Virgin iPhone


05:37 PM

You’re ringing to ask me to curse a rival for the affections of your spouse/girl or boyfriend.

Human voodoo doll

Why not cut out the middle man and just stick pins in your girlfriend?

I’m sorry, but I think you may have misunderstood the nature of God.

Haven’t you read the second volume of my autobiography? I am love. I don’t really do smiting anymore. Or thunderbolts and lightning. Though I can be very frightening.



Galileo, Figaro, Magnifico!

Got to love that song - I get the angels to sing it all the time - the cherubim are really good at the high part. Shame that Freddie Mercury had to got to the other place. But I hear he likes it down there!

I’ve taken a less active role in retribution over the last couple of millennia, I think age is mellowing me. These days I tend to visit cheating wives as a burning bush and let them pass it on to their fancy-men. You can still stick pins in a doll’s eyes and pray that your rival is struck blind if you like. Just don’t rely on me doing it - I don’t do the Voodoo you do. And don’t use that blow-up doll you keep in the wardrobe! Oh yeah! I see everything and that is not right!

If ever I get round to revising those commandments, I'm going to do an entire chapter on latex, I swear to Me.

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