God's answering service
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
You appear to be a member of the Eastern Orthodox Church.
Jesus here. Glad you called, we need to talk.
We’ve been a little worried about the decline in paying worshippers over recent decades. So we’re gonna shake-up the corporate image a little – make ourselves younger, hipper and more down with the kids, you dig? So call me Jay from now on.
And you’re gonna have to change with us or there’s a cheeky little devil downstairs who’d love to meet you. Anyhoo, the gist of it is: lose the tacky icons. All those clashing colours, man. I mean, it’s not the 60’s any more. God, there was a decade for the longer haired gentleman!
And ditch some of those ancient priests with the funny hats. The dresses they wear are attracting the wrong demographic. And what was it with celebrating Christmas two weeks late for the last 2000 years? For Dad’s sake, if you still don’t know when my birthday is –it’s on my Facebook profile, you can check out my new piercing.