Dodge Viper: Fastest car in the game, but unable to carry very much. Bob rarely allows any of them from his private stash to be offered on the show.
- Lexus LS: Bob's official ride. Stylish, luxurious and capable of carrying four other gang members. Bob often goes cruising in it when looking for new Beauties. Created the "no foreign cars" policy on The Price Is Right so he'd have an excuse to never give any of his away.
- 1974 Dodge Monaco: It's got a cop motor - a 440 cubic inch plant. It's got cop tires, cop suspension, cop shocks. It's a model made before catalytic converters, so it'll run good on regular gas. What do you say, is it the new Bluesmobile, or what?
- Tour Bus: Bob and Rich have boosted some of the tour buses used to bring large groups to the show. While slow and rather dull looking, they can transport dozens of gang members and tons of weapons, making them very useful on some missions.
- Air Force One: The President's airplane. You gain this by defeating George W. Bush. Almost essential if you travel back and forth between the East Coast and the Bob Barker Studio frequently. Like the bus, it can transport lots of gang members and weapons, but it's much faster and can help you evade the police better than the other vehicles. Also, for some odd reason, people cheer for you a lot when you're in this plane. Perhaps maybe they think you're the President or something...
You usually get an Air Force escort as well.
While GTA: Television City offers the usual assortment of guns and other destructive weapons, Bob most often prefers to pummel his enemies with his bare hands, his Hole In One putter, or the most lethal weapon of them all: His trusty Plinko stick.
While it appears to be an ordinary stick, don't be fooled. One stab at a car's engine or fuel tank will destroy it instantly. And Bob can impale or decapitate people with ease with this ultimate weapon.