Gilles Duceppe

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
Gilles "Mecha" Duceppe
Duceppe being chill

Duceppe using his X-men superpower to convince the voters.

Title: "Frenchy"
"Mechaduceppe"
"Duceppéé"
"The Clansman"
Predecessor: Lucien Bouchard, Stephen Harper
Successor: Nobody
Date of Birth: 1987
Place of Birth: René Levesque's secret lab
Spouse: Tom Araya
Political Party: That Frenchy Separatist Party
Bouncywikilogo5
For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Gilles Duceppe.
FREEEEEEEEDOM!!!”
~ Gilles Duceppe on Quebec
“I'm going to legalize poutine and make you eat it, Harper!”
~ Gilles Duceppe on Canada
“Duceppe is a man of great power, great pride, kindness and a very strong spirit. His flaw - he's a Quebecer.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Bloc Québécois
“ Hitler and I are not that different ”
~ Gilles Duceppe on Political views

Gilles "Mecha" Duceppe was created by René Levesque in his dying days and fuels on poutine. He is the one hundrith leader on the Bloc Québécois, which is an unstoppable team of French Canadian superheroes or supervillains who cannot be stopped.

edit The Myth of a Machine

edit Creation

In his final days, René Levesque, knowing only he could change the fate of the Québecois, passed his legacy by creating the ultimate tool for sovereignty. In his secret lab, he experimented with various technologies and types of artificial intelligences to come to the conclusions that he needed to build a cyborg; Mechagillesduceppe (a.k.a. The Clansman or Gilles Duceppe). Thus, a few months before René Levesque's death, during one of Québec's most powerful thunderstorm, the cyborg came to life. After coming to life, the creature evolved rapidly and killed its creator. Gilles Duceppe had bigger expectations: first getting a hold of the Canadian parliament (by entering federal politics) and then world domination. It is believed that he is an immortal.

edit Mechanism

How the Mechagillesduceppe works is still unknown since Rene Levesque brought the secret with him in his grave. Still, some hypothesis tend to say that the mechanism requires a simple fuel; Poutine. The fries and the cheese giving him enough energy to fight the evil forces of federalism and the sauce to keep him greasy. His owl-like eyes have an incredible power of persuasion. During debates, he often uses his laser eyesight to take opponents down by confusing them. Still today, scientists admire the functioning of this perfect machine.

edit Influence

It is known that Iron Maiden made a song inspired by the creature named The Clansman. Gilles Duceppe mentioned that he might use a FRENCH version of the song for his upcoming campaign. Here are some relevant lyrics:

“Ancestors could hear, what is happening now, they would turn in their graves, they would all be ashamed, that the land of the free, has been written in chains, and I know what I want. When the timing is right, then Ill take what is mine, I am the clansman [...] I am the clansman, FREEDOM!”
~ Iron Maiden on Gilles Duceppe

edit Fight for Poutine and Francophone legacy

He co-created the "All old French guys are funny" law with his master Rene Levesque to show him his loyalty. Unfortunately, as told in the "Jesus" Harper book of prophecies, Gilles Duceppe changed fate and killed his master.

Gilles Duceppe is always trying to pass new laws but most of the time they are rejected. He is currently trying to legalize poutine inside the parliament to advantage him, but other politians fear that such law would make him too powerful.

edit The Poutine incident

Québec-Poutine pl8

Tour bus license plate

During the 2006 Canadian Federal Election, Gilles Duceppe was forced to drop out since his supplies of poutine mysteriously disappeared. Since his whole body, his electoral tour bus and most of his team only eat poutine, they had to go back in Quebec where tons of poutine is produced each days. Unable to come back to Ottawa in time, Stephen Harper won the election after pronouncing his famous speech.

“Vote for me. I am a cowboy from the richest province in Canada.”
~ Stephen Harper on The Poutine incident

Most Québecois were angry at Stephen Harper saying he cheated. Their main argument was that he ate all Gilles Duceppe's poutine. It was supported by the fact that he suddendly happened to have a belly during the elections.

edit Quick facts

  • He will melt to a puddle if you get him wet
  • Gilles Duceppe admitted during the Canadian election that he has not gone to the dentisté for ten years. Even after explaining that he was a robot, he still lost the vote of many Quebecers and Canadians.
  • He was once in an arm wrestle with Stephen Harper, but lost due to his greasy French butter fingers.
  • He did crowd surfing the last time Iron Maiden came to at "Le parc Iron Maiden" in Chambly.
  • Aside from Poutine, Gilles Duceppe also eats raw fish, but that gives him headaches and lowers his power. It is one of the reasons why it smells in the Canadian Parliament, the opposition always hold a supply of raw fish just in case.

edit See also

Personal tools
projects