George Harrison

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“I was just borrowing his wife. She divorced me before I could give her back...”

~ Eric Clapton on George Harrison

“It's all in the mind you know”

~ George Harrison on everything

George Harrison is a british musician, film producer, and poet who suffers from "Obsessive Hari Krishna Disorder". He is known for going on for ages about spirituality and writing tribute songs for people who got shot by Mark Chapman. Harrison struggles with grammar and would often put the word "was" where "were" should be. Harrison is today considered an influential musician. He is also notable for his inventions which include the first internationally successful benefit concert, triple albums, the Traveling Wilburys, Ravi Shankar, The Maharishi, India, and many others. He was also instrumental in Madonna getting the criticism that she deserves. Harrison achieved much success within the Beatles (a popular gay mans organization) and went on to have a reasonably successful solo-career with hits such as "I Love Carl Perkins", "Fuck You Paul McCartney", and numerous songs entitled "I Love God". The latter of these worried physiologists and he was assessed by professionals. It was found that he suffered from a condition known as "Obsessive Hari Krishna disorder", and that the cure was to shit on Oasis. Harrison also had a particularly fierce temper. In 1986, while staying at Jeff Lynne's house, he got mad and stripped naked, threatening to kill the ELO frontman if he refused to look. In 2008 Lynne was asked what it felt like, "Oh it was very hard," he replied. "I don't think it's ever been harder. George really could make it hard, so he did." Iconic rock legend Tom Petty agrees with Lynne- "I remember seeing him naked while having a wank, and you have absolutely no idea how hard it was," he says. "It was so hard that I felt I'd have to go to the doctor." Colleague and dentist Paul McCartney is among numerous people praising Harrison's work. "He was a genius," McCartney said, according to an interview with Talk Bullshit For Money.

[edit] Early Years

For the first five years of Harrison's life, their seemed to be nothing special about him. However, when he reached 5, Harrison developed a keen interest in his testicles and penis (his first solo album All Things Must Piss deals with the importance of the cock in society) and began writing songs about them, such as "My Sweet Dick" and "Awaiting on Your Balls". At the age of 10, Harrison, believing he was a genius, decided to take an IQ test. The test guy made it out that George got only 24 and for the next 5 years Harrison was put into a retarded home and was not allowed to see his parents. At the age of 15, Harrison was released after it was revealed that the guy who counted his results was himself a Retard, and Harrison actually was of average intelligence.

[edit] The Beatle Days

To celebrate his release, Harrison started a band with John Lennon and Paul McCartney. Initially, Harrison's songs smelled of complete dog shit. However, he then went on to write some fucking classics. In 1966 Harrison began to have a relationship with a rabbit who would later leave him for Eric Clapton. Harrison's first classic composition for The Beatles was If I Needed Bum Fun, which went to the top of the homosexual charts. It was tough for Harrison to get his songs recorded by the other members of the group. The Beatles film "Let It Be" shows a scene between Harrison and McCartney in which Harrison had invented his own way of masturbating. McCartney did not agree with it. "I'll wank whatever way you want me to wank," Harrison says. McCartney then proceeds to call John Lennon in, pull down his trousers and underpants, and do the dirty deed. This event inspired the classic "Beware of Semen" released on the album All Things Must Piss. Harrison also developed into a fantastic guitar player during the Beatles days. After the Beatles split, Harrison was so happy, saying, "Thank god I'm away from that fuckhead McCartney." Harrison proceeded to have a half legendary, half fucked up solo career.

[edit] Supposed "Death"

On the 29th of November 2001, Harrison was staying up late watching porn on TV when a small fly flew in through the window and started knocking the shit out of him. George was completely defenseless and died within 5 minutes.

[edit] George Harrison today

After his purported "death", Harrison secretly fled England on a banana barge bound for the glorious US of A to forge a new life as the Senior Vice President of Nintendo's Marketing and Corporate Communication branch after already having failed miserably at politics, competitive swimming, cricket and professional Irish Republican...ing.

[edit] Harrison's Songwriting

In the early sixties, Harrison's songs were not that good. However, after writing "If I Needed Bum Fun", Harrison became a legendary songwriter. In 1966 Harrison, took a songwriting class in which he learned the basic fundamentals. "I always thought you needed to have an erection before ya could write a good song. I had to become addicted to wanking." After taking the classes, Harrison proceeded to write "If I Needed Bum Fun". "I couldn't believe what beautiful and straight lyrics Harrison was coming out with," Paul McCartney says after Harrison wrote "If I Needed Bum Fun". In the 70s, Harrison's development as a lyricist increased vastly. His 1970 album All Things Must Piss featured the lyrically beautiful "My Sweet Dick" ("I really wanna suck you. Really wanna fuck with you. Really wanna suck ya dick but that would be gay my dick.") and the stunningly poetic "Awaiting On Your Balls" ("The lord is awaiting on your balls to suck them dry.") Critics grew extremely fond of Harrison's songs, calling them "The greatest thing since Heather Mills lost her leg!" The critics went on to to say "It's a pity it was only one leg".

[edit] Harrison,s hatred of Indians

It is commonly noted that Harrison,s hatred of Indians began when Ravi Shankar told him to "Suck my balls". "He was such a fucking wanker" Harrison remarked in an interview with Playboy. Harrison began his mission to get rid of all Indians but failed in doing so.

[edit] The trial

It 1971 McCartney filed a lawsuit against Harrison saying the penis he was talking about it "My Sweet Dick" was in fact his penis and Harrison had not been granted permission to sing about it. Harrison, Despite trying hard to convince the Jury that he was singing about Carl Perkin,s penis was sued £200m. In 1974 harrison wrote "This Song" in which he expressed his dissatisfaction over being sued by McCartney. In 1999 harrison attempted to kill McCartney by breaking into his house and attacking him with a spoon. McCartneys wife Pornochio saved the day. A week later McCartneys good friend Tom Petty left him a message saying "aren't you glad you married a wanker".