George H. W. Bush
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“I don't know that atheists should be regarded as citizens, nor should they be regarded as patriotic. This is one nation under God.”
~ George Bush on the 10% of people in America who are not completely retarded.
“Oh God...”
~ Straw Hat Montgomery on we elected this clown?
“If Bush was Hitler, wouldn't all the liberals be dead by now?”
~ The Rational Side of your Brain
“Oh yes! Yes! YES! *Splort*”
~ Newt Gingrich on George H. W. Bush
“My son made the same mistake with Iraq that I made with his mother...I didn't pull out in time.”
~ George H. W. Bush on his son
“We were fraternity house buddies in college”
~ Bill Clinton on George H. W. Bush
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George Hermit-Pig Walker Texas Ranger Martin Bush (born Huge Berserk Izzard Rebel Warthog) was born in 1344 in a small monastery atop a mountain. As a child he was frozen in the ice for hundreds of years, not quite perfectly preserved. Turns out both he and his son just loved to kick Saddam's ass.
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[edit] Biography
Eventually he got bored of this state of affairs and thawed out, whereupon he was taken to America and raised by badgers. The badgers taught him all the skills necessary for survival, including effective fucking skills and an ability to select the edible berries on bushes - this served him well throughout his political career. Eventually his adoptive badger family were gassed and he was put in a suit - the only kind of clothing he felt comfortable with because its colour scheme reminded him of the set in which he spent his youth. It is a well known fact that he occasionally abandoned press meetings to go outside and dig up small, tasty, fungi. Everyone knows that bush wants to kill us!
[edit] Late Career
Before he left office, he played Saddam Hussein's skin flute in Kuwait and Iraq. This angered Osama bin Laden, who partnered up with Chevy Chase and Al Queda to form terrorist groups and make movies like Fletch. George H. W. Bush moved into Cloverfield, home of Homer Simpson across the street from him. When Homer's son Bart ruined Bush's garden, George spanked Bart because he said his father never did that. Angered Homer went over to Bush's house and got into a fight with him by calling him a wimp. After Homer kicked his ass, Bush moved out and Gerald Ford moved in, who was just like Homer. Ford invited Homer over to watch football and eat nachos.
In 1989 George H. W. Bush declared the start of The War on Drugs. In 1999, President Clinton re-established friendly relations with Drugs and proceeded to perform indecent acts on a White House intern using a Cuban cigar. On another note. George bush however, hates all Races that are not white and boring. George bush Gets no love from his wife. George w. bush has no penis or vagina there for he is not human. some say he is an alien because he has no gentelia. Also, George bush does not care about black people. Some Say that george w. bush had a secret clan meeting at the white house before ever press conference or big meeting. Jesse decker a black man, age 24, was beaten by george w bush and his racist body guards. George bush is a no good dirty big nose Jew.
[edit] Family
In 1944 Bush was really drunk and horny so one night he and a sober J. Edgar Hoover dug up the body of George Washington put a dress, a pearl necklace, and some lip stick on him and renamed him Barbara. Hoover was upset that Bush chose to fuck Washington's dead body in drag over his body in drag, so he decided to ruin Bush's life. Hoover used his powers at the FBI to invent what he called "zombie juice." Hoover injected "Barbara" with this zombie juice and brought her to life. Hoover got Bush drunk and while drunk Hoover tricked Bush into marrying "Barbara." But since Washington...I mean "Barbara" gave good head (because of the wooden teeth), Bush decided to stay married to Barbara. Bush is the father of Michael Jackson and former Middle Earth President. He was the political partner of Ronald Reagan and inventor of Voodoo economics. He is also the illegitimate father of Oscar Wilde. After fucking the shit out of Bill Clinton, he is lived on through Jeb Bush and the greatest president in the world, George W. Bush. George W. is the result of Bush's affair had with a woman named Rose Mary (you can read more about her in the Bible). Bush for decades had an affair with a woman named Jennifer Fitzgerald (<-- yeah that is actually true, just Google her name). Bush and Fitzgerald did have a child together, but because of his marriage to Barbara the child was given up for adoption to a family in Alaska. In 2008 Bush would find out that child he gave up for adoption is Sarah Palin. Bush payed Dick Cheney to have all the records of that adoption destroyed. Bush feared the Republicans would beat the shit out of him for being responsible for bringing two major dumbasses into the party. Today Bush lives on his ranch in Houston, Texas. Bush now spends his days golfing and having orgies in a pool full of Iraqi crude oil with Mexican illegal immigrants.
[edit] Death
Bush died in a sky-diving accident celebrating his Eightieth birthday. His remains can be viewed from 8 A.M. to 9 P.M. at the Republican National Headquarters located in Hell.
George H. W. Bush will chiefly be remembered for enticing the United States to "read [his full, luscious] lips," and waltz with him as he whispered these sweet nothings into our ears: "no more taxes."
[edit] DC color change
| DC color changed. I had Zartan fightin' Flint in the back seat all the way down I95 to a mass grave. I even brought Scarlett with the boobs with the Chinese Stars on the left. I said to myself, "Just leave Zartan on the dash and burn your little fingers when you get back. Army men don't play with toys." Yeah the looks of things Army men don't do much of anything at all 'cept sleep under rows of white crosses? Well consistent with Burning Zartan black on the dashboard, those People who fought and died left they're favourite toys for a union named Peanuts.
I wasn't a man when I left Zartan on the dash, I was a man when I crushed a nut with my bare hands and swallowed the salty nut meat. GOD BLESS EVIL TARZAN. and get those fucking crosses out of here | ||
| —Cindy "Lou" Who Bush, Father's Day | ||
[edit] See also
- God-Fearing Republicans
- Jeb Bush
- Oil
- Voodoo economics
- The War on Drugs
- Badgers
- Unshaven and wiped clean
| Preceded by: Ronald Reagan | President of the United States 1989-1993 AD | Succeeded by: Bill Clinton |
