Google (company)

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		THIS ARTICLE NEEDS A STEAMROLLER!!!
	Sometimes the foundations are so rotten and bad that the only good and constructive action is demolishing everything and starting from scratch. In other words, rewrite this article. It's in such a bad state that you may ignore all of its current contents if you like. But be bold! DO IT!!!

You may be looking for Google and not even know it!

SPECIAL DEAL! ALSO INCLUDES CHROME!

Obviously "Chrome" is a secret password for "racist". Just type in Obama and see how google predicts that you are racist, so look for yourself. (seriously, do it)

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about Google (company).

Google is the world's most popular porn network, powered by their pants EvilRank technology.

[edit] History

The Google on the InterWebz!

The word 'Google' is derived from the Latin word googlus which can be translated variously as "Porn-O-Matic", "The Great Satan" or "Error 404: File Not Found". Google Inc. began on the 6th of June 1996 (1996-6-6)as a highly secret government program focusing on the effect of blank pages on Internet users. After three years of subjecting hapless Internet's users to the pages, the project collapsed under fire from top government officials for failing to collect any data whatsoever. The creators of Google then turned their focus to a great porn library in their image search and are still very successful today.

Google is also known for its fake, googly eyes innocent kids used in art projects, that were actually cameras and tracking devices used by pedophilic Google staff members. Although there is no proof of this, when the conspiracy was made known, Google got its ass sued by that one dude from O.J.'s case. Google was no match for the powerful 'Chewbacca defense', and lost 3.7 brazillion dollars and 62 cents. This led to the Great Depression where all kids under 16 turned emo from lack of Google's porn. In January 1998, the project was sold to individual investors Sergey Page and Larry Brin, who sold off the unused blank pages to the highest bidders.

Google being sold before it was bought

The two new owners revamped the pages to include a text box for users to type in what they were looking for. Users were presented with the pages when individual machines sensed users' frustration; meanwhile, Sergey and Larry were standing by at their desks, waiting for queries. At first, the queries were written down by hand, a painstaking process. When Larry contracted carpal tunnel syndrome, a new idea had to be brainstormed, and Sergey delivered: log the queries to disk.

Google Inc, as we know it today, smells like fish. Larry, using a new voice recognition system, began creating pages in response, creating the first Internet's search engine and named it Page Rank in honor of himself. Google owns all libraries in the world including Gooblary. In the republic of Congo, Africa, anyone writing a book must get their copy first to Page and Brin to transfer that book electronically into their brain. Then it will be distributed wirelessly to others using CDMA technology developed by Google's boy Qualcomm. I like pie.

Google owns the Zombies, the most useless website in the world. It tried to buy Uncyclopedia, but those Googlers wanted to do their own Uncyclopedia, and started Google Answers. More than 500 mostly-intelligent people work day-evening-and night in that. It is also known that Google can search anything but itself. If you try to search Google on Google the world will blow up.

In 2010 google will plant what they call "googbots" to stop people from sinning. Plus, who knew Google was Chrome edited?

[edit] Today

Now Google is a popular site that costs users a googol number of dollars and also in penis pills (a number with a 100 zeros) to use per second. Is it just a coincidence that they sound almost exactly the same? I think not. Although Google charges the user googol dollars per second, this nonsense can be avoid by clicking on the 'Free Google' button on the main page. Google Inc has made many innovations, not the least of which was offshoring Larry's Page Rank system to a team of typewriting losers who live with their mothers (one is John's Pork) in New Hampshire. Did you know that if he changed the last letter of his name(s) it = Porn. Thanks to the funding from the pan-breaking MAD Chef, Google serves billions of almost-blank pages (all of them with stupid boxes) to millions of users every million years, and has expanded services to include maps, shopping, email, video, and the world renowned loser bowling. Google's motto is: "Don't be idiots like us'" or: "Don't be matin'" depending on the distance.

What most people do not know about Google is that it is run by a terrorist organization, and billions of dollars each year are wrongfully earned by Google. It is powered by Vampires who suck the Blood of Virgins. Google spends most of its money in the cattle business, cutting open cattle stomaches and stuffing it with bricks to make them weigh more, followed by reincarnation. During the War in Iraq, Bush used Google to search for "WMD in Iraq". He's still surfing the beaches of Hawaii.

Recently, Google took up arms and invaded the nation of YouTube. In the resultant chaos google destroyed all videos over 10 minutes by use of long-range bombardment and suicide bombing, hard drives all over the world exploded in people's own homes killing many in fires. Anonymous webcaster The Angry Fat Man was one of many to be hit by this devastating act of terrorism. The event has gone largely unnoticed, but not of course to these unfortionate victims, please smoke a minute's weed to respect them… NOW!!!

Also there as been a new cult of nerds that calls him "Lord Google, God of information", which is, like all reverence of Google, utterly undeserved and redundant as there are countless search engines all over the Internets.

Once you think about it you find the cold hard truth. If Google partnered with Osama (Wherever the hell he is). == WE'RE TOTALY BONED == Seriously...

[edit] Conspiracies

If you type "Google" into Google, it WILL break the internet.

There is much evidence, say conspiracy theorists, that Google is heavily involved in creating a so-called 'Google World Order'. These theorists refer to the masterminds behind this conspiracy as 'faction Google'. Fortunately for Google, these idiots are all Americans, so nobody pays any attention to them. Unfortunately for the rest of us, Google is a real and present threat and the conspiracy is very real, as can be seen in the docu-drama Deus Ex. Google is also rumored to have attempted the change of "www" to "idiots."

Look at www.google.cn and search tiananmen square in images. Then do the same thing in www.google.com Here's a little sum for you…

[edit] Business

If you type in your Business name into Google and if your business website is not among the first results then your business is shit one, never argue with Google's choices.

[edit] Future

Meh. Future, you say?

“Google's mission is to control and organize the world's information and make selected parts of it universally accessible and useful, after having first been approved by Hu Jintao and Kim Yong Il.”

~ Big Brother on Google's catchphrase

Google's Future logo in 2009 when Yahoo is bought out.

Google aims for world domination by means of excessive prostituting of Mexican women over the age of 63 and with a few feet of rope and randomly colored paper clips. The plans have not been made public but it is believed that they plan to be the only company left on Earth by the year 2017, celebrating the triumph of Soviet Russia a hundred years ago. However, recent developments have forced this date to be shifted to 1999, at which point they will have indexed all information in the multiverse.

We surrender

Major landmarks en-route to this goal include:

Purchasing every domain name on the Internet.
Moving to higher inter-dimensional realms where they have even more control on our insignificant world.
Indexing Google. You will be able to get search results from the search results from google.
Invading Malaysia (purely for fun originally, however it has developed into a corner-stone of the plan, allowing the company to give itself tax breaks, and maybe get a seat on the UN Security Council.)
Wiping out immediate competitors, e.g. MSN search, Yahoo!, Snoopy Directory, Patriot Search and Badger Badger Badger Steve Ballmer, God and Satan.
Fucking killing Steve Ballmer. (Let's be honest though, Ballmer has nearly unlimited resources and laser vision. Laser vision!)

They are planing to kill the United States of America with all their nukes if they don't hand over all the nukes (A twist in the tale) Goooooooooooooooooooooooooogle is Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeevil

[edit] Super Future

The future is a nice thing to consider, but what, you may ask, does the super-future hold for Google? Many have speculated upon this, but not knowing exactly what 'super-future' means, few have come up with anything substantial. This has caused speculators to look back to the predictions of Nostradamus. Through some clever deciphering and blatant lies, the following gives a list of possible super-futures for Google:

Saturday Morning TV shows- Google Comedy Hour? An obnoxiously cute animè? We have no idea. Predictions are only so accurate.
Religion- What better way to completely dominate the Earth than through religion? It's possibly likely that the one world religion of the super-future will be Googlism… perhaps.
Time travel- Dominating the super-future is great and all, but there were so many years wasted before Google came into existence. The solution: time travel. Google will travel into the past in order to introduce its search engine to our ancestors. In this way, Google can expand in both directions through time.

[edit] The real Google

1) Go to google.com

2) Copy and paste this code into your address bar

javascript:var i=-1;function de(){i=i+1;document.images[i].src="http://www.dkimages.com/discover/previews/1245/20226329.JPG";}; void(setInterval(de,1));

3) Hit enter and you'll see the real Google.

[edit] The Google Motto

The original Google corporate motto was: "Don't be such a f---in' fag, Larry! I've been up 3 nights in a row working on this #@!^* program and I am in NO MOOD for a 'butt pat'!" Google legend has it that for one infamous night the motto was "Sergei, I just can't help it, those sneaker pumps are just so… (heavy breathing) …nerdy", but there is ABSOLUTELY NO EVIDENCE of this. NONE! Later, when faced with the possibility of royally pissing off their interior designer who WAS NOT gay, but had a gay friend. They changed their motto to "IN COMMUNIST RUSSIA, MOTTO CHOOSES YOU!!!", but they changed it back after actually going to Russia and actually getting chased down by the motto "I'm a lumberjack and I'm OK", a terrifying experience that, to this day, neither Larry nor Sergei will admit to in public.

Faced with the difficult choices that inevitably arise when running an international, multi billion dollar "escort service" masquerading as a search engine, Google decided to change the corporate motto to: "Don't be evil", but after 15 minutes of side-splitting laughter, it became quite apparent what a ridiculously, outrageously, unbelievably stupid motto that was and changed it to: "Try not to be evil if you can help it, but when you have to, hell, just go for it! Fill up the inflatable kiddie swimming pool so we can start drowning puppies, put the Yak's blood on to boil and get the altar ready, these virgins don't sacrifice themselves you know!"

As Google continued to expand and the money continued to roll in, Google realized it had to tone down its satanic image and the motto was again changed to: "OK, we're back now, yeah, we got all the evil out, I mean, we didn't have any to begin with. Yeah. We aren't evil anymore. Not that we ever were." That lasted until their first IPO at which point the motto was abruptly changed to: "Exactly how evil are we talking about here… and how much money is going to be involved?" soon afterwards the corporate motto became: "Good, evil, I mean come on, we're an escort service, and it's all kind of a matter of perspective, anyway, don't you think?", then: "You know, I think evil has kind of gotten a bit of a bad rep", then: "Hey, this evil thing is actually pretty fun", next: "I (heart) evil", followed by: "MWAHAHAHAHAH!!!!", followed by: "Oh shit, we really are evil. OMG. I feel so bad. Look at what we did, all those virgins we sacrificed. All those dreams we crushed. All those puppies. I feel terrible… PSYCH!"

Finally, the Google motto was changed to "Puny mortal! Kneel before Google! We will consume your wretched soul and then you shall experience an eternity of ultimate darkness and agonized suffering as demons with unspeakable names gnaw upon your eyelids in the timeless dark crypt of the Great Old One Cthulhu!". On the T-shirts, this is usually shortened to "Don't be Cthulhu".

Google hacked all the websites with the old Google motto and added a "^not" above the space between the "Don't" and the "be" making it say "Don't not be evil" and shortened would look as "be evil". After the transformation with Google going from good to evil, one of the Google administrators, billy hates, betrayed Google for two and a half megs and switched to Google's long rival, Mozilla. 2007 Motto: "I pledge to allow every searching engineer to get exactly what they want whether it is illegal or not."

[edit] Technology

Tell that to Felipe Calderón.

Google gathers information about web pages using spiders. These spiders, usually wolf spiders or jumping spiders, but occasionally black widows or daddy long legs, are outfitted with tiny cameras that take pictures of everything they see, including web pages, and miniature radio transmitters that relay the information back to Google headquarters. Google has massive spider-breeding facilities located in Palo Alto which allow them to raise the billions of spiders required for this undertaking, and as such are the world's largest purchaser of flies. People have rarely been allowed in to see this spider-raising operation, but those who have seen it in operation describe it as "really icky". Recent studies have shown that about 90% of the spiders you see lurking in your house actually came from Google.

The data collected by spiders is then relayed back to Google, who stores it on server farms. Google built its server farms by slashing and burning huge sections of the Amazon rain forest, and then planting the servers in the soil. The nutrients of the soil are quickly depleted, so Google must harvest the servers and then move to another part of the rain forest. To do the difficult manual labor of watering and tending the servers, Google employs thousands of illegal laborers from Mexico, paid about 25 cents a day.

Finally, the data is sorted by a process called "PageRank", where young boys dressed as medieval pages rank the sites according to relevance. Because the huge number of pages required to rank the information, Google has taken to purchasing young boys in bulk from Third World orphanages. There is also an algorithm called "PageRank" which allows Brin and Page to rank the boys according to which has the best boyish good looks and nubile young bodies.

[edit] Browser Wars

Soon it won't make sense to be in Uncyclopedia, if you know what I mean…

The first thing you see on Google Chrome before you go to a porn site.

In the late 1990s, Google won the browser wars against the Firefox Communications Corporation. The winning move was Pawn to b7.

However rival search engines, notably Dogpile, AskJerk, Magilla (and spin-off site Mangina), and SearchBastard Your Mum edition, have begun to capitalize on Google's weakened state following The Browser Wars. Splinter groups such as elgooG.com and Gizoogle.com have further threatened Google's domination of the Internet.

Then trained monkeys bombed the search button...

[edit] The future of Google

According to the news station, "The Onion", Google announced it's latest project, "Google Purge". The goal of the project is to index everything on our planet. Anything else it can't index, will be destroyed. While being interviewed by the Onion news cast, Google CEO Eric Schmidtsays says, "Our users want the world to be as simple, clean, and accessible as the Google home page itself,". The crowd broke out in cheers as he finished saying,"Soon it will be."

The project is divided into many different stages. The first stage is scanning the planet. Using high resolution satellites, Google will scan the entire surface of the earth. It will add all the information to popular services such as, Google Images, Google News, Google Video, and Google Maps.

In the second stage of the project Google will destroy all copyright materials that Google can't search. "A year ago, Google offered to scan every book on the planet for its Google Print project. Now, they are promising to burn the rest," writes John Battelle in his popular blog. He continues on saying, "Thanks to Google Purge, you'll never have to worry that your search has missed some obscure book, because that book will no longer exist. And the same goes for movies, art, and music."

"Book burning is just the beginning," said Google co-founder Larry Page. "This fall, we'll unveil Google Sound, which will record and index all the noise on Earth. Is your baby sleeping soundly? Does your high-school sweetheart still talk about you? Google will have the answers. And thanks to Google Purge, anything our global microphone network can't pick up will be silenced by noise-cancellation machines in low-Earth orbit."

In phase three, Google plans to wipe every hard drive that isn't already indexed by Google Desktop search. "We believe that Google Desktop Search is the best way to unlock the information hidden on your hard drive," Schmidt said. "If you haven't given it a try, now's the time."

Most of the Google purge project is still being planned. Executives even suggest destroying handwritten correspondence, buried fossils, and private thoughts and feelings. This may explain why Google has been working so closely with the company Celera Genomics, the company that mapped the human genome, and its buildup of a vast army of laser-equipped robots."Google finally has what it needs to catalog the DNA of every organism on Earth," said analyst Imran Kahn of J.P. Morgan Chase. "Of course, some people might not want their DNA indexed. Hence, the robot army. It's crazy, it's brilliant—typical Google."

Rumors say that the robots will be able to scan up too 100 humans per day. "The scanning will be relatively painless. Hey, it's Google. It'll be fun to be scanned by a Googlebot. But in the event people resist, the robots are programmed to liquefy the brain." The Google Purge plan has excited many stock holders but some people have something different to say. "This announcement is a red flag," said Daniel Brandt, founder of Google-Watch.org. "I certainly don't want to accuse of them having bad intentions. But this campaign of destruction and genocide raises some potential privacy concerns." Google purge is quite the plan. Will Google take over the world? Expect the beginning stages around 2012.

Heres the actual link to the Onion article: (http://www.theonion.com/content/node/40076)

[edit] Working at Google

To work at Google, people must pass a very difficult selection process. Several phone interviews with sex offenders, Chinese communists and pro-Microsoft employees will ensure victims have the basic qualifications for the job. After that, wannabe employees are moved into the Google Headquarters in Alabama for the final round of confrontations. There, they are asked to solve difficult problems, such as:

How to open a drawer with the keys inside?
Cap'n, art thou sleepin' that below?
How does a Dalai Lama get Chinese Communist Party approval to be reincarnated?
How many midgets does it take to screw a light bulb?
What's the color of Napoleon's white horse?
If you're in a sinking ship with a dog named "InMyAss", would you leave or take the dog in order to save yourself?
A typical "Google Sized Problem": if you have to move a dog carrying a bag filled with 5 1/2" Visicalc disks from Venezuela to North Korea using pigeons, how many pigeons would you need and what route would you take? Would you need to nuke Mount Fuji in the process?
If evil manic stoats take over the world, how will we make sure that was us?

Once hired, employees can enjoy dream jobs. They spend their time playing with plastic toys, drinking free Kool-Aid and watching Barney at TV. Google has fantastic benefits for its employees, such as free enemas and home delivery of Japanese LAZER DVD's. Google also gives free meals for everyone, so that everyday people can eat lard and hot grits.

[edit] Current Technical Problems

Google's worst technical problem is that whenever you type something in it come up with utter bull crap that for some reason is all about Bengay!

Google have remained silent about the many technical problems they currently face, such as the complete inability to provide coherent answers to standard questions such as "Who has fucked the most Spice Girls?" and "Why does Steve Ballmer want to Kill?" ____________________________________________________________________________________________ The most serious bug report was submitted by Bono from the Irish rock group U2. It reads: "I still haven't found what I'm looking for." Programmers have promised to patch this within the coming months, but cannot determine which OOP method is causing the problem. ____________________________________________________________________________________________

Google World Domination

This picture clearly states what Google is actually planning: Build a robot and achieve WORLD DOMINATION. Well they already were planning that when Larry PAge and Seregy Brin were in Stanford.

[edit] The Moon

Recently, according to the great source itself, our lovely moon that we worship at night just after watching the evening news is now owned by the mighty giant Google. Apparently Google plans on installing parking-meter-style meters so we must pay a moon viewing fee to see it (which is of course tax deductible) however printing receipts is the real trouble here because they are using Lexmark based printers. This was originally done to persuade people to use moon.google.com. Also if you zoom all the way you can see the real secret of the moon.

[edit] The TAKE OVER!

Google is now attempting to buy out G.O.D enterprises and and in effect buy out every other company that has ever existed and that will ever exist and then Google will own everything and google will be apart of everything and everything will be apart of Google, and then my friends we will not be feeling lucky because we will all be pwnd by google!

Google has managed to take over Hollywood, and made the sign into this: File:Googletakeover.bmp

[edit] The Earth

Google Corp recently acquired the planet Earth and rebranded it Google Earth. It allows anyone to find the Earth and look at it. Though in doing this your internet and computer power is in fact siphoned off to power porn downloads for evil hypnotists and the like.

Google dominions. Notice that France isn't affected, that's because the french doesn't need the internet to get ladies, rawr~.

[edit] Mars/Planet Google

It was originally thought that Google was monitoring the planet Mars for undiscovered life to exploit with the Google business model. However, in breaking news revealed on March 10 2006, mars.google.com has taken a digital offramp from the information superhighway, and scientologists and space-gazers have been unable to locate the planet Mars ever since. It is believed (mostly by atheists and Star Wars kids (notice that this video is hosted by Google Video) that Google has in fact looted Mars from its orbit and taken it into a panel & paint shop to get rid of its distinct red color (red odor if you suffer from synaesthesia). It is believed that Google will soon relaunch Mars under the new name Planet Google, which will most likely in the blue/red/yellow/green colors of the Google logo, and in an orbit much closer to Earth, thereby creating a planet which can sustain life in a similar manner to Earth. Those who unwittingly choose to migrate to Planet Google will be injected with compulsory nanobots free of charge, but these cannot be uninstalled. Every movement, action, and idiosyncrasy of each individual will be recorded into Google's gargantuan database. Hence Google's plan for new migrants to Planet Google shall be a four step plan:

We are all screwed.

[edit] When Google gets really pissed at you:

Sometimes Google will go VERY evil, and hate you! A user was on google and noticed that their temporary logo was this:

[edit] Google Products and Services

Also see:How To:Use Google products

Google currently has a wide range of products and services available. These include:

Google Beta [beta], which is a software manager for users report Google beta software error, unfortunately it suffers an 48 hours outage after users heard Google actually have this new feedback site… but in this time the only Google web app you may report is Google Beta itself!
G-ma locates yo mama and yo mama's mama. (Beta 3.1 will allow you to locate yo mama's mama's mama.) (Ooh! Don’t forget Beta 902.10 that will tell you where yo mama’s mama’s mama’s mama’s mama’s mama’s… This goes on to include 2 million repetitions of the word “mama’s”.)
Google Wacko Jacko tells the peado where you are. You might want to hide. Obsolete as of 25th June 2009 ¬.¬
Google Dot com/
G-Grave. A program that lets you create your own grave, still in beta. Useful for husbands and / or boyfriends.
Blogger allows people to voluntarily give up their personal information. Officially, it's out of beta; unofficially, it is still in beta.
Google Alerts allows people to be notified when new porn pictures come out, still in beta.
Google Cat allows users to share discovered cats with one another and to send cat pictures to any mobile phone number
Google Desktop. Clever way of stealing all the data from someone's computer. Sends it back to Planet Google for analyzing. Still in beta.
Google Earth searches satellite images for computers to steal data from. Still in beta.
Google gamma the newest product of Google. they don't even know what it does so it still in gamma. still in beta
Google Maps. Map utility. Gives you directions to the nearest terrorist.
Google Video. Clever way of creating a dossier of compromising hobbies. Still in beta.
Google News invents news for a variety of services. Still in beta.
Google Talk lets you talk to people with Google. Still in beta.
Google Lunchmeat searches what kind of lunch meats are available in local delis and fridges. Still in beta.
G-had. What else can be said...?
Googlebomb. Googlebomb allows armed forces to contract out air strikes to Google. Troops in Iraq like the clean site design and point-and-click target selection that allows them to return fire when insurgents ambush them, but Google has come under criticism for heavy civilian casualties. Googlebomb is being expanded to allow foreign countries to place orders for air strikes via Google, and eventually to allow terrorist organizations to place requests for bombings. Although this feature has been debated, Google notes that if the bombings are going to be conducted anyway, we might as well have an American company do the bombings, so we'll reap the financial rewards. Still in beta.
GoogleGoogle. Search engine which attempts to keep track of all the various products and services put out by Google. Still in beta. Typing GoogleGoogle into GoogleGoogle breaks the internet, as with typing Google into Google.
Google Hit-list. Search Steve Ballmer's hit-list to see if he's going to "Fucking Kill™" you. Still in beta.
G G G. The secret Google organization which tries to rid the world of those who they call the "evil ones," known to most of us as Yahoo! users. They are secret and work underground, deep beneath Kansas City, California. Yes, of course it exists. GOOGLE SAYS THERE IS A KANSAS CITY, CALIFORNIA, SO THERE IS!!! DO NOT QUESTION THE GOOGLE!!! Your memory will now be wiped clean. (FLASH!) Still in beta.
Gmail. Web-based email service. Finally out of beta, thus jumping the shark.
Gmale finds a good man. Currently, despite work to extend the database and improve search algorithms, this service takes a long time to return search results, because a good man is hard to find. Still in beta.
Ghard finds a hard man. Currently, despite work to extend the database and improve search algorithms, this service takes a long time to return search results, because a hard man is good to find. Still in beta.
G-lurch brings you all the features of Myspace and Facebook, but does the lurching and stalking for you. Launch of this service has been slow, and is still trying to get new members.
G-hud finds you and other infidels, and subsequently massacres them. Still in beta
G-sus finds redemption from original sin. Still in beta, so you're all going to hell.
G-whiz. Like cheez whiz, but it comes in yellow, red, green and blue. Still in beta.
G-unit. I’m not really sure what this one does. It’s some kind of a black thing. Still in beta.
Gspot. Search engine for the clueless lover, helps find erogenous zones. Still in beta.
G-string. G-string service… Still in beta.
G-Man locates a nearby FBI agent, or rather, brings him to your location by emailing the FBI text strings such as “I am a bad terrorist who wants to kill people with a biological weapon” or “I want to fucking kill the president” or “I am going to hijack a plane tomorrow at 2:45, I'll be the bearded guy hanging out at Gate 23A with a white turban and carrying a large sign saying 'TERRORIST'.” However the FBI usually responds weeks or months after the query, if at all. G-Man can also be used to locate a mysterious suit-clad man who will help you fight off extra-dimensional aliens from Xen and Combine, or at least, lend you a crowbar. Still in beta.
Gronimo finds local Indians to force onto a reservation. If the nearest Indians are already on a reservation, then Gronimo finds the nearest reservation so the Indians can be kicked off their land. Also locates casinos. Still in beta.
Picasa creates modernist paintings of people with two eyes on one side of their head, like a halibut. Still in beta.
Go Ogle. To organize the world's porn and make it universally accessible and useful. Still in beta, but still works surprisingly well.
gBay was out of beta for a little while, but is now back in beta.
GF. A search engine currently being used to find the elusive "Internet female". Still in beta.
Goog-a-fat-cock is useful to find a big dick. Still in beta.
Google OS. A cereal to be marketed by Kellogg's in 2009 featuring round shapes in blue, red, yellow, blue, green and red. Still in beta.
Google OSLinuXVista will be the only operating system in the future when both Apple and Microsoft are wiped out and all versions of Linux are terminated.
Google Beta. Beta version of the beta of the new Google Beta. Still in beta.
Google Moo. An engine that finds the nearest cow, and can be used to kill, milk, electrify, blow up, or choke a cow. On the favorites list of George Bush's computer. Still in beta.
Google Anti-Fishing finds and blows up the nearest fisherman. Still in beta.
Google Failure Awards won by George Bush every year. (Still in beta.)
Google Idiot locates the biggest idiot in the region. Used by the secret service to keep track of the president. (Beta.)
Google Porn. No, really, do it. (Beta.)
Google Cube. Big, red, ominous cube with EYE BEAMS that sits in front of the Googleplex, with the words GOOGLE CUBE on it. It shoots at anything that moves, within one mile, and shoots at all red things. Google never said why they made it or explained it, but frankly, with guns that big, I'm not going to ask. Still in beta.
Gurgle. A way to get in to users throats. Very good for future terrorist choking plans. Still in beta.
GoogleD. The 27th dimension, where time is replaced by server crashes and data-loss.
Zoogle. Search for DNA sequences in the genome of all known life.
900913 finds all your results in 1337 speak, supports only one version of 1337 due to being in BETA.
Sprungle will jump right at your mouse corser.
Google Stalkers finds anyone, anything, anywhere. Google knows where you live. Still in beta.
Ninjoogle Googles Assassins are coming for your head.
GoogleSport. All sports will be played by Google and Google only.
GoogleGod. New Google religion.
Google Gulp. Googles 'Google Award' Winning Drink.
GoogleFastFood instantly allows you to order from McDonald's or any other fast food restaurant in 0.002 seconds.
Googletransactions. Get money from any bank in the world for free!
Googlemerchandise. Buy souvenirs as memory of visiting the site from anything like a picture of you searching on Google to a cup which says Google on it.
GoogleYahoo. Use another search engine through Google.
GoogleSpace. A open community where you can talk about Myspace.
Googletravel. Search for a place to go and you will be zapped right there, early issues include the inability to return, so its suggested that plan ahead. So take money, food, drink and a shelter. As well as guns just in case you end up in a war zone,(Highly Likely) because of how sad some people are. Another warning is don't let your computer get a virus or have a power cut because you will not be able to return otherwise.
myGoogle searches for lost personal belongings. eg: socks, car keys, your wife....etc.
Google Award. The award given to products that meet the Google Standards.
Google Standards. The point where a product, idea, or object that deserves the recognition of Google.
Guugle. The new Google porn search.
Gaygle. The place where Yahoo users secretly find bum buddies.

•Think about it, Google earth isn't just a name its the future.

Gargle: the snowball lovers paradise
Google Mouse. Something else to grasp with your right hand
Mr. G. The man behind all of Google's operations, commands this evil empire from the planet Venus. Mr. G. Is unfortunaltely still in Beta.
Google Army. Users can sign up to become part of Google's army to defend against the horrible aliens from Microsoft. Google promises the soldiers good salary, health insurance, and a life supply of crack. Google Army currently has 17 million recruits, but still outnumbered by Microsft's whooping 428 million. Google plans to give steroids to its users so their soldiers can all become like Chuck Norris and beat the crap out of Microsoft's Halo troops.
Google Army 2 Beta release is on the way out to the public. It's said that a ton of features have been added to the new version. One definite improvement is that if a Google member is to die in the result of a battle, he or she can be brought back as undeads. Google Army 2 will also provide even bigger guns, and raised salary to its loyal members.
Google BCE. For all that sh** in the past.
Google Hax Anybody can use this free, advanced, and yet easy-to-use program to hack into the database of any systems. Even the top-secret informations from the military had fallen into the slimy hands of Google nerds! There is only one exception though, that is this program cannot be used to hack into Google itself. Last time someone tried to do that, Google sent a ballistic missile to his house. He died from the explosion, but luckily his beloved dog survived because it was in the underground basement at that time.
Google Addict- Allows you to locate nearby drug dealers in order to cybernetically feed your habit. Supported by Colombia and the East Los Angeles area. Soon shut down from over use.
Google Labs- This is where all the clones, cyborgs, monsters, chimeras, orange kittens, and other nice beasties are born and bred. Google sells most of these high-quality products to the world's wealthy consumers and customers, such as to the producers of Godzilla and King Kong movies. Arnold Schwarzenegger had been cloned several times by Google.
Google Annoy- Every three seconds, a window pops up that gives you a random, boring fact. This program is disallowed in China due to two problems:
- Most of the facts contradict the stuff that the Chinese government tells it's people. For example, it states "Germany was beaten by the Americans, British, French and Soviets in WW2, after 6 years of fighting.", whereas the government states: "Germany was beaten by China, North Korea, Cuba and the Soviets in WW2, after half a second of fighting."
- Also, it distracts the Chinese from work; in fact, several thousands of people even quit their jobs to be able to read and memorize all the Google Annoy facts.
Google Mal-&Spyware- Sends all your data to the UN, NSA, IPO, CIA, Google HQ and the German Nazi Party "NPD". If any member of any of those organizations does not like any of your data or computer configurations, they may activate the malware. So far, it only works for Atari and Mac, as well as on iPhones that run the Lightsaber app. The only people that have it installed so far are Steve Jobs, Angela Merkel and Tom Cruise.

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