The Grand Canyon
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“Where's the water?”
“The river patrol is after me. If they ask, don't say I was here.”
“The Sand People will be back, and in greater numbers.”
“So thats why we are having Global Warming in Arizona, I mean Mexico.”
The "Grand" Canyon. Its only a canyon, for pete's sake (why do we still say that?) and had an angry piece of ice flow through a small crack in the ground to create a canyon that split a single species of squirrels apart to make them have funny colors in the future. They dont even remember who they where in the first place because of these natural causes that Satan has placed upon Earth.
Kapeish, anyone? Thats another word for the reverse movement of bed rock and sandstone that when a mountain goat is stuck between these crushing zones of pressure, they make a kapeish. Only at the Grand Canyon. You bastards.[1]
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[edit] Geography
Some rocks.
Well, that's what some people think.
[edit] Geology
The Grand Canyon, also known as the Really, Really, Really, Big Canyon, is the result of millions of years of weathering by the Colorado Glacier. Alternatively, many religious groups claim God once dropped the world and the Grand Canyon is one of several cracks in the world that resulted. The Grand Canyon is owned by Bill Gates, but is maintained by the government of North Korea in spite of being on U.S. soil. North Korea's chance of continued rights to the canyon and surrounding land is questionable, due to possible nuclear tests performed by the North Korean Government,[2] and a possible link between North Korea and Al Qaeda. According to the U.S. Government, there is a 0.000000002% chance that North Korea and Al Qaeda are connected.
[edit] Human history
[edit] In the Beginning, God created the Protoss, the Zerg, and the Humans, and the Grand Canyon
You should know that everything was made by God, right? And that he hated Darwin so much that he created scars on Earth to control his temper, right? They do teach this in Science. Then, you should know that God is still furious today because Darwin proved again that his theory worked, right? But did you know that the river in the Canyon is actually an underground passageway to the center of the world and can be accessed by spiting in Gods face. Yet, you would need to understand that all of the things in the Grand Canyon and those that are pat of the Grand Canyon are made because God wanted to get furious again. He created the canyon's waters and rocks and the different colors of squirrels. And that Satan was the one who went down to antarctica and cut a circle out of the continent and bore away at the Arizona rock while God lay back and enjoyed a Maragrita. Right? I mean, the facts are there. These facts are right.
God Enslaved Satan so that God could get furious about Darwin and those that followed Darwisim.
[edit] Grand Canyon tourism
As you can see, the Grand Canyon is a victim of over development and myriad corporate and political scandals, lawsuits, and killings. If you wish to see the natural splendor of the Grand Canyon in your lifetime, do it as soon as possible. It is a matter of time before the Grand Canyon gets destroyed altogether by people. Microsoft, North Korea, and U.S. Government may only think it's some rocks, but if you go there, you will come to appreciate the beauty and awesomeness and amazingness and miracle and wonder that is the Grand Canyon. And do you want to know what that is? People spending billions of tax money to contribute global warming in states like California, China, Chincotarra(some place in Mexico), and Cuba. This is considered the 4 C's that each global power seeks to reach with each and every historic monument in their country.
- First C: To establish a circus or ceremony for the local inhabitants. At the Grand Canyon, you can enjoy Native Americans eating the remains of hikers that do not make it to the bottom and back.
- Second C: To comment on the people's clothing. In the Grand Canyon, purchase some fine, 100 pieced together, squirrel coat. Diseases free of charge.
- Third C: To condemn the use of firearms. Here at the Grand Canyon, you cannon for game and tourists because a cannon is not considered a weapon using your hands, rather a lead ball that you have to hump into submission.
- Fourth C: To congrats and condoms. Having those in pairs falling in love with one-and-other when they see the romantic view of the fissure, or the matting pair of Jeff and Lizzy, the humping squirrels.
[edit] Skywalk
Recently, a new structure has gone up near the Grand Canyon. It is called the Skywalk, and it is an ugly orange U-shaped structure that juts out over the Colorado river. It was built jointly by General Electric and the Seminole Indians on their reservation. The Seminole made sure that the structure would not be cursed by spirits of those who died falling into the canyon. After all, its floor is invisible. Actually, it doesn't have a floor. There is nothing stopping visitors from falling to their death 5,000 feet once they begin walking the Skywalk, except for a strong electromagnetic force that was discovered when Kim Jong Il jumped into the Grand Canyon to prove he was immortal. He did not fall due to the electromagnetic force in the spot, proving he was immortal. The Seminole Indians, who lived in and still live in that portion of the area, took advantage of the electromagnetic force to build the Skywalk, which was built by builders who worked hovering over the canyon. Later, Kim Jong Il will jump off the Grand Canyon bridge the day of its completion. Due to the lack of electromagnetism there, he will fall to his death. This is known to be true because a South Korean psychic said so. This will be a joyful day for the U.S., who will retake the Grand Canyon from North Korea, which by the way won't exist any more. It will be invaded by China.
[edit] Did you know?
- The Grand Canyon is the sacred home of the Seminole Indians, who continue to fight legal battles with North Korea for rights to the canyon. Microsoft plans to sell the land once North Korea has left.
- If you wish to go to the Grand Canyon on vacation before September 2007, remember that half the money you pay there for anything goes directly to North Korea.
- Plans for building a bridge over the Grand Canyon are underway. When completed, it will be the highest bridge relative to the ground below in the world and 62 people will have died to build the bridge. The U.S. National Park Service is currently suing the Kim Jong Il Construction Corporation for the building of the bridge.
- The Grand Canyon is among the Seven Wonders of the World. It ranks seventh, dead last.
- The Bush Administration has plans to drill for oil in the Grand Canyon and to blast the walls of the Grand Canyon until there is no more canyon. Eminent domain will be used to a 300-mile radius.
- The largest city in the Grand Canyon region is New Pyongyang. Its population is 92,337 and its population growth is +11% every ten years. Other population centers include Gatesville, Gatesburg, and Gates City, all named after Bill Gates.
- Recent studies show that the Sky Walk is actually a structure in need of fixture or else the people on the walkway will fall off into the fluffy foundation of Satan's iced, carved fissure. *Note to self, never take a picture from the Sky Walk.
[edit] Footnotes
- ↑ Note to self, never search something useless like the Grand Canyon.
- ↑ Which is like Adolf Hitler's ninety-first cousin once removed.
