From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
GameSpot is a website devoted to video game news and reviews. It maintains a list of the hottest game players and game developers and keeps tabs on the latest hairstyles and fashion tips from professionals in the gaming industry. GameSpot's forums are devoted to players who have found or are looking for the gamespot of different games or who are perhaps looking for tips and tricks for pleasing that special game.
Founded in 1996 by Vince Broady, GameSpot was purchased by ZDNet, which was purchased by CNET Networks, which was purchased by CBS Interactive, which was purchased by MSNBC, which was purchased by General Mills, which was purchased by Nabisco, which was purchased by CNET Networks, which was purchased by ZDNet, which was purchased by GameSpot Universal. The site was named after gamespot, that special place on a game that you can touch to send it into a wild squirting orgasm.
GameSpot was founded by Vince Broady when he sent a copy of Diablo into a shuddering orgasm on his living room floor. His very first article was titled, How I Took Diablo to a Place Neither of Us Had Been to Before and How it Has Changed Our Relationship.
Within a year, hundreds of posts had been made describing adventurous times with Nuke Dukem 3D, President Evil, and of course, Tomb Raider. The sexual conquest of the Tomb Raider game franchise became closely intertwined with GameSpot's success and in metaphorical terms, it could be said that GameSpot mounted Tomb Raider's box and rode it through a dream-filled mist of otherworldly passion until they both lay spent upon the beach, just basking in each other's warm embrace until, exhausted, they drifted off into a dream-in-a-dream where they battled unicorns in a vast, reverberant hallway filled with marble statues of all of history's great people of science.
In addition to highlighting each game's gamespot, GameSpot also reviews the game itself. A point system is used to rate the five major categories: "Gameplay", "Sound", "Willingness to Listen", "Values", and "Made Me Feel Okay About Myself Afterwards". Games may be given additional points for giving the reviewer that thing they most desire in the world: love and affection.
Special awards are often given to games that have achieved something very special in the industry such as "Best Pirate Shooting Sequence", "Most Realistic Decorative Plants", "Least Surprising Use of Fisting in a Platformer", and "Came So Hard When I Barely Even Touched Its Gamespot".
edit Game of the Year
Each and every year, millions of people worldwide await the morning of the first Sunday in October 12th when creator Vince Broady is said to come down from his mountain refuge and sneak into selected homes via stovetop or bathroom exhaust vents to leave written cards containing the title of GameSpot's Game of the Year. Later that day, the title is posted to the GameSpot website. Winners of the coveted award include: Funeral Planner 9000 (Cockmaster Portable), Devil Swords vs Ponies (FeeCee), Horse Collector (SexBox 369), Blow Wizards (Wee, AnusCube), Total Anal (RapeStation 3), Medical Mistakes (Fancy Boy Color), Queen Vulva X (FeeCee), Raperacer (Nintendon't Wee), and Dickfight 3 (Nintendon't Wee).
Only three games have received perfect scores on GameSpot: Funeral Planner 9000, Medical Mistakes, and Raperacer.
edit Worst Game of the Year
GameSpot also hands out a Worst Game of the Year award to the game with the lowest average score and a development budget of at least USD $100,000. Winners of this dubious achievement have included: Slaughterhouse Manager, Agent Cockbox: Undercover and Under The Covers, World Afire, Kentucky Cat Derby, Death Exploder, and Squid Fighter Deluxe.
edit Best Tits
The annual Best Tits award goes to the video game with the best tits. Winners include: Giant Tit Volleyball, Breastcrafter, Horse Collector2: Milk-Squirtin' Mares, Busty Ninja Swordfight, Mother, Jugs, and Speed: The Arcade Experience, Hooker Cronicles Boob Expansion Pack, Buxom Street Racer Extreme, WWII Titty Sniper Elite, and Whoreburner.
edit Weakly Podcasts
GameSpot has four weakly podcasts which air at least once a year:
- Hitting the Spott - the show's longest running podcast. Covers finding the gamespot for recent games as well as other advanced sexual techniques for bedding current games. Regularly features sex advice columnists and relationship experts.
- First Person POV - GameSpot's regular coverage of games in the FPS genre. Features "man on the street" interviews in which the hosts shoot water guns at random passersby and record the audio of their reactions.
- Nude Patch - the show devoted entirely to nude mods for games in which character models textures are replaced with nude versions.
- Oh God, I'm Cuuuummmmiiiinnnggg! - only one episode has been posted so far. Consisted of the rustling and grunting sounds of a man pleasuring himself outdoors and then screaming, "Oh God, I'm cumming," as he presumably ejaculated. The podcast ended with the sound of a police siren. Listeners speculated on the GameSpot forums that the man may have been in a park or other public space and that the podcast might have been a publicity stunt for the upcoming game Public Masturbator 4: License to Jerk.