Ghosti

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Revision as of 19:08, January 16, 2012 by MadMax (talk | contribs)

(diff) ← Older revision | Latest revision (diff) | Newer revision → (diff)
Jump to: navigation, search

Ghosti is the term that encompasses all aspects of and relating to the Great Enigmatic Ghosti, the ultimate being in the universe.

Note: To refer to the being itself requires the use of it's full name

edit The Great Enigmatic Ghosti

“Biefy!”
~ The Great Enigmatic Ghosti
Ghosti minion
An artist's impression of Ghostifish, the physical entity that exerts the will of the Great Enigmatic Ghosti in our dimension.

Little is known of the Great Enigmatic Ghosti, save for his modesty being preserved in clothing of the purest white. Given that he is the ultimate power in the universe, his influence is great and immeasurable (since no-one in history has bothered to invent an eight-million-thirty-nine-thousand-seven-hundred-and-twenty-three-metre measuring tape). Such is his power that Ghosti is the only being/object in the known universe which requires an apostrophe when using the term it's in reference to him. Ghosti's will is carried out through the Ghostifish, who carries out his will indiscriminately and without question.

edit Origins of the Ghosti

The Great Enigmatic Ghosti was created through an interstellar paradox centering around the English language. Given the sounds made in certain words, one can create a word which is spelt differently, but should be pronounced in the same way according to those language rules. The first of these was Ghosti, and its rules were set out thusly;

  • cough - 'gh' has an 'f' sound
  • station - 'ti' has an 'sh' sound

The sound that cause 'os' to sound like 'i' has since been lost. Top Ghosti archive workers are attempting to rectify this as soon as possible in order to understand the full power of Ghosti. The basic result is that the word fish can be spelt ghosti. This created the interstellar paradox, resulting in an imbalance in cosmic forces. To prevent the fabric of space-time ripping apart, the Great Enigmatic Ghosti came into being to set right this wrong and was promptly forgotten about by the Society of Athiest Smokers in their History of Stuff books. Previously use to reset the imbalance was a fish finger, ten-thousand geese, two ginger blokes, a capful of absinthe, some fresh cocaine and someone's left hand. It was a really funny picture.

edit Ghostifish

“Iki foo! I see j00!”
~ Word Bearer Narco

The Ghostifish, known officially as the High Word Bearer and Carrier of the Power of Ghosti, (or 'fish' for short; ghosti is added to prevent confusion with the fish animal of this dimension) is the representation of the power of Ghosti in this dimension of humans and unicorns. of which there is only ever one at any given time. Except on Caturdays.

The Great Enigmatic Ghosti has been known to pass favour over the Jeopardy theme tune.

edit Ghosti Hierarchy

The Ghosti Hierarchy determines the order in which order is kept in the realm of mortals. Ghosti and Ghostifish are not detailed in this section, as their supremacy over mortals is obvious.

edit The Guild of Words

edit Description and duties

The Guild of Words is made up of Word Bearers are those chosen by the Great Enigmatic Ghosti to retain the sacred words of Ghosti and carry his influence out to mortal man. Thusly, they are invisible to superheroes and catfood. Occasionally, Word Bearers may receive a vision from the Great Enigmatic Ghosti himself, which will contain a new word for them to bear along with a signed Polaroid and a coupon for a used cookie. The Word Bearer shall consult one of the High Word Bearers before they take this word unto themselves and see it written into the Gospel of Ghosti. The Word Bearer will continue to spread the word/s that Ghosti has imparted unto them regardless of whether the new word becomes gospel or not.

edit The Original Word Bearers

In the beginning, two Word Bearers were chosen by Ghostifish to spread the power of Ghosti to mortal man.

The Beholder of Many Monitors - High Word Bearer, bearer of the sacred words of caek and shinehs.

The Caffienated Zombie Prince - High Word Bearer, bearer of the sacred words of bandwidfs and biefs.

Little or no information has been revealed about these individuals apart from and ancient hieroglyphic found in the depths of a Grecian tomb. Lacking a proper translation into English, the romanized version of the word reads as jinnjr.

edit Creation of new Word Bearers

No official text has been uncovered on the creation of new Word Bearers as of yet. However, what evidence there is suggests that the power to this lies solely with the High Word Bearers.

edit The Guild of Relics

edit Description and duties

As new relics are discovered which prove to be linked to the almighty Ghosti, Relic Guardians are selected at random from the ranks of followers of Ghosti by the Ghostifish. Those who have good contributions for Ghosti presumably get chosen first. From that moment on, the Guardian will study, learn from, defend and love the relic as they can until death or erectile dysfunction prevents them, at which time a new Relic Guardian shall be assigned. Throughout their time of devotion to Ghosti they shall endeavor to learn what they can of the relics power and significance in the universe, strengthening the bond they have with both it and Ghosti as they do. (although, most of the time, they probably shouldn't have sex with it)

edit Notable Relic Guardians

Grodificalotheos (pronounced 'Tim') - Relic Guardian, bearer of the sacred Ghosti Brick.

edit Notable Relics

edit The Sacred Ghosti Brick

The Sacred Ghosti Brick - an object of great significance, as it was able to defy its original owner by crumbling to pieces whilst he tried to carve 'Hail Ghosti' into the side of it. This was taken as a sign that the Great Enigmatic Ghosti wished not for the Sacred Brick (as it was then called) to be harmed, and thusly became the first known relic in Ghosti lore. The Sacred Ghosti Brick is also known as The Relic Formerly Known As The Sacred Brick.

edit Shrines to Ghosti

Ghostiserver
The Windows XP Welcome screen of the Righteous GhostiServerFoo

The power of Ghosti is believed to be held in this dimension through the creation of shrines to his glory, yet all that remains are ancient texts proclaiming the following wisdomous:

“GhostiServerFish lives!”
~ Probably not the Great Enigmatic Ghosti

These shrines may only take the form of objects commonly mistaken for computer servers. Because that's what they are. Indeed, the power of Ghostifish would be far less in this dimension were it not for the celestial channeling power of both GhostiServerFisch (plural of GhostiServerFish) and cats.

Currently, there are only two GhostiServers operating in this dimension. These are GhostiServers 'Fish' and 'Foo', respectively. (hereafter referred to as the Righteous GhostiServers. Combined with the power of kittendom, this keeps Ghosti's influence in this dimension. This is augmented by the fact that the Fish server has wheels. In fact the more modded a case, (with emphasis on shinehs) the more influence Ghostifish can exert through it. It has been rumored that those whose GhostiServers are very shineh carry greater favour with Ghostifish.

edit GhostiServer requirements

All that is required to make any PC (Macs are permanently disavowed) into a GhostiServer is the following:

  • Operating System (excluding any and all Mac OS'es)
  • Internet Connection (to spread the influence of the Ghosti)
  • Power (they generally don't work otherwise)
  • Cuddly Toy (perched on or near the GhostiServer as a cuteness anchor)
  • Official Ghosti Name (check the official list and name the server something that isn't on there - follow the guidelines below)
  • Ghosti Markings - Text (name of computer, name of hard drive; just get that string in their somewhere)
  • Ghosti Markings - Pictoral (whether part of the case or stored on the computer in some significant fashion e.g. wallpaper or avatar)

edit Naming of Ghosti shrines

The naming of Ghosti shrines goes as follows:

char server_name[25];
sprintf(server_name,"GhostiServer %s",[server name]);

For example, if the GhostiServer name was 'Arf', the server's full name would be 'GhostiServerArf'. Due to the limitations of Newtonian Physics, the maximum length of a server name is 30 characters. This include the letters 'GhostiServer'; therefore 'GhostiServerFish' would be 16 characters long. The name 'GhostiServerAmLargeCuntyFlaps', for example, would be invalid.

Personal tools
projects