Goose
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“Why do people always chase me?”
~ A Goose on the 'Duck Duck Goose' game
“Die you fuckin bastard geese! Die!”
~ Capt. Sully Sullenburger shooting wildly at geese in Central Park
Geese Kill Everything
The Geeses won.
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[edit] Canada Geese
Canada geese, also known as Canadian geese, are the major and only biological weapon developed by the Canadian military. The geese were invented in 1523 for the Canadian Revolution, which never occurred due to a hockey game being on TV. Out of frustration of his team losing, the head military scientist set the geese free to wreak havoc on the city. Instead, the birds migrated to Minnesota and now enjoy crapping on soccer fields.
Furthermore the birds seem to have hypnotic powers to make women feel sorry for them. Hence the United States Military (entirely run by women) is forbidden to take any action against the aggressors. The Birds tend to flock to wide open fields and can be seen around power plants throughout the country. Many believe these birds to be planning the next great terrorist attacks, but due to political humane society pressures they are helpless to do anything.
Some say the environmental benefits from the bird out weigh the risk. While others say they are an annoyance to the entire environment. They are actually good for nothing. Besides the fact that shit every 6.5 min. The do keep bugs down, but other than that many believe them to be an absolute annoyance.
Eating Canada Geese is forbidden by the Queen of England, which is a pity since the last person who tried one found it so tasty that his tongue asplode. Which I'm sure you'll agree is a sensation more of us could do with in this life.
Canadian geese have sometimes been called "vagina rabbits" because one gooseologist, Max Walker, who his friends nicknamed Rabbit, said all rabbits have vaginas and thus is a vagina rabbit. To take some of the scorn and name calling off himself, he decided to start calling Canadian Geese "vagina rabbits". He was made fun of again soon when he dropped his human life and decided to join the geese. He now runs around with geese and tries in vain to fly. He also enjoys spending his time biting at people's schlongs on nude beaches as they bask. Thus he has earned the odd nickname of "That fucking asshole goose" from men who have lost their tallywhackers to the feathered fiend. GOOSE!!!!!!!!!!!!
[edit] In popular culture
The popular novella "1001 Things to Do With Your Goose" has sold over 20,000 copies in the Shropshire and Lanarkshire areas. The book describes, in more or less average detail, 1001 ways to befriend, torture, enjoy, treat and bale your goose.
[edit] The ShitGoose
The Shitgoose is commonly found in New Zealand and lives off a diet of alcohol and Ellen Degeneres and peppement schnapps.
[edit] The Fear of Terrorism From Geese
Since the world isn't scary enough as it is, the suicidal goose attack on an airliner that was forced to land in the Hudson River has sparked another fear of terrorism. Geese all over the U.S. have been targets as hate crimes against geese have sky rocketed. Parks have been turned into war zones as Geese have been reported killed from vengeful citizens. The Skies above have well been a deathtrap to geese as fear of them striking again is believed highly possible. Citizens in geese populated areas have set up anti-air gun turrents around their homes and busineses as several state governments have lifted illegal hunting laws on geese. "Where's the justice?!", honked an enraged goose in a protected area of Cental Park just seconds before a stray bullet killed it with chaos from frightned and fleeing geese filled the air as several more shots were fired. This inncident sparked retrobution from a group of rouge geese calling themselves Al'Gessa. Random suicidal attacks from these terrorist geese ranging from them diving into heavy traffic in an attempt to cause major pile up and attempting to dive into plane engines just before takeoff. Ever since geese have been attacked the state constution has nothing in protecting geese from pregudice but animal activists have ridiculously tried to get a law passed to prevent harm to this new form of terror.
[edit] Fun Goose Facts
- The goose is a close relative of the African squirrel.
- In very rare instances, geese have been spotted having threesomes as well as foursomes, 5somes, orgies.
- Famous geese, such as those featured in movies such as Fly Away Home have been married to celebs including Tom Cruise, Michael Jackson, Victor Hugo, and Paris Hilton.
- In Germany, the goose is regarded as an aphrodisiac because everyone knows geese are super horny.
- Geese carry the main work-load in sweat shops overseas assembling, packaging, and shipping specializing in nike shoes.
- Geese cause aircraft to crash.
- One rare breed of goose has been found to live underwater in the Arctic Ocean. Currently it is unnamed. Here's a rare screenshot of it Firing its lazer.
