Genuine

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Revision as of 19:27, February 17, 2009 by Mnbvcxz (talk | contribs)

(diff) ← Older revision | Latest revision (diff) | Newer revision → (diff)
Jump to: navigation, search
Genuinerodent

A genuine in its natural habitat

Genuine (lat. Tergum incorruptus) is a small carnivorous rodent belonging to the subfamily Cricetinae. They're found in the arctic regions, from Canada to Siberia, and the southern parts of Chile and Argentina. Genuines are hunted for their fur and skin, which are made into shoes, vests, coats, and various other items.

They typically have brown, black, white or mixed fur, have an average length of 13 cm, weigh about 200 grams, and have natural lifespan of about 3 years. Genuines are primarily nocturnal, and hunt in packs. They make up in numbers and viciousness what they lack in size and strength, and have been known to have taken down full grown goats and entire flocks of turkeys. A pack of genuines can pose a danger to humans, although reported incidents are relatively rare.

edit Genuine use

Genuineleather

Genuine leather clothing item, made out of about six critters.

edit Leather and fur

The main use for genuines is in the clothing industry. Genuine leather is a durable and popular material for various objects, from clothing to handbags and sofas to whips. The earliest recorded instances of this type of clothing date back to Viking era rune stones from the late eighth century, describing a plate armour made out of sheets of genuine leather. Hats and coats made of genuine fur have been popular throughout the ages, and up to 1000 animals can be used to produce a single, genuine fur coat.

edit Culinary use

In some cultures genuines are used as a common source of nutrition. They were eaten among the ancient Scandinavians and Siberians, and are a common staple alongside seals, whales, walruses, and snow, with the contemporary Inuit population of Canada and Greenland. Genuine meat is described to have a tangy, peculiar taste, similar to canines and felines, but varies according to their diet.

A method of preparation that has been common since the ancient times is to cover a genuine with clay and bake it. After a few hours, the top of the container is smashed open and the contents are eaten with a spoon in a similar manner to eggs.

In the modern times, genuines are used as a flavouring agent in combination with other spices. It's not uncommon to see genuine American barbecue sauces, genuine Japanese teriyaki sauces, genuine Mexican spices and so on.

edit Opposition to genuine use

Numerous animal rights organizations, from PETA to Al-Qaeda, have opposed the use of genuine leather and fur. In some incidents, activists have chained themselves to wild genuines to stop them from crawling into the traps of hunters. While this procedure usually has lead to a slow and agonizing death for the animal, PETA has still deemed the operations successful. In other cases, PETA activists have strapped dynamite on their bodies, then chained themselves to people wearing genuine leather or fur items, and detonated the explosives. The organization doesn't publicly condone this kind of behaviour.

edit Genuine affection

Duct tape

Tools of the trade

Genuine affection, a highly specialized form of zoophilia, has been recorded throughout the history of mankind. While never socially accepted, it was commonly practised by trappers who were often away from civilization for months at a time. Genuines were easy to come by, and when separated from their pack, posed significantly smaller risk to the perpetrator than deer or moose.

The invention of duct tape after World War II led to a dramatic increase in reported, urban incidences of genuine affection. According to estimates by a Canadian animal rights organization SPCA (Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals), over 5000 acts of genuine affection take place on Canadian soil annually, mostly committed by American tourists.

While vehemently opposing other genuine usage, PETA has announced it's supportive of genuine affection as long as proper precaution and military-grade duct tape is used, and an oral consent from the animal is obtained.

Personal tools
In other languages
projects