George Lucas (nobody)
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“OMG DIDN'T YOU DIRECT-- ....oh”
“Yo, Georgie Boy, need those I-124a forms by tomorrow, 'k homie?”
George grew up in Lancaster, PA. He was first-string forward on his high school soccer team. After finishing high school, he continued his uneventful and exceedingly lackluster life by enrolling in the University of Minnesota after hearing that the legendary Peter Graves had once attended. George enjoyed U of M greatly, and still keeps in touch with a bunch of his old college buddies like Bill, Oscar, Spinner, and of course funny man  Carrot Top.
George is fond of milk cartons, and has commented several times that he intends to shoot a photo gallery with them.
George met his wife Linda at a local deli, just after starting his tax fraud investigation work in Hopkins. The two conversed over a pastrami and chipped beef sandwich, instantly falling in love. They married a year later, and a year after that, gave birth to their first child, Mark. Another two years past before their second son James and first daughter Marie (twins) were born.
George and Linda decided to stop having children at this point. The family adopted a dog named Hopper.
In addition to Hopper, George always had an interest in erotic fish. For his 43rd birthday, Linda surprised him with a saltwater fish tank, filled with a number of rare, individually-named sea creatures. George was thrilled.
George on George
“Is it some sort of motor bike?”
Like 5 other people in this country, George Lucas has never seen a Star Wars film. Film quotes are still met with blank, puzzled stares from George and the Lucas family.
Coincidentally, the actual George Lucas who actually directed the films had never heard of George Lucas either. When the two were finally introduced in the summer of 1988, an epic exchange took place:
- George: So, I hear that your name is also George Lucas huh?
- George: Yep, yep yep..
- George: What do you do then, George?
- George: Ooh, I do tax work, fraud investigation mostly..
- George: Ahh..yeah..
- George: Ooh ya. So I hear you do something with motion pictures then? <sips coffee>
- George: Umm...
Conversion to the Dark Side
In 1998, George, who hadn't been seen in public since 1983, decided that his highly acclaimed and financially successful films were just not good enough, was converted by the Teamsters to tweak his first three Star Wars films, in an attempt to create the perfect storm of confusion among the fans of the trilogy. Undaunted by the negative fan reactions, he moved on and made three more movies, which solidified his conversion to the dark side. Film critic Roger Ebert was quoted as saying, "He is more machine now than man, twisted and evil. He betrayed and murdered... my love of just going to the movies."