Geography of Romania
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The diet consists mostly of cash(anti-VISA), onions, garlic, and of course, Tzuica, Palinca, or Poshirca. Apart from the sheep hearders, there are also intelectuals who inhabit Bukovina. They are concentrated in the Suceava region, a megalopolis the size of Boss-Wash, which is proud to have METRO and McDonald's.'The castle of Tampau is the faimousts object from this area.
Another translation of the word Bucovina, if I may say so, is Buc (bottom) + Ovina (the sheep) = buca oii (the bottom of the sheep). The baci, aka ciobani, as my fellow writer stated above, are using the sheep for == Fur, milk, meat and sex - life at a farm can get really lonely, especially during winter. So buca oii (the bottom of the sheep) is very useful for the health of the ciobani. During Constantinescu (aka The goat) regime this kind of behaviour was forbiden, as the former president was sympathetic with his relatives, the sheeps.
[edit] Cities
[edit] Bucuresti
Summer capital of Romania ( how could a country have a "summer capital"? whoever wrote this was seriously deranged - oh yeah? so what?)). Also largest city in the country, except for summer, when 50% to 80% of the population migrates to the seaside (see Tourism in Romania) to show off the expensive cars that during the rest of the year turn the mother city in to a huge parking lot. It is also known as "the city of the 9 hills", sporting only one noticeable height difference, innappropiately known as "Dealul Mitropoliei" - "The Metropolitan Hill" (go figure). Besides the above mentioned attractions, Bucharest is a city of many enchantments. Most of the magical population of Romania seems to live here (those specialised in disappearing acts). Anyway, all inhabitants are very warm and welcoming folks, very fond of tourists - especially german (cars), american (wallets), japanese (cameras) etc
You will also find here a wide array of wildlife (they seem to have turned the city in to a hybrid of wildlife reservation and zoo) - See Romania - Flora and Fauna
In Bucharest you may find many species of inhabbitants: tzaranii (the peasants - common word for people who do not know how to dress or act in society,), shmecherii (the cool ones - word for people showing off with their parents money, pretending they're theirs) and the rroms - a special category of people, populating most of the districts of Bucharest.
The cool ones pretend to become urbans, title granted only for cool city looking guys with fancy clothes and crazy haircut.
- The weather in Bucharest has 2 seasons - dirty (spring and summer) and very dirty (autumn and winter). Once in 4 years, a strange and new kind of weather appears: clean (elections time).
- Driving in Bucharest: you may find that driving in Bucharest is an extreme sport and requires many protection systems. There are 3 categories of drivers: the sleepers (drivers that sleep behind the wheel - do not honk, you may disturb their sleep), the fast and the furious and the 3rd category, the most dangerous one - too fast and too furious. To be prepaired you have to: always be ready to honk loud and clear,in order for the other drivers to notice you - mirrors are not enough for them. Have your middle finger prepaired to greet other partipants in traffic. They will answer back in the same way. Also, other forms of saluting other drivers in your way to the office are: "Cine ma-ta te-a invatat sa conduci, ba boule!!", "Misca imbecilule, ca ma grabesc!!" and "Futu-ti frana ma-ti ca era sa intru-n tine!!". The other drivers will answer back in very polite ways like: "Du-te-n ma-ta de imbecil!" Also, in Bucharest, pedestrians seem to have suicidal attempts (as they cross everywhere but the crossing sign) so be carefull not to run them down. When a gypsy with a bottle and a cloth approaches your vehicle, drive as fast as you can at them, attempting to clip their knees, as they will wipe your window if it is the last thing they ever do!
Always be careful at the rroms transportation means: the horse and carriage, the donkey and sometimes children carring each other. The sales representatives are the most weired specie of drivers. Do not annoy them, or this will be the last thing you've ever done in your lifetime.
[edit] Râmnicu-Vâlcea
It is a wonderful city. We have a park called "De tot KKTu" (aka Zăvoi). It is great, it has a lake which during winters it gets frozen and you can skate on it. Great Success! It is also the home of several hundred eBay scammers. It is the most fraudulous city in the world. FBI and CIA moved down here, because it is to expensive to send people every day to arrest all the scammers. This wonderful city is also known for the great number of Tokio Hotel fans who call theirselves "rockeri" or "tru". You can find them in the city's center park (pokemonii de pe centru). On the other hand there are manelari (aka Guţă and Adi de la Vâlcea worshipers) whom power is based on the large amount of manele and lanţuri. The last category of people is almost all the time considered "fără viaţă" (no life) or "tocilari" (nerds). They are taking advantage on the rest by calling them "poseri" or "pokemoni" and "manelari proşti" or "cocălari"/"piţipoance" without being punished. However, another interesting place to be visited is Old Mircea's park (or Central Park) - Parcul Mircea cel Bătrân where you cand find trees, banks, old enthusiasm, an Orthodox church, a Catholic one (strategically placed in the same courtyard with television VL1 - building often confused with the space out of the drink in addition aka WC public), pedophiles, happy couples (lingăi) and a artesian well.
[edit] Slobozia
This is a magical place full of faries and dragons where knights get drunk early in the evening and party untill the next day. Ocasionally dragons come have a beer or two and try to hook up with witches, by impressing them when the witch asks the dragon for a smoke. Tourists come here often, especially young ladies and men in order to practice the wonderfull act of muie (muye, mooje). The town is known for the muie cults that practice this act each morning after 10, when the cocks still sing. The name Slobozia is actually a derivative of a slang term for semen, and thus is directly related to the muie cults that made the city famous.
[edit] Giurgiu
This is a very interesting town. Everyone seems to be visiting it extremely often and enjoying it, but they're also unable to say WHY they enjoyed Giurgiu, as it has ABSOLUTELY nothing interesting to SEE or DO. But people seem to like visiting dull places. Giurgiu is Utah of Romania.
[edit] Baicoi
The original capital of Romania, lost during attack of the clones, only the last jedi (who escaped extermination) knows it's actual location, and one cannot be told where Baicoi is, one can only be shown where Baicoi is.
Baicoi (=Dudeballs!, hola Cojones) is a mysterious place in Romania. One might say it doesn't really exist, that it's a kind of romanian Avalon. No-one goes there... or, at least no one reliable went there and came back to tell about it. Some say it is the place where a huge radioactive meteorite fell down to Earth; some say it is a place where an ancient nuclear plant exploded...
Anyway, the legend says that the people in Baicoi have two pairs of testicles, even women have two ovaries and one testicle. In other words, in Baicoi live another human species, an authoritary and aggressive one. The people of Baicoi worship the God of Sperm, Thestostheron, brother of Tutankhamen, and every year every family in Baicoi gives him a gift: one banana and four oranges, symbolising the doubled, overwhelming love for him.
Every two years an expedition to Baicoi is prepared. So, if you are interested to participate in some way, with your body, your money or your soul, you can call +40777 734 034
Baicoi rocks. I have pictures of it. The streets get all muddy in the winter. One day if you're nice I'll put a link to some pictures.
[edit] Carei
“They stole our language!”
~ Council Of Anal Phabet Orcs on Nowadays administration
One of the major hubs for prostitute(including gay stags) trafficking in the world, also known as the producer of Romania's chief export : brothels (aka ethels,lusyes,johnnyes).
The prostitutes are also known for their remarkably intelligence, you can spot them easily walking in broad daylight and talking shamelessly about PC components, newest gadgets and technology trends.
After checking the inconclusive Wikipedia page related to this city one may argue that the town was founded by bloodthirsty magyar orcs. The truth is that Carei was founded as a permanent settlement of Jewish rabins, a headquarter from where an overwhelming blitzkrieg against west and east can be launched culminating with the installment of "Cooperativa de Credit Carei" as the authoritarian banking system of the whole world.Little did they know, that the friendly-looking Romanian government was actually planning to colonize Carei with "Motzi", a subspecies of trolls (aka unterMensch,flatulent-fat-ugly-mountain-coming-bastards).Whilst Shakshuka Katz,the leader of Jewish rabins was preparing in secret world war three, the leader of Motzi, known as Iancu-Care-Trage_n-Cur-Cu-Arcu("Our glorious supreme leader") has started the offensive killing thousands of jews , including their special units(jewbacas).After 20 years of fighting, Iancu insulted Shakshuka by naming him a "Bukyak".
After consulting the mirror, Shakshuka, ashamed ,with his face disfigured by a napalm shrapnel admitted and stopped the war. The peace brought also a law that enforced every jew man to marry a motz women and every motz man to marry a jew cow, with the resulting child being a hermaphrodite-stupid-cow-gay.Nowadays , the mayor of Carei by his name Korbacs Jeno (aka COWacs Eugenics,his name be blessed) enjoys big support while providing the law framework on top of which prostitution can flourish.
Because of it's special location, Unde-Se-Agatza-Harta-In-Cui(aka the center of the world),Carei enjoys a stable economic climate with many businesses in town,and many shops where you can buy readily available meat (carnatz-barbos,hamfau umed,parci la pachet), the biggest one being Poly-Carm.
[edit] Deva City
A big city that has over 1.000.000 people and a great volley team.....CSS DEVA. The mayor is Semitu Kikibambus A'Lui Shtitzivoicine,also known as SKULLS&ROSES,and he lives in the most known place of Deva City..... the "Budha Lui Satana" palace,which,in romanian means "the milk and chocolate of God". Deva City is also known as the headquarters of the romanian gymnastics team,which in romanian is called "curvele lui Belu Pedofilu futu-va dumniezo de pizdulitze playboy ce sunteti",which translating to english means "the best gymnastic team in the world". Deva City is also known for the product of "putze,fofoloance,si smecleu" which translating,means "barbicue,carrots,and sheep milk",also known in hungarian as "fasz,nagy fasz,es apa tej". One of the major objectives in Deva City is the "Cetatea lu masa care l-o facut" which means "the castle of Cristi Minculescu".Near the "Cetate",you can find the park,which in romanian is called "Limbi'In'Parc",which means "a big USA band majdnem".In Deva City there is also a man known as the "baiatul din rivanol" ,translating to english it means "Nelson Mandela majdnem" which is the oldest man in the world (he is 235 years).You cand also find the "shtrandul cu tzatze si funduri pt tineri" which,translating to english,means "an old men paradise". So,I hope this will make you visiting our city.And now,I will greet you with our beautifull "bagami-ash pula in gatu mati de strain,hai incoace sa te furam si sa te ducem in padure sa te futem!" which means "it was nice to talk to you!".
[edit] Craiova
The greatest city in the world with the greatest people. The Olteni are a superior race to the rest of world. It has been debated recently that Oltenians should become the National currency of Romania as they have a greater value. Craiova is home to Mititelu (little one) eventhough he is quite fat...but short! He owns the city's soccer team, Universitatea Craiova where famous players such as Iraqi international Salih Jaber played (world renowned Kebab and Shawarma vendor). He stated in many interviews that the dinamuisti (also known as the javre) should be afraid of him because he will bomb their stadium since he is from Iraq. Craiova is also known now for its new facelift in the center of the city. The mayor, or better known as the jackass, decided he needs to move the Mihai Viteazul statue around - probably got bored - so he turned it around so that the horse's ass is no longer facing the city hall, but rather a famous church. That took a few months to accomplish as the Oltenian workers were too busy fighting over who is the real leader of the project. He then decided while he is at it he should make random fountains as if the city was not already suffering from lack of plumbing in the outer suburbs. In short, Craiova is a beautiful city, with many manelisti or tanned individuals who love to fold their shirt up and scratch their chest while in a store. There is also the growing problem dumb rockers supporting the group Tokio Hotel but thats another story for another day.
[edit] Timisoara
Also known as Timishuaua in the Pitzi – Ponck dialect or The Little Vienna for those who have frequently visited Spain in agronomical interests and could see some similarities between these two cities while passing through Vienna. People who crawl on Timisoara’s streets form a debased union of asian and european citizens, where human faces combine a wide color palette: white, black, red, yellow and their explosive combinations. It’s like the Mecca of Banat. Roasted turkeys sell cheap clothes, ship-made on a street which carries the name of a mediaval leader, Constantin Brancoveanu, who had fought against turkey oppression with the price of his familly and his own head chopped. Patriotic, huh? These brutal fellows earn their “lions” (Romanian money) along with the chinesse, possibly in bloody katana – yatagan meetings. We will keep you in touch if there are any body parts spreading through air. If you’re lucky enough you can meet our special niggers, the gypsies. They are so sociable that they will want to share with you, all you have. They will even say nice things to you. Timisoara’s citizens known as sons of the mighty Tarzan are ready at any time to offer their body as bullet targets in the name of freedom. Therefore not even Ceausescu and communism could resist people’s will to eat cocoa chocolate instead of soy chocolate, to watch MTV, to be able to put their naked bodies over the internet and prostitute. The dead ones can rest in peace now, it’s freedom. Just call tre-tre-tre at anytime if you have any administrative or political distress and an atan male would instantly claim all your rigths, rail some chaired buts and meanwhile you can freely take their wopa-wopa females celebrating freedom. Where else would you want to live if not in Fruncea of Romania?
[edit] Vama Veche (The Old Custom)
Situated on the shore of the Black Sea, this beautiful place was a small village some years ago. Because of its peaceful nature, it rapidly became the meeting place of all the Romanians who want to spned a few pulas (money) and get very, very high and drunk. Now it has over 300 villas or hostels and 50 inhabitants. In the summer, everyone that want to get drunk or high comes to Vama Veche. Here is the only place where you can meet naked-drunk chicks all day long on the beach, but also naked old people, getting drunk and sometime having sex, also on the beach. At night all the tourists gather around the fires, pass the "Seringa" (the spirit of good-will) to each other and sing me magical lyrics of Pheonix, Vama Veche, Ducu Berti, Iris, etc. (Best Romanian rock bands). From time to time, rich people come here with their Audi Q7s, Porsches, BMWs, and do what they can't do somewhere else: pretend they're funny and get "pula" (in this context, this means "highly intellectual"). The food in Vama Veche is made in the most natural way. Close to the beach you can find fried fish (hamsie) with garlic soup (mujdei). It is very clean made; the fish is brought directly from the sea, not collected dead from the shore. It has very good effect on the human body, especially the digestive system and the rectum. [[File:File:Example.jpg]]
