Gerard Butler

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40-year-old-spartan

Gerard Butler, (full name Gerard "Gerry" Tiddlesworth Kennedy Gruntington ChickenMcNugget Butler) is a Scottish 'actor' (alleged). He has appeared in such films as: 300.776 recurring, I'd like to teach the world to sing, P.S I stalk you, P.S I can't Sing, P.S Are we having Spag Bol for tea, P.S I stalk you 2: Cya in court, P.S I stalk you 3: Where the fuck is my restraining order, How I rocked the masterpiece that is Phantom of The Opera, P.S I stalk you 4: Oops I dropped the Soap and apparently he played the Phantom in The Phantom of the Opera, and most never realize this, as he plays a scoundrel in almost every other movie. Oh, and most recently, his latest film 40-Year-Old-Spartan (as pictured). Beans.

edit Early Life

GerryPickering

Gerard was born in Cuckooland, in that land where the Scottish people live, sometime in the 1700's, although it is unsure when, but he has annoyed the hell out of us since. As a child, he was traumatised by the idea of men wearing skirts so turned his attention to the world of what he believed was "art". Little did he know that he had no real talent except for picking his nose (as pictured). He was in fact 5 times world champion at the annual nose-picking festival before he reached 18; he considers this his greatest achievement to date, and lets be honest, he hasn't done much since. Throughout his school life he bullied many of his classmates due to his nervous disposition which made it impossible for him to keep his hand out of the girls skirts. And the men's, being Scottish and all...

edit Early Career

Gerard's way into the business was not easy, this most probably being as he had no talent and could not act for toffee, fudge, jelly beans, bon bons, chocolate buttons, Minstrels, strawberry pencils, Liquorice Allsorts, Haribo or any other mild confectionary you may wish to name. Except perhaps Cinder Toffee, nobody likes that shit. It is rumoured that he got in just because he was Scottish and all Scottish people have to be good actors, just like the Welsh can all sing. He made his break whilst at home watching filthy movies in his bedroom, he was spotted by a certain director who was slightly attracted to him and cast him in his film 300.766 recurring as he got to watch the young Gerard in nothing but a loincloth. This was his way in and since then he has been in every film namable, just like Will Smith and Jenifer Anniston.

edit His 'role' as the Phantom

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Gerard is an adherant of the latest Hollywood diet, meaning he consumes only raw green material.

Gerard Butler may not be a classically trained singer, but he brought a new element to the role. He portrayed less of the insanity, and more of the mystery. Combine him and Michael Crawford, and the ovaries of many ladies would be set aflame. Harsh criticism ha been thrown his way many a time over the role, but honestly, could you do any better? Probably not. Regardless, when paired with Emmy Rossum, the duo actually make a decent pair, given the age difference and backgrounds.

In another opinion, there are those who believe his voice is far sexier than Michael Crawford's, and much better, mainly because Michael Crawford sounds like the pedophile that lives in the van and offers candy down the street AND his, though good voice, just grates against the eardrums of some people- it seems to spawn that tendency. Meanwhile, Gerard Butler, an untrained singer, kicks ass with a naturally rocky, emotional voice that soars through high notes and seduces audiences every moment.. These are two separate opinions, both equally right in their own sense. Percy, an old friend, shares this opinion. He gets a boner everytime Gerard Butler sings and often climaxes during "Point of No Return" in the film.

Secondly is now the problem that his role as the "Phantom" has spawned a allegiance of f***** ANNOYING teenage brats who all claim to be the musicals biggest phan, insist that a murderous, middle aged, psychotic frankly maniac virtuoso who lived in the Opera Populaire (DESPITE THE FACT IT NEVER EXISTED!!! Opera GARNIER people) is 'teh sex' and frequently write Phanfiction pairing themselves with him (insisting that he's real of course) as a Mary sue with snow white skin and emerald green 'orbs' who's untrained but perfect voice leads the Phantom to forget good old Christine and fall deeply and irrevocably in love with them, after meeting him by means of time travel. Please. For the sake of mine, Phanwank's, and every other mildly intelligent person's sanity: STFU.

To those who believe that they would ever mean anything to the Phantom-- they WOULDN'T. The Phantom, first of all, is a VIRGIN who never slept with anyone but Christine AND never LOVED anyone but Christine, but due to modern society's issue with commitment and monogamy, poor Phantom (Gerard Butler OR Micheal Crawford portrayed) has his character getting raped (not literally... figuratively) on fanfiction Internet. God save us all. Though it is true that Gerry's delectable portrayal has spawned a new level of obsession with phans of all ages, races, genders, creeds, and religions.

The last problem is that this all happened under the watchful eye of Andrew Lloyd Webber who did nothing to stop the problem and allowing this travesty to happen. I mean, Andy, what the hell's wrong with you? Why not cast the infinitely more talented and equally as attractive up and coming Ramin Karimloo? The hell's up with that? Coupled with the fact they may be thinking of making a film of the sequel 'Love Never Dies' with the idea of casting him in the lead role.

Though, there are those who believe that Gerry's voice would not, in actual fact, "rape" the high notes but rather perfect them with a skill and talent and *cough BETTER ACTING* then Ramin, but then again they don't matter. It would be a sunny day in this world if they made Love Never Dies into a film w/ the cast from the 2004 film, haha just kidding.. Flowers would grow, rivers would rise, and valleys would run with hysterically happy, psychotic phangirls and phanboys sobbing tears of love and happiness.

Two opposite viewpoints. Opinion counts, people.

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]]==Personal Life==

Gerry still lives with his mother in Sussex. In 2006, he bidded for England's only Yum Yum Tree on ebay, but lost narrowly to Dick Van Dyke. Gerry still bring his 'friends' home to his mothers but has a slight problem doing anything as his mother has slight obsession with tea and is constantly trying to bring some tea into his room for both him and his 'friend' or more commonly 'friends' as he is known to have more than one at a time. She has also been known to bake especially and bring these up to his room whilst he is, what shall we say? doing the nasty, or as Shakespeare would have it, "making the beast of two backs". Sex, basically for all you who haven't quite grasped it yet.

This is by far, the stupidest, unfunniest uncyclopedia page I've seen. Seriously. Not one funny thing was written in the entire aticle. Epic Fail on the author's part.

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