Girls

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“Girls are all like parking spaces, all the good ones are taken, and all the ones left are either disabled, or with kids only.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Girls

“I like big butts and i cannot lie!!1!”

~ George Bush on Weed

“Very nice! How much?”

~ Borat on Girls

“Girls! They're what you do!”

~ me on girls

Girls are toys, and nothing more, they were created to amuse man, their fruitless emotions and incessant bitching! make them for ideal pets. Example: Why DIDN'T the woman cross the road? Why? Because there is no road between the kitchen and the bedroom. Woman exist only to pleasure and clean and cook, nothing more, nothing less. In more recent news, things such as "Women's rights activists" aka, fags (queens, trannies) have been gaining more and more "rights" for women over the years, listen up women, you will NOT be respected in the workplace because of how hard you work, nor how talented you are, you must have C-D breasts and a big ass to get anywhere in life, and don't be afraid to put out to "succeed".

Preceeded by such methods as fire and cold food, Girls are used in restaurants and homes around the world.

While some people advocate that the place for girls is in the kitchen (where they are most useful), others suggest that keeping your girl outside cuts down on clean up and reduces the overall hassle associated with owning and maintaining a girl.

Girls were first discovered by Adam cooking apples beneath the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil . Due to their ability to radiate heat, girls were found to be useful in the kitchen and in bed. However, men became dissatisfied with the the primitive ver BETA girl 1.00 and its limited functionality. Girl 2.0 models are now created in laboratories in southern Spain. In order to accommodate their new functionality they have been designed to run on more energy-rich fuels, most notably money and credit cards.

Customer model girls used in the home are typically fueled by either charcoal or propane. Commercial girls are typically fueled by either propane or liquefied natural gas. Food cooked with propane girls tends to be less tasty, but is significantly faster to heat and prepare. As of first quarter 2005, General Electrics has introduced a new hybrid model, which is far safer for the environment. However, most users prefer the older models, as they are widely considered "fskin' hawt" in contrast to the newer models.

Prominent girl manufacturers include Weber and Coleman, Ford, Kikkoman, Kaiser Permanente, Panasonic, and George Foreman. Chainsaw Jack, former CEO of Sunbeam, lost his job for improperly booking sales of his girls to distribution channels.

Scientist's are still trying to figure out a way to manufacture women with tighter vaginas. Although this seems to be a worthless endeavor; as they tend to mess them up anyways by plopping out disgusting and slimy abominations, that only scam the government out of social welfare checks that they don't deserve.

Contents 1 EXPANSION 2 Shopping 3 Advertising Agent 4 Girl Speak 5 See also

[edit] EXPANSION

 GIRLS --- Gay In Real Life                                   Seek

[edit] Shopping

Girls are commonly known to enjoy this heathen tradition. The modern man can be quite perplexed when faced with the sacred, female pilgrimage to the nearest mall. It is a common cause for Mysogynistic headaches, as women are infamous for paying ungodly amounts of money, in spite of most females being talented hagglers. Men are frequently tricked by the womanly wiles, and agree to join them, under the assumption that they can somewhat control the enormous economical waste. However, they will soon learn that it is completely inevitable. These misled males are cruelly treated as mere packmules, carrying the increasingly larger stacks of shoes, clothes, jewelry, shoes, odd groceries, babies, shoes, useless kitchen accessories, shoes, anvils, shoes, shoes and shoes ('tis said that one can never have enough shoes).

[edit] Advertising Agent

Girls are highly attracted towards the cosmetic Ads.

In a Soap Ad, A girls says

        " My skin feels -- So Soft  
              & I feels -- The No.1 Whore"

[edit] Girl Speak

Because guys (and some butch girls (lesbos) can't understand them here's a brief overview of the terminology used by females:

• "I love you so much!!!!!"- I can't believe you're actually my boyfriend

• "I'm fine" - Screw You, pay attention to me or you're not getting any

• "It's not your fault" - It is so your damn fault you schlag

• "Leave me alone" - Seriously, come near me and I will SNAP IT [your penis] IN 2

• "I look horrible tonight" - you have three seconds to come up with a list of reasons why this outfit/hairstyle suits me perfectly-or i WILL SNAP IT IN 2 (again-so that'll be 4)

• "I'll get the cheque this time" - Nice try, but you're gonna be with your right hand tonight.

• "Don't worry, there's no need for you to buy me a present" - I expect a gift that expresses your feelings for me precisely. And a card.And it better be damn expensive

• "I need some space" - Come near me and you're never seeing me naked again

• "We need to talk" - I'm pregnant. Wah-Wah-Wah-Waaaawaaawaaawawawa (on trumpet)

• "Fine." - As of now, The conversation has ended. Talk again and I WILL SNAP IT IN 2 (that's once again your penis, making it eights).

• "I don't want to ruin our friendship" - (The girl's version of the f - word, in other words, FUCK YOU!) You're just not hot enough for me. Can't be asked to tell you this because I like your personality and therefore want to hang around with you, and I want you to think you have a chance so you stay

• "5 minutes" - half an hour, possibly more. (do not attempt to wait it out on your feet. find a sofa.)

• "Nothing" - Everything, you dickhead.

• Loud sigh* - You are an idiot. Why am I wasting my time arguing with you over 'Nothing'

• "Go ahead" (eyebrows raised) - Just try it. (This is not permission, this is a dare. Often followed by 'fine')

• "Go ahead" (eyebrows normal) - Whatever. (This is not permission either. The true meaning is closer to 'I give up' or 'Do what you want because I don't care.' From here on there is a high risk of raised eyebrows.)

• "Thanks a lot" - Thanks for nothing. ('thanks a lot' is not to be confused with 'thanks'. A woman will say 'thanks a lot' when she is annoyed at you. It is usually followed by the 'loud sigh'.)

• '"I love you so much!" - I'm leaving you in 5 days and I'm keeping all your stuff.

• "I love you, I'm just not IN love with you" - (see 'I don't want to ruin our friendship')

• "I just wish you would understand" - I am perfectly aware that you have no idea what I'm talking about. Now i will watch you squirm as you desperately try to comprehend.

• "I can't deal with this any more" - The chances of me being wrong in this particular situation appear to be gradually increasing. I wish to halt all further proceedings to avoid a displeasing outcome.

• "I'm just so busy right now" -I currently have many priorities that unfortunately rank higher than you. SOMEONE has to buy those shoes, and my nails aren't going to paint themselves.

• "Do I look fat in this?" - We haven't had a fight in a while, and it's also been too long for me to not SNAP IT IN 2 (sixteenths this time...notice how this is progressing)

• "Whatever" - You're a fucking dumbshit.

• "It's alright, pizza's fine." - You're a cheap fucking dumbshit.

• "It's alright"- It so is not alright. Not by a goddamn mile.

• "Ohmygod." - Your stupidity amazes me at times. (this may result in a loud sigh)

• "Oh my god, [actress/singer/attractive friend] is SO pretty." - Tell me I'm ten times as beautiful otherwise I will SNAP IT IN 2 (there are now 32 different pieces of your penis...I feel for you, my friend)

• "No." - No. (despite what you would like to believe, Mr. Drunken Frat Boy, no really does mean no*)

(*except when it means yes, in which case, you should know what the yes pertains to...this is all on you, fella)

• "Yes" - Probably Most likely Without a doubt, no.*

(still, it could be yes...I'm sure she's keeping track of when it means yes and no [she's not {she must be...}])

• "You can hang out with your mates instead, I don't mind" - We both know that over the course of the next hour, my subtle mind games and ice-edged voice tones will grind your guilty conscience to mental dust. you will stay with me. we will watch this chick-flick. you will smile and enjoy it, and in the end, you will thank me. (Otherwise, there'll be 64 pieces of that dick on the ground rather than 32)

• "I've got a headache" - Unknown to you, you did something which insulted me greatly (not that I can remember what, though), and you will be getting nothing tonight (not the previously mentioned nothing...YOU NO GET DA VAGINA TONIGHT)
• "That's okay" - I am still deciding how and when you will pay for this mistake. enjoy the time you have left.

• "Don't worry about it, i got it" - I have instructed you to do this job on SEVERAL occasions, and yet it remains undone. i will do it myself, whilst simultaneously glaring, tutting, and rolling my eyes. (from which point the normally innocent question; 'what's wrong?' is fatal. do NOT ask, no matter how much she prompts you.)

• "I'm a Girl, I can do everything-meaning that they can do pretty much an infinite number of things, which is a lie-"Just because you can't multi-task."

• "Lets do something fun."- I wanna watch you suffer, bitch! Hahaha!

• *Tears* "I F*****G HATE YOU!"- you did something wrong and now you must get away from me in 3 seconds or you are a dead man walking with 128 pieces of a previously whole penis!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH

• "I think we should just be friends for now" - I'm not gonna go out with you, you're a fugly loser with no friends, money, or talent.

• "i think we should do it all night long... with more girls!!!" - I am an alien from a strange planet masquerading as a human woman for research purposes.

• "... Woman's intuition" - Like hell I know what I'm talking about

• "I love you." - LOL! I CAN'T BELIEVE HE ACTUALLY BELIEVED THAT! What a boner.

• "You have got to be joking"- she is not impressed by the $45,000 car you have just bought to show off to your boys. She won't be speaking to you for the next 48 hours, I suggest you go back home for the next week and show up in a different car.

• "I like you a lot... BUT"- Rest in peace, [Insert name here]. Poor bastard never had a chance. Should have ran once he heard "BUT"

• "OH MY GOD I HAS THE BEST TIME WITH [insert guy's name here]"- be worried, be very worried, unless the guy is gay, and you actually know that

• "There's someone else..." - assume she really wants to end that sentence with the phrase "...with a larger penis. Much larger. And he can dance much better than you can, plus his salary is twice as much as your pathetic income. Now get the fuck out."

• "My guy friends are sneaking over tonight, but i wont cheat."- this means hey, you have a small penis and I'm not to impressed with the way you've been doing things around here so I invited these guys to fuck me and there ain't shit u can do to stop me u whipped little slut (woahh that stings, don't it)

[edit] See also

• Girl
• Barbie
• Fuckable Hun
• Girl Germs