Game Maker

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Professor Mark Overmars

How GML really works.

GameMaker is a kitchen utensil created by former Arsenal footballer Mark Overmars somewhere in Europe (location kept secret as it is rumoured that Microsoft is trying to get their hands on GameMaker to sell at an exorbitant price and cause even more crashes on thousands of PCs). Several different versions are available: a "pro" version for pirates, a "masturbatory edition" for squirrels, and an all-powerful "staff" version which puts other Game Maker games to shame and causes much begging for an editable version to plagairise on the Game Maker forums.

edit History

Animo started like all computer software - crap and totally unheard of. Steadily things improved through several of the integers below 10 up until Game Maker 6.0. This is regarded by some as the finest Game Maker ever made. Which was true, as it was the latest one until Game Maker 7.0 and the latest version is always best (see Indiana Jones: Kingdom of the Crystal Skull for example). Control of Game Maker has been passed on to a British company, YoYo Games, as the previous company had stuffed up the accounts making Game Maker look in the grey and could use room for improvement.

As of November 27, 2009 the 12 year olds that run YoYo Games decided that a new logo was in order to continue making profits. Out of over 500 designs the CEO picked the logo that "is more modern, communicates the vitality and excitement of what Game Maker stands for and fits better with the rest of the YoYo Games Branding." After the winner was revealed the community at YoYo Games went into a flaming frenzy and made Over 9000 different edits of the logo, effectively turning it into a meme. Game Maker and its community were ridiculed far and wide throughout the internets, resulting in gratuitous amounts of butthurt.

edit Making Games

Catch that fucking clown

How the most of the featured Catch That Fucking Clown! games are.

Game Maker comes with an in-built drawing program so you can scribble while stealing sprites off the internet to claim as your own. A variety of different editing effects mean that no-one will ever know that the graphics aren't yours. Clicking a button will make your game playable and stops others from stealing your already stolen graphics and sounds. Doing this also makes the file size three times larger and causes a large red blob to appear where your game should be. This is why Game Maker is awesome.

edit GameMaker: Studio

In 2011 YoYo decided to finally go for the clown and port their DLL Hell code base to the .NET framework resulting in essentially a DLL Hell.NET IDE called GayMaker: Stupido or just Stupido for those who don't know how to read the help manual. Side effects of prolonged use include profuse vomiting and diarrhea icons. With this new platform the infamous YoYo brought Direct3D9 fixed-function pipeline support via built-in constants to your toaster and Commodore 64 with new obfuscation processes that will ensure your game is never stolen because it will be skull-fucked before you even release it.

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