Ganesha

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The Hindu Elephant.

[edit] Origins

Ganesha was created by a bullemic Parvati to protect her shelf of Anorexia pills and weed from her hippie hubby Shiva AKA three-eyed Mutant Marlboro king. She made him out of the hair on her back along with the toenails that she saved a few centuries ago, so that she could claim full custody of him. Sure enough, Shiva went cold turkey. So he came back with an army of gangstas ('ganas' for short), but Mrs. Shiva's boy held his turf. In the end, Shiva made a deal with the boy: "Well, if I can't touch them jolly ranchers, at least gimme some head, man. I needs the high". Well, our boy was made of crap, and crap was all he had for a brain. So he gave him his head - literally.

When Lady Parvati came out of her house at long last (after a long ass chit-chat with Saraswati, goddess of speech and shit), she called out for her boy. But a gan(gst)a replied, "He's lost his head, motha. He can't hear nuthin" "Like father, like son..." "But he ain't got no fatha, and you're the motha..." "Young man, you've just earned yourself a punishment for taking that tone of sarcasm with me" "Like hell I did" "Very well, I was going to let you have the jolly ranchers..." "Awrigh', what's the deal?" "Get my son a good head. I want one with big brains, so he never forgets my orders. It's got to have a tough forehead, so that Zidane can't outdo him if my hubby gets desperate. And I want a mouth with muscle, so that he won't yield to tough talk. And I want him armed to the teeth" Well, now we all know she got what she asked for - the head of an adult elephant. The transplant was a bit tricky, but somehow they managed it, albeit with a few side-effects. Heck, they're gods, aren't they? Though the guy keeps bleeding at the site where the thick neck of the elephant was joined to the tiny neck of the little boy, he seems to be doing fine today.

[edit] Most Recent Appearances

Ganesha most recently made an appearance at Hugh Hefner's Playboy Mansion for his 2008's "Be kind to elefants" freshers' Party. In 2006 he was voted as the Best looking Male-ish manimal (and also the only one). He descended a few levels of the caste system to take corporeal form, but was caught breaking in into a peanut facory. Ganesha is apparently a big Pam Anderson fan, and supposedly was seen making out with Kidd Rock in the famed grado. In 2004 G-nesh was caught for Drinking and Driving off a cliff but was later released for good behavoir. He was also known for his taste in Gothic clothing and at one point in his life he was admitted into the ICU for slitting his wrists off with a banana. He often had blood Duels with his Arch Rival Hanuman for control of the banana Turfs in Tijuana, Mexico. He was also a Hardcore Gambler who would often gamble his home away. G-nesh was a wild card in house warming parties and often when he'd wake up from his hangovers,he'd have realized that he had his marriage to a transvestite Mexican prostitute named Fred.

In 2002, Ganesh appeared on American Idol, but was thrown out by Simon for singing "Yo mama" jokes. Although Dumbo is rumored to be the love child of Ganesha and Helen Keller, it remains unsubstantiated; Ganesha declined to appear on The Jerry Springer Show to receive a paternity test.