Geology

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[[Image:Olivine basalt.jpg|200px|thumb|Hey, look! A rock!! Aww, screw this. I hate geology now.]]
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[[File:Ayresrock.png|right|thumb|280px|Some skeptics claim that geology is about the study of rocks. There is some truth in this as God did create Ayres rock as proof that only a supernatural being could create such a massive rock.]]
   
{{Q|'''Rock on!'''|National Institute of Geologists}}
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'''Geology''' is the study of "[[God]]'s [[Creationism|Creation]]" (derived from Latin: "geo" meaning "God" and "ology" meaning "creation"). "God's Creation" is a term that [[Jesus]] used to refer to the [[Earth]] and therefore in modern colloquial [[English]], geology is sometimes referred to as the "Study of the Earth." It is researched and explored by studying ancient biblical scripts and therefore is, like [[geography]], a branch of [[history]], referred to as '''[[Natural]] History'''.
   
'''Geology''' (from Bushman - ''Geo'' meaning ''Rock'' and ''logy'' meaning ''masturbation'') is devotion to the study of the [[Rock]], its composition, properties, history, and processes of formation. Petroleum Geology however looks at the holes within rock rather than the rocks themselves, so a petroleum geologist doesn't actually look at the rocks, just the cold, dark voids of nothingness within them. Geology is not in fact a science, but simply a hobby.
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Some key sub-categories of geology include "[[Creationism]]", which explains how the Earth was formed out of dust and rock, "Seismometry", which studies the God's wrath by measuring the shock [[waves]] that his anger emits, and "Paleontology" - the study of the last group of [[sinners]] who walked this Earth and of God's [[punishment]] towards them.
   
Geology was created so that drunks were able to get paid by universities to create fiction to make their puns that don't make sense sound feasible. In around 1800 a man called James Hadley got bored of being kicked out of cities for being a drunk. So he made up some bullshit about solid lumps of stone actually moving over each other. Some people actually believed him and thus Geology was born, since then there have been 200yrs worth of inventive drunks creating magical stories of whole continents walking around the planet and playing bumper cars against each other.
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== Geological Timescale ==
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[[File:GeoTimeScale.jpg|thumb|centre|1000px]]
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===The Creation of the Earth (Creationism)===
   
The study of actual rock(s), has made Geology one of the most [[Madonna|iconic]] professions and desired lifestyles, envied by all other mineralogists. [[Geologist]]s, known for their voracious drinking and lifestyles, have been the subject of many popular, films, novels and college courses. Geologists are most classically portrayed as larger than life figures in pop culture known for their often excessive and unwieldy hair and habits such as flatulence, promiscuity and acts of random violence. The lives of geologists are often even more fascinating than the rock(s) which they study.
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The Earth was created in the year 4000BC, which coincides with the time that did not leave any evidence of human scriptures or civilisation. The [[Carbon]] dating proves this right, whilst other forms of [[radioactive]] rock prove it wrong. However, these forms of rock have recently been eliminated by geologists, as the only presence God accepts on his Earth is that of several Carbon isomers.
   
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The World has been created in seven days, which can be proven by many remnants of Earth's creation (still in our landscape), such as cave paintings and [[book|books]] hidden in cracks of many cliff faces all around the World, which God is said to have drawn or wrote. Despite the fact that these paintings and books contradict each other heavily and some don't even make sense, the mere fact that there are so many pieces of evidence leads to the empirical conclusion that the Earth was created within seven days.
   
==Questions Of Geology==
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===Earth in its infancy===
   
Geologists aspire to resolve the 10 pillars of geology;
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Seconds after Earth's formation, it was already a vast ball of rock surrounded by a fully functioning atmosphere where trees, grasses and animals lived happily in comfortable conditions. [[Archaeology|Archaeological]] excavations in the [[Middle East]] (in Southern [[Syria]], for example) give proof of the fact that God banished Humans from the [[Garden of Eden]] very soon after, around 7.5tya (thousand years ago), which was be the first state purgery he would commit.
   
*What is it?
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===The Divieon and Mezoic Periods===
*How old is it?
 
*Where did it come from?
 
*Is there oil in it?
 
*Does [[Your_Mom|it]] taste good?
 
*Where is the nearest pub?
 
*Does the pub serve traditional real ales?
 
*Where's my red colouring pencil gone?
 
*Where am I?
 
*If i was high, could this rock be fictional?
 
   
These are the questions on which Geologists base their colourful, meaningful lives, drinking and resolving in equal measure.
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The [[Great Flood|Great Floods]] of 4000BC helped to eradicate even more sinners and dinosaurs. Soon after, God's pedantic nature, that told him to get rid of all the traitors, would make him send down [[Moses]] (originally his son) to the Earth in order to save a small group of true-believers from yet another [[Apocalypse Now|Apocalypse]]. [[Science|Scientific research]] done by geologists clearly shows that Moses somehow annoyed God, which was the cause of [[Moses]] being renounced as the God's son. He was soon replaced by [[Jesus]], however, whose behaviour was claimed to be a lot better than his predecessor's.
   
{{partialspork|Some boring geology book}}
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Some geologists dispute the theory of Jesus being ''a'' son of God, as the fossils of his body (which 3000 [[Catholic]] [[Church|Churches]] have kindly provided for research) looked more like fossils of 100 different men. They conclude that Jesus was more than one person.
   
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Critics say that the Bible - the source of all geological research, could not allow for more than 50 Jesuses. Nevertheless it never says that Jesus was one man. In this case the "Multi-Jesi" theory can be backed up by various witnesses who have seen the [[Messiah]] as far as [[Alaska]]. But it also opens some other important questions, such as how many Messiahs have actually been crucified.
   
Geology is the study of all solid matter on [[Earth]] (including [[ice]]) with the exception of animals, humans and [[German]] people. In fact, geology can also be the study of solid matter in [[space]] and so in actual fact, geology is the study of everything. However, geologists are rarely clever enough to know everything as so geology is broken down into several scientific fields such as [[physics]], [[chemistry]], [[astronomy|planetary astronomy]] ''etc''.
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===The Cenozoic Downfall===
   
Geology was first invented in [[Scotland]] on March 14th, 1764 when ''James Hutton'' and ''Sir Charles Lyell'' picked up a [[rock]] (most likely a lump of [[quartz]]) on the beach and realised that it was different from the several hundred lumps of sandstone that were scattered across their mantlepiece. An instant shock, Lyell felt the need to write several hundred books about his discoveries, which creationists to this day still laugh and giggle about. In his first book ''101 Things I Bet You Never Knew About Rock'', he claimed that all rock originated from [[volcano|volcanoes]], an important theory that provides the basis for all geological laws today.
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Despite God's attempts to cure the planet through the whole time-span of geology, he has not succeeded in quelling a small minority of wretched un-believers, who still walked on the Earth. Through extensive research and many experiments, such as "Gino Spectroscopy of Chalk", geologists have discovered the [[Dark Ages]], a period of time which eliminated every being who doubted or could doubt the God's existence, which was - almost everyone. By that time God was kicking himself as he could not understand how he, an all-knowing and perfect God, could have created people as evil as that. Somehow humanity held out and God gave up. He decided to stick to saving the people who loved him the most and sending to Hell those who did not mind being expatriated from the Garden of Eden.
   
''Sir Phillip Drift'' later discovered that the surface of the earth is continually in motion and had the [[Continental Drift]] Theory named in his honour in 1912. From this came the discovery of the [[East African Rift]] and mid-ocean ridges when the Atlantic Mid-Ocean Ridge was also discovered accidentally in 1912 when divers were searching the ocean floor for remains of the [[Titanic|RMS Titanic]]. Since then, all geology has revolved around [[oil]] and other hydrocarbons as studying the crystal lattice structure of a [[quartz]] crystal isn't going to make anyone a millionaire quickly, is it?
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Still, geology proves that in this [[Matrix]], that got way out of hand, there exists God's computer program, which will attempt to destroying the Universe, in what Geologists refer to as the ''Futurezoic'' period. Geological calculations predict that this day, baptised - the "Judgement Day", will happen in <s>2012</s> 2120 and that only the true-believers, known as the [[Mormons]] will survive and go to [[heaven]].
   
==Geologists' Ties to Crack Rocks==
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== Sub-Topics of Geology ==
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===Palaeontology===
   
[[Image:geologymap.JPG|thumb|150px|Geologists sometimes become bored and destroy their field maps, making some regions appear exceptionally complex.]]
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Paleontology covers the examination of any species that no longer exists. The only possible reason for the disappearance of such species would be a mass sin it committed. According to the [[Bible]], only [[humans]] are capable of thinking for themselves and have consciousness, and therefore animals cannot sin; however it is never mentioned that organisms ''other than animals'' lack consciousness and therefore we may presume that these organisms, such as trees, mushrooms and algae, think for themselves and sin for the Devil. It can also be concluded that any species which is today extinct is certainly not an animal. There is of course the exception of three-legged animals, whom, despite their name are not considered proper animals.
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[[File:VolcanoEruption.jpg|thumb|left|220px|Strong geological evidence proves that volcanic eruptions are linked to God's wrath.]]
   
Geologists' studies of differing rocks and their uses has naturally involved the study of Crack Rocks, and its affects on the human mind. This has led to many experiments on test subjects ranging from lab mice, weasels, badgers, kittens, bears, and college students. It was discovered soon after by scientists doing a parallel study on stupidity that the Geology scientists were using University funds to give poor college students free crack cocaine. This caused the University to take the crack from the college students and divide it among the faculty almost equally; it was almost equal because the Math professors were the only ones who knew how to divide and took more for themselves, those bastards.
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One of the great achievements of palaeontology was uncovering the [[fossil]] of [[Noah's Ark|Noah]] and his wife from their burial site in 2004. Evidence clearly point to the fact that they are his remains, as they have been found outside Prison 43 in [[Siberia]] with "Noah No.13" branded on the skull, which means that in the whole history of mankind there definitely was a person called Noah and that the story of the Great Flood and Noah's Ark must have been true.
   
The data from the experiments produced several conclusions.
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Palaeontologists spend large amounts of time on beaches searching for fossilised remains of Saints and Saviours from all the geological eras. St. Mark's skull was found washed up on a beach in [[Dorset]] in 1934. It is now called the "[[Jurassic]] Coastline", as St. Mark was from the Jurassic period (a subset of the [[Bullshit|Creationous Era]]).
   
1. College Students using Crack Cocaine made significantly lower grades in every class but Art. It was theorized that all Art Majors were crack heads to begin with.
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===Seismometry===
   
2. The Bears immediately started migration into urban areas in the hopes of finding and eating crackheads to get high.
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Seismometry studies the effects and causes of God's wrath waves or as they are scientifically known, "Geoseisures." Geoseisures are shock waves that travel through the Earth's crust when some of the [[hell]] (situated in the core of the Earth) erupts. As St. Paul said in his [[Fishing]] Chapter 2 Psalm 4:5 of the Bible, "for every action there is an opposite and equal reaction", so when a fireball of magma escapes from hell, God counteracts this spreading of sin with his wrath. When these two forces meet a Geoseisure is born.
   
3. The Kittens who were under the effects of Crack Cocaine gave a significantly more powerful high when huffed, thought they still did not fuck you up NEARLY as hard as the non-crack influenced orange ones. See Kitten Huffing.
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Seismologists are very useful for predicting when an apocalypse will occur. They look for huge disturbances in the outer mantle, which would signify that there are too many sinners on the planet. Seismometry is therefore considered the most vital part of geology.
   
4. Geologists sure as hell don't know how to spend University money. The student body, however, thinks they rock!
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===Vulcanology===
   
==Types of Geology==
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Vulcanology is the study of paganism and false religions (i.e. [[Spock|Star Trekery]]} . While this may be an indecent job for most sane people, some brave geologists venture into understanding how they have ever come to exist on Earth. Vulcanology is vital for allowing humans to understand how to get rid of these false beliefs and return to a natural geological state of [[Fan Fiction|pure Christianity]].
   
*Structural geology - ''This pile of rubble I'm climbing on doesn't seem structurally stable. Ooh, is that a glacial erratic? Try hitting it with your rock hammer- ARGGGGG!!!''
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To reach areas of heavy paganism, geologists must travel to the most remote areas of the World, namely [[Scandinavia]] and [[Iceland]].
*Volcanology - ''Holy balls, the composition of this basaltic lava flow is solidifying at an exceptional- ARRGGGG!!!!''
 
*Palaeontology - ''The fossil remains of this skeleton? Hmmmm, Neolithic I would say...''
 
*Situationist Geology- ''Those people who speak of geology and rock struggle without referring to eveyday reality have a corpse in their mouth''
 
*Sedimentology - ''Silt has a nice toothpaste texture when you taste it, but the larger grain size in sand gives it a gritty texture.''
 
*Evolution - ''This cat your grace, it used to be a dog...''
 
*Field Geology - ''Oilseed grape grows in this field due to a favourable soil pH from the underlying rocks. *yawn*''
 
*Creationism - ''I am sick of beating my face against granite floors like my colleagues ARGGGGG...enough of this mindless uniformitarian conjecture! Time for a fresh perspective!''
 
*Mineralogy - ''The study of ending words in "ite"......ARRGGITE
 
*Geomorphology - ''The Earth changes gradually "I've been standing here for hours and havent seen any rocks move....ARRGGG"
 
   
==Big Dogs of Geology==
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===Teutonic Plates===
*''Tony Adams'', Jurrasic to present [Manchester University]
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[[File:TeutonicPlates.png|thumb|right|220px|The remnants of the Eurasian Plate that describes the role of pigs in society.]]
*''Giles Droop'', carbon-dated to 4.8billion BC (he is the rock!) [Manchester University]
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The Teutonic Plates refer to the plates that the [[Teutonic Knights]] wrote stories upon in the mid 14th Century. These stories give clue to how God intended the World to be run. The most notable of these instructions being to eradicate sin by means of "freeze-thaw weathering" and to errode away at human structures on the landscape that are not built for the purpose of worshiping God. The Teutonic Plates are presevred in the library of the Natural History [[Museum]] and are used by many geologists as reference points for their work.
*''Derek Briggs'', Cambrian to present (Creator of the "Cambrian Explosion") [Yale University]
 
*''John Hossack'', 200MA - present
 
*''Charles Lyell'', ''(All processes continue at perfectly constant rates...I swear...you believe me don't you? ARGGGGG!)'' Kings College [[London]] - 1830's
 
*''William Sollas'' The Daddy. [University College, Oxford]
 
*''James Nicol'', University of [[Aberdeen]] - 1853 - 1879
 
*''Chris Evans'', [[Anywhere but home]] - 1990BC - present
 
*''The Rock (Can you smell what he's cooking? A crinoid covered in cheese that's what!)'', [[Your mum]] - 4.5Billion BC - present
 
''G. Youd', Jurassic - Present. Recently completed over 100 years of teaching of mass wasting.
 
*''Phil "I killed a grouse with my rock hammer" Brown', Never ages, [University of Weelll....sconsin - Madison]
 
*''Ed "Dash their hopes of having a Red Marble kitchen by telling them it's actually Limestone" Jarvis'', Immortal [University College Cork]
 
*''Charlie's Stick'' [Aberystwyth University] - technically created before the big bang. Worked out that wood is actually undercover sandstone working for the CIA
 
*''Paul "Dr Death" Wignall'' [University Of Leeds] - Late Permian to present. Speculated to have caused the great PermoTriassic catastrophy and has been implicated in several major mass extinctions since.
 
*''Saul 'the licker' Mifflin'' - Ordovician till present. (Premium rock licker at Hereford sixth form college).
 
   
==See also==
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Thanks to the Teutonic Plates, many parts of geology have been pretty much worked out as God's instructions are quite clear on how Earth was designed. This is why unlike many other sciences geology is less of a "field trip" science and more of a "sit down and read an [[ancient]] scripture" science.
*[[Geologic time scale]]
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*[[Geologist]]
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== History of Geology ==
*[[Yellowstone National Park]]
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Geology is one of the oldest sciences in the World having been first used by a monk named [[Dexter|Brother Dexter]], in the 8th Century AD. [[West Germany|Westphalian]] legend claims that Dexter was wandering along the road on his way back to the Monastery from a brothel when he stumbled across a large rock jutting out of the ground. He was at first unable to fathom how such a rock had got there in the first place, as its brown, grained colour contrasted this of all the local rocks. However by the way the rock was curved and sculptered, he was able to determine that it was a [[Wood|wooden]] bench dating back to the early 7th Century BC.
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The monk's work inspired some [[British]] high-society people to create a gentlemen's club named the "The Geological Society" in the early 19th century. Unfortunately some people took it seriously and scientists such as [[Charles Darwin]] barged their way in to talk about very un-geological things. This sudden mad attack on geology by so-called "[[Biology|Biologists]]" ("biology", literally, "a living being's creation", was certainly a parody of the word "geology") provoked the society to restrict membership applications on invitation only. The Geological Society went on to become a leading society in the world of science, even proving Jesus' existence based on Carbon dating of all 12 holy relics of his nose.
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Soon Geology was employed in the newly founded [[Saudi Arabia|oil industry]]. It was to determine to whom all the Middle East oil belonged. Various geologists have studied local landscape and tried to interpret God's message from it. In most cases, geologists working for [[BP]] found that the oil belonged to the company, however in a few cases when a [[BP Oil Spill|spill]] would occur, the y would say that the leak in the pipe was created by God to show that the oil was owned by the locals, who were from now on responsible for cleaning it up.
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[[File:Geology Movement.jpg|thumb|left|220px|A campaign poster for Geological Movement]]
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== Geological Motion ==
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A geological motion is a statement that a geological debate is based on. Some famous geological motions of history are "Is the Earth round?", "How was the Moon formed?" and "Am I God's Creation, too?" The answers to these questions have been debated over many times. While the answer to the third question is definitely negative, the first and the second questions still cause debates to happen. The commonly established responses to them are "No, not perfectly" to the first one and "By God" - to the second. Geological motions are especially important in modern times when theories such as the "Theory of [[Evolution]]" attempt to debunk geology, by saying that the Earth was created out of nothing simply because that nothing has been changing for trillions of years, for example.
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===''Geological Movement''===
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''Geological Movement'' is an organisation, that was established by the Royal<ref>It received the honourary "Royal" status from the [[Principality of Sealand]]</ref> Society of [[Scientology]], that encourages and promotes the teachings of geology in Religious Education classes at school. According to its Chairman, "The [[Liberal Christian|liberal]] [[Church of England]] has deliberately omitted the teachings of geology from RE classes preferring to accept the views of evolution instead."
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Recently Geological Movement has been widely noticed by international media when it was reported to be behind the 2011 Tohoku [[Earthquake]], which almost caused a [[Nuclear Vagueness|nuclear fallout]] at a nuclear power plant in Fukushima. The group claims that it will go anywhere and do anything to get its views across, even if that would mean using the liberally-biased media.
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== Geology and Fracking ==
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The mal-practice of geology is sometimes known as "[[Fracking]]." God forbids fracking in the ''Revised 13 "10 Commandments"'':
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{{CQ|Thou shall not frack. For fracking just isn't natural and our water might become 2% more [[Acid Rain|acidic]]. Those who frack should frack off.}}
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Fracking is a technique spread by the [[liberal media]], who profit from it. The process of fracking involves using spinning drills in order to wind up holes in a few Conservatives' heads. The International Academic Institute of Scientology has discredited fracking, calling it "an inappropriate use of science."
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==Footnote==
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{{Reflist}}
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==See also==
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{{FA|date=17 March 2014|revision=5782365}}
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*[[Science]]
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*[[Religion]]
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*[[Fracking]]
   
 
[[Category:Science]]
 
[[Category:Science]]
 
[[Category:Geology]]
 
[[Category:Geology]]
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[[Category:Natural History]]
 
[[Category:Vital articles]]
 
[[Category:Vital articles]]
   

Latest revision as of 08:37, April 7, 2014

Ayresrock

Some skeptics claim that geology is about the study of rocks. There is some truth in this as God did create Ayres rock as proof that only a supernatural being could create such a massive rock.

Geology is the study of "God's Creation" (derived from Latin: "geo" meaning "God" and "ology" meaning "creation"). "God's Creation" is a term that Jesus used to refer to the Earth and therefore in modern colloquial English, geology is sometimes referred to as the "Study of the Earth." It is researched and explored by studying ancient biblical scripts and therefore is, like geography, a branch of history, referred to as Natural History.

Some key sub-categories of geology include "Creationism", which explains how the Earth was formed out of dust and rock, "Seismometry", which studies the God's wrath by measuring the shock waves that his anger emits, and "Paleontology" - the study of the last group of sinners who walked this Earth and of God's punishment towards them.

edit Geological Timescale

GeoTimeScale

edit The Creation of the Earth (Creationism)

The Earth was created in the year 4000BC, which coincides with the time that did not leave any evidence of human scriptures or civilisation. The Carbon dating proves this right, whilst other forms of radioactive rock prove it wrong. However, these forms of rock have recently been eliminated by geologists, as the only presence God accepts on his Earth is that of several Carbon isomers.

The World has been created in seven days, which can be proven by many remnants of Earth's creation (still in our landscape), such as cave paintings and books hidden in cracks of many cliff faces all around the World, which God is said to have drawn or wrote. Despite the fact that these paintings and books contradict each other heavily and some don't even make sense, the mere fact that there are so many pieces of evidence leads to the empirical conclusion that the Earth was created within seven days.

edit Earth in its infancy

Seconds after Earth's formation, it was already a vast ball of rock surrounded by a fully functioning atmosphere where trees, grasses and animals lived happily in comfortable conditions. Archaeological excavations in the Middle East (in Southern Syria, for example) give proof of the fact that God banished Humans from the Garden of Eden very soon after, around 7.5tya (thousand years ago), which was be the first state purgery he would commit.

edit The Divieon and Mezoic Periods

The Great Floods of 4000BC helped to eradicate even more sinners and dinosaurs. Soon after, God's pedantic nature, that told him to get rid of all the traitors, would make him send down Moses (originally his son) to the Earth in order to save a small group of true-believers from yet another Apocalypse. Scientific research done by geologists clearly shows that Moses somehow annoyed God, which was the cause of Moses being renounced as the God's son. He was soon replaced by Jesus, however, whose behaviour was claimed to be a lot better than his predecessor's.

Some geologists dispute the theory of Jesus being a son of God, as the fossils of his body (which 3000 Catholic Churches have kindly provided for research) looked more like fossils of 100 different men. They conclude that Jesus was more than one person.

Critics say that the Bible - the source of all geological research, could not allow for more than 50 Jesuses. Nevertheless it never says that Jesus was one man. In this case the "Multi-Jesi" theory can be backed up by various witnesses who have seen the Messiah as far as Alaska. But it also opens some other important questions, such as how many Messiahs have actually been crucified.

edit The Cenozoic Downfall

Despite God's attempts to cure the planet through the whole time-span of geology, he has not succeeded in quelling a small minority of wretched un-believers, who still walked on the Earth. Through extensive research and many experiments, such as "Gino Spectroscopy of Chalk", geologists have discovered the Dark Ages, a period of time which eliminated every being who doubted or could doubt the God's existence, which was - almost everyone. By that time God was kicking himself as he could not understand how he, an all-knowing and perfect God, could have created people as evil as that. Somehow humanity held out and God gave up. He decided to stick to saving the people who loved him the most and sending to Hell those who did not mind being expatriated from the Garden of Eden.

Still, geology proves that in this Matrix, that got way out of hand, there exists God's computer program, which will attempt to destroying the Universe, in what Geologists refer to as the Futurezoic period. Geological calculations predict that this day, baptised - the "Judgement Day", will happen in 2012 2120 and that only the true-believers, known as the Mormons will survive and go to heaven.

edit Sub-Topics of Geology

edit Palaeontology

Paleontology covers the examination of any species that no longer exists. The only possible reason for the disappearance of such species would be a mass sin it committed. According to the Bible, only humans are capable of thinking for themselves and have consciousness, and therefore animals cannot sin; however it is never mentioned that organisms other than animals lack consciousness and therefore we may presume that these organisms, such as trees, mushrooms and algae, think for themselves and sin for the Devil. It can also be concluded that any species which is today extinct is certainly not an animal. There is of course the exception of three-legged animals, whom, despite their name are not considered proper animals.

VolcanoEruption

Strong geological evidence proves that volcanic eruptions are linked to God's wrath.

One of the great achievements of palaeontology was uncovering the fossil of Noah and his wife from their burial site in 2004. Evidence clearly point to the fact that they are his remains, as they have been found outside Prison 43 in Siberia with "Noah No.13" branded on the skull, which means that in the whole history of mankind there definitely was a person called Noah and that the story of the Great Flood and Noah's Ark must have been true.

Palaeontologists spend large amounts of time on beaches searching for fossilised remains of Saints and Saviours from all the geological eras. St. Mark's skull was found washed up on a beach in Dorset in 1934. It is now called the "Jurassic Coastline", as St. Mark was from the Jurassic period (a subset of the Creationous Era).

edit Seismometry

Seismometry studies the effects and causes of God's wrath waves or as they are scientifically known, "Geoseisures." Geoseisures are shock waves that travel through the Earth's crust when some of the hell (situated in the core of the Earth) erupts. As St. Paul said in his Fishing Chapter 2 Psalm 4:5 of the Bible, "for every action there is an opposite and equal reaction", so when a fireball of magma escapes from hell, God counteracts this spreading of sin with his wrath. When these two forces meet a Geoseisure is born.

Seismologists are very useful for predicting when an apocalypse will occur. They look for huge disturbances in the outer mantle, which would signify that there are too many sinners on the planet. Seismometry is therefore considered the most vital part of geology.

edit Vulcanology

Vulcanology is the study of paganism and false religions (i.e. Star Trekery} . While this may be an indecent job for most sane people, some brave geologists venture into understanding how they have ever come to exist on Earth. Vulcanology is vital for allowing humans to understand how to get rid of these false beliefs and return to a natural geological state of pure Christianity.

To reach areas of heavy paganism, geologists must travel to the most remote areas of the World, namely Scandinavia and Iceland.

edit Teutonic Plates

TeutonicPlates

The remnants of the Eurasian Plate that describes the role of pigs in society.

The Teutonic Plates refer to the plates that the Teutonic Knights wrote stories upon in the mid 14th Century. These stories give clue to how God intended the World to be run. The most notable of these instructions being to eradicate sin by means of "freeze-thaw weathering" and to errode away at human structures on the landscape that are not built for the purpose of worshiping God. The Teutonic Plates are presevred in the library of the Natural History Museum and are used by many geologists as reference points for their work.

Thanks to the Teutonic Plates, many parts of geology have been pretty much worked out as God's instructions are quite clear on how Earth was designed. This is why unlike many other sciences geology is less of a "field trip" science and more of a "sit down and read an ancient scripture" science.

edit History of Geology

Geology is one of the oldest sciences in the World having been first used by a monk named Brother Dexter, in the 8th Century AD. Westphalian legend claims that Dexter was wandering along the road on his way back to the Monastery from a brothel when he stumbled across a large rock jutting out of the ground. He was at first unable to fathom how such a rock had got there in the first place, as its brown, grained colour contrasted this of all the local rocks. However by the way the rock was curved and sculptered, he was able to determine that it was a wooden bench dating back to the early 7th Century BC.

The monk's work inspired some British high-society people to create a gentlemen's club named the "The Geological Society" in the early 19th century. Unfortunately some people took it seriously and scientists such as Charles Darwin barged their way in to talk about very un-geological things. This sudden mad attack on geology by so-called "Biologists" ("biology", literally, "a living being's creation", was certainly a parody of the word "geology") provoked the society to restrict membership applications on invitation only. The Geological Society went on to become a leading society in the world of science, even proving Jesus' existence based on Carbon dating of all 12 holy relics of his nose.

Soon Geology was employed in the newly founded oil industry. It was to determine to whom all the Middle East oil belonged. Various geologists have studied local landscape and tried to interpret God's message from it. In most cases, geologists working for BP found that the oil belonged to the company, however in a few cases when a spill would occur, the y would say that the leak in the pipe was created by God to show that the oil was owned by the locals, who were from now on responsible for cleaning it up.

Geology Movement

A campaign poster for Geological Movement

edit Geological Motion

A geological motion is a statement that a geological debate is based on. Some famous geological motions of history are "Is the Earth round?", "How was the Moon formed?" and "Am I God's Creation, too?" The answers to these questions have been debated over many times. While the answer to the third question is definitely negative, the first and the second questions still cause debates to happen. The commonly established responses to them are "No, not perfectly" to the first one and "By God" - to the second. Geological motions are especially important in modern times when theories such as the "Theory of Evolution" attempt to debunk geology, by saying that the Earth was created out of nothing simply because that nothing has been changing for trillions of years, for example.

edit Geological Movement

Geological Movement is an organisation, that was established by the Royal[1] Society of Scientology, that encourages and promotes the teachings of geology in Religious Education classes at school. According to its Chairman, "The liberal Church of England has deliberately omitted the teachings of geology from RE classes preferring to accept the views of evolution instead."

Recently Geological Movement has been widely noticed by international media when it was reported to be behind the 2011 Tohoku Earthquake, which almost caused a nuclear fallout at a nuclear power plant in Fukushima. The group claims that it will go anywhere and do anything to get its views across, even if that would mean using the liberally-biased media.

edit Geology and Fracking

The mal-practice of geology is sometimes known as "Fracking." God forbids fracking in the Revised 13 "10 Commandments":

Cquote1 Thou shall not frack. For fracking just isn't natural and our water might become 2% more acidic. Those who frack should frack off. Cquote2

Fracking is a technique spread by the liberal media, who profit from it. The process of fracking involves using spinning drills in order to wind up holes in a few Conservatives' heads. The International Academic Institute of Scientology has discredited fracking, calling it "an inappropriate use of science."

edit Footnote

  1. It received the honourary "Royal" status from the Principality of Sealand

edit See also

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