From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search

Some of the rumoured locations of Gnesta

Gnesta is a location, somewhere, sometimes, in Sweden. It's famous for simply being, having and wanting nothing, at all.

edit Location

No one really knows were Gnesta lies. It's highly speculated that Gnesta doesn't have a constant location, but switches between a couple of places whenever it wants to.

What is known about Gnestas location:

  • It takes at least 2 hours to fly from Gnesta to the capital of Sweden, Stockholm. That is with a jet plane.
  • Gnesta doesn't have any natural resources, but still have access to rotten fruits and second-hand meat. That's why most people think that the gnestians go to any "near" locality that actually have those things.
  • Gnestas main population is germans that have been expelled from the real Sweden because their surnames isn't possible to pronounce for real sweds. That's why it's speculated that Gnesta is located in the south of Sweden, near Germany.
  • Gnesta have trains. However, the gnestian trains can't go anywhere in the winter, when there is too much snow. That's why it's speculated that Gnesta lies in the north of Sweden, near Eskimo-land.
  • Gnesta has a language that reminds slightly of swedish, but not many swedes understand what they say. That's why it is speculated that Gnesta lies either at the west side, near Norway, or the east side, near Finland. Both countries are excellent examples of false languages who nobody understand.
  • The currency of Gnesta, gnestapesetas, is worthless outside of Gnesta. The gnestapesetas actually has a negative value, thus the most wealthy man i Gnesta is in debt to every country in the world. Archaeologists says that there is quite a lot of similarities between the currency of Gnesta and the currency that the vikings used. That's why it is speculated that Gnesta is located somewhere in the middle of Sweden, where it haven't had much of a chance to evolve.
  • A quite popular rumour is that Gnesta only is a sign next to the road, and nothing more. If you drive onto the road leading into Gnesta you're actually entering a large black hole where Steve Irwin, Aliens and Chocolate rain can be found.

edit Myths

Gnesta is surrounded by a lot of myths. How Gnesta was created is probably the most discussed one.

Origin beliefs of Gnesta:

  • Gnesta is the result of a drunk minister with too much power, betting out his land on poker. At first, he owned Gnesta, all the locations around Gnesta including Stockholm, and a star he had bought at When he had lost approximately half of all the land, he said "all in", and lost that too. However, when the guys he lost it to discovered Gnesta, they sneezed and gave it back, fearing it would be a bad omen owning it.
  • Gnesta doesn't have a origin belief, only places that exist have origin beliefs.
  • Gnesta is the passage from utgard, the home of all evil, to midgard, where normal human beings live. Every swede actually knows that, but because of the whole population in Gnesta's being from Germany or other unswedish countries, it's not surprising that they didn't know that when they settled in Gnesta. This is strengthened by the speculations of Gnesta being enveloped by a black hole, because it's possible that Loki or another god made the barrier for that.
  • Gnesta was made exclusively in photoshop.
  • Another theory is that gnesta lies in aunique "wormhole". for an outsider to enter would reak havoc on the time space continium and thus hydrofloric acid will rain for the sky by efficient reduction of the Hydrogen by flourine and its evil assistant electronegativity

edit Population

Little is known about the inhabitants of Gnesta. In fact, there is no hard-proof of their existence to date. One inhabitant, visits Stockholm regularly for some still unknown reason. No one has however returned to Gnesta with him, where he supposedly lives, hence its existence has never been confirmed by anyone independant.

edit Research

Breakthrough!!! Reliable sources has confirmed that recently, one brave soul from Stockholm ventured into the realm of Gnesta along with the mysterious traveling boy, one late and eerie Sunday night. The reason for doing this are currently unknown. Though many believe this decision was caused by brain damage/kidnapping, experts claim that the young lad from Stockholm was conscious and completely aware of his own actions, and that the trip was made for research purposes.

The following Monday evening, the boy in question miraculously returned alive and well to Stockholm (Though he is being held in strict quarantine at the moment. He will be reunited with his family in a couple of years). When leading gnesta-ologists examined the boy's cell phone, they were surprised to discover actual pictures of what is believed to be Gnesta. Though no one can say for sure whether the pictures are counterfeits or not, Dr. Atseng Gneztahius are very positive about the newly acquired evidence.

"This may be the first genuine proof of Gnestas existence. I am very anxious about the results so far and I'm hoping to investigate the matter more consistently in the near future."

However, the boy from Stockholm seems to suffer from severe amnesia and is not able to recall all of the events that occurred during his stay. To the researchers disappointment, he has no idea of how he arrived there, since the exact "location" of Gnesta is a mystery itself. He remember getting on a train together with the mysterious boy and then everything turned dark. About one hour later, he woke up in what scientists believe to have been Gnesta. The exact same thing occurred on the way back to Stockholm.

This phenomenon strengthens the latest theories about worm holes being somehow connected to Gnesta though, since:

  • The boy woke up approximately one hour after departure. There isn't any known way to get to Gnesta in an hour from anywhere, with any kind of vehicle.
  • Worm holes can, in theory, cause light brain damages through heavily straining the brain, thus explaining the black-outs and the amnesia.
  • Throughout the centuries, evolution has in the end granted Gnestians complete immunity against the negative effects of the worm holes.

There's rumoured to exist a special breeded force somewhere, trained their whole lives to withstrain the devouring aura that envelopes Gnesta, as well as the bad effects from the worm holes. Leaked information also reveals that the hand-picked troop will soon initiate their mission as Gnesta-infiltrators. Based on research handed in by leading gnesta-ologists, their billion dollar equipment are developed to withstand the unknown forces that rule in Gnesta. At this point, no gnesta-ologists have given their comment on the subject.

When a group of highly educated scientists tried to calculate Gnesta, they couldn't find anything logical about Gnesta. However, because they couldn't enter Gnesta safely, they built a simulation of Gnesta and then made their experiments there. What they experienced was out of this world. They first tried to make a right-angled triangle at the ground, and then measured all the sides, and somehow the hypotenuse was the shortest side. They tried out a lot of geometry mathematical figures in Gnesta, and everyone of them gave the same result: Gnesta doesn't follow the regular logic of math, or anything for that matter. What they also experienced was a phenomena when trying to divide ∞/0, the answer resembled Gnesta quite a lot, and it is expected that there is a close relationship between them.

The eminent Computer Scientist James Andresson recently discovered areas of use for nullity in Gnesta. Andersson stated that "The main difference between transreal arithmetic and IEEE floating-point arithmetic is that whilst nullity compares equal to nullity, NaN does not compare equal to NaN." After making this startling discovery he immediately realized that such complete and utter rubbish could, of course, only exist in Gnesta.

And thus, after dwelving deeper into the mysteries of transreal arithmetic, James finally came to the conclusion that nullity is one of the most fundamental forces that keeps Gnesta running, and as a result, most laws of physics can actually be replaced by nullity when applied to Gnesta. Even dividing by zero would be possible according to this theory.

Reactions on this statement were strong and a huge conflict has arisen in the world of science. The xkcd blog commented the theory: "If you have set up an equation where you are trying to divide by zero, you have done something WRONG." And by WRONG they naturally meant that you had traveled to Gnesta, the most despicable of acts. No solution appears to be in sight and the mediates are close to giving up.

edit Trivia

  • Just after several communities "near" Gnesta had a so-called "Parent DNA test", the suicide attempt number increased by over 9000%. This was most possibly because of the discovery that these peoples' mothers were from Gnesta.
  • Gnesta has two myths that they try very hard to spread to the rest of Sweden. Those are the only things in Gnesta that they could ever dream of being proud of, in gnestian standards that is. The first one is "Gnesta-Kurre", a couple of immigrants that started selling hamburgers and ice cream at the excuse for a train station that Gnesta has. Then there is the second thing, which no one remembers anymore.
  • 25% of Gnestas population are expected to be gamers.
  • The only impact Gnesta has had on the world is the word "lolgnesta". This fabulous, almost magical word has quickly become the most used and most useful word in the Swedish language. Top linguists has found that this word alone boosts the efficiency of any language by over 9000%. Many claim that lolgnesta is the only word needed in order to communicate.
  • Hardly anything can grow in Gnesta, the only natural food-resources they have are a giant well of candy guarded by a magical genie in disguise of a human, and donuts once a year. Because of the extreme food shortage, the people in Gnesta have adapted to this harsch environment by only being able to eat very few different types of food and being full from minimal intake.
  • The main import in Gnesta are games with any kind of swedish influence, like swedish manuals or swedish text on the back or the front of the package. Smash is the second highest import.
  • The main export of Gnesta is lol.
  • In Gnesta, they still use Windows 3.1.
Personal tools