Gothic alphabet

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article very remotely related to Gothic alphabet.

The only known photographic evidence of Gothic text, scholars believe this image to be a hoax.

The Gothic alphabet is the script used to write the native language of Goths. It is classified as a forbidden script; consequently any attempts to utilize the alphabet in any form are summarily huffed. Currently theory states that only true Goths possess the ability to read and write the alphabet effectively, and have restricted its use only to themselves. There is perhaps some validity to this, as most attempts by ordinary people to write Gothic are met by ????????? or 󦻳 󦻳 󦻳 󦻳 󦻳 󦻳 󦻳 󦻳 (see AAAAAAAA for a similar phenomenon).


Since virtually all accounts of early Gothic development were written solely in Gothic, most of the language's history is pure conjecture. However based on seventh and eighth-hand accounts, historians have extrapolated its history in minute detail. The following is a reconstruction of one eighth-hand account:

Around 371 AD, Alaric I got his ass handed to him by the Huns, a sect of anti-Goth Asian dudes. Understandably pissed, Alaric and his homies went to Rome to sulk and brood, letting their anger boil. [HISTORIAN'S NOTE: This is known as the "Emo" period, an event which modern Goths continually celebrate today.] Soon, however, the Romans began to get all narky too, and started treating the Goth dudes like royal shit. So Alaric, awesome guy that he was, came up with a plan: Create a Gothic alphabet and scare the piss out of the Romans. So he did. Then he wrote a bunch of propaganda leaflets in Gothic and dropped them all around the cities. Naturally, this made the Romans so paranoid that entire legions ran and hid at the mere sight of Alaric and his badass Goth warriors.

Conventional wisdom states that after Alaric devoured Rome from the inside out, the Gothic alphabet fell out of use. Contemporary evidence appears to refute this, however. According to several reputable eyewitnesses, some sites on the internet have Gothic text on display. The photograph at the head of this article is perhaps the most compelling evdence to support this claim. It is supposedly a fragment of text from an old uncyclopedia article which was huffed. Scholars, however, strongly contend the image is a hoax. Until someone, perhaps a Goth, comes forward with a translation, it shall remain a mystery.

Contemporary Use

While one might expect the Goths of today to expedite their paranoia/angst distribution efforts by displaying the mystical Gothic alphabet in their travels, such is not the case. This is why many theorize that the script is a secret form of communication among Goths; it would explain why knowledge of the alphabet is lost to the general public and also why web browsers do not display it without a proper font.

The Future

It is unclear whether the Gothic alphabet will continue to be utilized by Goths for their own disturbing purposes, or if it will be exposed for the bizzare, paranoia-inducing phenomenon it is. Until then, the reader is warned to pursue any research into this topic with extreme caution.

See Also

  • Goths
  • Gothic
  • 𐌲𐌿𐍄𐌹𐍃𐌺𐌰 𐍂𐌰𐌶𐌳𐌰 Some claim this is the old huffed article from which the text in the photo is derived. It is believed that with the proper fonts, these question marks (or blocks, in some cases) will spontaneously transform into the mysterious Gothic letters. Proceed at your own risk.

External Links

Gothic Unicode Fonts Some members of Wikipedia have banded together to reveal as much information as possible about the language. They claim these fonts will enable one to read Gothic. Once again, proceed at your own risk.

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