Gilmore Girls

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

The Gilmore Girls, who will never sleep with you.

The "Gilmore Girls" was a popular softcore porn TV series which followed the lives of Lorelai Gilmore and her teenage daughter Rory plus the "wacky-in-desperate-need-of-therapy" residents that populate the town of "Devil's Bowels".

This series has touched a nerve with the caffeine addicted crowd, as it features characters that talk at insanely fast speeds, which cannot be heard by the average human being. Their record vocal speed was so high that it had to be put into MPH, but is still too huge of a number to be typed here. This was recorded and slowed down x4,500 in order for the show to broadcast on TV, which turned out to still be too fast.

[edit] Overview

Many Doctors and Scientists have speculated that the show's producers subjected the cast to pure doses of "Columbian Strength" coffee spiked with some lsd which sadly led to the now infamous "meltdown episode" of 2004 which involved the destruction of the set and the cast stripping off naked and performing "Let The Sunshine In" from the musical "Hair".. Nevertheless, the show drew wide acclaim from a variety of groups. From young smart teenage girls with ambition (See Satan's way of distracting you from housework) to middle age men spending extensive periods of time in "Correctional Facilities". After seven years, the series ended in 2007 when characters from "The Sopranos" came to Stars Hollow and executed the entire cast. Thankfully, Lorelai and Rory were able to escape the blood bath and are currently in the witness protection program. Lorelai has since been re-allocated to the "Desperate Housewives" set in Wisteria Lane. Rory has been hiding out on the set of 'My Wife and Kids'. She has been trying very hard to fit in, but unfortunately she has not got enough 'badunkandunk'. A spinoff is to be announced shortly. The lead character of the spin-off is rumoured to be TJ, Luke's brother in law. He will move to New York in an attempt to expand Luke's drug business, as well as make it for himself in the world of musical theatre. The show will be all about the family issues that will ensue when it turns out that Luke has auditioned for the same part as TJ behind his back. Stay tuned.....

[edit] Characters

Lorelai Gilmore: Lorelai is a hard working, quick witted, young single mother of 16(?) year old, Rory Gilmore (despite Lorelai not looking over the age of 30). Did we mention she's hot?. When she isn't working behind the desk of the bed & breakfast she owns (looking hot), she's at the local cafe having a cup of coffee with her daughter Rory ("looking hot"). She also spends every Friday night visiting her uptight and also-pretty-hot-looking-in-a-GILF-way mom Emily & her dad Richard talking about the week that she has had ("looking hot"). Did we forget to mention, she's ANNOYING?.........

Rory Gilmore: Rory is a young an equally hot girl that happens to be Lorelai daughter. Intelligent, capable and "hot", she spends her days as a student at Chilton Academy in her "hot" schoolgirl uniform with her "hot" school friends. Charming, friendly, thoughful, and "hot", Rory is a caring and sensitive young girl who wants to leave her mark on the world.... Did we also mention, that she too is "hot"?!?!?!

Luke Danes: The town drug-dealer and crack-fiend. As Luke operates out of his diner, it is often the town-hub for all activities, and is guaranteed to be jam-packed with customers craving for a fix on a Saturday morning at 6am. He uses his father's old Hardware store as a front for his drug running. However, he has no clue how to run a hardware store, and so half-heartedly converts it into a diner, making it more appear more plausible for the huge amount of customers he receives, so as not to attract too much attention from the police and any outsiders. He is extremely irritated when customers like Lorelai and Rory Gilmore order actual food as oppossed to drugs, as it is not his real purpose in working at the diner. He is also extremely paranoid of people stepping behind the counter, in case they find any of his supply or production equipment. Luke also does not allow cell-phones in his diner, in case it is an undercover Narc recording any conversations he may be having with a customer or supplier. Luke is most recognisable for his snarly, crack-fiend demeanor, his disregard for shaving or washing in general, and his permanently-affixed backwards cap to cover up his long, greasy hair.

Dean Winchester: Dean is Rory's first boyfriend, and moves to the town at the beginning of the 1st season. He works in the grocery store as a bagboy, as well as some small drug-running over the border for Luke. All is well after he is settled, and many of the members grow attached to him. However, it is revealed that he is really Sam Winchester, a demon hunter, investigating to town for what appeared to be death's by an evil spirit causing people to collapse and vomit out their insides, which in reality was not a vengeful ghost, but a side-effect of a bad batch of Luke's Ectasy that he had given out. Sam's brother Dean Winchester, who's identity Sam had been impersonating in order to get laid, found out what was going on and immediately gave him a bitch-slap and ordered him to stop. Sam then broke off the relationship by saying that he Loved her, even though they had only been going out for 3 months, and then when she realistically said she did not feel the same way, he pretended to get really pissed off at her, allowing him an excuse to break up with her. To next break his ties with the town, he resigned from his job as Luke's drug runner. However, Luke did not take this resignation well, nor did he enjoy hearing that he had cruelly dumped Rory, who's mother he was trying to get laid with. He then gave Sam one of the most savage beatdowns in the history of TV and Cinema. Seriously... it was like that scene in The Godfather where Sonny beats the shit out of his sister's husband in the middle of the street with a trash can lid, combined with the way Christian Bale verbally destroyed that light technician...yeah, it was awesome! Chuck Norris would have been proud.

Hiro Nakamura: Rory's time-traveling boyfriend for the last three seasons. He introduced her to the wonders of the cosmos, and anal sex.

Gilmore Girls is one of the best shows with the perfect mixture of comedy, drama, pretty chicks, hot guys and awesome characters.

Pretty- Lauren Graham , Alexis Bledel

HOT guys- Milo Ventimiglia (the most fuckable dude this side of California), Chad Michael Murray

Awesome Characters- JESS MARIANO, Lorelai Gilmore, Luke Danes, and the hottest of all Jared Padalecki- Rory stole him away from his wife that man snatching coffee drinking fast talkking hoe.

Love the WITTY SCRIPT

Wish Amy Sherman Palladino stayed for all 7 seasons instead of the shit Daniel Rosenthal that ruined season 7.

[edit] Decoding Dialogue

NOTE: This is only to be attempted at your own risk:

It has been determined that with the proper mixture of chemicial substances in combination of days without sleep that the show "actually" slows down to a level of comprehensibility. It has been noted that there are many references to God and laxatives as well. The series is known for it's intense shooting schedule which at times is exceptionally demanding. Point of fact, none of the cast have actually left the set in years and have now come to believe the "Stars Hollow" actually exists!.

*NOTE: The original writter of the passage above was actually just to stupid to comprehend the level of talking and snappy banter of this television show.

[edit] The Effect of The Gilmore Girls

As stated earlier, the series has had a bewitching effect on viewers (particularly male). Series star Lauren Graham has had numerous requests to have her character Lorelai have a more "intimate" relationship with her daughter Rory. The actress has gone on the record and stated that contrary to popular belief, Hugh Hefner has not made any "indecent proposals" to her, nor are there any plans to release unedited footage of a lost episode entitled "Gilmore Girls Gone WILD!!".

During the seven years the series was on there was a marked increase in the occurrence of couch-stains and hairy palms.

[edit] Series Finale

The final episode of Gilmore Girls aired on Tuesday, May 8, 2007. In the last five minutes, Tony Soprano and his crew show up in the town square and open fire on the hapless residents who all fall to the ground in pools of their own blood. The series ended with both of the girls gettin out their growlers and having full on hardcore lesbian sex right in the middle of the city while Gary Glitter whipped out his cock and had a dirty big wank to a picture of Madonna's snatch.

[edit] Continuity Errors

The show has also become world famous for its horrible continuity errors. The actress playing Lauren Graham has changed four times throughout the series, and three of those instances occurred during a single episode. In fact, one of them even occurred during an extremely long but rapidly delivered sentence. Most viewers did not notice, however, instead reasoning that Lauren Graham was talking for SO long that she just straight up aged a few years and also changed hair color and bust size.

The spelling of the shows title has changed various times throughout the series. Some of its previous titles have been

Gilmour Girls (first half of season 1)
Gill More Girls! (second half of season 1 and first episode of season 2)
Gilmore Girls Gone Wild (brief stint, only lasted five seconds during opening sequence of second episode of season 2 before it was changed)
911/\/\0123 91121z (title for remainder of season 2 till season 4)
Gilmore Grills (briefly re-tooled as a cooking show for two episodes in season 4)
Gilmore Girls (from season 4 to present)
Gilmore Guys (working title for unaired spin-off following the episode 'You Sex Change I Sex Change Jack')
Gabmore Girls (Promo title for season 5)
Gandy's Wife (Translation from the Indie name)
Gilmoyer Goyells (Common Queens mispelling)
Gilmore Woman (The CWs new title)
Gabba-dabba-ding-dong Girls
The Return of The Gilmours (The CWs second title for the shows 8th season)
Gaby's Girls (The ABCs failed Desperate Housewives spin off with Gabrielle Solis in Lorelai's place)

These errors are ones of continuity.

[edit] Gilmore Girls in Other Media

The Gilmore Girls made a brief cameo in my Dungeons and Dragons campaign as NPC's. I gave them both +5 keen, vorpal, flaming, flaming burst, icing, icing burst, shocking, shocking burst scimitars. They promptly were written out of the campaign, though, when the pc barbarian ended up banging Lauren Graham and her modest rack and stealing the sword.

The Gilmore Girls made an appearance in a 1996 episode of Angel titled "Sleeping With a Vampire."

The Gilmore Girls can be unlocked as playable characters in Super Smash Brothers Melee by unlocking Sonic the Hedgehog as a playable character and making him use his taunt move so fast that his dialogue is up to speed with the Gilmore Girls. When done properly, the Gilmore Girls theme will begin to play, and both characters will fall from the sky. Defeat Rory, but NOT Lorelai, and you will unlock both of them as playable characters.

The Gilmore Girls also can be seen briefly in Disney's The Lion King. When Simba pounces the ground and dirt flies in the air, freeze frame and you will see the word sex. This is an obvious node to how fucking sexy the Gilmore Girls are.

[edit] Awards

Golden Globe Award for Nicest Legs in Primetime: Graham, 2002, 2005; Bishop 2004
Emmy Award for Older Lady Who's Still Pretty Sexy: Kelly Bishop (Emily Gilmore): 2002 (nomination), 2006 (win)