Gay

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[[Image:Pride-2007-castro-rainbow-flag.jpg|right|thumb|250px|A gay [[Fag|flag]]?]]
 
[[Image:Pride-2007-castro-rainbow-flag.jpg|right|thumb|250px|A gay [[Fag|flag]]?]]
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{{Wikipedia}}
  +
{{Conservapedia}}
  +
'''Homosexuality''' is [[Love|attraction]] between two people of the same [[sex]], or conceivably more than two, but forget "conceivably," as there is never any [[conception]]. Researchers consider it to be either an abomination or the most sublime lifestyle possible.
  +
  +
To be against homosexuality (or against anything that homosexuals are for) is said to be '''homophobia.''' For example, it is homophobic to call two homosexuals homosexual. For this reason, we refer to them as [[gay]]. It is gay to refer to female homosexuals as gay. They are called [[lesbian]].
  +
  +
The origins of homosexuality are obscure. The first documentation of the gay lifestyle appear during the the Greco-Roman era, but at the time it was referred to as "wrestling." The Greeks, of course, were all gay as modern playwrights.
  +
  +
Years ago, "gay" simply meant ''happy''. It was a simple, innocuous adjective. [[Fred Flintstone]], for example, often had a "gay old time" whilst eating muffins or blowing a bassoon. These days, one cannot even talk about blowing a bassoon without having eyebrows rise. One could have a gay day without having to stick anything anywhere, and even persons whose surname was "Gay" could probably get through school with most of their own teeth. Then everything got really complicated.
   
{{Nicequote|''Homosexuality is a negative corruption of humanity with no evolutionarily useful attributes. As the 'homosexuality gene' is passed from parent to child, and homosexuals do not breed, my theory predicts that the Homo sexualus species will soon become extinct''|Charles Darwin|Gays (when there were fewer gays)}}
 
Years ago, '''gay''' simply meant ''happy''. It was a simple innocuous adjective used to describe the time had by [[Fred Flintstone]] whilst eating muffins or blowing a bassoon. You could have a ''Gay Day'' without having to put your penis anywhere, and even if your surname was 'Gay' you could probably get through school with most of your own teeth. Then everything got really complicated...
 
 
__TOC__
 
__TOC__
[[Image:Jeeves-and-wooster.jpg|thumb|right|250px|[[Jeeves and Wooster]] having a gay day. OK, maybe that's not the best example, but you get the idea.]]
+
[[Image:Jeeves-and-wooster.jpg|thumb|right|250px|Jeeves and Wooster have a gay day. Maybe that's not the best example, but you get the idea.]]
  +
  +
==Etymology==
  +
[[Charles Darwin]], who knew quite a bit about evolution, asserted that homosexuality had "no evolutionarily useful attributes." As the "homosexuality gene" is passed from parent to child, and homosexuals do not breed, Darwin predicted that the species ''Homo sexualis'' would become extinct within a single generation. Darwin was stumped as to how the "homosexuality gene" evolved into existence in the first place, but it is now an article of faith at [[New York]] coffeehouses.
  +
  +
Gayness has been called "the love that dare not speak its name." This is before it became the love that won't [[STFU|shut-the-fuck up]] about it.
   
==Modern usage==
+
Today, the word '''gay''' has four uses:
Today the word '''gay''' has 4 uses:
 
 
# A [[man]] who enjoys other men's penises and/or bottoms but doesn't like vaginas or breasts.
 
# A [[man]] who enjoys other men's penises and/or bottoms but doesn't like vaginas or breasts.
 
# A [[woman]] who enjoys other women's breasts and/or vaginas and doesn't let men watch when they do.
 
# A [[woman]] who enjoys other women's breasts and/or vaginas and doesn't let men watch when they do.
 
# An [[HowTo:Convince People You're a Heterosexual Male|insightful]] [[Mr winkler is GAY|witticism]]. Although the genius of the [[X is gay|insult]] is without question, it seldom has anything to do with penises, vaginas, breasts or indeed bottoms.
 
# An [[HowTo:Convince People You're a Heterosexual Male|insightful]] [[Mr winkler is GAY|witticism]]. Although the genius of the [[X is gay|insult]] is without question, it seldom has anything to do with penises, vaginas, breasts or indeed bottoms.
# A man or woman who is happy, and is unaware of the above definitions.
+
# A man or woman who is happy, and is unaware of the above definitions, usually because he has been [[Sleep|asleep]] for the last thirty years.
   
To confuse matters further, some people like to put their [[Battle of the Sexes|penis/vagina]] into various places of both men and women. These people are very ''[[Bisexuality|Greedy]]'' individuals, and everyone else is really jealous.
+
Persons who are not gay are referred to as '''straight''', although gay people are frequently quite straight in their own right.
   
==Gayism through the Ages==
+
{{clear}}
So, how did it all start, and where do gay people come from? Now, try to be serious for a second...
+
==History==
+
===Prehistory===
===The pre-history of the Gayites===
 
 
[[Image:Goddam.jpg|right|thumb|300px|"I'll call you"]]
 
[[Image:Goddam.jpg|right|thumb|300px|"I'll call you"]]
In the old days (in ancient greece, of course) you could [[screw]] pretty much anything you fancied, animal, vegetable or mineral and didn't even have to ask, unless of course it was a [[dinosaur]]. Gay bashing still existed, but sucking off a man was far less adventurous than tugging off a lion, so no-one gave a [[monkeys]]; especially the monkeys who still bum each other silly to this day.
+
In ancient Greece, you could [[screw]] pretty much anything you fancied, animal, vegetable or mineral and didn't even have to ask, unless of course it was a [[dinosaur]]. Gay-bashing still existed, but sucking off a man was far less adventurous than tugging off a lion, so no-one gave a [[monkeys]]; especially the monkeys who still bum each other silly to this day.
   
 
===Here cometh men of virtue===
 
===Here cometh men of virtue===
 
''"In the beginning [[God]] created the heaven and the earth. And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters. And God said, Let there be light: and there was light. Etc, etc, etc..."''
 
''"In the beginning [[God]] created the heaven and the earth. And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters. And God said, Let there be light: and there was light. Etc, etc, etc..."''
   
Adam and Eve had a whole lot of [[sex]] to create two children (both boys) who then had sex with each other (or possibly their mother) to create more [[children]] who then also had sex with each other. Nothing wrong there you understand...
+
Adam and Eve had a whole lot of [[sex]] to create two children (both boys) who then had sex with each other (or possibly their mother) to create more [[children]] who then also had sex with each other.
[[Image:Finger in a Dyke.jpg|thumb|right|200px|A boy saves a whole country by putting his finger in a [[Amsterdam|Dyke]]]]
 
For thousands of years everyone carried on doing whomever they pleased especially the ancient [[Greeks]] who bummed each other [[retarded|silly]] largely because it was less effort than trying to talk a [[feminazi|girl]] into doing it.
 
[[File:Pink-dice.jpg|thumb|left|160px|Do you think God would actually play gay dice with the universe?]]
 
God got a bit upset because man was actually starting to have more fun than him, and decided to make a list of [[Shit|Ten Commandments]] which men were not allowed to do. When no one really listened he committed adultery with a virgin who gave birth to [[Jesus]]. Due to his fashion sense Jesus' various sexual advances were rejected by Angel Gabriël, a man, and even a [[sausage]]. In his rage Jesus banned sexualising anything with a plonker leaving him to wander the desert for forty days with nothing to suck on.
 
   
The deity-bashing continued long after. When a miniature [[Bonsai]] tree mocked Buddah's minuscule manhood he added his weight to this prohibition and Abraham revealed his support <q>'cos it's the thing all the cool kids do</q>. Muhammad also backed the new rules but no one made fun of him because his followers kill people.
+
[[Image:Angel GayO.jpg|left|thumb|If only Gabriel had let Jesus blow him instead!]]
  +
God got angry because man was actually starting to have more fun than him, and established the Ten Commandments to mostly eliminate fun. When no one really listened (especially to the one against adultery), He committed adultery with a virgin, who gave birth to [[Jesus]]. Due to His fashion sense, Jesus' various sexual advances were rejected by Angel Gabriel (pictured), a man, and even a [[sausage]]. In his rage, Jesus banned sexualising anything with a plonker, leaving him to wander the desert for forty days with nothing to suck on.
  +
  +
The deity-bashing continued long after. When a miniature [[Bonsai]] tree mocked Buddha's minuscule manhood he added his weight to this prohibition and Abraham revealed his support <q>'cos it's the thing all the cool kids do</q>. Muhammad also backed the new rules but no one made fun of him because his followers kill people.
   
 
Public admission of bum fancying became taboo for 2000 years and everyone carried on as before but just didn't tell the [[pedophile|priest]] or their [[dad]]s. Then in the 1960s some [[drugs|stoned]] [[hippies]] decided it would be ''"right on"'' to ''"liberate the gay oppressed minority Maaaan"'', and as a result we now have to listen to everyone banging on about sodomy again.
 
Public admission of bum fancying became taboo for 2000 years and everyone carried on as before but just didn't tell the [[pedophile|priest]] or their [[dad]]s. Then in the 1960s some [[drugs|stoned]] [[hippies]] decided it would be ''"right on"'' to ''"liberate the gay oppressed minority Maaaan"'', and as a result we now have to listen to everyone banging on about sodomy again.
   
===Gays Today===
+
===A Sin of Biblical proportions===
  +
[[Image:LesbianSmoking.jpg|thumb|200px|Homosexuals often gather together in packs]]
  +
The [[Bible]] is the genuine indisputable word of [[God]]. He actually took time off running the whole universe to write it himself using a cloud. Genesis 19:8 is very clear about Gaying around....
  +
{{cquote|Before they lay down, the men of the city, both young and old, surrounded the house; and they called to Lot and said to him, "Where are the women who came to you tonight? Bring them out to us that we may have relations with them." But Lot went out to them at the doorway, and shut the door behind him, and said, "Please, my brothers, do not act wickedly." Now behold, I have two [[boys]] who have not had relations with man; please let me bring them out to you, and do to them whatever you [[cool|like]]; only do nothing to these [[girls]], inasmuch as they have come under the shelter of my roof.}}
  +
And The LORD saw that it was good.
  +
  +
===Gays today===
 
[[File:abuzittin.jpg|thumb|left|200px|They were and remain the inspiration for [[Sesame Street|Bert and Ernie]].]]
 
[[File:abuzittin.jpg|thumb|left|200px|They were and remain the inspiration for [[Sesame Street|Bert and Ernie]].]]
 
In our modern world, gay men and lesbians (but especially gay men) are at the center of most western cultures, [[The Bilderberg Group|secretly ruling]] the governments of Europe, North America and some parts of Latin America. As a result they have become the most powerful group of people in history. In some areas, the gays in power have allowed heterosexuals (a.k.a.- ''straights'' or ''breeders'') to maintain their delusions of being in charge by allowing the suppression of equal rights for gays through laws.
 
In our modern world, gay men and lesbians (but especially gay men) are at the center of most western cultures, [[The Bilderberg Group|secretly ruling]] the governments of Europe, North America and some parts of Latin America. As a result they have become the most powerful group of people in history. In some areas, the gays in power have allowed heterosexuals (a.k.a.- ''straights'' or ''breeders'') to maintain their delusions of being in charge by allowing the suppression of equal rights for gays through laws.
   
  +
[[Image:Cock fight.jpg|right|thumb|250px|"Cock fighting" is a favourite pastime of gay people.]]
 
Increasingly, more straight men are allying themselves with their gay counterparts. This began with the Straight [[Battle of the Sexes|Guy-Lezzie]] Friendship Movement, but in recent years many straight men have realized the important benefits they gain from having gay male friends. [It is an especially excellent way for the straight friend to gain access to [[Poontang]] he would otherwise be socially barred from entering.] Sometimes, these Straight Guy-Gay Guy (SGGG) friendships develop into ''Bromances'' - romantic, non-sexual, extremely-close relationships between the two friends. Two straight men may also develop a Bromance, but the strongest and most beneficial are those stemming from SGGG friendships. It is now not uncommon to find straight men dragging their gay male friends to gay bars in order to take advantage of the free drinks from the bartenders and to boost their egos as they are checked out and hit-on by patrons.
 
Increasingly, more straight men are allying themselves with their gay counterparts. This began with the Straight [[Battle of the Sexes|Guy-Lezzie]] Friendship Movement, but in recent years many straight men have realized the important benefits they gain from having gay male friends. [It is an especially excellent way for the straight friend to gain access to [[Poontang]] he would otherwise be socially barred from entering.] Sometimes, these Straight Guy-Gay Guy (SGGG) friendships develop into ''Bromances'' - romantic, non-sexual, extremely-close relationships between the two friends. Two straight men may also develop a Bromance, but the strongest and most beneficial are those stemming from SGGG friendships. It is now not uncommon to find straight men dragging their gay male friends to gay bars in order to take advantage of the free drinks from the bartenders and to boost their egos as they are checked out and hit-on by patrons.
  +
{{-}}
   
==Hard facts about Gayuality==
+
==Useful terms==
Thanks to those damn Chinese and all the whispering many misconceptions exist:
+
===Fags===
  +
[[Image:God-hates-fags.jpg|thumb|left|250px|An activist cites the Bible to show that God was a [[Bender|non-smoker]].]]
  +
*A '''[[fag]]''' is a [[cigarette]]. Unless you're [[Homophobia|homophobic]] (see below), or a fag.
  +
*A '''[[faggot]]''' is a [[Fag|bundle of wood]] or a [[sausage]]. Unless you're homophobic, or a bundle of wood, or a sausage. Got it? Basically, you are not allowed to use the word ''fag'', unless you're a fag, in which case it's obviously considered fine. If a fag knows that you are homophobic, then using the word fag could be considered offensive.
   
[[Image:God-hates-fags.jpg|thumb|right|250px|Apparently God was a [[Bender|non-smoker]], but encourages his children to [[Screw|be fruity]] and multiply]]
+
===Dykes===
===A Sin of Biblical Proportions===
+
[[Image:Finger in a Dyke.jpg|thumb|right|200px|A boy saves a whole country by putting his finger in a [[Amsterdam|dyke]].]]
The [[Bible]] is the genuine indisputable word of [[God]]. He actually took time off running the whole universe to write it himself using a cloud. Genesis 19:8 is very clear about Gaying around....
+
A '''dyke''' is a fag who is female. This term comes from the [[Dutch language|Dutch]] ''dijkke.'' It is insulting, even though connoisseurs of fine [[P0rn|pornography]] believe that watching two women fondle one another is beautiful, while watching men do the same thing is just '''gay'''.
{{cquote|Before they lay down, the men of the city, both young and old, surrounded the house; and they called to Lot and said to him, "Where are the women who came to you tonight? Bring them out to us that we may have relations with them." But Lot went out to them at the doorway, and shut the door behind him, and said, "Please, my brothers, do not act wickedly." Now behold, I have two [[boys]] who have not had relations with man; please let me bring them out to you, and do to them whatever you [[cool|like]]; only do nothing to these [[girls]], inasmuch as they have come under the shelter of my roof.}}
+
And The LORD saw that it was good.
+
===Homophobes===
<br clear="left"/>
+
There is a name you can call people who are against fags and dykes. It is '''homophobe'''. Homophobia is a [[fear]] of homos. If you study the term, in either a coffee-house or a state legislature, you will discover that it is not the fear of the homosexual — for example, that a homosexual will sneak up behind you and hurt you by hitting you with his purse. It refers to your fear that you might be a homosexual yourself, and simply not know it. Millions of people who have never had homosexual relations or even impulses, by this theory, are unwitting homophobes.
   
[[Image:LesbianSmoking.jpg|thumb|left|200px|Homosexuals often gather together in packs]]
+
By implication, all the small-town politicians who want new laws against homosexuality are homophobes who secretly want to make life difficult for themselves.
   
===A quick guide to using the 'F' word===
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[[File:Rush limbaugh.jpg|thumb|left|Even readers who came to this page just to look at the pictures will laugh at seeing this man in an article about "Gay."]]
* ''FAG'' means ''[[Fag|cigarette]].'' Unless you're [[Homophobia|homophobic]], or a fag.
+
A homophobe who actually suspects that he is gay — that is, a person whose fear has a rational basis — can be honored with the double insult "self-loathing homophobe." This awards style points to the insulter.
* A ''faggot'' is a [[Fag|bundle of wood]] or a [[sausage]]. Unless you're homophobic, or a bundle of wood, or a sausage.
 
Got it? Perhaps not... Basically, the [[what|"rules"]] say that [[YOU]] are not allowed to use the word ''fag'', unless you're a fag, in which case it's obviously considered fine. If a fag knows that you are homophobic, then using the word fag could be considered offensive. Unless of course he knows that you're actually secretly a fag in which case they will probably just try to suck your cock or [[Gay People|something]].
 
<br clear="all">
 
   
[[Image:Angel GayO.jpg|right|thumb|300px|If only Gabriel had let Jesus blow him instead]]
+
===Bi's===
  +
Very few things in our public policy debates are black-and-white. A useful alternative for the moderate is to be '''bisexual'''. This means two-sexed (and not half-sexed, which would be the vanishingly rare '''disexual'''). Bisexuality is the [[agnosticism]] of sexuality. [[Rush Limbaugh]] (pictured) has called bisexuality "the most gutless decision you can make" as it is really no decision at all. Limbaugh claims that bi's are the most selfish individuals, as their sexuality is merely a ploy to ensure the absolute maximum number of possible partners ([[bestiality]] being outside the scope of this article).
   
===Why are People Gay?===
+
==Why are people gay?==
* Some say homosexuality is not a choice but rather a disease invented by the Soviets in 1995, created to cripple the men of America and make the country more open to ''being taken roughly''.
+
{{Nicequote|I have nothing to declare except my penis.|Homosexuality}}
* Some say that Gays like men's bottoms and cocks, whereas straight guys don't.
+
Apart from the ongoing nature-versus-nurture debate, the most common reason for homosexuality is simple laziness:
* Some say that Gays are just lazy straight people who have figured out that it's a lot easier to put your penis up a Gay man's bottom than it is to get a girl to let you do it.
+
#Courtship is simpler, as gays generally don't have to pretend they are wealthy (or, sometimes, even handsome) and never have to go to the theater or art exhibit, or especially watch Chick Flicks, to humor the object of their desires.
  +
#Gays are easier to be talked into [[anal]] sex, as there is no competing hole to decide on.
  +
#However, if one has talked his partner into anal sex, not being gay is an advantage as he doesn't have to kiss a man with a beard afterwards.
   
===Why are People Straight?===
+
Some people are gay simply because they think [[Woman|women]] are "a pain in the ass." However, they don't know the half of it.
Despite a newly liberated generation of freshly aware sexual individuals many still agree that there is still something decidedly [[bum|anal]] about being Gay. Women can be a pain in the ass and all, but in the end being straight actually looks like a lot less effort in the long run for most. Plus, if you really get the urge to get up all in the anal cavity with a woman, you at least don't have to kiss a guy with a beard to say thanks.
 
   
===Why are People Homophobic?===
+
Scientists believe there are chromosomes in the human imposed during birth that determine the sexual preference of an individual, but some scientists--most commonly psychologists--impose the "Catholic priesthood" theory of homosexuality that suggests this behavior can become an acquired preference.
*Some say that there is actually a genetic difference between Gays and Straights. The logic follows that both are in the same genus as 'straights' (Homo) with the Gays being the ''Homo sexuals'' and the straights being the ''Homo sapiens''.
 
   
*Some say it's about Religion. God has been screwing with men since [[time]] began, so he's not against the idea.
+
A leading environmental cause of homosexuality is bad Internet porn. Several Christian citizens' protest groups are currently forming to demand the public subsidized availability of nannyware that ensures children's site requests are rerouted away from bad or "educational" porn to the highest quality sexiest pictures on the Internet.
   
*Some believe homophobic people are just jealous. They see Gay people getting all the easy casual sex and are upset because they haven't thought of doing it themselves. Rather obvious and boring we know but yes, unfortunately that really is the reason.
+
In the modern world, specially after [[2000]] and bush's neo-conservativism, homosexuality has a lot to do with communist ideals and social leadership talents where all the problematic girls around you with imperfect love lives sing to your subconscious with all their heart and almost push you to become a girl yourself.
   
 
==Not Funny? Try sticking these up your...==
 
==Not Funny? Try sticking these up your...==
[[Image:David von Michelangelo.jpg|right|thumb|200px|David's tiny cock didn't stop him fucking Goliath.]]
+
[[Image:David von Michelangelo.jpg|right|thumb|200px|David's tiny cock didn't keep him from fucking with Goliath.]]
 
*[[Faggot]]
 
*[[Faggot]]
 
*[[Gay Body Types]]
 
*[[Gay Body Types]]
Line 78: Line 87:
 
*[[Humosexual]]
 
*[[Humosexual]]
 
*[[If you read this you are gay]]
 
*[[If you read this you are gay]]
*[[Molten Gay]]
 
 
*[[Mr winkler is GAY]]
 
*[[Mr winkler is GAY]]
 
*[[Pupate Homosexual]]
 
*[[Pupate Homosexual]]
 
*[[Rough Gay Wolf Sex]]
 
*[[Rough Gay Wolf Sex]]
 
*[[The Gaylord]]
 
*[[The Gaylord]]
*[[The Gay Team]]
 
*[[UnNews:National Gay Marriage Threat Level Raised to "Flamboyant"]]
 
*[[UnNews:Local men secure enough in masculinity to fuck other men]]
 
 
*[[You Are Gay]]
 
*[[You Are Gay]]
 
*[[UnTunes:Be Gay]]
 
*[[UnTunes:Be Gay]]
Line 98: Line 103:
 
[[fi:Homoseksuaalisuus]]
 
[[fi:Homoseksuaalisuus]]
 
[[fr:Fif]]
 
[[fr:Fif]]
  +
[[he:איןמינים:הומו]]
 
[[id:Maho]]
 
[[id:Maho]]
 
[[it:Gay]]
 
[[it:Gay]]

Latest revision as of 22:56, November 28, 2014

Pride-2007-castro-rainbow-flag

A gay flag?

Bouncywikilogo7
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about Gay.
Conservapedia logo
The faux patriot snake handlers at Conservapedia have an even funnier article about Gay.

Homosexuality is attraction between two people of the same sex, or conceivably more than two, but forget "conceivably," as there is never any conception. Researchers consider it to be either an abomination or the most sublime lifestyle possible.

To be against homosexuality (or against anything that homosexuals are for) is said to be homophobia. For example, it is homophobic to call two homosexuals homosexual. For this reason, we refer to them as gay. It is gay to refer to female homosexuals as gay. They are called lesbian.

The origins of homosexuality are obscure. The first documentation of the gay lifestyle appear during the the Greco-Roman era, but at the time it was referred to as "wrestling." The Greeks, of course, were all gay as modern playwrights.

Years ago, "gay" simply meant happy. It was a simple, innocuous adjective. Fred Flintstone, for example, often had a "gay old time" whilst eating muffins or blowing a bassoon. These days, one cannot even talk about blowing a bassoon without having eyebrows rise. One could have a gay day without having to stick anything anywhere, and even persons whose surname was "Gay" could probably get through school with most of their own teeth. Then everything got really complicated.

Jeeves-and-wooster

Jeeves and Wooster have a gay day. Maybe that's not the best example, but you get the idea.

edit Etymology

Charles Darwin, who knew quite a bit about evolution, asserted that homosexuality had "no evolutionarily useful attributes." As the "homosexuality gene" is passed from parent to child, and homosexuals do not breed, Darwin predicted that the species Homo sexualis would become extinct within a single generation. Darwin was stumped as to how the "homosexuality gene" evolved into existence in the first place, but it is now an article of faith at New York coffeehouses.

Gayness has been called "the love that dare not speak its name." This is before it became the love that won't shut-the-fuck up about it.

Today, the word gay has four uses:

  1. A man who enjoys other men's penises and/or bottoms but doesn't like vaginas or breasts.
  2. A woman who enjoys other women's breasts and/or vaginas and doesn't let men watch when they do.
  3. An insightful witticism. Although the genius of the insult is without question, it seldom has anything to do with penises, vaginas, breasts or indeed bottoms.
  4. A man or woman who is happy, and is unaware of the above definitions, usually because he has been asleep for the last thirty years.

Persons who are not gay are referred to as straight, although gay people are frequently quite straight in their own right.

edit History

edit Prehistory

Goddam

"I'll call you"

In ancient Greece, you could screw pretty much anything you fancied, animal, vegetable or mineral and didn't even have to ask, unless of course it was a dinosaur. Gay-bashing still existed, but sucking off a man was far less adventurous than tugging off a lion, so no-one gave a monkeys; especially the monkeys who still bum each other silly to this day.

edit Here cometh men of virtue

"In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth. And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters. And God said, Let there be light: and there was light. Etc, etc, etc..."

Adam and Eve had a whole lot of sex to create two children (both boys) who then had sex with each other (or possibly their mother) to create more children who then also had sex with each other.

Angel GayO

If only Gabriel had let Jesus blow him instead!

God got angry because man was actually starting to have more fun than him, and established the Ten Commandments to mostly eliminate fun. When no one really listened (especially to the one against adultery), He committed adultery with a virgin, who gave birth to Jesus. Due to His fashion sense, Jesus' various sexual advances were rejected by Angel Gabriel (pictured), a man, and even a sausage. In his rage, Jesus banned sexualising anything with a plonker, leaving him to wander the desert for forty days with nothing to suck on.

The deity-bashing continued long after. When a miniature Bonsai tree mocked Buddha's minuscule manhood he added his weight to this prohibition and Abraham revealed his support 'cos it's the thing all the cool kids do. Muhammad also backed the new rules but no one made fun of him because his followers kill people.

Public admission of bum fancying became taboo for 2000 years and everyone carried on as before but just didn't tell the priest or their dads. Then in the 1960s some stoned hippies decided it would be "right on" to "liberate the gay oppressed minority Maaaan", and as a result we now have to listen to everyone banging on about sodomy again.

edit A Sin of Biblical proportions

LesbianSmoking

Homosexuals often gather together in packs

The Bible is the genuine indisputable word of God. He actually took time off running the whole universe to write it himself using a cloud. Genesis 19:8 is very clear about Gaying around....

Cquote1 Before they lay down, the men of the city, both young and old, surrounded the house; and they called to Lot and said to him, "Where are the women who came to you tonight? Bring them out to us that we may have relations with them." But Lot went out to them at the doorway, and shut the door behind him, and said, "Please, my brothers, do not act wickedly." Now behold, I have two boys who have not had relations with man; please let me bring them out to you, and do to them whatever you like; only do nothing to these girls, inasmuch as they have come under the shelter of my roof. Cquote2

And The LORD saw that it was good.

edit Gays today

Abuzittin

They were and remain the inspiration for Bert and Ernie.

In our modern world, gay men and lesbians (but especially gay men) are at the center of most western cultures, secretly ruling the governments of Europe, North America and some parts of Latin America. As a result they have become the most powerful group of people in history. In some areas, the gays in power have allowed heterosexuals (a.k.a.- straights or breeders) to maintain their delusions of being in charge by allowing the suppression of equal rights for gays through laws.

Cock fight

"Cock fighting" is a favourite pastime of gay people.

Increasingly, more straight men are allying themselves with their gay counterparts. This began with the Straight Guy-Lezzie Friendship Movement, but in recent years many straight men have realized the important benefits they gain from having gay male friends. [It is an especially excellent way for the straight friend to gain access to Poontang he would otherwise be socially barred from entering.] Sometimes, these Straight Guy-Gay Guy (SGGG) friendships develop into Bromances - romantic, non-sexual, extremely-close relationships between the two friends. Two straight men may also develop a Bromance, but the strongest and most beneficial are those stemming from SGGG friendships. It is now not uncommon to find straight men dragging their gay male friends to gay bars in order to take advantage of the free drinks from the bartenders and to boost their egos as they are checked out and hit-on by patrons.

edit Useful terms

edit Fags

God-hates-fags

An activist cites the Bible to show that God was a non-smoker.

  • A fag is a cigarette. Unless you're homophobic (see below), or a fag.
  • A faggot is a bundle of wood or a sausage. Unless you're homophobic, or a bundle of wood, or a sausage. Got it? Basically, you are not allowed to use the word fag, unless you're a fag, in which case it's obviously considered fine. If a fag knows that you are homophobic, then using the word fag could be considered offensive.

edit Dykes

Finger in a Dyke

A boy saves a whole country by putting his finger in a dyke.

A dyke is a fag who is female. This term comes from the Dutch dijkke. It is insulting, even though connoisseurs of fine pornography believe that watching two women fondle one another is beautiful, while watching men do the same thing is just gay.

edit Homophobes

There is a name you can call people who are against fags and dykes. It is homophobe. Homophobia is a fear of homos. If you study the term, in either a coffee-house or a state legislature, you will discover that it is not the fear of the homosexual — for example, that a homosexual will sneak up behind you and hurt you by hitting you with his purse. It refers to your fear that you might be a homosexual yourself, and simply not know it. Millions of people who have never had homosexual relations or even impulses, by this theory, are unwitting homophobes.

By implication, all the small-town politicians who want new laws against homosexuality are homophobes who secretly want to make life difficult for themselves.

Rush limbaugh

Even readers who came to this page just to look at the pictures will laugh at seeing this man in an article about "Gay."

A homophobe who actually suspects that he is gay — that is, a person whose fear has a rational basis — can be honored with the double insult "self-loathing homophobe." This awards style points to the insulter.

edit Bi's

Very few things in our public policy debates are black-and-white. A useful alternative for the moderate is to be bisexual. This means two-sexed (and not half-sexed, which would be the vanishingly rare disexual). Bisexuality is the agnosticism of sexuality. Rush Limbaugh (pictured) has called bisexuality "the most gutless decision you can make" as it is really no decision at all. Limbaugh claims that bi's are the most selfish individuals, as their sexuality is merely a ploy to ensure the absolute maximum number of possible partners (bestiality being outside the scope of this article).

edit Why are people gay?

I have nothing to declare except my penis.

~ Homosexuality

Apart from the ongoing nature-versus-nurture debate, the most common reason for homosexuality is simple laziness:

  1. Courtship is simpler, as gays generally don't have to pretend they are wealthy (or, sometimes, even handsome) and never have to go to the theater or art exhibit, or especially watch Chick Flicks, to humor the object of their desires.
  2. Gays are easier to be talked into anal sex, as there is no competing hole to decide on.
  3. However, if one has talked his partner into anal sex, not being gay is an advantage as he doesn't have to kiss a man with a beard afterwards.

Some people are gay simply because they think women are "a pain in the ass." However, they don't know the half of it.

Scientists believe there are chromosomes in the human imposed during birth that determine the sexual preference of an individual, but some scientists--most commonly psychologists--impose the "Catholic priesthood" theory of homosexuality that suggests this behavior can become an acquired preference.

A leading environmental cause of homosexuality is bad Internet porn. Several Christian citizens' protest groups are currently forming to demand the public subsidized availability of nannyware that ensures children's site requests are rerouted away from bad or "educational" porn to the highest quality sexiest pictures on the Internet.

In the modern world, specially after 2000 and bush's neo-conservativism, homosexuality has a lot to do with communist ideals and social leadership talents where all the problematic girls around you with imperfect love lives sing to your subconscious with all their heart and almost push you to become a girl yourself.

edit Not Funny? Try sticking these up your...

David von Michelangelo

David's tiny cock didn't keep him from fucking with Goliath.


Four-letter words (of various lengths)
The A WordThe AH WordThe B WordThe BS WordThe C WordThe D WordThe E WordThe F WordThe other F wordThe G WordThe H WordThe I WordThe J WordThe K WordThe L WordThe M WordThe MF WordThe N WordThe Other N WordThe Ñ WordThe O WordThe P WordThe Q WordThe R WordThe S WordThe T WordThe U WordThe V WordThe W WordThe X WordThe Y WordThe Z Word

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