Gorilla
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| Gorilla | |
|---|---|
| |
| Kingdom | Animal Kingdom |
| Phylum | Amphioxus |
| Class | Apes |
| Order | Primates |
| Family | Tarzan |
| Genus | King Kong |
| Species | Mammals |
| Binomial Name | Lucius Cornelius Sulla |
| Primary Armament | Fartium |
| Secondary Armament | Stick |
| Power Supply | Strength |
| HP: | 1,000 |
| Mana Points: | 0 |
| Strength: | Ignorance |
| Intelligence: | Planet of the apes |
| Weight | males 230-500,females 150-300 |
| Length | |
| Special Attack | throwing barrels |
| Conservation Status | For Gorilla Marketing Use Only |
“I'm hung like one.”
~ You on Gorillas
Well you see monkeys yeah, gorillas are a bit like them, apart from they are much larger and therefore their willies can do a lot of damage if you were to be bummed by one. Seriously, imagine just being their one day lying in your bed and a silverback gorilla gets into your bed with you and starts bumming you. Of course theres nothing you can do, they're just so big. And they don't wear a condom during anal sex, oh no. That's why YOU, yes YOU must carefully place a condom in your anus before you go to bed every night, to ensure that if you are unfortunate enough to be penetrated by the great ape, you will not contribute towards the spread of deadly STDs. Although, if you were bummed by a gorilla, imagine the sheer volume of gas you could propel from your rear end. Everyone would be like 'Dude look its that guy who can fart himself into space'. Awesome.
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[edit] Gorillas in the 1980s
In the 1980's many gorillas had the extraordinary ability to randomly pick up barrels and throw them at their natural enemy, small fat moustached Italian plumbers, usually dressed in red and blue.
[edit] Gorillas in the 1990s
In the late 1990's they forgot their differences and joined forces to fight a new enemy. Big spiky turtles. A gorilla was also featured as the main character in the 1992 rap "Guerrilas in the Mist." The word Gorilla was misspelled due to Ice Cube being both black AND muslim. The song's video featured a gorilla rapping most of the time, and with Ice Cube occasionaly saying something.
[edit] Gorillas in the 21st century
In 2005, one large gorilla known as "Kong" revisted New York and climbed up the Empire State Building like he did back in 1933 to fight off air planes. He later settled down to eat a fresh piece of pizza. LIES IT'S ALL LIES!
Also in 2005 Gorilla Marketing was developed, Gorilla Marketing or "Gorilla Warfare" is a relatively new arsenal of advertising weaponry and promotional products that humans go APE over! It combines an unconventional system of promotions on a very low budget (no budget really) - gorillas come cheap.
By relying on gorilla time, gorilla energy and gorilla imagination instead of big marketing budgets that were common in the ancient history of advertising, the end result is usually a lot of poo flinging, tire swinging, Samsonite luggage tossing and banana beatings until the assailed individual(s) buy(s) the marketed product(s). Sss! That's the sound a gorilla fart makes (another tactic commonly used).
[edit] Gorillas in the future
In the future, gorillas will take the power back.
Coming soon gorillas in disney land.
See also: Bokito
[edit] Gorillas in the 24th century
Gorillas underwent body modifications in conjunction with Charlton Heston in order to form an ultimate race called AOL Time Warner Presents: Gorillas. The new race built Statue of Liberty replicas in order to trick itself into thinking it never had melded with Charlton Heston. Charlton Heston then arrived from a previous time and accused the Gorillas of being maniacs. To counter this, the Gorillas underwent Heston De-emphasis to show Heston that he, in fact, was part of them. The Gorillas thus reverted back to being slightly modified Gorillas, but mistakenly created the Double Charlton Heston Paradox. The NRA, in particular, was put into disarray as it was not sure how to reconcile having two leaders at once who were largely* the same being.
[edit] Important Gorilla facts
They live in africa . each baby gorilla has an account on bebo.
The male penis is 2 in.
Gorrilas mate with hammers penguins and occasionaly the male and female sex organs, although neither of the parents will survive the children (scientifically known as republicans.) are born with all they need to survive, two dead bodies, a penguin and most importantly a hammer. The hammer is used so the gorilla can dig tunnels.
You may find them in certain schools. An example would be Jordan at knox grammar school, man is he a gorilla. See also Adam Peter Evans-Labrie of Treorchy Comprehensive School who has been nicknamed "Ape" due to his uncanny resemblance to the mystical creature. Also he drags his knuckles on the ground when he runs, which isn't a common occurance due to his generally lazy nature.
[artist's rendering of Adam Peter Evans-Labire, aka "Ape".]
Apes, and all other monkeys tend to have problems with alcohol and smoking habits.File:Http://www.reason.com/UserFiles/Image/jsullum/obama smoking.png
