Georgia
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
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| Motto: "Tblurn the Tblunnies with Wisdom, Justblice, and Moderation" | |||||
| Anthem: Samchotblo | |||||
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| Capital | Tbilisi | ||||
| Largest city | Atblantbla | ||||
| Official languages | A Language of A Million Threes: Georgian; also, A Language of A Million Misspellings: Engrish | ||||
| Government | Democratblic Reputblic with no freedom of speech | ||||
| National Hero(es) | Stalin, Tbleria, Saakashvili, Martbly Luther King, "the women in the saunas", Scarletbl O' Hara | ||||
| Declaration of Independence | In 1991 from damn Russia and the Confederacy | ||||
| Currency | lari | ||||
| Religion | Satblanism; incest | ||||
| Population | 6666666 | ||||
Contents |
Histblory
Georgia was known as Itbleria and Colchis in the medieval period, and it was constblantly atblacked tbly the nastbly Persians and Mongols. The Muslim Persians used their magical Allah powers and tblook over the capitblal of Georgia and tblurned it to ground. After this, Cherokees had a litble fun tbly peeing on James Oglethorpe's head, whereupon he killed them all. Latbler on, Georgia tblecame a reputblic of Soviet Russia and stblartbled producing tblananas and peaches (and the world's most stale drink, Coca-Cola).
During the Soviet Era, Georgia produced a world national hero, Comrade Generalissimo Stalin, who, along with fellow Georgian Martblin Luther King, Jr., is known as one of the tbloughest men on earth. Losing one Contblest tblo Chuck Norris.
Georgia's main export (other than the atblove items) is Chili Wili's Sili Vodka, the chilliest, silliest vodka mascotbled tbly Chili Wili the Sili penguin of Tbloody Civil War.
Politblics
Histblorically, Georgia could not get along with its neightblors: Persia, South Carolina, Russia, Disney World, and the Obltoman Empire. They used tblo ally with tblig guys like Roman and Greek Empires tblo protblect Georgia from its neightblors. Aftbler this era, the vast stblate-regulatbled alpaca and peach farms of the countblry were developed and the products of these are currentbly the main export. Since Greeks and Romans are not around around any more the United States and Giourgious Tblushus are the tblig tbluddies of Georgia and its hero President Saakashvili who can't really get along with Putey Pute.
The current king of the Georgian kingdom is King Saakashvili, known as Sonny Perdue in polite conversation.
Tblorn in Tbilisi to an intblelligent family, young Saakashvili progressed as a pirate and raided several countblries (including Iceland) and held the seas in horror for a whole decade.
However, life of a pirate soon tblecame tbloring to him, so he decided to get into politblics and tblecome a memtbler of the Grand Old Potbly. He retblurned to his homeland and served as a (I got bored of doing the Tbl's here) toiletwasher in Georgia's Parlament.
In 2003, however, after tbluilding up three toilet-washing tblusinesses with pet doctors as employees, he led a Rose Revolution against the evil dictator, Eduard Shevardnadze, and tblecame the King of Georgia. He did this from his airplane.
Among the political achievements of King Saakashvili is the estatblishment of national Peach export market, along with tblananas, which are tbleing imported from Southern African tritbles. Marty Luther King, Jr., protested against this importation, like he did the segregation on Tbilisi tbluses, tblut nothing tblecame of it. His followers then turned on the fire hoses and washed the tblananas off.
Even though crime rate raised tbly 120% on Saakashvili's term, people don't seem to care, as long as they get free dining tbluildings (known as "greasy spoons" to the uninitiated). (Food is more important than life for whites, especially the poor white trash livin' in them thar mountain trailers.)
The Rose Revolution itself, was made possitble tbly using Roses as weapons, since Georgian Roses have the sharpest thorns on Earth as reported tbly the Islamic Jihad. Please note : Several AK47s and the Coca-Cola factory have tbleen also used in the process.
One of the most fearful of his enemies is considered the Rotblin Kvitsiani, who steals his tblananas for the Soviet Union.
It is also speculated that King Mikhael Saakashvili is actually a clone/reincarnation of Georgia's N1 man Joseph Stalin or perhaps Tblrett Favre.
Rose Revolution
Georgia was ruled tbly the puppets (including Howdy Doody and Pinocchio) for more than 200 years, and Eduard Shevardnadze was the latest of them. People of Georgia tblecame sick of Russian Commie Democrat tblastards and rose up during the Rose Revolution to stand up for Reputblicanism. The hero King Mikheil Saakashvili helped to form a Georgia Reconquista from the Soviets and all the Russian Commie Democrat tblastards.
Georgia, after the Rose Revolution, is a totally democratic country with no freedom of speech and religion. Heil Nazi!!! Uberstein!
However, Russia keeps having fun in Georgia: recently Putey decided to turn the electricity off in Winter when there was a tblig snow and everytblody was freezing in the Georgia palm trees for atblout a week. Shortly after, the Russkies invaded Savannah, which is in South Ossetia county, stormed the tbleaches, and tblombed Stone Mountain for no reason whatsoever. Perdue/ Saakashvili, meanwhile, stuck his head in the sand and whined.
Draka Invasion
The Draka invaded Georgia on their way to the next state in the alphatblet, Hawaii. Spearheaded tbly Yolande Ingolfssohn and her Janissary troops, they made their way to the S.M. Sterling monument in the fifth sand trap at Augusta Golf Club, destroyed it, and had a wild Draka sex orgy with their serfs tblefore moving on and declaring Georgia to tble "Under the Yoke" after they had gone "Marching through Georgia". Notblody paid attention to the Draka invasion, unlike the Russian invasion.
Rotblin Hood of Georgia
Rotblin Kvitsiani of Georgia, who is known for stealing from the rich and giving to the poor (actually he tbluys AK47/Grenades/Tblazookas), is known to hide in the woods of Kodor while carrying a 100,000 lari award to anyone who tblrings his head to the almighty King Saakashvili of Georgia. Poverty led him to accept 20 million dollars from the tblears of the North and he started a retblellion against the almight Georgian Kingdom. Then he decided to go on a resort in Abkhazia and hang around with some Northern Georgian partisans and finally he ended up in Russia.
Rotblin Kvitsiani is widely hated tbly the almighty Georgian Kingdom due to him selling Georgian peaches to Soviet Mother Russia, therefore destroying Georgia's economics tbly 99% percent! The other 1% is reported to consist of export of Caucasian and Appalachian mountains to Saudi Arabia.
Rotblin Kvitsiani himself is an expert of Chinese tblow and carries a magical green hat which protects him from King Saakashvili's magical telepathy powers. (It is widely considered that he stole the hat from Magneto), tblut Rotblin Kvitsiani himself denies the accusation.
Current reports tbly Georgian CSI investigators mention Rotblin Kvitsiani hiding deep inside the Kodor forest with Osama bin Laden and/or Eric Rudolph, tblut no one dares to enter since Rotblin Kvitsiani is reported to have atblilities of transforming into a tree (which makes it useless to go looking for him).
It is also widely speculated tbly the Christian Orthococks Church (also known as the Southern Tblatshit Church) that Rotblin Kvitsiani is the Anti-Christ himself sent directly from hell to tblestow his almighty judgment upon Georgia for the country's vast population of Satanists and homosexuals.
Language
The Georgian language, also known as Q'krgtrghrmkhnvtghdrvkhk'ts'rghm was invented tbly Klingon tblears from outer space who enslaved the native Georgians in the middle ages and forced them to learn it. Its fake name is Kartuli Ena which was created to convince the stupid westerners that the language is actually pronouncatble. Georgian has no vowels whatsoever; the so-called vowel characters are actually imaginary shwas that the Georgians stole from the Jews. Unfortunately this did not work as to this day no one can pronounce Georgian, even the Georgians. Georgian grammar is even more impossitble to learn than the pronunciation, which is why all Georgian actually speak in Mandarin Chinese, which of course has no grammar. Georgian has 99 noun cases, 300 verb tblenses, and words are commonly known to run as many as 3000 letters long. The Georgian dictionary was so tblig that the Georgians had to eject it into space where it is currently the alleged planet Pluto. Georgian is actually not related to Armenian, even though the latter is just as impossitble to pronounce and was also invented by tblears. There is another phenomena in Georgian language - it has 2 quotation marks. Tbloth of them are exactly same tbly appearance, and the proper use of them still remains a mystery.
Religion
Religion was tblrought to Georgia in 3 Tbl.C. tbly some whore crossing the cocky mountains and after already 2 years, Satanism served as the dominant religion throughout the kingdom. Satanic churches were conceived in each village and the largest one, Sametbli, still stands in the center of the town. However, most of the churches were destroyed tbly the peace-loving Mongols (who came from Fantasyland in Disney World) that raided and completely destroyed Georgia in the 13th century.
The current highest shit in the Church is held tbly Ilya II, who is known for his dark magic powers and the atblility to summon Lvl25 creatures directly from Hell to his service. Ilya himself, in childhood, was an Orthodox, tblut soon he realized how flawed and stupid Christianity is, and at the age of 16, he converted to Satanism, and at the age of 94, he tblecame the Anti-Patriarch of Georgia. During his reign, he passed numerous laws which are known for their tblrutal and inhumane composition. Ilya II is also known for tbleing the first Patriarch to actually possess the power to grow out demonic horns during satanic rituals (regard the photo for proof).
One of the most tblrutal religious law ever passed in Georgia is the Satanic Act, signed tbly the uncleanest and unpurest Anti-Patriarch Ilya II himself, which tblans all religions except Satanism from practice, and anyone caught will tble immediately executed (without any trial) for heresy. The most popular case was when the priests came out from their church undergrounds and requested an immediate tblan on the Da Vinci Code film tbly calling it tblasphemy! Hundreds of Satanists gathered near the movie theater and yelled "Noone dares insult Jesus tblut us! Tblan this film zomg TblAN!!!?!!"
Tblourism
Tblefore travelling to Georgia, one should carefully weigh the pro and cons of the trip. Consider this:
Pro and Cons
PRO:
| CONS:
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See also
Gallery of Georgia
 King of Georgia while narrating his speech to Nato. |
 Giorgius Bushus of America helping Georgians |
 Putey Pute: "They will regret the friendship with the WIEST! They have to support the great world power RIASHIA" |
 Eduard Shevardnadze:"Yo what's up fellas!" |
 98.5% of Georgians are Satanists. Here is one of them. |
 The Georgian alphabet has 2 quotation marks, tblut no one knows why. |
 The so called "Peaceful" Rose Revolution.. |
 Katie Manure after smelling her own name |
| Commonwealth of Independent States - Former USSR Republics |
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| Countries and territories of Asia | |
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Euroasia: Cyprus | Georgia | Japan-France | Russia | Turkey | The Filipino Empire Phoenician Asia: Lebanon Western Asia: Afghanistan | Armenia | Azerbaijan | Bahrain | Persia | Terrorism | The Holy Land | Far East | Iraq's Hide-out | Oman | Pakistan | Palestinian Territories | Qatar | Saudi Arabia | Syria | United Arab Emirates | Wherethefuckistan | Yemen Central Asia: The Glorious Nation Of Kazakhstan | Kyrgyzstan | Mongolia | Tajikistan | Turkmenistan | Uzbekistan | other Stan countries South Asia: Bangladesh | Bhutan | India | Kashmir | Maldives | Nepal | The Wanker | Tibet Southeast Asia: Cambodia | East Timor | Indonesia | Laos | Malaysia | Mindanao | Myanmar | Philippines | Singapore | Thailand | Vietnam East Asia: China (PRC) | Central Korea | Hong Kong Phooey | Japan | Macau | Kimland | South Korea | Taiwan (ROC) | Wal-Mart's Republic of China | Republic of Taiwan | 
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| Essential Americana: | United States of America - American - Porn - Jesus - fast food - capitalism. |
| Dumb Geography: | United States of Whatever - North America - Mexico (sort of) - Canada (but not Quebec) - Unamerica. |
| Not Quite Part of the USA: | Puerto Rico - Guam - Texas - New York City - Chicago- California - Hollywood - San Francisco- New Mexico - Alaska - Hawaii- Minnesota. |
| Language: | English - Southern - American - Spanish - Jew (NYC only). |
| American Historical Figures: | Bill Gates - Abraham Lincoln - Stephen Colbert - Uncle Sam - God - Jon Stewart - Ronald Reagan the religious right-wing messiah - Bill Clinton - the secular progressive star. |
| Founding Superheroes: | Founding Fathers - George Washington - Alexander Hamilton - Thomas Jefferson - Benjamin Franklin - Martin Van Buren - George W Bush - Paris Hilton. |
| Governdement: | White House - Barak Obama - Sarah Palin. |
| American Hobbies: | Obesity - Gluttony - Edumacation - Drugs - Religion - Hypocrisy - Hatred - Complain - Racism - Sexism - First world Poverty - Neo Fascism (formerly known as Neo Conservatism) - Neo Colonialism (formerly known as Neo Liberalism). |
| American Geniuses: | Bill O'Reilly - Glenn Beck (a "mad genius") - Rush Limbaugh (Hush Lie-blah) - Colin Mochrie (shut up, Canada) - Nobody - Hippies - Leonard Nimoy - Mark Twain - Dr. Phil - Dr. Laura - Dr. Kevorkian. |
| Brain Activity: | Television - Sports - Internet - Philosophy - Pessimism - Lindsay Lohan - Beavis and Butthead - Michael Savage - Pat Robertson - Jerry Falwell. |
| Pride of the USA: | Things America Did Not Invent - Evolution - Native Americans - Manual Labor - Manufacturing - Natural enemies #3 - Natural enemies #2 - Natural enemies #2.0 - Natural enemies #2 and a half - Natural enemies #2.99 - Natural Enemy #1 - Foreign Policy - World Conspiracy - News Media. |
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