Gorillaz

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From left to right are Murdoc, BMW, 2D, and sitting down, Noodle, all appearing to be animated, but not really. Not Pictured: Agatha Christie

A gorilla (plural form: gorillaz) is a band/primate. The Gorillaz are real, Although they are often perceived to be cartoons, but, as advanced nuclear physics has explained, the reality is that they are the true beings, and the world you live in is the animated one. The medication you are taking does not appear to working. Clearly your brain set up an elaborate chain of events which would ultimately lead you to this specific page on this specific website so you could hopefully realize the images you are seeing are just ultra high definition images brought on by a bizarre hallucination that all started when you took LSD while talking to Simba, that lion that lives over on Pride Rock St.

Members

Although all members were created at the same time, some are older than others (don’t ask me how this is mathematically possible; you need to watch Primer to understand).

Noodle: She is from Japan. When she first arrived the only word she word that she knew to say was 'noodle' hence the name Noodle. Her real name is Penisy Meyers, but she didn't tell anyone her name because a Penisy is a type of mammal that she eats on toast. She was shipped to England in a UPS box by her gay father so that she would not be eaten by her mother. Originally she was meant to be shipped to Luigi's Mansion to save Mario but was delivered to the Gorillaz Kong studios by mistake. She joined the band when she was 10 years old, she is now 23. She has for a pet a chain-smoking monkey called Mike who always wears a fez and wants to sell Russel's kidneys for drug money. She may have a crush on Murdoc, 2D, Russel, Batman and many other fictional characters like Graham Coxon but does not care.

2D: Named after the two D-cup breasts he received on his seventh birthday. Got his messed up eyes acquired from having a car bounced off his head twice by Murdoc. 2D thinks his hair is purple, possibly mistaking his head for his badly dyed pubis. Girls still somehow find him attractive, even though he has messed up eyes, sickly blue hair, anorexia and missing front teeth. And he is also really stupid. He has 23 kids or more all of which are legitimate and more than three quarters may in fact belong to Murdoc. 2D has a very long list of fears. They are, light, Hello Kitty, the color yellow (but only on Fridays) Murdoc in a thong, naked women, whales, Murdoc behind the wheel, Murdoc in every way, Noodle when she wakes up on a Monday morning and Russel when he's hungry. Murdoc and Russel make fun of 2D because they think he's gay for a muscular version of himself.


Murdoc: Born on June 6, 1966 (6.6.66). Murdoc is the son of Satan and Orihime Inoue from bleach. He is still getting all the ladies and trannies at 45 years old. His real name is Bruce Banner otherwise known as the Incredible Hulk. According to the music video Rock The House, Murdoc likes to bounce balls off of his groin for fun when he's bored and feeling sexy. He plays the E string on his bass mixed with his G string which he often lets other people run their hands over. He is a devout Satanist from Stoke on Trent. One day 2D snapped under all the senseless harassment from Murdoc and broke his nose with a shovel. Causing him to developed many alter egos, all of which having far less talent than him. Such as Keith Richards, David Bowie, Gene Simmons and Robbie Williams. He has a million kids as he commonly claims "(insert name here)? I had them, wish I hadn't". Also, he sold his soul to the devil in exchange for having one eye red and the other black. Though he is a Satanist, he is believed to be God as implied in the song Murdoc Is God. It is rumoured that Murdoc has five penises but only one testicle.

Paula Kracker: Ex-member of Gorillaz, wants to kill Noodle because she has no life and is on crack, she may have almost killed Noodle with cleverly disguised crack in her noodle soup, however Noodle is immune to all forms of poison including weedkiller, crack, nuclear waste and tofu. Definitely tofu. Paula was the guitarist until Russel caught her and Murdoc gettin' frisky in stall number three of the studio toilet. He pushed Paula out the window, but she landed on all fours and was not hurt at all. Unfortunately *cough* FORTUNATELY *cough*, she landed in the middle of a highway and was run over by Bruce Willis on his way to the Stylo shoot. Or maybe it was Chuck Norris.

Cyborg Noodle: When Noodle "died" in the El Manana video, Murdoc went to the site of the video and picked up a few bits of skin, hair, and fecal matter. He mixed them all together in a pot and invented Indian food, which he then combined with mannequin body parts to create the Cyborg Noodle. She hates everyone but Murdoc because he is her "daddy". She annoys the crud out of 2D and stuff. She loves eating octopuses but they don't like her, so they try to destroy her face with their tentacles. But she just chucks them out the window.

Russel Hobbs: Great drummer and disturbed that he sees the spirits. For the recording of the albums he evoked various spirits and demons as Ktulo, Scream, Hades, Hellraiser, Beldam, Beavis and Butt-head.

Del Taco: A crazy blue ghost who lived inside Russel's head during the time of the first Gorillaz album. Del was one of Russel's good friends until he was killed in a photocopier accident. Too much of a coward to face the Grim Reaper, Del crammed himself inside Russel's skull and stayed warm and cozy, only coming out to rap and annoy people. Del's ghost was finally sent to Hell after the Grim Reaper cracked open Russel's head and lured Del out with Pop-Tarts.

Phase One: Hipster Take Down (1999–2003)

GorillazPhase1a

Gorillaz 1st Selftitled Album

The first self titled album featured 57.4 tracks. Two thirds of these tracks either featured 2D dropping his microphone in a puddle of urine, Noodle spilling her noodle soup onto recording equipment, or Murdoc throwing his bass stairs and playing a trumpet with his butt. A couple of other tracks featured random rappers with speech impediments. Their most notable song off of this album is "Left Foot Suzuki Method," which is the mutant lovechild of modern and classical music. The opening sounds for the song consist of Russel blowing bubbles in his milk glass through a straw shoved up his nose. Freaked out parents would say that he is hitting a bong. Noodle also would occasionally let Russel turn the guitar on while the drum machine would break down half way.

Gorillaz (Self-titled) Tracklisting:

  • 1.) "Re-Hash (Gimme Some Of That Stuff! -Rivers Cuomo)" – 3:37
  • 2.) "5/4/6/9 + 22" – 2:39
  • 3.) "Tomorrow Comes Tomorrow (No sh*t man)" – 3:12
  • 4.) "New Genious (I Did My Brothers Friends Roommates Friend)" – 3:57
  • 5.) "Cunt Eastwood" (Feat. Del Taco tha Funkee Homo) – 5:39
  • 6.) "Man Research (In The Crapper)" – 4:31
  • 7.) "Billie Joe Is A Punk" – 1:36
  • 8.) "Sound Check (It Still Sounds Bad)" – 4:40
  • 9.) "Double Bastard" – 4:44
  • 10.) "Rock The Crack House" (Feat. Del Taco tha Funkee Homo) – 4:08
  • 11.) "19-2000-89-85 (21 Jump Street)" – 3:27
  • 12.) "Latin Simone (¿Que Pasta Von Puta?)" (Feat. The Sexy Sax Player) – 3:36
  • 13.) "Hey Starshineeee" (Feat. Perez Hilton) – 3:31
  • 14.) "Slow Cuntryy" – 3:35
  • 15.) "M1 A1 AK-47 , 21 Caliber (Modern Warfare)" – 3:50
  • 16.) "Cunt Eastwood" (Ed Case Refix) (A Useless Remix That Should Not Exist.) - 4:29
  • 17-54.) "Sh*tty Noise From The Mic Being Left On"

So Called Bonus/Torture Tracklisting:

  • "Edward and Bella" - 4:44
  • "Hungry Hippos" - 3:43
  • "Left Foot Suzuki Method" (Hint: It's Not About Cars/Bikes) - 3:10
  • "The Sounder (I Farted)" - 4:29

Phase Two: Slowboat to Bankruptcy (2004–2007)

GorillazPhase2a

Gorillaz 2nd Studio Album, "Go Record Everyone But Ourselfs" Was A Radio Hit!

The second album was titled Go Record Everyone But Ourselves featuring--surprise!--more random rappers, as well as unknown singers in a majority of the songs and washed up movie stars in "Fire Coming Out Of A Monkey's Ass", and the choir from the home for the mentally ill in the song "Dirty Harry Potter DVD" and "Kids With Guns", one of which was intended to draw attention the amount of stupid little children killed each year due to their fathers accidentally leaving their guns in their children's toy boxes.

Go Record Everyone But Ourselfs Tracklisting:

  • 1.) "Intro" – 1:02
  • 2.) "Last Living Hoes" – 3:09
  • 3.) "Kids with Guns" (featuring Ne Ne Nah Cherry Hoe!) – 3:45
  • 4.) "O Green Sewer" – 4:31
  • 5.) "Dirty Harry Potter DVD" (featuring Bootie Brown and the choir from the home for the mentally ill)– 3:43
  • 6.) "Feel Good Inc." (featuring El De La Si Tacos) - 3:41
  • 7.) "El Mañana" (We're gonna be F*ckd) – 3:49
  • 8.) "Every Planet We Reach F*ckin Sucks" (featuring Dike Turner) – 4:52
  • 9.) "Miss November Has Cumm" (featuring MF Doom, Who's too ugly to not wear a mask even when recorded) – 2:43
  • 10.) "Home Alone" (featuring Roots Manuva and McColly Cockin) – 3:30
  • 11.) "White Dike" (They look good when you drink alcohol) – 2:08
  • 12.) "D.A.R.E. You To Egg Ladyboy Gaga" (featuring Shaun Ryder, Who is always drunk and retarded especially when live) – 4:03
  • 13.) "Fire Coming Out of the Monkey's Ass" (featuring Hopper from A Bugs Life) – 3:16
  • 14.) "Don't Get Lost inside Snookie" (featuring The choir from the home for the mentally ill) – 2:00
  • 15.) "Angel Days" (featuring the choir from the home for the mentally ill) – 4:28

So Called Bonus/Torture Tracklisting:

  • "We Are A Happy Landfill" (That's where we get our songs) - 3:39
  • "68 States" – 4:49
  • "British People Are Mean" (featuring Simon Cow) – 3:26
  • "Hong Kong Makes Cheap Sh*t" – 6:38
  • "WTF Is A Swagga" - 4:57

Phase Three: Plastic Bitch and THE FALL (2009–present)

GorillazPhase3a

Gorillaz 3rd Studio Album, Plastic B*tch Was Pulled From Some Store Shelfs By The Mormon Church

The third album is titled Plastic Bitch and includes all the indistinguishable noise/randomness of the first album and the awesomeness of the second. This means you can't even tell what song is what because everything is one big racket. 2D (Or Demon All-bran) said: "It's like a nosiey plastic bitch!"- citing his personal exuberance for male/female blow up toys that talk.

When choosing Plastic B*tch songs for the radio the Gorillaz choose super unpopular singles:

  • 1.) "StyLOL" (Mostly Noise and 10% Drunken lyrics)
  • 2.) "Some Kind Of Rapture" (Ft. Jesus)

(They picked the worse songs as singles, most of the time bands don't do that! We all applaud that real courage!)

Plastic Bitch Tracklisting:

  • 1.) "StyLOL" (Mostly Noise and 10% Drunken lyrics)
  • 2.) "Superslow Bellyman" (Ft. El De La Si Tacos)
  • 3.) "On Melon Cholera Hill"
  • 4.) "To Binge Drink Vodka" (Ft. Little Lizardgirl) -she is lovely.
  • 5.) "Some Kind Of Rapture" (Ft. Jesus)
  • 6.) "BloodShot Eyes" (Ft. Bille Joe Armstrong)
  • 7.) "PirateBay" -giving tribute to the only place people will get this album.
  • 8.) "Brown Flag" -Noodle's pet monkey Mike has just taken a dump. It turns out he has chewed off the tag on a Russel plush toy, and it has gone all the way through. Oh dear.
  • 9.) "Cheapsteak" -Low price meat! You're a winner!
  • 10.) "Empire Pants" (Ft. Little Lizardgirl AGAIN.)
  • 11.) "Broken" -2D sings a sad song about his Playstation being broken and his credit card being stolen by Sony/Satan. Poor 2D.
  • 12.) "Glitter Cheese" -Where the f*** is North!? No seriously, where is it!?!?
  • 13.) "The Cloud of IDK" -Bobby Womack sang this one so you better like it!
GorillazPhase3b

The Fall (A album of a bunch of random sh*t) Was "Ordered" By the EMI Record Label To Be Sold For A Massive Profit. Though the gorillaz never meant it to be sold.

On Christmas 2010, Damon Albarn released a bunch of random recordings he made on his Ipad because he was bored. It was named "The Fall", not because this is the fall of Gorillaz but because it was recorded in autumn. He WAS going to name it "October", but U2 already did that, completely forgetting that there was a band named "The Fall". A member of which he collaborated with. The album has received large amounts of criticism for being more 'electronic' and 'mainstream' than the previous albums, and for being different to them in general. Whenever a hateful message is made about The Fall, 2D receives a beating from Murdoc. It includes the following works of genius and more:

The Fall (A Bunch Of Random Sh*t) Tracklisting:

  • 1.) "Boner to Arizona" -He liked this city a little too much.
  • 2.) "Evolving Doors" ft. Pikachu -Made in Pikachusetts
  • 3.) "Everyone in Virginia is a Hillbilly Man"
  • 4.) "Jamie got bitten by a Spider, OMG what do we do?"
  • 5.) "The Parish of Texas Stereotypes"
  • 6.) "The snake in Dallas"
  • 7.) "Who the hell would write a song about Amarillo"
  • 8.) "Let's get the speak it app to say obvious facts about the mountains, add in a recording of running water and call it art"
  • 9.) "Asprin Forest" -Written about yet another drug trip. Alternatively titled "Asspin Forest"
  • 10.) "Bobby ate a phoenix" -The story of Bobby Womack eating the spicy wings of a mythical fire-bird
  • 11.) "An echoed recording of a yodeling pickle" -No kidding

Videos

  • Feel like a Frog Inc. - Incorporation about frogs that Gorillaz never got around to making because they were to busy snorting potato starch and flying around on a windmill.
  • Don't you DARE take my acid - The Gorillaz mention about a rehabilation person THEY asked to come round, and how this person steals their drugs
  • Dirty Harry Potter DVD - They sing about how their Harry Potter DVDs are in a bad condition.
  • El Banana - Noodle is attacked by the Gravity Police on her flying windmill and is killed. Well, not really, but we just say that so it sounds cooler.
  • Fire coming out of monkey's head - What it says again. Ouch, poor monkey.
  • Stylo - Russel attempts to steal Murdoc's car in the hopes that he can redeem his reputation as a car company (also because he's black. It's in his nature). The underlying theme of the song is to raise awareness on the issue of Black tanning - answering the age old question: yes, black people do in fact turn white in the sunlight.
  • On Mechaloly Hill - Everything that ever breathes awesomeness goes to Plastic Beach in subs. De La Soul kill some superfast jellyfish and Murdoc wears a rather fetching sweater. Cyborg Noodle spews out a one-eyed octopus and spits it out at 2D. Russel is huge. Also, the Boogieman gives a dead manatee a back massage then gets shot and pulls it into the ocean.
  • 19-2000 - Murdoc drives an unlicensed vehicle dangerously across a poorly made highway while Noodle yells random stuff like 'Get the cool shoe shine' because she no speak English goodly. Then a giant elk sneeze-deflects their own missiles at them, causing an explosion which gives all the band members severe burns, multiple fractures and head injuries.
  • Donkermatic -A hipster drives a submarine while singing and enjoying the oceanic scenery.
  • Boner to Arizona - Murdoc gets an unnecessarily large boner after seeing himself naked in Arizona.

Noodle's Death

In 2007 George W. Bush, having a childhood grudge against Noodle due to an accident in Japan involving him, Noodle, three large anvils, a helicopter, and Chuck Norris (thus, explaining his low I.Q), sent helicopters to destroy the flying windmill she is on. Luckily, Noodle escaped the windmill unharmed only to land in a giant room filled with heads that ate her, although her soul went to hell and Murdoc just happened to be there on vacation, so he rescued her and brought her back to life. The band filed a lawsuit against the president for being such a stupid bitch and received 20,000 dollars in the process. Bill Clinton described Bush's actions as worse than firing missiles on Disneyland.


Now some alien that Murdoc made replaced Noodle, which is a lot better than the old one because she can shoot bullets out of her mouth and her ass and can make weird car alarm noises. She also has lots of weapons used to torture 2D because she really hates him. She likes to shoot at fat cops with a shotgun and also likes to wear a weird commie hat all the time because she thinks she is a communist.

Movie

There is a movie in the works. Terry Gilliam is planned to be the director. When asked how he will make the film, Gilliam said that he plans to throw 2 billion dollars off of the Chrysler Tower, get drunk, and then puke on a reel of film. 2D will die (as symbolism of Damon Albarn being a pussy and discontinuing his role in Gorillaz) and turn into a Zombie and eat Murdoc's head (Murdoc fangirls got very pissed off, since they are known to defend their god with their life).

It turned out this was a joke. Which is a shame because it would have been Piss funny. Even to fans.


Sex

NOODLE IS HAWT

picture above is Noodle, showcasing the severe symptoms of Kids with 'Guns' disease

Murdoc is known for his good looks, so he gets all the ladies. He has said that "Yeah all the kids like 2D. I don't know why though. However, all the ladies love me. It seems they like men". He can get any woman to instantly fall in love with him by looking in his red eye and black eye at the same time. He was successful in provoking 2 of 2D's girlfriends: Paula Cracker into a bathroom stall, and Rachel Stevens out the door. Murdoc fangirls are known for their vicious devotion to their god Murdoc. Most of them have shrines in their bedrooms entirely devoted to him, consisting of a bajillion action figures (and every Murdoc fangirl does naughty things with them - like sleep with the figures in their shirts. They say they do it because "That's what he wants".), plushies, posters, drawings, capes, cuban-heeled boots, satanic crosses, Pazazu statues, and other random Murdoc objects. Some fangirls go crazy and have dreams that he rapes them, and they love it. Murdoc fangirls and 2D fangirls are constantly fighting, 2D fangirls hate Murdoc fangirls because they claim they are 'Satanic bitches with bad personal hygiene and sucks on Murdoc's dick! Murdoc fangirls then damn the 2D fangirls to heaven, because every Murdoc fangirl wants to go to hell to be with their god. It is said that someone told him to go to hell and he said "Thank You". Actually, Murdoc fangirls should damn 2D fangirls to hell, so that they will face Murdoc for all eternity. Most Murdoc fangirls have converted to satanism to have something in common with their god. Actually, all Murdoc fangirls are Murdocists, members of The Church of Murdoc Which is related to satanism. Murdoc also had a close encounter with Shawn Ryder in the "DARE" video. He claims it was in the script, as a "dream-sequence." When questioned why his character would have this sort of dream, the satanic bass-player beat the interviewer with a wet noodle.

2D gets plenty of attention from the ladies, despite being horrific in appearance, with a vacant blank-eyed stare and bad teeth, and despite that he has no clue that the end product of sexual intercourse with a woman is a baby. Or at least until his mother told him when he was fifteen, after which he was spotted cleaning his ears out with giant purple Q-tips (although it seems that he has forgotten over the years). How does he do it?

No one likes Russel. Except for Bob Saget.

See Also

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