Genesis

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Genesis

The cover art for their 1986 hit album, Invisible Touch.

Genesis is an English dadrock band. They were known in the '70s for playing really boring, lame progressive rock, but gained millions of new fans in the '80s when they switched to chart-topping pop.

Genesis has a lot of great retro '80s songs that my dad plays in the car, including "Turn It On Again", "Mis-Understanding", "Abby Cabby", "Is Anybody Listening", "In the Air Tonight", "It's No Fun Being and Illegal Alien", and "Invisible Touch". OMG, I wish Phil Collins would invisible touch me!

Genesis was supposedly created by God Himself. He was rather bored, so one day he decided to create everything, starting off with a band named Genesis. They started playing, and through their music, the rest of the world came to be, which could explain why the world is such a weird place.

edit Members

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Genesis.

Phil Collins is the lead singer, drummer, and frontman of the band. He never actually felt it coming in the air tonight, and his lies are currently being investigated by HMG.

Mike Rutherford is the guitarist and bassist. He once had an IQ of 193, but it dropped to 102 last year when he leant back so far when playing his bass that he fell on his back, injuring his brain.

Tony Banks is the keyboardist. He gives every key of his keyboards a good old snog every single night, often snogging hard enough and fast enough to play his complex solos.

Peter Gabriel and Steve Hackett are some guys who were in the band a long time ago, but nobody gives a shit about anymore.

edit History

edit 1967–70: From Genesis to Revelations

SunflowerwithTeeth

A flower?

In the beginning, there was a flower in the fields next to Willow Farm. One day, a flutterby called Tony Banks landed on it. This flutterby brought along its musical box and it started to play some damn strange music, which transformed the flower into Peter Gabriel, who started singing. Peter's singing and Tony's playing attracted the attention of some other creatures from Willow Farm, a butterfly called Anthony Philips, a gutterfly called Mike Rutherford, and a random drummer.

And then there's God. God arranged the creation of Genesis to play weird music in the Garden of Eden, next to the apple tree, to try and keep Adam and Eve away from it. They were successful at this for a while, but then realized that their music was not just keeping those two away, but everybody else too. They were desperate to get an audience so they decided to stop playing, and that's when Eve took the apple and damned herself and Adam.

Initially, Genesis was a public school boy-band churning out three-minute Protestant hymns about conservatism and how jolly good it was for moral fiber. They recorded the album From Genesis to Revelation, a concept album about the Bible, which was a Bee Gees ripoff and only sold 650 copies (seriously). This led to the revelation that certain members of the band were about to be fired.

Ant Philips, after being too much of a coward to play in front of an audience, ran away, trespassed Gabriel's personal changing room backstage, left the band and returned to Willow Farm, where he could live a carefree life with the other butterflies. Gabriel climbed to the top of a white mountain, where he spotted a hermit called Steve Hackett playing guitar. Steve's playing was so divine that it caused Gabriel to have visions of angels, although these were possibly caused by LSD.

Now the band was just missing a drummer. This was destined to change, however, when a band named Yes refused to let a man named Phil Collins join for being too much of a whiny bitch. Genesis were on the verge of desperation, and decided to let Collins join.

edit 1971–75: Prog Genesis

After spending some time in a nursery committing crymes such as selling LSD to children, Gabriel got a burst of inspiration and foxtrotted over to the studio. There, he told the band he wanted to elevate their music to higher artistic levels and explore the idea of "art rock": rock where the liner notes are more interesting than the actual music.

Banks was eager to record new music, since he had just stolen a Mellotron that fell off the back of one of King Crimson's touring trucks and couldn't wait to experiment with it; Rutherford, after watching the skies for inspiration, had also written a few songs; Hackett had written a guitar solo, his first one since he joined Genesis; and Collins whined.

Deciding that the world could always use really fucking long songs and more keyboards, Genesis went to work and recorded numerous pieces of tedious, pretentious shit including "We're Awful, Don't Listen To Us", "Supper Isn't Ready Yet, Fuck Off And Watch Telly" and "More Tea Vicar?". They soon hit upon the idea of recording 38-minute epic songs about flowers, alien postmen in disguise, and Hitler's penis.

In fact, Genesis's music was so weird, twee, and boring that nobody in England actually listened to them. This forced them to tour in places like Italy, where people actually liked their insane music.

In 1973, Collins' whining became so incessant that Gabriel wrote a song, "More Fool Me", in which he expressed his regrets about letting him into the band. Phil himself ended up singing the lead vocals on the song due to his whining about not getting to sing enough.

In 1975, Gabriel was watching a play about a lamb on Broadway, when he ran into a great-uncle from Puerto Rico. In honour of his Latino heritage, he changed his name to Rael and soon after left Genesis (mainly because of Phil Collins' whining) to start a solo career in Latin America.

edit 1976–77: Still Prog Genesis, But No Peter Gabriel

Phil101

Phil Collins, aka Mr Potato Head.

With the departure of Gabriel, Collins' dream had finally come true: he was a singer in a (so-called) rock band! He realized that Bill Bruford had never been in Genesis before, and it was tradition for every prog-rock band to hire that man, so he invited Bill to join. However, after just one tour, Bruford left because of Phil's constant whining. He went on to join King Crimson.

In 1976–'77, Collins attempted to make some albums which would match the grandeur of those from Gabriel's era: A Trick of the Tail-Chaser and Wind and Wuthering Heights. These fell somewhat sort of previous masterpieces, mainly due to Collins not taking enough LSD, Gabriel's main source of inspiration.

Hackett was very displeased when he realized that Tony Banks only ever let him play one single guitar solo since he joined the band, "Firth of Fifth". So, he somehow miraculously managed to convince Tony to let him record another one, "Blood on the Rooftops", after which he left Genesis, mainly so he could actually get to play some damn guitar.

edit 1978–96: Pop Genesis

...And then there were three members left in the band... Tony, Phil and Mike... Without Gabriel or Hackett... Genesis was doomed to fail...but in an act of genius, Collins decided to turn this ultra-progressive band into a pop hit-making music machine. Under Collins' rhythmic leadership, the band abandoned their prog-rock leaning-on-a-bar leanings, and moved towards writing music that's actually listenable. This coincided with Collins' starting a solo career.

Genesis started scoring hit singles in the charts and became an international sensation. This sealed their fate, to the point where Prog King Robert Fripp expelled the band from Progressia, the land of prog-rock. Fripp was too proggy to be fooled by ten-minute songs such as "Domino", or even instrumentals like "The Brazilian", which were simply pop pretending to be prog.

In 1989, Genesis composed the theme song to the television hit Quantum Leap.

edit 1996–2000: '90s Grunge Genesis

Collins whined some more, and by 1996, even Banks and Rutherford were fed with him, so they kicked him out. They went on to hire another singer who nobody cares about, and released an album called Calling All Stations. It was so incredibly terrible that Mozart decided to banish Genesis from the world of music altogether.

Although three were enough in the studio, two more were needed to play live. So they enlisted "Daryl Stuermer" and Chester Thompson. However it has now been discovered that "Daryl Stuermer" is in fact an alter ego of Billy Crystal and that Chester Thompson is a drum machine in humanoid form. Neither "Stuermer" or Thompson were ever allowed to stay in the same hotel as the others when on tour and they often had to find a local YMCA when touring in the UK.

edit 2007–09: Reunion

In 2007, Collins promised that he would whine as little as possible, so Banks and Rutherford decided to give him another chance, and they reformed the band. They did a reunion tour, but made no money, because they forgot about the existence of tickets, and charging people money to buy them.

Since then, they have been in the Amazon Rainforest looking for Peter Gabriel (a.k.a. Rael), hoping that he would explain to them how to make and sell tickets.

edit Discography

  • Nursery Crimes (1971)
  • Foxtrot (1972)
  • Selling England by the Euro (1973)
  • The Lamb Lies Down: On Ice (1974)
  • A Trick of the Tail-Chaser (1976)
  • Wind & Wuthering Heights (1977)
  • ...And Then They Were Fucked... (1978)
  • Fluke (1980)
  • Abby Cabby (1981)
  • Shapes (1983)
  • Invisible Touch (1986)
  • We Can Dance If We Want To (1991)
  • THIS IS AN ABOMINATION, IT DOESN'T EXIST: Calling All Stations (1997)

What are you looking at? Dad told me Genesis began in the '80s. Or at least, that was when he was in high school and heard them on the radio for the first time. He told me there's a "Peter Gabriel era" of some sort, but he thinks it's boring and Gabriel did better as a solo artist.

edit See also

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