Glasses

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jinkys! i lost my glasses!

velma on glasses


Glasses AKA Sight-for-the-semi-blind are a set of two glass-panes in a convenient single frame with ear-hooks that cover the semi-blind person's eyes, allowing them the vision of a non-semi-blind-non-blind-at-all person. They are very handy, since they allow normal vision, and keep semi-blind people from hurting themself by mistake. Glasses are full of pluses and minuses. But in the end, they are the best option for semi-blind people.


Contents

[edit] "Help! I Lost My Glasses!"

Glasses always fall off at the worst of times. For a situation like this, follow step 4. and don't try step 1. Unless you plan on lathering your hands in urine.
If you have ever lost your glasses and been called the name "Velma", Here's why.

If you wear glasses, this will happen to you at some point in time. There is no likely, or might. It's a fact of life. People with glasses will lose them at some point or another. If you wear glasses, make sure you know where they are at all times. If your glasses happen to fall off, follow these steps, and hopefully, you will find them:

  • 1.Get down on your hands and knees, and feel around for them. They are most likely right in front of you.
  • 2.If your glasses fall off in a crowded room, scream "NOBODY MOVE! I LOST MY GLASSES!" so they are not stepped-on.
  • 3.If they fall off while your being chased by a Monster, Killer, or Rapist, your pretty much screwed.
  • 4.If they fall off into a pit,hole, well, or wormhole, they are gone. Go buy a new pair.

On second thought, how in the HELL will anyone who lost their glasses read this if they can't even Fucking see? Ohwell, sucks to be them.



[edit] "My Glasses are Broken! I Can't See Anything Now!"

It happens. When your glasses break due to a misshap caused by yourself, or a dickhead, it really sucks. Get Over it. Glasses can break when you do any of the following, that are preventable.

Never wear Glasses while facing Mr.T in a Boxing Match.
  • Wearing Glasses while running on wet, slippery pavement.
  • Wearing Glasses while picking a fight with a bully.
  • Wearing Glasses while solving a Scooby-Doo mystery.
  • Wearing Glasses while facing Mr.T in a boxing match.
  • Wearing Glasses while riding a unicycle.
  • Wearing Glasses while sky-diving.
  • Wearing Glasses while having X-rated Sex.
  • Wearing Glasses while visiting a Golden Coral.
  • Wearing Glasses while fighting in a war.
  • Wearing Glasses while playing any sport.
  • Wearing Glasses while attempting to lift any oversized load above your head.
  • Wearing Glasses while navigating a mirror maze.
  • Wearing Glasses while raiding the Lost Ark.
  • Wearing Glasses while sleeping.

Of course, the dickhead who breaks your glasses is an unpreventable oocurrance, since without your glasses, you are a pathetic weakling. Watch this video below, of You and the Dickhead who took your glasses:

[edit] Why Not Get Contacts or Lazer Surgery?

All Lazer Surgery victims end up like this guy. Don't get lazer surgery unless you want to be as blind as Ray Charles.

Contacs may seem more stable and suitable then glasses. But if you lose a contact, your pretty much screwed. Trying to find a thin, transparent eye-ball sized lens is as impossible for a semi-blind person to find as it is for the world's fattest man to remember which roll of fat he stuck that cookie in for safe keeping. Plus, they take at least a day to put in, and when removed, they are almost always lost. They also pop-out at the worst of times. But unlike glasses, they are not as easy to spot or feel on the ground.

Lazer Surgery is a Big Big Big No-No. You most likely will come out of the procedure blind-as-a-bat, and your eyes will be big, redish-brown, putrid, ugly scabs. The idea of lazer surgey was invent by Dr.Tom Cruise of Scientology fame, (which means he's bat-shit insane, and obviously, his accomplishments with lazers are not to be trusted),and was tested on Neo,(of Matrix fame) ,resaulting in blinding wounds. Why go blind, when glasses exist?


[edit] Famous People Who Wear Glasses


[edit] Non-Famous People & Minorities That Wear Glasses


[edit] List Of Nicknames For People Who Wear Glasses

  • 4-eyes
  • poindexter
  • geek
  • nerd
  • googley-eyes
  • Helan Kellar
  • Ray Charles
  • Velma

[edit] See Also

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