Gary Glitter

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This article is very scary, and may cause : The heads of young children to asplode Bald men who are over 50 to lactate much more than usual, then implode Your genitals to remove themselves from your body and run away, then explode Your heart to jump out and attack you, then blow up. You to grow another penis, then detonate

You should stop reading it. Then kick your computer away and go make some nice tea. If that doesn't stop the effect, then go on foot to Mount Everest and jump, or erupt.

A stoned out of his mind Gary Glitter live on stage . (WARNING: Using the 80's without proper protection will result in you looking like this too)

“What's silver, sits at the foot of the bed and scares children? Gary Glitter's boots.”

~ Oscar Wilde

“I love you, love; because you're two, love”

~ Gary Glitter on love

“Man who have sex with children is going to prison”

~ Confucious on Gary Glitter

“It was only for research!”

~ Pete Townshend on purchasing a Gary Glitter album

Gary Glitter (real name Paedo Gadd) aka The Shitter is a former glam rock star famous in the 1970s for wearing a silver suit and a stupid wig but now much more famous for being a paedophile. He is known for his great love for everyone, but especially pre-teen Asian girls, right up their asses. Having lived for a number of years in prison in Vietnam at Ho Chi Minh's pleasure, as of 2008 he has returned to the UK where's he's certain of a warm welcome. He was executed live on television in 2009, as part of Channel 4's "We Just Don't Give A Shit" season.

[edit] Pop career

The 1970s was a very tasteless decade for Britain and Brian. As well as racist sitcoms, extravagently wide flannel trousers and Margaret Thatcher they also coughed up glam rock. Gary Glitter was one of many acts who rode this music wave like a silver-spangled surfer with a dodgy wig who kept rubbing his crotch at the under-16s in the front row. At the time, no one questioned the intentions behind songs such as 1972's "Playground Bangaround" and 1974's "Breaking In Minors (Oh Yeah! Oh Yeah!)" and, besides, the 1970s were such a crazy time that everyone was sleeping with kids. Glitter's success waned somewhat in the 1980s and early '90s although he still managed a hit with "I've Got Love For You If You Were Born In The 80s... The 80s" in 1991, later covered by Calvin Harris in 2006. He managed to wade through a resurgence of interest in the mid-'90s amongst the student fraternity who, when not guffawing at Supermarket Sweep and mock-quoting Jim Bowen Bullseye catch-phrases, 'ironically' bestowed appreciation and affection on the lovable, playful kiddie-fiddler. Neither his 1973 album 'Touch Me' or his 1984 disc 'Boys Will Be Boys' attracted much critical attention at the time, but in later years left millions wondering how, with albums titled like this, nobody spotted this mincing child hungry pervert 20 years earlier.

But he has recently been linked to the Pampers Corporation for a series of advertising campaigns, Stressing the importance of extra padding when protecting your child from the likely intrusions of such failed Glam Rock disasters. This contract was cancelled upon his execution.

[edit] Nonce

14th Century Painting "Adoration of the Leader".

For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about Gary Glitter.

In 1997, Glitter took his computer for repairs to his local computer repairs shop after severely jamming his foreskin in the disk drive. This lead to him being arrested and charged after indecent images of children were discovered on it (also, his penis had to be surgically removed from the computer, and now consequently he no longer has a penis). Glitter responded to these claims with "they're not indecent, they're pretty high-quality if you ask me". He was jailed for six months and on release promised to be good, if you take "be good" to mean, "fuck off to the third world to abuse kids". After being kicked-out of Cuba by Fidel Castro he moved to Vietnam where he grew an absurd beard (quite possibly based on that of former Vietnamese leader Ho Chi Minh) and promptly got himself arrested for child abuse and banged-up for several years. In 2007, he served time with Leatherface, who he sexually abused. When asked why, Glitter responded "He was like a child, so I defended him from the others". After his release in 2008 he considered moving to the United States saying "I hear if you've been held in Vietnam for several years they treat you like a hero over there" but instead was forced to return to Britain. There was public outrage at Glitter's return but his lawyer, Ian Bastard, defended his client as "innocent" saying "Do we really know the full facts? For example, lets say little Timmy (two) returns from a trip to Uncle Glitter's cell with his arsehole bleeding screaming "the man with the scary beard did a bad thing!" We dont know the full facts!". The Government's current Glitter Threat Level is said to be "extremely low" ever since his execution, however a source close to the Home Secretary has informed the entire press that there is still a good chance that he may return as a zombie to rape more children and do a duet with Michael Jackson.

[edit] Television

Its nothing to do with us - honest!.

Before going into hiding in Vietnam Glitter had planned a comeback along with his one time drinking buddy and America's favourite (non-Austrian) rapist Mike Tyson, would host a new variety show called The Kids Are Not Alright (now Glitter is here!!). The concept of the show would see Gary being blindfolded and then trying to catch kids using only his sense of smell and Tyson's verbal directions. The show was canned by the BBC as they thought it was too Noel Edmonds. He signed an exclusive contract with Channel 4 in mid-2009 to film live his hanging, which would be the first execution since its abolition in the 1960s, the first public execution since the 1700s, and the first ever on TV. Channel 4 praised it as 'the most high-brow show we've ever put on'.

[edit] Albums

• I Didn't Know I Loved You (Until You Started Teething) (1972) (Bad Wig Discs)
• If You're Over Eighteen It Just Ain't Gonna Work (1973) (Bad Wig Discs)
• If Lovin' You Is Wrong, Maybe It's Okay In Cambodia (1975) (Bad Wig Discs)
• Can't I Touch Them... There (Constable)? (1977) (Bad Wig Discs)
• It'll Be Our Little Secret: The Be(a)st Of Gary Glitter So Far (1980) (Bad Wig Discs)
• What Your Mama Don't See (1980) (Bad Wig Discs)
• Get Skintight For Papa! (1999) (Neverland Ranch Records)
• My Wife Turns Twelve (2001) (Neverland Ranch Records)
• Come On! Come On! (Don't Tell Your Parents) (2002) (Neverland Ranch Records)
• Golden Showers in Vietnam (2004) (Ronald McDonald Cambodian Childrens Foundation Records)
• Let Me Show You My Hard Drive (2006) (Repeat Offender Records)
• Doing Alright With The Boys (It's Bath Time) (2007) (Repeat Offender Records)

[edit] Singles

• "Playground Bangaround" (1972)
• "I'm the Leader of the Gang Rape (I Am)" (1973)
• "I Would If I Could But I Can't (In This Country)" (1973)
• "My Pubeless Concubine (Sixty Nine)" (1973)
• "Breaking In Minors (Oh Yeah! Oh Yeah!)" (1974)
• "Lonely Boy (I Got A Home For You)" (1975)
• "Who Told You To Stop Sucking? (Treat Percy Like Your Dummy)" (1979)
• "Babies, You're Going Down... (Down The Alley Way)" (1980)
• "My Dick Between The Nursery Bars!" (1981)
• "Love Comes (On Minors' Faces)" ([1985])
• "Hold On To What You Got (Or I Will)" ([1986])
• "I've Got Love For You If You Were Born In The 80s... The 80s" (1991)
• "We are the kids in Thailand" (2003)
• "I'm Back" (2008)

[edit] His Pad

It is a well known fact that Gary resided in a Large Northampton village by the name of Brixworth. This village is also known for it's amazing primary schools and nursery, and his house sits in a position with breathtaking views of the local Maternity Ward. After his execution, this property was bought by Chris Langham.