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|Gordon Ramsay reads his own fucking article (file info)|
|Listener Discretion Advised|
“Don't go near this guy, he'll blow like a faucet in summertime.”
“You think you can post a quote?!?!? You can't even make a fucking simple risotto! ”
“I'm not here for confrontation...YOU FUCKING DONKEY!”
“GET THE HELL OUT! GET THE HELL OUT OF HELL'S UNCYCLOPEDIA PAGE!”
Since you Uncyclopedians can't write your fucking name on the fucking dotted line for shit, I'm writing this fucking article myself. My name is Gordon Fucking Ramsay and I was fucking bolted together on November 8th, 1966 and I'm a British chef. I have a fucking ugly wife named Anna Bradley who suffers day in and day out and I have a piece of shit son named Elton. Also, my fucking inbred cousins are Sonic the Hedgehog, Elton John, Phil Collins, Roland Orzaeal, and last but not fucking least, Tifa Lockhart. I'm not a warlord, I'm not a fucking warrior, and I’m not even a grue-fucking-eater. I'm a fucking cook alright, A FUCKING COOK!!! My restaurants were fucking rated 3 fucking stars below McDonald's and I am famous for my fucking scrotum-like face, and I am the only fucking person in the fucking world to say "fuck" more than Rod Fucking Blagojevich. Now don't go adding shit like "Chuck Norris fucked my fucking arse" or "I yell my arse off". Cause this is not true! You're just being immature and childish for adding that. You fag. It is also a known fact the wrinkles on his head are actually scars from him cutting himself on the head when he didn't make a crème brûlée correctly. FUCKING NUTTER!!
I was a dick in my early life and I'm still a dick now.
Football career (Soccer not American Football Idiots!!!)I was chosen to fucking play fitba at Age 11. My football career was fairly marked by being shit. Thanks a lot, fucking football muppets! You ruined my fucking career with your minimum requirements of skill. Let me tell you about my fucking experience I had at the summer of 1984. I WAS actively being scouted by the local paedophile pretending to be for the fucking Rangers, the club I supported. When someone tripped me and made me hurt my kneezy wheezy, seriously might I add, it nearly bruised and everything; and even worse, I was training for fucking football. I WAS FUCKING TRAINING... But I had no choice but to train on that slightly fucking injured leg. It felt like the devil was mocking me from above but it wasn't, even the endlessly benevolent God wants me dead. The Fucker. Well how do you like this devil? I want your babies!!!!! I never recovered from the fucking injury and Rangers? They blew me off, it's stupid. I have a fucking injured leg, the least they could let me fucking do is play on their fucking team. But you know what, FUCK RANGERS, FUCK YOU. The only thing I could do was take up cooking, since it was the only thing I could fucking do!!! I LIKE FUCKING CATS!!!! AND MEN!!!!! NAKED!!!!! AND DRIZZLED WITH OIL!!!!!!!!!!
Early cooking career
Since the Navy and Police didn't want me, who would? I had to enroll in a local college sponsored by McDonald's, you know. The place where they make shit burgers out of shit? Anyways, entering that college was the worst decision I have ever made. Not because of the career I wanted, because of the shit food I had to eat but then stopped me cooking. I had eaten 17 big Macs and I wanted no more of them, they tasted like total shit. I was sacked from McDonald's that very day.
After my football career ended abruptly due to... You know "GUYS THINKING THAT THEY ARE GOOD WHEN IN REALITY THEY AREN'T!!!". I paid lots of attention to my culinary education by working as a chef for a restaurant over here, then a restaurant over there. Where I banged the owner's wife and she just kicked me out like a dog, A FUCKING DOG. I moved to London where I instantly got work at Harvey's as a lap dog.
I can't do shit for cooking and I have tons of Drama! I'm just another typical sensation that rages at everything.
I'm Gordon Ramsay and I'd say Drama is what makes the world go round!
These people actually put work into this! I'm really liking this website!
Sorry about that
Gordon has been avoiding his meds for some time, and is now in a correctional facility to prevent further outbursts. I'm a representative from said institution, and on behalf of Gordon Ramsay, apologize. We will take further steps to make sure that this does not happen again; as such, we are stripping Gordon's internet privileges, restraining him, and locking him in a big white room indefinitely. Thank you for your understanding. We will be crucifying him in January, and are currently selling tickets to the event.
Before he joined us at the institute, Gordon Ramsay appeared on the BBC television series, Do You Think You're Hard?, a show about celebrities researching their ancestors to see if any of them had been bastards in the past. He was surprised to discover that a distant ancestor Gordian Rameses had been a Roman Emperor and that his family came from Egypt. Gordon response to this unexpected news was to smash up the film crew and storm off leaving a trail of expletives that has made this particular episode 'unshowable' in its current state. According to witnesses, he said the word, "fuck" four hundred and sixty-seven times.
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