Game talk:Zork/Archive1

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Its like Choose your own Adventure, but on Crack --Nytrospawn 23:38, 15 Mar 2005 (EST)

And it's getting complicated...if anyone wants to edit, please try to make sure your edits are somewhat consistent - e.g. there are already three different Zork/yard pages, depending on your circumstances. Just be aware! Also, injecting a bit of humor into some of the pages would be appreciated, but don't overdo it, please. --Rcmurphy 00:13, 16 Mar 2005 (EST)

Okay, I've added all existing pages to the Zork category. I'd appreciate it if further contributions could follow suit. --Algorithm 04:16, 16 Mar 2005 (EST)

LoLlercoasters --Savethemooses 11:17, 17 Mar 2005 (EST)

The farthest you can get so far is Zork/south8 or Zork/key3 (they're both basically the same), so keep trying if you get hung up. If anyone wants to edit from there (or look for dead ends or mistakes in the other pages), go wild. --Rcmurphy 01:27, 19 Mar 2005 (EST)

This is alot like Game, and I approve --Chronarion 11:29, 6 Apr 2005 (EDT)

I added a new option in Zork/key3 and Zork/south8. It's still got a few actions someone else can write, and probably can go even further. :P --Portz 03:41, 15 May 2005 (EDT)

Guide to Zork death pages

Grue Related

Game:Zork/Grue - use when the player attacks a Grue.
Game:Zork/GrueDefend - use when the player defends a Grue.
Game:Zork/death - use when the player attacks a sleeping Grue.
Game:Zork/knifegrue - use when the player attacks a Grue with a knife.
Game:Zork/grueshades1 - use when the player attacks many Grues and has the knife.
Game:Zork/GrueDefendPlural - use when the player defends many Grues.
Game:Zork/eatGrue - use when the player eats a Grue.
Game:Zork/GrueStill - use when the player stands still in the presence of a Grue.
Game:Zork/GrueRun - use when the player tries to outrun a Grue.

Not Grue Related

Game:Zork/grond - use when the player deliberate chooses to die.
Game:Zork/east - use when the player goes east when there is clearly a wall there.
Game:Zork/xyzzy - use only when the player says XYZZY.

Zorkdied Template

I added a new template that you should use instead of the "Start over" link: Template:zorkdied --L 09:46, 2 May 2006 (UTC)

Great idea. --User:Nintendorulez 11:35, 2 May 2006 (UTC)

I think people ought to stop adding more to this

It's long as hell. The Zork category contains over 800 pages! Those who want to contribute to Zork, Zork 3 is still unfinished. --User:Nintendorulez 00:19, 20 April 2006 (UTC)

I might also add, there are so many red herring subpaths that don't get you ANY further in the game. What is this, Game Online? What happened to the game being linear? --User:Nintendorulez 00:40, 20 April 2006 (UTC)
Those subpaths (in which I include Game:Zork/wood, Game:Zork/trapdoor4, Game:Zork/Biocomplex_Roof and Game:Zork/motel01) are simply unfinished. My cunning plan is to turn some of them into parallel paths, which eventually reconnect to the "main" path after assigning you exactly the same inventory. Sure, it sounds contrived, but at least it's better than facile alternative endings.
Also, Zork 3's existing framework is a bit constricting in terms of creativity. I mean, look at it! Also, the reason I don't like it is that it, like Zork 2, is focused around missions - with the illusion of a central hub - rather than Zork 1's focus around a continuous journey through a series of locations and pseudo-puzzles, which is in my opinion truer to the classic text adventures that it's supposed to be aping. --L 15:12, 20 April 2006 (UTC)
I suppose there's always Zork 4? Besides, I'm sure the Zork 3 quests will be awfully longwinded and have the mission accomplished in quite a roundabout way. The point is, Zork is only supposed to have one path, and no more is needed. ZORK IS FINISHED. The whole tons of paths thing has been done, it's called Game Online. Zork has now gotten so confusing that I don't even remember how to beat it, or even the general direction to go in in terms of the many different paths. Besides, if Zork keeps growing, it'll soon reach the point where an iPod port is impossible and I really want to make that. --User:Nintendorulez 15:47, 20 April 2006 (UTC)
Firstly, Infocom never made a Zork 4. There's Beyond Zork, though.
Secondly, and this isn't completely relevant to the discussion, but the current ending of Zork contains a contradiction: in order to get to Game:Zork/hop you must go down a path in which your light cannon is taken away (namely Game:Zork/ladder23).
Thirdly, why should Zork only have one path? And since when was a "whole tons of paths" a thing that is only worth doing once? And especially in something as ill-written as Game Online.
Fourthly, the current path only passes through about four main areas: White House leads to Biocomplex leads to Maze leads to Wizzard's Pantry leads to Ur-Grue battle. I don't see why inserting a few of the dead-end areas (Pixel World and Underworld, for example) into that chain, or making parallel chains, is unreasonable - especially since a fair portion of the pages comprising those areas has already been written.
Except, I suppose that your actual frustration is that you're trying to make that port of yours now, and you want it to be the Complete and Unabridged Zork. The hard problem, as I see it, is that the terms "complete" and "finished" are almost entirely subjective when applied to entire wikis like Game:Zork. And frankly, (and to finally directly address the topic at hand) I don't think locking down all the Zork pages simply to ensure the prolongued relevance of a portable version is going to do anyone, present or future, any good. So, you'll just have to accept that your iPod port, regardless as to when you make it, is no more "finished" than any version of Game:Zork from now on is.--L 17:28, 20 April 2006 (UTC)
Well, the main issue is that it's too confusing, and too similar to Game Online, and kinda destroys the original spirit of Uncyc's Zork. And there's no real reason to extend this long-ass game any further. Why not Zork 3? --User:Nintendorulez 11:40, 2 May 2006 (UTC)
It seemed to me that, at least when I did the Wizzard's Pantry and subsequent ladder sections, the purpose of Uncyclopedia's Zork was simply to create an open-ended addition to the main storyline. From the very beginning, as far as I understood, Zork consisted of several people taking another's work and adding small additions that brought the user to another area. I don't believe Zork was ever intended to end, so much as it would be a continuous adventure that the user would play through for a few days, reach a page full of red links, and then think of something humorous to add on. Unfortunately, this is no longer possible due to the fact that somebody actually made an end to the game, but there are still many, many opportunities for adding to the game. And besides, what do we need reason for? This is the Uncyclopedia! --Boneyjellyfish 08:51, 4 May 2006 (UTC)
It seemed like it was supposed to have a beginning and end to me. It seems like you've removed Zork and turned it into a completely different game. The endless, open ended game you seem to want is Game:Game Online. And keep in mind, instead of changing Zork off from its original idea, you could create some sort of new game from scratch. --User:Nintendorulez 16:34, 7 May 2006 (UTC)
Well, luckily for you, Zork DOES have a beginning and end. All we're doing at this point is expanding the middle so people can collect all of the treasures. Zork isn't even close to being finished right now. There's still a lot of work to do. --Boneyjellyfish 03:48, 11 May 2006 (UTC)
Zork Implementor L, I just modified the end-game route a little so you can obtain the light cannon again.--Boneyjellyfish 20:26, 4 May 2006 (UTC)

Templateified Room Descriptions

Listen to this: where there are several versions of the same room (for example, Game:Zork/south2 and Game:Zork/south) which have identical descriptions, the identical descriptions should be put into a Template, because:

  1. Dudes that wanna twink with the description of one of the versions won't cause inconsistencies with the other versions.
  2. It's economical!

Just now I've templated the two pages mentioned above, as well as Game:Zork/Executive and Game:Zork/Executivesuit. --L 10:33, 12 April 2006 (UTC)

Biocomplex mods

I've twinked the Biocomplex area so that it's better written. Essentially:

  • Another Treasure of Zork has been added - the Beautiful Painting.
  • You need the Hazmat suit to survive getting the Liquid Sunglasses Destroyer
  • The detonation in the Executive room is the stolic that you left behind, and NOT yet another unexplained bomb.
  • Instead of the broken trap parts, you now have a choice of three items to protect you from the exploding ATM - a garbage can lid, a hazmat suit, and the Amulet of Yendor.

Still a red link or two in that area though...--L 10:33, 12 April 2006 (UTC)

A few suggestions

I think someone should make a page that speaks specifically about contributing to the zork game. It would have some rules of thumb, suggestions, examples, etc. In addition to that, it would include the list of unlinked zork pages found here on this discussion page, as well as a list of the unfinished pages (any that either have no links, or have unlinked pages). By each unifinished page link could be links to the 4 or 5 pages, so that a contributor could reaquaint themselves with that storyline before adding something.

I've just finished my first contribution here and I wasn't really sure how to handle linking. The page that I added on to had one "broken" link that went back to the first page, so I decided to make a number of links that did the same thing in mine.

Another idea I had that could assist with additions would be to use the comment page of each entry to include a shortest path (with links to each page visited), as well as a list of everything the player HAS to have to have gotten that far, and anything the player may have, and anything the player had but does not have any more. That could lead to some humorous choices, like where the game says "Did you get item X back at situation Y?", with any number of funny outcomes depending on whether or not it's possible to have the item at that point.

What do you guys think?

I've just done your last suggestion for most of the pages up to the maze. Now stroke my ego! 11:36, 24 March 2006 (UTC)

Treasures of Zork

In actual Zork, the "winning condition" was when you succeeded in collecting the following treasures:

I'm thinking of making it such that the route to the "correct" (i.e most distant) winning condition would pass through rooms in which the player recieves these items. They'd function as milestones, dividing sections of gameplay. The pot of gold already appears here, so I've added the brass bauble here and the ancient map at the far end here. (I'm aware that currently the final Grue King can be reached from the maze, but I'm choosing not to regard that as a permanent link.) Now to start building sections to insert the remaining 17...

Also: some of the treasures in the above list ought to perhaps be changed to other, more hilarious valuables.-- 10:55, 14 March 2006 (UTC)

Well, Zork's kind of finished. And so is Zork2. Perhaps you could add this to Zork3? --[[User:Nintendorulez|Nintendorulez | talk]] 12:46, 15 March 2006 (UTC)
The game is finished, but we can still add more deaths. --Arashi
The game is NOT finished. The so-called "best" ending may be reachable, but the Grue King still gets killed twice (yeah, I'll get onto it), and nobody's managed to defeat Morgoth yet. Or the Medusataur. Case Open! 11:36, 24 March 2006 (UTC)
Still, needs more deaths. I think I'll work on the post-Morgoth kill plot. There is a way to kill Morgoth. --[[User:Arashi|User:Arashi, prole]] 22:06, 24 March 2006 (UTC)
Sigh, this game's too long, and trying to make it longer will make it near impossible for me to finish my iPod port. What about Zork3? That is in desperate need of finishing. --[[User:Nintendorulez|Nintendorulez | talk]] 19:18, 25 March 2006 (UTC)

I added the Sapphire Bracelet to the game. You can now obtain it right before you defeat the Ur-Grue.--Boneyjellyfish 20:26, 4 May 2006 (UTC)

I changed the Platinum Bar to the Platinum Utility Ladder, which you now obtain instead of just a regular bolted-down ladder.
L, what are your plans for the treasures obtained from the Medusataur? That whole encounter is currently just a dead end and is completely separate from the maze portion of the game (seeing as how it is a "parallel" conclusion to the maze). If you or someone else can incorporate that encounter a little better into the maze, then I think we would have a pretty solid labyrinth battle. --Boneyjellyfish 15:08, 21 May 2006 (UTC)

Help (in general)

Ok, I've gotten to the prison after the biocenter easily. EASILY. But after that... things get hard. After going to the crate, everything leads to death. I heard something about a maze but everything leads to death. And I can't find it. So, I go through PixelWorld. After a while, I get to a Pipe (the only possible place) and after that, everything leads to death.

What am I supposed to do? Is there a maze? Is something broken? 07:01, 9 February 2006 (UTC)

Feed the grue with your body. --Splaka 07:10, 9 February 2006 (UTC)
Where? In Pixel World? 06:16, 10 February 2006 (UTC)
Don't worry, I found it. I guess going that way after breaking the crate just slipped my mind... I'm sure I tried that :P. Anyway, I just beat the maze. 07:01, 10 February 2006 (UTC)
Is the furthest you can go? (Or anything linked from Ladder 29)
Not anymore; I've gone ahead and linked the end of the game into that path. --Algorithm (talk) 07:46, 17 February 2006 (UTC)
A hollow voice says: The whole Wizzard-bolt-cutters-ladder thread is a red herring - all it does is take you back to the Wizzard's pantry, after all. I added another exit here (but, as you can see, it's all red links.)
A hollow voice intones: Yeah, fair enough, but now we've got two endings - one here and one over here. And didn't the Grue King already die here? Someone's gotta explain that one away.
Wearethechampions isn't an ending, it's a dead end. As for the inconsistencies, by all means be italic. --Algorithm (talk) 22:34, 17 February 2006 (UTC)
Oookay, now the "real Grue King" has been changed to the Ur-Grue. Of course, everyone knows that you can only really kill the Ur-Grue if you have a cannon that can shoot sunshine. Better get to writing... 16:45, 5 April 2006 (UTC)
Whoah. That's going to require a LOT of changes to Zork, and Zork 2 and 3. Please, stop making Zork longer. It's going to be hard enough to make my iPod port as is, but if people just keep rewriting the full game when Zork 3 still isn't finished, that's a problem, since Zork 1 is long enough. Just contribute to Zork 3.


(July 5th, 2005) I've added lots more levels, but everything goes all the way to the dimensional port and stops, because some idiot made it loop. If anyone fixes that, the story can continue. I've created and repaired pretty much all problems with where you can go and dying troubles, so all of it leads to that loop. Fix it, you monkeys. I want my hazmat suit :( -NLA

I didn't make the loop, however I like it that way... the portal going on forever. You're talking about the portal after the wizzards pantry, right? You can get past it by running from te grue. Eventually you do get to up the latter, but it takes you opposite land. (Type in 'BizzaroZork'.)

Which I'm pretty is the furtherst you can go. 21:45, 10 February 2006 (UTC)

Excellent work man.

I applaud your efforts on this. I hope you plan to add to this. :D

Woo! I extended the action from Game:Zork/hermit--Lzygenius 12:27, 8 Jun 2005 (UTC)

Also see Game for a similar thing. --Chronarion 23:35, 8 Jun 2005 (UTC)

I've added some things to do in the lab now; the furthest you can get is now Zork/lab5 or Zork/lab6--Wyattj 15:44, 9 Jun 2005 (UTC)

You can now get to Zork/Prison7. This is cool. Alphax 08:26, 19 Jun 2005 (UTC)

Game state

For each page, it might be a good idea to put the intended game state on the talk page. It helps with being consistent. I have found that it is possible to use the keychain before you have obtained it (in Game:Zork/keychain and Game:Zork/toejunk2). Eric119 02:45, 15 Jun 2005 (UTC)

  • I think I've fixed the Game:Zork/keychain thing. Eric119 03:06, 15 Jun 2005 (UTC)
    • Also, it was possible to get to the prison without the axe. In the interests of consistancy, I have fixed Game:Zork/Biocenter3. Alphax 06:30, 21 Jun 2005 (UTC)
      • The axe wasn't actually supposed to do anything. It was one of those things that you clicked on, possibly enjoyed, and helped you no longer as you progressed. The text even mentions the axe disappearing. The button and only the button were supposed to deactivate the traps. Glyph Phoenix 05:13, 25 Jun 2005 (UTC)
        • Well, better make sure it's never used. Alphax 07:00, 26 Jun 2005 (UTC)

Henry the wonderworm

Everything from Zork/PixelWorld3 is completely stupid. Need more crack/shrooms/kittens to continue. Alphax 06:13, 21 Jun 2005 (UTC)


I just completed the maze linked from Zork/crate. ERTW 19:48, 25 Jun 2005 (UTC)

Awesome! I've made it through the interdimensional portal... Alphax 06:56, 26 Jun 2005 (UTC)

I added several pages to the wizard's pantry area of the maze, as well as a few additions to the maze itself. You can now get the bolt cutters, but I stopped at the ladder. --Boneyjellyfish 03:21, 3 Jul 2005 (UTC)

I just added another thirty or so pages to the maze area, allowing you to climb up into the hole in the ceiling. The last part of my addition is Game:Zork/ladder31. I think I left it off at a point that should allow just about anyone to pick up from where I left off. --Boneyjellyfish 03:14, 7 Jul 2005 (UTC)
Due to my previous addition being made into a dead end, Game:Zork/ladder23 now links to Game:Zork/button, which launches the player into the other-dimensional maze. --Boneyjellyfish 13:45, 1 Aug 2005 (UTC)
The other-dimensional page is just a loop. The furthest you can get to, as said before, is Ladder 31.

Can I get permission to delete the lines "don't you be telling me my tastes, be-otch!" and "sorry, sorry, my bad" from Game:Zork/maze00? They seem to be completely out of place considering the tone of the rest of the game, and I don't think they're even close to being funny. --Boneyjellyfish 14:12, 21 May 2006 (UTC)

Dig to China

Now you can dig to china(like in cartoons). Kerlon

"Hey, whoops, you're dead!" pages

If at all possible, I'd like sudden-death pages to be scaled back somewhat, or at the very least diversified more. Not every dead end has to end with "Whoops, there's a Grue, you die." For example, the security guard could kill you for completely Grue-unrelated reasons, the pile of junk could be poisonous, etc. Making everything turn into Grues makes this game dull. --Algorithm 19:23, 18 Jul 2005 (UTC)

I think every death being Grue-related is a fantastic joke, I think we should make all deaths eventually boil down to being eaten by a Grue, but in complicated ways, for example:

>Play cards with fat man

The fat man looses, and you win his world-class hedge maze. Unfortunately, the maze comes on the condition that you have to sleep in it for the night. As night draws in, it gets worryingly dark, and you are eaten by a Grue. Bad luck.

Another good example is what I've added to the main page [/vanity] --Carlos the Mean 23:22, 25 Sep 2005 (UTC)

I say that if any deaths have to be non-grue-related, at least make the corpse get eaten by a grue. Or have a grue involved somehow. Here's a good example of a funny death in which a grue doesn't eat you, but grues are still involved.

I, too, like the death-by-grue thing. It does need to be complex, though. Witty. Unexpected. Like this one. Jamehec 18:29, 13 March 2006 (UTC)

I've also been working on this some more. I added four new deaths at the security guard in Biocomplex. Only one uses a Gure. Though I suspect there are Grues all over the place there, so your dead body would get eaten anyways. --Arashi, prole 02:59, 26 June 2006 (UTC)


I've fixed the infinite loop after Game:Zork/button and added a tiny bit of story after it. I'm not very good at this, so it'd be nice if someone would continue it from Game:Zork/uhoh. General Specific 22:05, 31 Jul 2005 (UTC)

That wasn't exactly a mistake, but whatev -- ERTW MUN 20:57, 7 Aug 2005 (UTC)
I kinda liked the infinite loop, so I've gone ahead and moved the uhoh path to PixelWorld so I could restore it. --Algorithm (talk) 09:47, 22 Dec 2005 (UTC)


Boneyjellyfish, Regarding your recent edit I should point out that Game:Zork/underworld3 currently is not linked to any pages with the exception of the talk page) and remains on Orphaned pages as seen here [1]. 20:45, 8 Aug 2005 (UTC)

Alright, my bad. I didn't notice that there even *was* a Game:Zork/underworld3 page, since there is another page by the very same name at Game:Zork/Underworld3, which is linked to by Game:Zork/wz20. Anyway, I'm completely at fault here, so I'll add it back on to the lonely pages list. Thank you for the correction. --Boneyjellyfish 12:10, 9 Aug 2005 (UTC)


"Maybe" is now an option on Game:Zork/underworld4 (continue page) that links to Zork/Underworld4(just a little confusing) --Heroicpenguin 21:45, 23 Aug 2005 (UTC)

You can now get to "shadeattack" if you answer Yes in underworld4. Added links there, if I have more time, i will update.

You can now get to "tea" if you answer Maybe in underworl4. Not sure which path to continue. Maybe both links could eventually end up in the same place? --Rauni-- 13.09.2005

The combination of both the fact that it sucks and you can't go back make zork/Underworld4 a bad thing. --Carlos the Mean 23:38, 25 Sep 2005 (UTC)

NEW: A hollow voice says "Game:Zork/Underworld4 and its progeny have been unlinked because nobody whose opinion matters likes it and look behind you a three-headed monkey."

Is there a point?

What am I supposed to be trying to do? Survive the Grues? Destroy the Grue armada? Or do something with Henry the WonderWorm? And how the hell do I get to the Biocenter? --Infobacker 19:06, 12 Sep 2005 (UTC)

Well, no point yet. You just have to make as far as possible. For if you do, you can add your own shit. --Rauni--

Gotcha. I've come up with a kick-ass sequel to what we have so far. Request: Have all winning paths in the category Zork link to Game:Zork 2:Gruel and Unusual Punishment. Also, check out the Game:Zork/pudding path. --Infobacker 17:05, 13 Sep 2005 (UTC)

There are only two winning (unfinished) paths i know of. And none of them includes pudding. Go to: "Underworld4" and chooce Maybe or Yes from there - both options lead to unfinished pages.

I opened up the pudding path to lead to Game:Zork 2:Gruel and Unusual Punishment. That's what I meant. And thanks for the info. --Infobacker 11:58, 14 Sep 2005 (UTC)

i love Zork!

oh cool a Zork game! Nerd42 23:16, 23 Sep 2005 (UTC)

I need some info.

Could someone do an article on Gill Bates so I can write a fight scene involving him (Game:Zork2/missionPlan)? Also, I need feedback in the fight against Lord Voldemort in Zork 2, Chapter 1 and an addition involving Hogwarts (Game:Zork2/CH1voldemort/The Burrow). Suggestions on how to improve the "Hey, whoops, you're dead" pages are welcome. Also, Oprah Winfrey is bugging me.--Infobacker

I am currently working on the Gill Bates battle. And Lord Voldemort fight is quite OK the way it is at the moment. But i don't get, why should Charlie be one of the Supreme Commanders? Maybe pick someone else? ----Rauni-- 17:53, 3 Oct 2005 (UTC)

What4ever. I did a lot of the Gill Bates battle thingy, and added Steve Baldmer to the fight.. if anyone hasn't seen yet, check out the Ballmer's MonkeyDance Video. I've had enough of building up the M$ battle, some1 pls continue from where i left. cheers ----Rauni-- 17:53, 3 Oct 2005 (UTC)


What are people's thoughts on this 'Dennis' thing? I think it's too random and Not Funny. But I'm an asshole. --Carlos the Mean 00:52, 1 Oct 2005 (UTC)

It's a Homestar Runner reference. It's sort of amusing to me because I'm a Homestar fan, but it's not exactly original. --—rc (t) 05:15, 1 Oct 2005 (UTC)

See the Homestar Runner Wiki's page about Dennis --Nerd42eMailTalkUnMetaWPediah2g2 22:09, 21 July 2006 (UTC)

hi y'all

this is kinda minor. I was bouncing around zork. I ended up on zork/bath. a coin is mentioned, but, along the route I took, I never heard of this coin. that's all. Kietzsche 20:23, 8 Oct 2005 (UTC)

Yeah, I don't know what's up with that path. As a precaution I've unlinked Game:Zork/hop from Game:Zork/stairs until I can figure out what to do with it. --Algorithm (talk) 09:33, 6 Dec 2005 (UTC)

Zork 3's gone?

Damn, and I can't remember what the last page of Zork 2 was. If only I had a link, I could figure out what the hell happened to it. Anyone know what page Zork 2's ending was on? --Nintendorulez 00:40, 1 Nov 2005 (UTC)

The ending is at Game:Zork2/CH4conclusion, shortcut Game:Zork2CH5. --Infobacker 16:04, 3 Nov 2005 (UTC)
Is it supposed to link back to zork 1, or are we allowed to fix that?
Game:Zork2CH5 links to Game:Zork 3. --Infobacker
No, I mean, you can't really do anything in Zork 3. All the go north and stuff link back to zork 1. And you just go and die in the portal.
Check the discussion about dying in the portal. You'll see.

Village Dump comments

See this over at the Village Dump, concerning my reformatting idea. --Nerd42 03:42, 1 Dec 2005 (UTC)

I like the basic premise, but the color scheme makes me puke. I'm kinda used to seeing a white background on this website. I changed the colors around, what do you think?
LOL that's exactly what I've been saying! --Nerd42 02:08, 5 Dec 2005 (UTC)

Also, we need to do something with the score tag. I don't think the moves tag is really possible to use, since most any page can be accessed with any number of moves depending on what paths you take. --[[User:Nintendorulez|Nintendorulez | talk]] 12:40, 5 Dec 2005 (UTC)

I'm currently going through and adding move and point scores to the Zork pages. Here's the criteria I'm using:
  • If moving to a new page changes nothing in the game state (that is, this page has the same links as the last), then the moves stay the same. Otherwise, that page has one more move than the smallest move that links to it.
  • Whenever a new item is acquired, gain points. Whenever you advance to a new area, gain points.
  • Pages that lose the game always have move and point scores of zero.
  • When assigning points and moves, watch out for unintended shortcuts, and remove them when possible.
If anyone wants to help out, feel free. --Algorithm <small&gt;(talk)</small> 08:48, 6 Dec 2005 (UTC)

How do i... go anywhere?

Just wondering, I was playing the game, and.. everything leads to death. I Looked at Category:Zork, I noticed hundreds of pages... how the hell do I get to them in Zork? I mean, everywhere except North and South lead to immediate death, and north leads to a kitchen with a knife (with nothing to do there) and south leads to a house (in which everything leads to death) and outside there is a stream, a forest, and a cave, and everything leads to death. So how do I get past that bit? MrMooCow 03:15, 29 Dec 2005 (UTC)

See here for the steps to get to the laboratory, at least. --—rc (t) 03:36, 29 Dec 2005 (UTC)

Ah, ok. All of the pages i'd seen before up until the flash-light part. Thanks alot!

MrMooCow 04:18, 29 Dec 2005 (UTC)

Zork 0?

I think we should rename the entries in the thread that begins with this link to something to differentiate them from the regular Zork game. Something like Zork0/etc. It could be entitled "Zork0: The quest to play Zork"... or something. I don't know. I just think it's got some good momentum going now, but that it needs something to be separated from the rest of the game.

Sorry, those areas have been cut back or else arranged around Game:Zork/StartMenu. --L 08:29, 8 October 2006 (UTC)

Some ideas on what to implement next

I'm just jotting down some ideas for new areas and events in either this or the other Zorks. Feel free to ignore them and not implement them. That last sentence was "not" reverse psychology. -- 10:19, 2 April 2006 (UTC)

I think we decided to flay anyone who would add AAAAAAAAA! to any Zork. --Adamjirra
It's unfortunate, then, that our very own Zork Implementor L created a rather bizarre page here that uses AAAAAA!. Anyway, the path involving the Medusataur is currently almost completely pointless, so I think we can flay both L and the page itself. --Boneyjellyfish 14:01, 21 May 2006 (UTC)
Hey! Not only have I now built up the Medusataur section a bit, but I've also zorched both of the "A' references at your indirect request. So nyah. --L 13:32, 21 June 2006 (UTC)
Why not add these to Zork 3 or 4? Or Game Online? With the way things are going, Zork has become an incoherent maze of twisty little passages, with zillions of different way to get to the "end" with very little of the original path intact. And Zork 2 is looking short by comparison now. --User:Nintendorulez 14:33, 22 July 2006 (UTC)
I'm going to have to second the suggestion that we get the Medusataur section out of Zork. Or, at the very least, implement it into the story in some way so you can still fight it and retrieve its treasures so it's not some out-of-the-way optional monster. Sorry, L. Love the idea, just not loving the execution. --Boneyjellyfish 07:21, 23 July 2006 (UTC)

The XYZZY page

The XYZZY page now has randomly selected results for saying XYZZY, among them summoning a demon, travelling to Zzyzx, and/or "winning" the game. Anyone have any ideas for some more? --L 13:20, 10 April 2006 (UTC)

WHAT? xyzzy is supposed to do nothing. It's a inside-joke reference to the /xyzzy command in mIRC. --User:Nintendorulez 16:28, 19 April 2006 (UTC)
You, my friend, are about to be educated: --L 10:26, 23 April 2006 (UTC)

Sorting out the forest

Currently, entering the forest from the yard takes you to three separate branches depending on which combination of inventory items you have:

gum -> Game:Zork/cottageoutside
gum + knife -> Game:Zork/station
gum + knife + batteries -> Game:Zork/foresttree
gum + batteries -> Game:Zork/forestocarina (accessible from the other places as well, so it doesn't count)

I'm thinking that we should move two of those branches (the cottage and the railway station) to further along in the Zork game, and fit duplicates of the remaining branch (using templates) to those locations. --L

Zork Errors

How about we crash Zork? I've added an Invisiclues section on extreme sarcasm suggesting that if you use it, Zork will crash, so someone could try expanding that.

A couple of links to start someone off:

This game needs to be trimmed down. A LOT.

I just checked Category:Zork. There's 864 pages/subcategories. Holy shit, that's waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much. And I've noticed a lot of it is utter nonsense as of late. We need to resotre this game to the genius majesty it once was. --User:Nintendorulez 14:42, 22 July 2006 (UTC)

Here's a recent conversation over at the cabal IRC.

<Sikon> well, the question was: is it just me, or Zork is mostly written by IPs?
<slif3rjam> ips
<nintendorulez> Yeah, Zork has gone insane over the past few months.
<slif3rjam> I agree
<nintendorulez> People have just been scrambling the pages around in a blender, adding nonsense, etc.
<nintendorulez> And Zork2 looks short by comparison.
<nintendorulez> And Zork3 looks... unfinished. >_>
* deathz0r has joined #uncyclopedia
<nintendorulez> Should I bring the issue up on Talk:Zork? The VD?
<McDestroyertron> Word to the wise: Who cares about Zork anymore?
<nintendorulez> I just checked Category:Zork. 864 pages and subcats.
<nintendorulez> We need to trim it down.
<nintendorulez> Evidently some people do, as they keep trying to mess with it and break the whole path just so they can add their own content to the blender.
<McDestroyertron> I'm sure the joke and constant adding would have gotten old after, oh, the 400th or 800th fucking time
<nintendorulez> You'd think so, but somehow people still find appeal in it even though it's become utter garbage.
<nintendorulez> I miss the old Zork.
<McDestroyertron> We need to cull 3/4 of those pages
<nintendorulez> More like 7/8.
<nintendorulez> Or just burn everything from after a specified date.
<nintendorulez> MASS REVERT!!
<nintendorulez> I mean, only the original stuff was any good.
<nintendorulez> Hell, let's mass revert, and lock all pages.
<nintendorulez> Except the tech support, comp shutdown, etc that
<nintendorulez> 's not in the main game.
<nintendorulez> Hell, I noticed that one of those things actually returns you to about halfway through the game at one point! THAT'S NOT RIGHT!
<McDestroyertron> Or delete the whole thing and start an underground society of us that retain the Zork idea, although the HIGHERS deny that we have seen anything to that effect at all
* ENeGMA has joined #uncyclopedia
<nintendorulez> I prefer the idea of reverting all pages to a long time back and locking them. And then put a note on the starting page for all who are desperate to add new content that points them to Zork 3 and Game Online.
<nintendorulez> "Here, go edit those articles. They need new pages." "But I wanna edit zrok oen!!!11!!one!!! mommy!!!!one!!!11!! Teh cabal is teh maenie!!"

Really, Zork is now utter... junk. --User:Nintendorulez 14:53, 22 July 2006 (UTC)

NintendoRulez, while I would certainly agree that Zork has generated a lot of cruft lately, your suggestion that we revert the Zork category back to some arbitrary "Golden Days" seems absolutely ridiculous. Personally I would suggest, if possible, to lock Zork in a way that only registered users can edit or add to it. In addition, I support Zork Implementor L's idea of moving the cottage-forest-train path further along the story (and I do mean MUCH further along), to the point where it could possibly be implemented into a Zork 3 path. I also disagree that the current Zork is junk. It may be loaded down with lots of cruft now, but the main story is still there, just as good as ever. --Boneyjellyfish 07:17, 23 July 2006 (UTC)

L's Plan for Zorkian Reconstruction

Some areas which I plan to develop but don't feel like it at the moment:

  • Medusa's curse - I'll make Medusacurses 6-1 at some point, as well as a matching set of curses 6-1, and then...
  • Pixel World - This will be moved to after the Medusa arc, and rewritten with the sodomy references removed.
  • Underworld - Pixel World leads to the Underworld, which will be carpet-bombed with Grue Repellant and given some throw pillows. It eventually leads to...
  • Heaven - Here's where you'll someday be able to upgrade your Light Cannon into a Sun Cannon capable of penetrating the Ur-Grue's defenses. It leads to...
  • Game:Zork/Wearethechampions - The "end", but certainly not The End. The only room after this one is Game:Zork/Harrisonford, which leads nowhere useful at the moment.

Don't worry, all this will maybe, quite possibly, link back to the Platinum Ladder arc when I or someone else finishes it. Maybe. --L 17:36, 29 August 2006 (UTC)

Zork 3 REALLY needs to be put into a readable format.

Get off Zork- It's basically completley finished. zork 2 could use a little more, but it's fine.Zork 3- It sucks. Not in order, impossible to get to the bloody main game (poinytless side quests.) Spelling sucks, needs work! Help Zork 3!

I don't feel like it. But, y'know, maybe later I'll change my mind. --L 10:22, 6 October 2006 (UTC)
How long was I saying this for? Ah, yes: All those new arcs everyone *coughLcough* keeps adding ought to be moved to Zork 3. Zorks the on that sucks, IMHO, as it seems like a random series of completely unrelated arcs that keep looping back on each other with no continuity, clear/distinct path forward, etc. Zork 2 seems to be the only good game, since it's both finished and not completely mangled, shuffled around, etc. Zork, a game that once had a distinct goal and such, is basically now just a clone of Game Online. --User:Nintendorulez 19:10, 6 October 2006 (UTC)
I somewhat object to your assertion! Zork has structure, as well as progress markers (the Twenty Treasures of Zork). Game Online is just an unending stream of unrelated events.

...although, it seems that someone has made a substantial improvement to Zork 3 since I last visited. Hmm... --L 07:36, 8 October 2006 (UTC)


This game is crazy, dumb, stupid, and weird. That's why it rules! HighGeneral Grue

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