Geezer

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Geezer
Time hasn't been kind to People Magazine's "Sexiest Man Alive" of 1914...
Not to be confused with gizzards or geysers, which happen to inherit many of the same qualities of geezers, but are nowhere near related. The word Geezer actually refers to a particularly large bird, usually found... well, everywhere, except Bangladesh.

Most scientists believe that geezers were probably seen somewhere between 60 and 70 years after the dawn of man. While many have tried to argue that there must be some kind of connection, others pointed out that the arguers were actually geezers themselves in disguise.

edit Memory

Geezerdance
If he's not crazy, no one is.
The memory of geezers is questionable, and very unreliable due to the.................. hmm....... Oh yeah, due to the fact that they often forget things, and tend to slip into a coma whenever they sit down. It is believed that as geezers age there brain actually shrinks, and eventually starts to mold. Although this is only one theory that has never been proven. That is thanks to the geezers unusual habit of whining and insulting anything that comes within 5 feet of them. Because of the memory-loss most geezers slowly start to go insane, of which the symptoms include:
  • The telling of stories that never happened.
  • The inability to carry on a conversation.
  • Calling their wives by another woman's name.
  • Calling their nephews and grand children by the name of "Billy" regardless of what their actual name or sex is.
  • Increased twitching, and rocking of the body.
  • Strange exotic dances.
  • Weird spots all over the body.
  • Strange sleeping habits.
  • Increased companionship, e.g. The Cat Lady.
  • The telling of jokes that haven't appealed to anyone since the 1920's.
  • Insisting that they were the naked lady in Titanic.
  • Insisting that they survived the Titanic.
  • Constantly yelling "Wha?!" in response to other people talking.
  • The loss of hair.
  • Funny looking facial expressions.
  • Etc.

edit Response to Modern Technology

The Geezers were once extinct from the earth, around the same time as the Black Death, it is believed the plague actually began to form in geezers, and was then transferred to others. Because of this belief, most geezers were slaughtered in an effort to prevent others from dying. In fact, the geezer was only recently re-introduced into modern-day society. As you can imagine, the transition has been hard on the geezers, many a geezer has been lost in the battle. However, even the ones that made it can still be in great danger. The constant "up-and-down" geezer life-style, caused by the inability to use a remote, has taken it's toll and the geezer community. As did the attempt to drive automobiles, which not only took geezers lives, but also those of hundreds of innocent bystanders. But perhaps the worst, or at least from the geezer's viewpoint, is the often unmentioned epidemic, "Geezer Flu." Which has, once again, caused massive geezer slaughterings throughout the world.

edit The Geezer Flu

GFluVirus
Notice that the oddly shaped lumps appear to be balding.
Many experts believe that this may be the same illness as the one that caused the Black Death. Because of the geezer flu and the precautions you must take around geezers (e.g. Do not eat raw Geezers.) Geezers are often stereotyped as bad people, and are generally just left alone. Furthermore, a current bill in congress, if passed, would call for the re-extinction of geezers. This bill is likely to pass, even over the outcry of PETA and other related groups (see PETAphile.) However, until this bill is passed, it is still necessary to take precaution against the Geezer Flu. Remember to go to a doctor at the first signs of Geezer Flu.

edit Reproduction and Mating Habits

Geezersex
This geezer obviously has an astonishingly high "Cute Factor."
Due to the geezer flu, Geezer Mating is discouraged. However, some geezers can still get lucky thanks to the "Cute Factor." The "Cute Factor" is meant to attract the females attention, and cause her to fall in love with the geezer (cough)Anna Nicole(cough). This rarely works, but a general rule of thumb still stands: the cuter the geezer, the more sex that geezer has. Although most geezers prefer women, some geezers prefer a different life-style. About one in every 100 geezers is more attracted to young men than to women. A well-known example of a geezer of this kind is That Creepy Guy from Family Guy that Likes Chris. Often a geezer chooses this lifestyle based on the proven fact that "Young Men are a lot easier than Women."

edit Completely Irrelevant

As you can probably tell, geezers are in fact completely irrelevant, and serve no purpose in the world. However, this article was published to help you better understand the geezer's way of life, and also to inform you of some of the dangers of geezers. Remember, Beware! There's Geezers out There!

Also completely irrelevant is the existence of a small band of geezers, once considered extinct, known as Meez Geezers/ Meezer Geezers. Their defining characteristic being their apparent sole purpose for existence, flaming noobs.

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