Governor

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A Governor is the Gent that's supposed to be the executive branch of a state Government (i.e., the original idea was for the governor to hang himself, but that didn't accomplish anything, so they put him behind a desk, which still didn't accomplish anything). More often than not, however, he or she is finding ways to cut spending, boost taxes, or otherwise swindle people in whatever state he or she happens to be in. (His or her actual job is, however, to stand around and look important, and to go around shaking hands with Presidential candidates. His job also entails at least one of the following: a) a scandal, b) messing around with the state's transportation, education, and health system until everyone's literally sick, or c) running for President. However, some Governors have gone above and beyond the call of duty:

  1. The Governator, Ah-nuld Schwarzneggar. (That's a nice long last name, "black" twice in a vulgar manner.)
  2. Eliot Spitzer. He was the butt of no fewer than four Playboy Party Jokes in one issue of Playboy, all of which concerns the fun he had with hookers. After all, he spent 80 grand on hookers because he had a Spitzer of a wife but he desired a swallower, he was known to be a Democrat because he was caught with a woman, his wife stood by him as he resigned so she could qualify for the Presidency on the Democratic ticket, and he made the great discovery that one can slow down a prostitute by putting a governor on her.
  3. Jesse "Ace" Ventura. A wrestler for governor? Were the Minnesota people kidding?
  4. Jim Mcgreevey the Gay American. He was doing somewhat blah until he decided that being gay was cause for him to resign, and THEN everyone got interested.
  5. Ronald Reagan. He was a sucky Governor before he became a sucky President. See Ah-nuld, there's a precedent for wooden actors to go around letting people down as Governor of California!
  6. Hillary Clinton. She was handling all the papers while Bill was handling all the dames, so she might as well get the credit for Arkansaw.
  7. Dumbya. He couldn't run a baseball team right, he couldn't run an oil company right, he couldn't run Texas right, and he sure as heck couldn't run America right.
  8. John McCain and Barack Obama. Those two have been marvelous governors of the State of Confusion, what with their promising stuff they never did and flip-flopping and "gentlemanly" mud-slinging. But then again, they're politicians, what do you expect?
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