Ghettoistan

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لاثففخهسفشى (Пруеещшыефт)
-4th World Republic of Ghettoistan
Ghettoistan
Flag of ghettoistan Ghettoistan coat of arms (It was put together at the last minute and at great expense)
Flag Coat of Arms
Motto: Yo momma so ghetto..when she breast feeds kool-aid comes out!
Anthem: Norte Dame's "Victory March"
Capital فاسنشمشفعستبهشم (Ерылфдфегдыоадшфд)
Previous capital San Francisco (before that Vancouver)
Largest city Ghettysburg
Official language(s) Arabic, Russian slang
Government Republic (supposedly. it's more like a fascist state though)
Der Führer Nero
Favorite Dish Cupcakes
Favorite Color Blue, no yelllllow!
Favorite Sports Team Seattle Seahawks, of course. They're everybodies favorite team
National Hero(es) Muttley, Babushka Flitsky,OJ Simpson, Allah (in the North), God (in the South) Chuck Norris (everywhere)
Established July 9, 2762 b.c. Not recognized internationally until July 9, 1994 a.d.
Currency Anything they can find
Religion Islam, Christianity (quite a combination, eh?)
Population 164,572,896...no wait, 164,572,897and 1
Area 8,675,309
Ethnic groups Arabs, Russians, Gypsies, Ninjas, Pirates, Bananas, Blacks
Major exports N/A becuase know one wants to know
National animal the "Bear Hunter" (out to kill the Russian bear)
Favourite
 pastime
Kitten Huffing, Weasel Stomping, Cupcakes, Burning Gypsies (and Russians) at the stake
Hours of
 operation
Open from 6-8 Monday-Thursday, 5-11 p.m. on Fridays and 1-4 on Weekends
Internet TLD .ownage and .no,notfunny
Calling code 911
“We just wanted to be friends and drink vodka together but noooooo”

Ghettoistan is a country somewhere in central Asia that borders Russia and most likely some other countries. Ghettoistan has a rich history, but unfortunately due to an ongoing lack of finances, the Ghettoistani government hasn't been able to produce any text books about their history in fact any form of books, so their history remains mostly unknown with the exception of the modern history of the struggling country.

History

Humble Beginnings

The history of Ghettoistan goes back to the year 2672 b.c. when a tribe of nomadic sheepherders known as the Phülābunch decided that it was a good idea to declare their own country, however, yet again due to a lack of resources, Ghettoistan was not officially recognized as a country until 1994 a.d.

Ghettoistani History (2672 b.c.—1846 a.d.)

Nothing is known about Ghettoistan between 2672 b.c. and 1846 a.d. (again, due to a lack of finances) except that in 1799, they were conquered by the Russians.

التمرد شم/Повстанчество

التمرد شم and Повстанчество both mean "The Rebellion". In the year 1847, the Ghettoistani people rose up and rebelled against the tyranical and evil Russian rule. They rose up in arms (literally they had no weapons so they just ripped peoples arms off and beat there enemies with them) to fight the Russian oppreserors, however they were under financed, and were crushed. The war was over in four minutes.

1847-1990

Not too terribly much happened in Ghettoistan in that time period, only a pair of World Wars in which Ghettoistani troops served in the Russian/Soviet Army in those two wars, but they was nothing major.

The Ghettoistani War of Independence

Toy soldier

A traditional Russian soldier in the War of Independence (actual size)

In 1991, the Ghettoistani people again rose up against the Soviet Union, thus beginning a war that would last until 1995. The war was fierce, but on July 9, 1994, Russia formally recognied Ghettoistan's independence. However, the war continued, and it wasn't until July 9, 1995 that the Russian troops officially withdrew from Ghettoistan. Russian and Chinese armies invaded Ghettoistan again on July 19, 1997, but I have to go to a birthday party, so I don't have enough time to talk about it right now. Long story short, Ghettoistan won.

Ghettoistani Geography

Due to technical difficulties and a lack of finances, we are not able to tell you about Ghettoistan's geography, however this site can. [1]

Cultural Differences Within Ghettoistan, Duh-Duh-Duh

In the North, about 95% of the people are Muslims. In the South, the vast majority of the people are Christians. You can see where this is going can't you? In the North, they do everything different than in the South. In the North, they like to always have their name in links to wherever, whereas in the South, they don't so much.

In the North, you speak Arabic, anyone caught speaking anything else (especially Russian) will be shot on sight. In the South, if you speak anything other than Russian, (especially Arabic), you could possibly be shot on sight, but chances are you'll get put on death row to die the most horrible Ghettoistani death possible, death by forcing you to eat an entire plateful of broccoli and an entire plateful of spinach.

So although the people are united in their hatred of the Russians, spinach and broccoli, they're divided in everything else. It's so very sad.

The Civil War

Almost immediately after the country had defeated the Russians and Chinese in the Six-Years' War (1997-2002), a terrible civil war between the Muslim North and the Christian South broke out. Contrary to popular belief, the main reason that the war started was not religion, but a man from the South armed wrestled a man from the North one time. The Southerner lost, and got mad, so he rallied everyone in the South and invaded the North. The war has been going on ever since.

Jesusfreak

It's the Jesus Freak's...

Jihad

...versus the Magestic fairies of the Enchanted Forest Jihadists.

The North is being supplied by North Korea, Iran and China while the South is being supplied by themselves and those "God Fearin' Americans" as their known in Ghettoistan. We laugh when we hear that, or at least I do.

Holidays

In Ghettoistan, there's no such thing as a "weekend", the week just keeps going, and going, and going and it never ends. So, to make up for this, there's a national holiday once every seven days in Ghettoistan.

List of Ghettoistani Holidays

  • January 1, New Years Day
  • January 8, National Dance Like No One's Watching Day
  • January 15, National Talk Like a Landlubber Day
  • January 22, National Cupcake Appreciation Day
  • January 29, National Pretend to be an American Day
  • Februrary 5, Feast of the Chickens
  • Februrary 12, National Confusion Day
Confused

A Ghettoistani showing his "Holiday Spirit" on National Confusion Day

  • Februrary 19, Bring a Terrorist to Work Day (celebrated mostly in the North but also widely celebrated in the South)
  • Februrary 26, Groundhog Feast Day
  • March 4, National Burn a Bolshevik at the Stake Day
  • March 11, Gypsy Appreciation Day (not very widely celebrated, but a hoilday none the less)
  • March 18, Roadkill Appreciation Day
  • March 25, National Pwn a n00b Day
  • April 1, April Fool's Day
  • April 8, National Act like Jack the Ripper Day
  • April 15, National Bathe with a Person of the Opposite Sex Day
  • April 16, Muttley's Birthday (they just have to, he's one of their national heroes)
  • April 20, National Kill a Crack Dealer Day
  • April 22, National Try to Assassinate the President Day (celebrated internationally)
  • April 29, ADHD Day
  • May 6, National Don't Wear Any Pants Day
  • May 13, Bad Hair Day
  • May 20, National Speedo Day
  • May 27, National Burn Russian Flag Day (biggest holiday of the year)
  • June 3, National Take your Komodo Dragon to Work Day
  • June 10, National Halo Appreciation Day
  • June 17, Bus Stop Day
  • June 24, National Birthday Suit Day
  • July 1, Ghettysburg Appreciation Day
  • July 8, International "Take a Scientologist to Work" Day!
  • July 9, Independence Day (not a major holiday) Jon Willingham's Birthday (very major holiday around the world)
  • July 15, Annoyance Appreciation Day
Annoying

National Annoyance Day is very popular in the south. A classic example of a hardcore fan of that particular holiday

  • July 22, National Masturbate Next to a Sleeping Stanger Day
  • July 29, National "Pull My Finger" Day
  • August 5, Intentionally Give a Person Misleading Directions Day
  • August 12, Madonna Appreciation Day (worldwide)
  • August 19, National Random Day
  • August 26, Hug People While You're on Fire Day
  • September 2, National Ownage Appreciation Day
Ownage

Even evil agents of Satan Cats love National Ownage Day

Eductation

Unlike those capitalist hellpigs from the west eductation is not mandatory because the Ghettoistani goverment doesn't want its people to feel different and because in Ghettoistan everyone is equal.Instead of spending six hours of hell ( 25-hours of hell for the China) you are born with all this knowledge because in 10,000 B.C the "Gods" came and delivered knowledge to the ancient people of Koolaidistan (Ancient Ghettoistan).And basically thats why there is no such thing as school for them.

Random Facts about Ghettoistan

  • Ghettoistan built the world's largest rocket (and they completely destroyed their economy by doing this). When they launched it, it was seen by every single radar and radio station in the world. It was launched against the Russia and destroyed the city of Ркдфдшедклвпфйтщ. The reason that you've never heard of this city is because, well, it doesn't exist...any more, because Ghettoistan destroyed it.
Es-topol390 thumb

The world's largest missle. Due to a misfire, the missile (which was supposed to be launched against Russia) accidentally destroyed the city of Ркдфдшедклвпфйтщ, which was a city in southern Ghettoistan.

  • Contrary to popular belief, Kitten Huffing was actually invented in Ghettoistan. However, the Marquess of Queensberry threated to declare war on Ghettoistan unless they gave her the credit of inventing kitten huffing. Ghettoistan thought that they couldn't afford to go to war (which is funny because they can afford to build the world's largest missle), and as a result, the Marquess of Queensberry has been credited with inventing kitten huffing.
  • Ghettoistan is the only country in the world in which everything really does taste like chicken.
  • In Ghettoistan, it's illegal to be a gypsy. If your a gypsy for Halloween, you can and will be sent to jail and maybe even put on death row without a trial, unless you bring cupcakes to every house you go.
  • The Arabic language was actually invented in Ghettoistan in the year 2679 b.c. However, when the language spread out to the Middle East, the Middle-Easterners claimed that they invented the language. This sparked an international crisis that has not ended. In 1948, Israel claimed that they supported the fact that Ghettoistan invented Arabic. As a result, the Arabs attacked Israel, and the Arabs and Israelis have been at it ever since.
  • The nonviolent terrorist organization Muslims With Cupcakes and Cookies or M.W.C.C. is based in Ghettoistan.
  • Ghettoistan is the only nation in the world that Chuck Norris has never visited. As a result of this, civil war began in Ghettoistan between the North who believe that it's a blessing from Allah that this is true, and the South who wants Chuck Norris to visit them, stay a little while, have a cupcake etc. etc. etc.
  • Ghettoistanis claim their national colors are blue, white and pink to show their extreme support of equal rights (a big deal in the Muslim world). However the truth behind those colors is that they were actually meant to be red, white and blue after the American flag. But Babushka Flitsky, the one who sowed the original Ghettoistani flag, didn't have any red yarn and she was too poor to buy some red thread, so she used the closest thing to red that she had. The colors of the Ghettoistani flag have been pink, white and blue ever since.
  • Ghettoistan is the only country in the world that actually likes both America and Canada. In fact, it's the only country that likes either of them individually.

See Also

Commonwealth of Independent States - Former USSR Republics
Russia ~ Belarus ~ Ukraine ~ Estonia ~ Latvia ~ Lithuania ~ Moldova ~ Mordova ~ Azerbaijan ~ Kazakhstan ~ Kyrgyzstan / Krgystan ~ Mongolistan ~ Ghettoistan ~ Turkmenistan ~ Uzbekistan ~ Tajikistan ~ other Stan countries ~ Alaska ~ Israel ~ Soviet Britain
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