Glass Mike Tyson

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Glass Mike Tyson

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“Everybody said he was invincible and nobody never even threw a single punch at him. So I thought, 'go-on, man, take a poke!' And sure 'nough he was out cold!”
~ Buster Douglas on Mike Tyson

Conceived out of his own ashes to Cus D'amato, and seasoned in the ghettos and reform schools of Harlam, Glass Mike Tyson once exploded upon the gladiatorial arenas to become the World's Number One pugilist. In fact, during the high point of his onslaught he brandished all the Heavyweight Championship title belts in 27 world boxing councils, including the IBF, WBC, IAAA (Inter Agency Athletic Association), Shaolin Quan, The Ring Magazine, and even Hollywood's Fight Club, where he had to be restrained from beating Brad Pitt back into reality. But most notably Tyson aka Iron Mike Tyson aka Glass Mike Tyson is an infamously bad motherfucker born with a chip on his shoulder harder than a bowling ball and a chin more brittle than a potato chip.

During his short but tempestuous career Tyson transformed himself into a human artillery shell, enabling him to decimate many woolly behemoths, including a token cracker (to give the impression that he could spell "Raceism"). And he quickly racked up a string of first round demolitions to rival "The Manassa Mauler". During his reign of terror Tyson's handlers alternately kept him suppressed between fights with elephant tranquilizers, which they would withhold and substitute with Nitro during his bouts. After unifying all the world titles he successfully defended his ever-disputed championship belts nine times before his crucial weakness was discovered.

His best fights were against former champ Larry Holmes, who was completely shocked when Tyson exploded in his face like a GBU-43/B Massive Ordnance Air Blast, and also his public cannibalization of Evander Holifield. But especially gratifying was his final shock defeat at the hands of nillion-to-1 underdog, Buster Douglas, who was the very first boxer to ever throw a punch at Tyson. The famed "Douglas Punch" knocked Tyson out cold, costing him all his championship belts in one stop. later, after passing three month in a coma, Tyson regained consciousness and claimed to have taken a dive. But with his glass-jaw exposed Tyson's successful career was effectively over. Everyone and their uncle knew that the best defense against Tyson was any offense. So his name was changed from Iron Mike to Glass Mike.

With nothing to do Tyson began to terrorize more than just his immediate opponents and their handlers. Promptly losing a string of exhibition bouts along with all his money he quickly ended up in prison for punching bystanders and short-changing some two-bit ho. Upon his expulsion from jail, Tyson eventually found his calling as a tongue-tied comedian and voice coach who's most acclaimed for a Jimmy Kimmel skit of him teaching George Dubya Bush how to speak English. In other words Tyson went from being the "baddest man on the planet" to being mock voice coach for the "worst man on the planet."

History

Tyson-king

Tyson with King Don who points to him and says, "This little dick make me some powerful money!"

Fortunately for Cus D'amato, Mike Tyson was born. But before Mike's pubic hair had even started to sprout he landed in Reform School as a very naughty boy. Eventually Tyson was released early on extreme bad-behavior and he took up a career in Boxing - the only activity which allowed him to beat the living crap out of people.

Adopted from the boxing-gutter by a vengeful old Cus, Tyson was groomed for D'amato's global pay back scheme. Starting out as an unpaid professional boxer he soon won the United States Golden Gloves title in his very first bout. Clearly he was a madass. He was so brutal that he murdered a string of sparing partners, skipped the Olympic Games, and turned paid-professional at age 18. Within 1 year of realizing that he could get cash and pussy for exploding in people's faces, Tyson had teamed up with King Don and become the youngest heavyweight champion in history.

That is when it all started to go wrong. In spite of successfully defending his title 9 times, Tyson lost his mentor when Cus died with a self-satisfied grin, and he then moronically fired his successful trainer and confidant, Kevin Rooney, for being a ball-breaking honky. Big mistake! Now he was out of control. Cocky as a porn star on blow he made one mistake after another until he took on a genuinely unworthy challenger, Buster Douglas, who knocked Tyson out cold with one sucker punch. That is precisely when Tyson's weakness was discovered. There was no doubt about it: Tyson's a sucker for a punch.


Tyson v/s Douglas: See Tyson take the first punch ever in his career.

Personal Life

At the peak of his powers, when Tyson had fame and money, he made the foolish mistake of marrying an over-priced Hollywood gold-digger named Robin Givens. For a while he actually fucked her at a rate of about $100,000 a pop, although she would no more admit to sleeping with Glass Mike than to using a glass dildo. Eventually he raped some other hot bitch who had the gall to complain. It was a lesson he should have learned from Jack Johnson: rich black men cannot have free pussy and get away with it. So he went to prison and lost the best years of his entire career. Sheesh!

Tyson-drag

Toward the end of his career Tyson resorted to ever-more innovative boxing costumes

Then what happened (in a nut-shell)?

To wrap up this story here's what finally transpired in a nut-shell: Tyson found Allah languishing in prison so he got a spider-web tattooed on his face (in keeping with Islamic traditions) after which he got kicked out of jail due to bad behavior and had his sentence commuted to life on the outside. Once again a free man Tyson celebrated by divorcing Robin Givens (for refusing to wear a Burqa), and he then raped some more hot bitches (including Evander Holyfield). During his life Tyson earned over $300 million in career and endorsements but he gave it all away to King Don and a litany of bitches & lawyers. Finally burned-out and chubby, Tyson retired in humiliation and took up a career in self-ridicule aka the Entertainment Industry. -- S'il vous plaît! cela suffit, merci!

Tyson-fat

Tyson now

Random Tyson Quotes

From this point on Tyson speaks for his self himself:

“I want to rip out his heart and feed it to him. I want to kill people. I want to rip their stomachs out and eat their children!”
~ Glass Mike Tyson on proper etiquette
“Ta keep me from killin' ya-all!”
~ Glass Mike Tyson on why he takes elephant-tranquilizers.
“My power is discombobulatingly devastating. I could feel his nose-bone collapse into his brain under my force. It's ludicrous that these mere mortals even attempt to enter my Hood!”
~ Glass Mike Tyson on brotherly love

Also See

References

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