Gaza War

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Israel vs gaza
Iisreal has made dodge the rockets an national sport for Gaza.
Freepale
Isreal gets tired of people saying the samething over and over so they shut up and send them silent.

The Gaza War (Operation: Cast Outcome), more un-lawfully described by the Arabs as مجزرة غزة, the Gaza Massacre, was a typical example of Israeli aggression toward Palestine for living in what should rightfully be Jewish land. The Palestinians are noted for their whining - especially strident as 3/4 of their country is stolen and the rest turned into holiday camp swimming pools for Russians.

It started on December 27, 2008 when Israel, after being hit by a water balloon, 3 large pens, and maybe a few rockets for a prank from Gaza, Isreal decided to be all genocidal about it and started bombing Gaza, demanding to know the meaning of the word "prank". Hamas, the democratically-elected terrorist leaders of Palestinian people desperate to be "free" from Jewish oppression and filleted fish, unfairly counterattacked Israeli cities with crudely-constructed falafels and mortars; not enough to do any real damage, but miraculously they were able to reach the shitholes of Beersheba and Ashdod. A local business entrepeneur, Yitzhak Jejewestein, gathered the falafels and promptly opened a snack bar to sell them.

Israel, with no reply from the Palestinians on the dictionary definition, launched a major ground attack on Gaza City firing matzoh ball mortars, phosphorus sherbets and depleted hotdogs, effectively making them the cause of the resulting massacre of the Palestinian settlers. Once there were no more Palestinians left to blow to smithereens, the Israelis stopped, ordered a new batch of rockets from the United States and got back to their daily routine in their Westernised relatively rich society paid for by the US Government.

Background

Formation of Israel

Israel was formed by the Allied countries as compensation for the atrocities the Nazis had commited on the Jewish people such as the Holocaust. The Jews then threw the Muslims of the land around Jerusalem and declared a non-secular, Jewish state. To make things fair and balanced in the World the Jewish people decided to re-enact the events of the Holocaust on the Muslims in the region. The oppression of the Islamic people that followed would have been seen as a disgraceful act of genocide if it were not for that large Jewish community in the United States and the fact that the Brits would rather white people controlled the Middle East, "as it should be".

The Muslims who were living there decided that they weren't going to be thrown out of their land and set up the State of Palestine in the Jewish promised lands. They too had a claim on the Holy Lands, however Western Intelligence confirmed that this was only in retaliation to the Jewish claim on the Holy Lands. In the early 2000s US President George Bush decided to back the Israelis, accidently providing them with a nuclear deterrent and ran his 2004 Presidential election campaign with a foreign policy slogan of "Mekahr [sic.] not good enough for you? Stop the greedy spread of the Evil Empire of Muslimism."

Gaza

Mother in burka
A beautiful (I think) Palestinian mother who respectfully adheres to Sharia law.

Gaza is a beautiful, ancient city along the Mediterranean coast that only deserves to be inhabited by civilised people who believe in the proper God. It was founded by the Ancient Egyptians sometime before Jesus was born. It has changed hands many times over history; belonging to the Babylonians, the Greeks, the Romans, Some Guy, and finally the Arabs who brought with them a religion of peace that only wants everyone to be treated equally and fairly, as long as you obey Sharia law.

Today, it is an Islamic state ruled by Hamas, an organization determined to liberate Palestine from Jewish occupation and banking so that Muslims can get proper education and learn that the situation could be solved with a secular country that treated both religions equally. The local Sharia law encourages women to dress modestly to protect them from horny men and damaging UV rays, bans undesirable substances such as alcohol and pork, and has a near-perfect human rights record. Gaza is one part of the country of Palestine (so called because Israel officially declares it as a "pal" in the same way it officially declares it has never tried to persecute the Islamic religion).

The attack

Ribbon-cutting in Parral
Happily, many Palestinians could be detained with nothing more than a stiff ribbon.

On January 3, 2009, the foreplay abruptly ended in favour of actual penetration. In a military operation Israel playfully code-named "Final Solution," the IDF (International De-Islamification Force) entered "The Strip" and disarmed the citizens. Hamas, defending its citizens with Polish beer and the borrowed Russian weapons, were outnumbered by the IDF and the romp quickly became a rout, as J. R. R. Tolkien wrote something vaguely like. The Red Cross, which was not affiliated with the UN and did not even used to believe in global warming, sent a relief ship with more Polish beer, but it spontaneously sank just off the coast of Gaza without delivering the savoury reinforcements.

The slaughter was inevitable, but the "freedom fighters" wouldn't give up no matter what. One Muslim managed to infiltrate an Israeli town and get a glimpse of good education and health care. He immediatly concluded that a secular state was the solution, but the Israeli police took him down before he could shout it out. This small invasion let Israel triumphantly declare itself the side on "defence" and justify destroying homes, schools, power plants, and water towers that looked threatening. In addition, about 1400 Palestinians (technically, "assault persons"), including 300 children ("small arms") were casualties.

UN Reacts

PaliJewis
A protestor reveals the shocking truth: Jews have become so corrupt they even go against themselves.

At the following United Nations meeting, the officials condemned Israel for their astonishing war crimes in a completely unprovoked attack but then realised the Jews were still holding the race card so asked nicely for the fighting to stop and hit the Palestinians over the head for being so naughty.

Ceasefire

Due to the genocidal levels of civilian deaths at the hands of the homicidal Jews, it faced international pressure to let humanitarian aid into the city. So on January 7, Israel reluctantly opened a humanitarian corridor and agreed to stop fighting for three hours at a time to let supplies into the city, just to have them retaken or destroyed when they resumed they advanced into the city.

Because Hamas was so desperate to hold back the Israeli rampage, they had to fire some rockets (44 actually, but who's counting?) at the IDF. The Israelis sitting at home in their comfortable accomadation provided for the West wondered how politically corrupt the World had become and if only foreign aid was given to the Muslim states this never could have happened then they woke up from that horrible nightmare and decided to call for the US to stop giving any aid to the Muslim states.

On January 17, Israel finally stopped their Palestinian Holocaust and claimed victory. Dedicating another day off in the calendar for Israeli workers and another day for the Muslim coalition to a launch a revengeful surprise attack and catch the Israelis off-guard, should they ever want to. The Palestinians were fined for the war and told to clear up the rubble left behind.

Jews are terroist
A protestor reveals the shocking truth: Jews are terroist.

Aftermath and International Reflection

No one at all considered the fact that it was slightly odd that a small Jewish state had held up a fight against many large Muslim nations that lay around it for more than half a century. No one considered that this was because the Jews were rich and educated and no one thought that the Jews should open their state to the Muslims to inhabit so that they too could become rich and educated and receive good standards of living in the only arable land in the region.

However people did decide that radical left-wing policies like those stated above that did not happen definitely shouldn't happen and that the answer to the problem was to feed Israel more weapons so that it could almost but not quite subdue the Muslim states around it in ever-lasting war.

Footnotes

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