Thank you for calling Deliverance, the combined prayer-answering service for God/Jehovah/Allah and Jah Rastafari. Prayer-volume is high right now, but your immortal soul is important to us. To help us bestow His blessings upon you more efficiently, please select one of the following services, press the appropriate button and praise Him through song, sacrifice or by getting righteously stoned.
- Press Health matters. for
- Press for prayers about deceased relatives.
- Press Heart. for matters of the
Or hold to speak to one of our highly trained operators. They're simply angelic.
- At any stage press to return to the main menu, or press to return to previous menu.
- Your prayers may be recorded for training purposes (though we already know what you're thinking).
- For answers to questions concerning the existence of aliens, Bigfoot etc - please wait until check-in.