God's answering service

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'''Note:''' Your prayers may be recorded for training purposes (though we already know what you're thinking).
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<small>'''Note:'''
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*Your prayers may be recorded for training purposes (though we already know what you're thinking).
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*For answers to questions concerning the existence of aliens, Bigfoot etc - please wait until check-in. </small>
 
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Welcome to ''Healthy Humanity'', accepting desperate entreaties and un-crippling creation for 12,000 years. [[Santa Claus|God/Jehovah/Allah/Jah]] values your prayers but please remember that He created you in His image - any deviation from the care-routine spelled out in the manual voids the warranty. 
 
Welcome to ''Healthy Humanity'', accepting desperate entreaties and un-crippling creation for 12,000 years. [[Santa Claus|God/Jehovah/Allah/Jah]] values your prayers but please remember that He created you in His image - any deviation from the care-routine spelled out in the manual voids the warranty. 

Revision as of 09:36, January 12, 2011

Virgin iPhone

Deliverance
Deliverance

07:57 AM

Thank you for calling Deliverance, the combined prayer-answering service for God/Jehovah/Allah and Jah Rastafari. Prayer-volume is high right now, but your immortal soul is important to us. To help us bestow His blessings upon you more efficiently, please select one of the following services, press the appropriate button and praise Him through song, sacrifice or by getting righteously stoned.

  • Press 2 for prayers about deceased relatives.
  • Press 5 for matters of the Heart.

Or hold to speak to one of our highly trained operators. They're simply angelic.  

  • At any stage press to return to the main menu, or press # to return to previous menu.


Note:

  • Your prayers may be recorded for training purposes (though we already know what you're thinking).
  • For answers to questions concerning the existence of aliens, Bigfoot etc - please wait until check-in.
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