Gerbilism

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“A penis, a hamster.... genius finds it's inspiration where it will.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Gerbilism
“In Soviet Russia, you shoved up gerbil's ass!!!”
~ Russian Reversal on Gerbilism

edit Gerbilist Hierarchy

The current Great Unlimited Hierophant of Gerbilism is the Prophet William High, enlightenment be in his ass.

Due to the powers granted to him for his devotion, he is also the original Founding Shaman Priest of Prehistoric Unreformed Shamanic Gerbilism. Thus his likeness has been dicovered on cave walls all over Europe, concentrated in what is now known as Belgium. Several small statuettes have been recovered from dried river beds which some Anthropolollogists postulate are likenessess of Him, but others believe to be elaborately carved stone age sex toys.

Any saying of His is true in multiple time frames due to the eternal nature of His truth.

edit Wisdom of the Prophet

In a message to humanity recently broadcast on Al Gerbzeera, the Prophet High has said,

"OK. Let me just start by saying that most philosophy majors/graduates I have met were bongsmoking, preening intellectual faggots that ended up working in bookstores or coffeehouses. Either that, or they wrote miserable screenplays and pretended to be cutting edge auteurs. That being said, without ever having taken a philsophy course in my brief collegiate career, I, William High, present to you, my unique and somewhat unprecedented philosophy. I call my new school of thought GERBILISM, and I predict that it will take campuses by storm. I have yet to expound upon this profundity, and, probably will not. It's understated, tacit simplicity is what makes it such an effective tool for understanding the purpose (or lack therof) of human existence. My philosophy, is basically a combination of Predeterminism and Pessimism, and is summed up in an exquisite, extended metaphor:

Will says: "We are but fecally encrusted gerbils in the asshole that is life-- searching for the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel, we just end up in more shit." "

The asshole that is life
Life. So sayeth the prophet.

edit More tenets of Gerbilism

[[We're all crammed in a shithole by a higher being, who is neither benevolent or malevolent, and cares not for us. He hedonistically puts us where we find ourselves for his own sense of experimentation and enjoyment. The sum of our experiences is but insignificant fecal matter that accumulates on our fur during our arduous journey.

So sayeth Will.

We are the gerbil. Infinitessimally small in the colon we are enveloped by. I am not commenting on the beastlike nature of man. We are in our own, separate assholes, yet, since all assholes are similar, we can relate to the pathos of other gerbils in our very same predicament.

Maybe: We are stuck in one "colonverse", I suppose. Or, we could corporeally be stuck in individual Matrix-like assholes and yet be able to interact with each other on an ethereal, Borg-Hive collective plane.

edit Weapons of the Gerbilist Theocracy

Gerbil Cannons:

Gerbil cannons consist of two things. They are: 1. Gerbil (the most vital part) 2. Canon

Gerbil cannons were invented by a dickhead on YouTube who though it would be funny to shove a gerbil up his ass and fart it out. This then lead to the idea of shoving a gerbil down the barrel of a cannon. Due to the Aerodynamic shape of gerbils they make great progerbiltiles. From various sources in the US Army George Bush has issued that all cannons must now use gerbils.

edit Time Paradox

However Gerbil Cannons have a lesser know history which is concordant with the development of early proto-Gerbilism, having a lineage traceable to a primordial ur Gerbil Cannon, lost in the mists of time and the depths of some guys colon.

The use of [[progerbiltiles] can be invented twice, in different epochs, due to the aforementioned eternal and timeless nature of Gerbilism.

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