Grand Theft Auto: New Zealand

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GTA:NZ

Grand Theft Auto: New Zealand (Aautearoa, in Maori, pronounced: Mouldy), also known as Grund Thuft Aito, Niw Zieland, is a computer and video game created by Rockstar Games and published by the Catholic Church (USA) in 1997/1998. It is the first in the extremely popular Grand Theft Auto series that has thus far spanned eight standalone games, and one expansion pack for the original.

The game portrays John 'Fail' Key, a once successful MP for the Fail Party, who has been forced out of the party hierarchy. Most of New Zealand seems to want John dead. His only option is to fight back and take it himself (at the expense of the NZ taxpayers).

Because of their so-called intelligence, the so-called experts at Wikipedia will never have a proper article about Grand Theft Auto: New Zealand. We are sorry they are blatantly retarded.

[edit] Gameplay/Story

The game kicks off after John had just been investigated by the police and kicked out of the party for corruption. The player starts out completing missions for local South Auckland street gangs, eventually working up to jobs for the Mongrel Mob, and finally the most powerful criminal organisation in the country - The National Party.

John's early missions include protecting police officers from rape convictions,distributing anti-Green pamphlets at the behest of the Exclusive Brethren and selling hemp for uh, clothing purposes to Helen Clark.

Game activities largely involve carjacking. The player may use various strategies and methods to break into to vehicles, although by far the preferred method by players is simply brute force (BBQ tongs) and extortion ("If you don't give me your car, I'll read you the Auckland Regional Council's draft annual plan - in full. WITH Appendices"). John can find the draft annual plan in the mailbox of his dingy 350 dollars-a-week-apartment in the Auckland CBD at the beginning of the game, giving him a powerful weapon for the early part of the game.

Once a vehicle is obtained, the player may choose to use the vehicle as one's own, adding modifications such as light bars and dash lights to it, or disintegrate it and use the parts to modify one's original car. Players may get rid of a car at any time by selling it to a scrapyard, driving it into the Avon river (for Te Reo), or burning it in Manakau City (for Rubin). Due to the fact that the first option allows the player to be caught by local authorities it is not often practiced.

[edit] Characters

• John - John is the main character. Originally a successful MP for Mangere for the Labour Party, a dodgy deal with some illegal immigrants found him framed for corruption, and relegated to being an independent MP. Taito has since become a mercenary and hired gun, willing to take on whatever job the powers that be give him. Nonetheless, he is haunted by a burning desire for revenge against Helen Clark.
• Helen - The (EX) Prime Minister of New Zealand and the Don of the Labour Party. Fearing John's popularity, she had him framed for corruption. She later blackmails him into doing odd jobs for the party against his will. She is completely ruthless and shows no compassion, though she has a soft spot for Winston.
• Don- Original leader of the National Party, he was character assassinated by John, on orders from his underling Key and Helen. Was rumoured to have some connections with the the exclusive Brethren.
• "The Key"- A lieutenant in the National Party gang, a deal with John and Helen sees him manuoevre to the top, removing his old boss, Don. Howver, he proves to be equally ruthless, and by the end of the game, Helen and him are locked in a deadly struggle for the future of the nation.
• Mafu Whaka-A south Auckland Gangster who supplies john with weapons at the start who later dies from john killing him.
• Kalao Whaka - The first person the player can date in the game and is a sister of Mafu.
• Felicity powers - The second person the player can date
• Kayla Ramer - Another date
• Stacey Sdivic - Another date

[edit] Gangs

During the game, John will face various gangs. One of the first gangs faced by the player is the Mongrel Mob, a gang full of the girliest homo Maoris and Half Castes in New Zealand. They are known for their treacherous gang activity and are a force to be reckoned with. Often seen roaming around with poodles and wearing their best frilly dresses (except in Wanganui where they are banned). They are enemies of the Black Power though they have some ties. A similar gang is the Black Power, however they are seen more often on bikes, normally wear black glasses, and have dreads. John got in a rakus with them over a Rugby game and they are not too fond of him but currently don't care too much to be bothered.

Other gangs include

• Exclusive Brethren - A ruthless gang with a vendetta against the Labour Party. John does a few missions for them, including delivering pamphlets smearing Helen Clark.
• Asian Yakuza - The Richest gang in NZ, they specialize in importing cars and supplying illegal electronics throughout NZ. They get on with most gangs doing deals with them.
• Bogan Brotherhood - A small poor gang of Australians who swam to New Zealand in an attempt to impress Jennifer Hawkins. They live in a run-down farmhouse with VB and Carlton Draught boxes everywhere. Due to the ban on importing Aussie beer, the Bogan Brotherhood attempt to brew their own beer in a bathtub with Skippy the Bush Kangaroo.
• The White Hands - Made up of Uruk Hai leftovers from the filming of the Lord of the Rings movies, these extras were flown in and left here to starve and fend for themselves after principal filming ended. They've since decided to became an actual "gang" and started pushing local businesses for protection money - nobody likes an angry Urukhai hanging around their business.
• The All Blacks - The pride of New Zealand their Rugby Union team, one of the game missions is to join this gang.
• Head Hunter - A patch wearing gang similar to Mongrel Mob & Black Power. They tend to blow themselves up when attempting to throw P labs at stuff.
• Killa Bee'z - Literally a ruthless & roofless gang of Africanized honey bees, they'll rob you for honey money. Easily killed by a spray of mortein surface spray.
• Ngati Pakeha - Mainly made up of government employees. They stop at nothing in collecting tax and unpaid child support
• D.F.P - Mainly made up of a bunch of brothers from Pakipaki they enjoy gang bangs and smoking marijuana. Often seen in Turks fingering bitches and beating up boys for their smokes and money.
• Samoan Bloods-A poor gang who lives in north-east Manakau and enemies of Maori Crips. Mafu Whaka joined them after leaving Maori C.
• Maori Crips - The Enemy rivals of the Samoan Bloods. Their hide outs and territory are in South Henderson and McLaren Park in western Auckland.
• LA Druds - The real gangsters who the NZ gangsters are afraid of. They live in North Shore
• Posh Club - People who work in a night club in Thames

[edit] Vehicles

Like other Grand Theft Auto series games, the player can drive and hijack numerous vehicles found throughout the countryside of New Zealand.

[edit] Cars

• Nissan Sentra - a smallish car used by the FBI because of its flashing headlights (caused by poor electronics) and dash-lights
• Nizzan Skiline GODZILLA - A vehicle often driven by the Asians, one of the fastest cars in the game, but currently rare to come across.
• '92 Nissan Skyline GTS - One of the many clone vehicles for the Bogans. Usually seen in black or white, complete with black/chrome rims and loud exhausts.
• Holden Commodore - A fast and reliable car. It is available as a police car and police interceptor. Very good car for blasting away from the black power gangs in there cruddy Falcons
• Holden Commodore 2007 - A car in the game that with "police" printed in reverse on one side (a corrected model is being converted by indian slaves in Tauranga)
• Ford Pickup - A simple Ute for traveling along the country road with a large amount of boot space. Whilst this car is not fast, it can drive nearly everywhere.
• Ford Falcon - Fairly common amongst some of the Gangstas, this vehicle is primarily used for destruction derby mash ups due to its low quality. Despite this, it is fairly reliable (for 10seconds) and often found all over the country. The car of choice for the patriot crowd.
• Holden Pickup - Similar to the Ford pick-up except it features back seats making it great for various missions. This is a hated model amongst the Bogan Brotherhood.
• Maibatsu EscortPac - A Maibatsu L300 van, capable of transporting up to eight people with space in the back for drugs and weapons as well.
• Subaru Legacy - A perky car highly sought after (stolen), while perky it has a dead spot referred to as VOD or Valley of Death between turbos. It has tendencies to "blow big end bearings"
• Shadowfax - The rarest vehicle in the game only accessible to people with one ring of pimping.
• Lada Riva - It can carry loads of New Zealand birds...the Kiwi
• Infernus(Lamborghini) - The third fastest land vehicle in the game
• Arizona 4 -16 - The second fastest land vehicle in the game and can be found only in Taupo

Chutybura 3000 x type - A car that can go faster than some of the planes in the game. It is a good choice for driving to Auckland to Wellington. It can be found in Napier

[edit] Bikes

• Grizzly Quad Bike - Very limited in numbers, but has secret abilities previously unseen in other GTA titles. Click here for a demonstration.
• Harley Davidson - Often found driven by the Hells Angels, loud, obnoxious and unreliable like the riders.
• Suzuki Four wheeler - A farm bike used in some of the Farming missions, slow as hell but can drive on most terrain, great for the Ocean Missions.
• Suzuki Two Wheeler - A slow but grunty two wheel version of the Four Wheeler, except easier to move and slightly faster.
• the Hobo (Bicycle 1) - The bikes ridden by south Aucklanders referred as the "hobo" because most people riding them are hobos
• the S.E.X (Bicycle 2) - A bike driven by west Aucklanders which stands for Sucky Extision eXotica
• Penny Fathing (Bicycle 3) - An old fashioned bike. It can be found in Wellington

[edit] Aircraft

• Public jet - The most common plane in the game. It can carry 7 people
• xz-3555 - An air-force jet found at the Whenuipai Airbase
• King Kong A large helicopter.
• chap - Small helicopter
• xz-2555h - A military chopper
• godzilla - The largest plane in the game found at Auckland Airport. A smaller variant named Budda can be found in Christchurch
• THE key - A rocket used in one of the missions

[edit] Other

• Skateboard - Normally found in west Auckland.
• Sheep - These fucker's are everywhere, literally. Need a ride, just hop on, provided the poor bastard isn't already being mounted by one of the locals.

[edit] Missions

In GTA:NZ, the player starts in Manakau in Auckland. Due to gang activity, all bridges out of the city have been closed. Upon completion of the first set of Auckland missions, the North Island is locked with the exception of the North Shore. Due to poor weather preventing air and ferry services from Wellington, the South Island is not initially accessible

[edit] Bonus Missions

Throwing some hoops - Unlocked when the player meets up with Joe. John can recruit a team by getting people off the streets at first and can eventually start up a small place to recruit people(just watch out for Tongans).

Truckin' - In Wanganui the player can perform Logging Truck Missions delivering logs across NZ. It pays quite well but takes a while.

Rampage - Hidden mission only in Aramoana, in the South Island. With a four-star felony rating, the goal is kill as many pedestrians as possible using an assault rifle in the allotted time limit. The player receives an AK-47 Assault Rifle and Body Armour if completed successfully.

Collecting Car Parts - When working with Brendon, the player can collect parts so he can put together cars and sell them off. There are 100 parts in all, and every 10 parts collected unlocks something as follows:

1. Ford Falcon Pickup Turbo
2. Brendon's Tool Kit
3. Turbo Engine
4. Brendon's Garage (He allows the player to store a car at his place)
5. 20" Subwoofer and 10" Tweeters, complete with 5 Amplifiers
6. Audio System set ups
7. Mag Selection
8. 20 Litre Supercharged engine
9. Brendon's Auto Repairs Shop
10. Holden Commodore 2007 B.C

Interislander - These missions consist of hijacking a Cook Strait ferry and safely delivering the passengers and cargo while avoiding shipwrecks, boats with Lost stowaways, pirates (especially from Gore), losing cargo overboard to gain points, and rough seas. Not available until both the North and South islands are unlocked.

Wellington Cable Car - This mission simply consists of hitting buttons to drive a tram up and down a hill while collecting fares.

Police Patrol - Upon obtaining a police vehicle, vigilante missions allow the player to arrest and/or waste the bad dudes. However, it gets pretty hard, but the reward is Titan body armor for completing level 12. Titan body armor is better than the normal body armor.

Drive Helen to The Game - The player must drive Helen Clark in a cement truck to the rugby game in time whilst avoiding the police and red tape. Once completed, the player gets busted.

Tranz Rail - The trains can be hijacked too. Whether it's commuter passenger trains or long haul goods trains, there are several different train missions.

Trolley Buses - A unique form of transportation found in the Wellington area, just watch out for those overhead high-voltage wires.

Goodbye Pork Pie - An Easter egg mission that can be completed any time after unlocking both islands. After 'jacking a car in Kaitaia, the player must drive to Invercargill in that car, stopping only for petrol, which must be paid for by selling parts of the car. Completing this mission reveals a special cut-scene and $30000 reward. Due to changing petrol prices, the difficulty of this mission will vary.

Having it with The Teen - A hidden "Hot Coffee" mini-game involving Kayla Ramer

[edit] Landmarks

Several landmarks exist throughout the game, including some unique ones. One Tree Hill (the basis for the U2 song and later the TV show), for example, allows the player to take a chainsaw to the tree. Another landmark is the "Hobbit Town" area and the Rota-Vegas national park. It smells as bad as the name suggests. There is also the Wasp Nest Which resembles the bee hive and The Sky Tower

[edit] Food and drink

During gameplay, John must eat and drink to replenish energy. There are several supermarkets, including Pak N Sava (spelled "Pakansaahfa", after the Maori word for "Burp") which is the liquor store for the characters in the game and known for its slogan "Oh god it's so yellow". The second most popular is Food World, which while it claims to be "First in Food", it isn't in prices. For those quick liquor stops, the most convenient is usually LiquorWorld drive through liquor stores, designed for times when customers are too drunk to leave the vehicle.

[edit] Fast Food

The national way of eating food in New Zealand. The most common fast food chain in New Zealand is, of course, McDonalds, which is "New Zealand's Favourite Family Restaurant", having stolen the slogan after buying out and killing off Georgie Pie. Other favorites, such as Kenfucky fried Chicken and Pasta Hut can also be found all over the country. And other stores like subzero.

[edit] Stores

Retail stores allow the player to buy other supplies, such as weapons, clothing, food and drugs, and more. There are no Wal-Marts in New Zealand, so the closest alternative is The Wharehouse. For the cheapest drugs in town, few places beat Uncle Hemi's House.There are ten Westfields

[edit] Bars\Clubs

To get the best bars go to the big cities.there are many such as Ds Nightlife and Tommy Savouries club but the best in the game is Posh Club.

[edit] Banks

Banks provide another source of income for the player. Many small towns have them, and are easy targets for robbing. In addition, the player can deposit money into a bank account to prevent loss of large amounts of money when busted or mugged.

[edit] Radio Stations

The Radio stations have many music to offer featuring bands from NZ and abroad:

• The Edge - The official fanboy channel of the guitarist from U2, this is the official radio station of the under 13 year old population of New Zealand. It specialises in whatever music that is making Atlantic Records / EMI / Virgin Records the most cash at the time of playing.
• The Metal - The supplier of Hard Rock and Metal throughout the lands with songs from bands such as Blindspot, 8 Foot Sativa, Dawn of Azazel and Metallica. Very popular amongst the Bogan community.
• Nuie FM - Featuring the best in the Islanders music, playing tradition Island songs to the latest Tongan Hip Hop.
• Da Blok Party - Check out Da Rap Flavourz in NZ's own Rap and Hip Hop station rollin out da dope beats for you and your Cuzzy Bro's. Feature local acts such as Dain Raid and Da Deceptikonz, Scribe, Che Fu & Much more phat beatz.
• Kiss FM - For all you crazy people in down under, we introduce you the place to be for all the latest Pop Music!
• Newstalk RWL- For people who are so unPC and more Mac and like to say "shit" and "bugger" and call in to talk from their arses after listening you will soon get the argue to get some wet 'n' forget. OK, it's not a music station but still
• Le Gran Boroque - A Esquisite Banquet of the most beautiful and Charming Classical Music for all those folks who just want to remember the old days back in Europe.
• Core FM - Quite possibly the most popular radio station in GTA:NZ, Core FM is a mixing bowl of local and foreign music.
• Boogie FM - If you love the 70's, then this is the station for you! They play disco songs from a variety of groups such as The Bee Gees, Vicki Sue Robinson, The Village People, Dschinghis Khan, Boney M, and more!
• Kiwi FM - Plays mainly New Zealand bands, with a little bit of Aussie music mixed in. The most commonly played song is the country's national anthem, Slice of Heaven
• Livewire - An experimental station dedicated to creating the Worlds Weakest Broadcasts.
• To War With Dreamworks FM - Peter Jackson's personal radio station with 24/7 hate messages against Dreamworks for screwing him off.
• Radio Hauraki - Classic rock that rocks.
• Classic Shits - All the 'great' songs that make you want to shit yourself after hearing them.