Glue

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“You ale in a pitch brack loom. You ale rikery to be eaten by a glue.”
~ Chinese glueologist on Glue
“Glue is fracking AWESOME!”
~ Starbuck on Glue
“Glue? I can afford heroin, you fuckheads...”
~ Bill Hicks on Glue
Domokunyellownbackground
Wrong f***ing G-word, assholes.
General Stuff:
Normal name:
Glue.
Nickname:
Sticky stuff and white.
Symbol
Gu
Atomic properties:
Atomic number:
137.
Atomic weight:
385.564.
Atomic diameter:
Really, really tiny.
Physical properties:
Melting point:
15℃.
Boiling point:
241648℃.
Density:
47.8 Long Tons per Hogsfoot.
Stickiness:
Yep.
Sniffability:
Oh yeah!!
Serving size:
1 Hogshead.
Calories per serving:
150
Taste:
Like mayonaise!
Death by shuriken
A case where glue might come by handy: you've accidently killed your daddy with a shuriken and don't want anyone to know or you'll end up in a fosterhome and charged with first-degree murder. Now, he'll be as good as new (or as good as alive).

Glue (Glue?), not to be confused with Paste is a chemical element which, if it was one of the fake elements, would be underneath the bottom row of the periodic table where it could not be seen. In its primary form, glue is a whitish translucent ooziferous liquid that, when solidifies, bonds to almost any porous solid; although it is also known to exist as a disgusting brownish syrup that doesn't stick to anything at all.

Glue comes from glue deposits that are found deep inside horses. The world's largest supplier of white glue is Mister Ed.The stickiest and strongest of their product line is Seabiscuit, known throughout the galaxy as 'ahhh i've glued my lip to my forehead' glue. As of 2005, strip mining operations have already devastated nearly 70% of the otherwise useless horse in order to provide industries and kindergartens with this precious gooey substance. The newcome invention of the glue stick was popularized by the Barbaro plant in Baltimore, Maryland, though production of the new samples taken several agonizing months. Glue is used primarily in the manufacture of Antarctica, unicorn horns, and macaroni & glitter-dust art work. It is also eaten, in mass quantities, by children.Children (Child-run) seem to use the otherwise, rather tasty glue as an Aphrodisiac. This explains the massive birth rate in Britain as of 1276 (the year glue was first found inside a dead horse).

Glue Culture

Glue is a staple part of the diet in Halifax, where the annual Glue Eating Festival brings thousands of visitors each year. Glue is sauteed, fried, boiled, mashed, sweetened, salted, grilled, simmered, broccolitized and caramelized then smothered in Glue Dressing for a delicious effect that makes you vomit approximately 2.5 hours later. People who eat glue are called Glue-Heads, and wander aimlessly about in a perpetual state of stickiness, knowing neither which way is up or down, nor why they aren't wearing under wear. Dr. Phil has has many frequent guests on the show who have been treated for Glucoses: A psychological result of eating too much glue while running backwards on a treadmill. Glucoses is a common affliction in Halifax, where people have nothing better to do.

Torturing with glue

Put some glue on your stinking barefeet, and attach it to the victim. Of course, it will stay there, so you the victim's mouth will be your shoe. This is basically footsex, the saliva goes into the toenail fungus, and goes into your cells. you will have babies coming out of your toe gunk. The victim will stay attached to your feet, all thanks to the glue, forever, so he will have the pleasure of washing your feet, and getting FOOT RUBS!

Pritt stick

“Non-solvent? Damn!”
~ Oscar Wilde on Pritt Sticks

Pritt Sticks (AKA Prat Sticks) are a brand of non-solvent glue sticks which means you can't sniff it (well you can, but that'd just be stupid). Used by kids and paranoid morons, it will help to accidentally stick your face to your big toe and three of your fingers. It's main rival is Uhu (AKA You-Hoo!) who make pens filled with glue that leak onto your shirt or between your trousr legs so you walk out of the room like a robot. There are now so many pritt sticks, you need more fingers than the number stuck to your face to count them all. These include:

  • Small Pritt Stick (For Smurfs, Dwarves, Midgets and other non categorised verticaly challenged men)
  • Jumbo Pritt Stick (Also Known As Chubb-Chubb-Chubby and Greedy Glue)
  • That's what she said Pritt Stick (for kids like Eman)
  • Pritt Thick-o (5e!F 3xPlaneToriy)
  • Pink Pritt Stick (Just for Girls... or camp boys)
  • KidsArt Blue Pritt Stick (for those of you who need to know they have put glue all over the desk
  • Pritt Sticky Keys
  • Pritt Power Stick Glue Extra Strong (so it takes 3 days to unstick your 3 fingers)
  • Grue Stick (with real Grue!)
  • Pritter Pratter Rain Stick
  • Brown and Sticky Stick
  • Big Stick (not to be used as a euphamism)
  • and of course... Regular Pritt Stick - the boring one everyone has in their pencilcase.
Pritt-Stick
Right

It's raining (Glue) Men - A classic hit that's stuck in and on our heads

Facts about Glue

  • Glue is invisible in its gaseous state.
  • 99.9% of nazi's eat Glue every day.
  • Glue FLOATS!
  • Glue is illegal to use in Los Angeles, Riverside, San Bernardino,Orange counties, and Michigan by the Air Pollution Control office.
  • Glue is dastardly.
  • Glue is really good when its baked into pie.
  • Glue is really good to use instead of melted cheese.
  • Glue is Chuck Norris's one true weakness
  • CHUCK NORRIS HAS NO WEAKNESS.

See Also

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