From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
GameSpot (also known as GaySpot) is a LOSER video games site. Founded in 1996 by Alex Navarro, GameSpot was purchased by ZDNet, which was purchased by CNET Networks, which was purchased by CBS Interactive, which was purchased by MSNBC, which was purchased by General Mills, which was purchased by Nabisco, which was purchased by CNET Networks, which was purchased by ZDNet, which was purchased by GameSpot Universal. It was named after gamespot, that special place on a game that you can touch to send it into a wild squirting orgasm.
GameSpot is infamous in Rigist lore for its incredibly inaccurate and LOSER reviews of classic games such as Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing, Supez da 6'4", Stalin vs. Martians, You Are Empty, and several others. GameSpot has long been the sworn enemy of Rigists and the WINNER community. Aside from its Big Rigs review, many other LOSER events have taken place there (such as the firing of Jeff Gerstmann).
GameSpot focuses on game and system reviews for the following LOSER platforms: Nintendon't Wee, Xbox One, Kidtendo Gaypube, and the Gayboy Unadvanced. It maintains a list of the hottest game players and game developers and keeps tabs on the latest hairstyles and fashion tips from professionals in the gaming industry. GameSpot's forums are devoted to players who have found or are looking for the gamespot of different games or who are perhaps looking for tips and tricks for pleasing that special game.
GameSpot was founded in 1996 by Alex Navarro (HWSNBN), a master of LOSER and sworn enemy of Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing. He founded the website after having sent his copy of Diablo into a shuddering orgasm on his living room floor. His very first article was titled, How I Took Diablo to a Place Neither of Us Had Been to Before and How it Has Changed Our Relationship.
Within a year, hundreds of posts had been made describing adventurous times with Nuke Dukem 3D, President Evil, and of course, Tomb Raider. The sexual conquest of the Tomb Raider game franchise became closely intertwined with GameSpot's success and in metaphorical terms, it could be said that GameSpot mounted Tomb Raider's box and rode it through a dream-filled mist of otherworldly passion until they both lay spent upon the beach, just basking in each other's warm embrace until, exhausted, they drifted off into a dream-in-a-dream where they battled unicorns in a vast, reverberant hallway filled with marble statues of all of history's great people of science.
In 2003, the site was bought by the company CNET, and they merged their own site (GameCenter) into GameSpot. As a result of this, the site became even more LOSER than before, and everyone was enslaved into spreading Navarro's LOSER word after. Since then, GameSpot has been producing slanderous reviews about WINNER games in order to turn the general populace against Stellar Stone and their Rigist followers.
edit LOSER acts
- Review of Big Rigs: On January 15, 2004, Alex Navarro posted his review for Big Rigs. This contained countless factual errors (such as the ability to drive through buildings supposedly being "a game-breaking glitch"). Word quickly spread of Big Rigs and many considered it the worst game ever as a result of Navarro's influence. Some saw the light of Rigism and realised the game's greatness.
- Anti-Rigism propaganda videos: Alex Navarro had a key part in making this anti-Big Rigs video. The intention of the video is to imply that Big Rigs is the enemy and only the path of LOSER will save you. For the most part the players' experiences are based on truly LOSER games, which is why they appear to be in pain for the most of the video. However, Alex Navarro made a mistake and inadvertently gave them a real copy of Big Rigs at some parts, which explains why there are moments where the players are enjoying it.
- Firing of Jeff Gerstmann: Jeff Gerstmann was not WINNER, but he wasn't as corrupted by LOSER as the other GameSpot staff. He was fired for giving Kane & Lynch a 6.0 despite Eidos paying for an 11/10.
edit WINNER staff members
Throughout GameSpot's history there have been some staff members WINNER enough to resist HWSNBN's mind control and speak the truth momentarily.
- Eddie Bautista: Eddie Bautista is considered WINNER for publishing an editorial saying that Big Rigs is a work of art. He also once said "Big Rigs is the path to enlightenment!" Eddie currently no longer works at GameSpot and is completely free from HWSNBN's grasp.
- Brian Ekberg: Brian is WINNER because he punched HWSNBN in the stomach.
- Jason Ocampo: Not entirely WINNER but has freed himself from LOSER. He had the audacity to go directly against HWSNBN's will by working for GameSpot's rival site, IGN. What's more is that he survived. He clearly has balls of steel.
In addition to highlighting each game's gamespot, GameSpot also reviews the game itself. A point system is used to rate the five major categories: "Gameplay", "Sound", "Willingness to Listen", "Values", and "Made Me Feel Okay About Myself Afterwards". Games may be given additional points for giving the reviewer that thing they most desire in the world: love and affection.
Special awards are often given to games that have achieved something very special in the industry such as "Best Pirate Shooting Sequence", "Most Realistic Decorative Plants", "Least Surprising Use of Fisting in a Platformer", and "Came So Hard When I Barely Even Touched Its Gamespot".
edit Game of the Year
Each and every year, millions of people worldwide await the morning of the first Sunday in October 12th when creator Vince Broady is said to come down from his mountain refuge and sneak into selected homes via stovetop or bathroom exhaust vents to leave written cards containing the title of GameSpot's Game of the Year. Later that day, the title is posted to the GameSpot website. Winners of the coveted award include: Funeral Planner 9000 (Cockmaster Portable), Devil Swords vs Ponies (FeeCee), Horse Collector (SexBox 369), Blow Wizards (Wee, AnusCube), Total Anal (RapeStation 3), Medical Mistakes (Fancy Boy Color), Queen Vulva X (FeeCee), Raperacer (Nintendon't Wee), and Dickfight 3 (Nintendon't Wee).
Only three games have received perfect scores on GameSpot: Funeral Planner 9000, Medical Mistakes, and Raperacer.
edit Worst Game of the Year
GameSpot also hands out a Worst Game of the Year award to the game with the lowest average score and a development budget of at least USD $100,000. Winners of this dubious achievement have included: Slaughterhouse Manager, Agent Cockbox: Undercover and Under The Covers, World Afire, Kentucky Cat Derby, Death Exploder, and Squid Fighter Deluxe.
edit Best Tits
The annual Best Tits award goes to the video game with the best tits. Winners include: Giant Tit Volleyball, Breastcrafter, Horse Collector2: Milk-Squirtin' Mares, Busty Ninja Swordfight, Mother, Jugs, and Speed: The Arcade Experience, Hooker Cronicles Boob Expansion Pack, Buxom Street Racer Extreme, WWII Titty Sniper Elite, and Whoreburner.
edit Weakly Podcasts
GameSpot has four weakly podcasts which air at least once a year:
- Hitting the Spott - the show's longest running podcast. Covers finding the gamespot for recent games as well as other advanced sexual techniques for bedding current games. Regularly features sex advice columnists and relationship experts.
- First Person POV - GameSpot's regular coverage of games in the FPS genre. Features "man on the street" interviews in which the hosts shoot water guns at random passersby and record the audio of their reactions.
- Nude Patch - the show devoted entirely to nude mods for games in which character models textures are replaced with nude versions.
- Oh God, I'm Cuuuummmmiiiinnnggg! - only one episode has been posted so far. Consisted of the rustling and grunting sounds of a man pleasuring himself outdoors and then screaming, "Oh God, I'm cumming," as he presumably ejaculated. The podcast ended with the sound of a police siren. Listeners speculated on the GameSpot forums that the man may have been in a park or other public space and that the podcast might have been a publicity stunt for the upcoming game Public Masturbator 4: License to Jerk.
GameFAQs GameSpot's userbase is what you will expect from a shitty gaming site that ripoffs GameFAQs. fat, greasy basement dwelling gamers, People with at least 10000 computer viruses on their computer, Arrogant fanboys that think they can review VIDYA GEEMUZ, Die-hard fanboys of Halo and Sonic, and fanboys that like "Games" that no one likes and Games that everyone likes. Since the top tier admins had left the site due to "pressures", This site's admins had been replaced by a bunch of basement-dwelling "reviewers" that ban anyone who defys their call of duty.
The forums are basically a fuckfest of more than 9000 fanboys, broke into 4 categories;
- Nintendo fanboys, mostly tourneyfags who had dreamt of raping zero-suit samus and kissing the ass of Olimar (because he's FUCKING HI-TIER!!1111111).
- Sony Fanboys that have no idea that Sony supported SOPA and thus must me boycotted.
- Xbox fanboys that Attempted to fix the Red Ring of Death themselves but had burnt their basement for doing so. Also has no idea that Microsoft has been attempting to empty their wallets for teh lulz.
- PC fans that have a bit of responsibility, despite they will still never have a life.
- 1% of retro gamers that get trolled by hardcore SONY and Xbox fanboys. Mostly rejected trolls that can't even manage to damage those xBox fanboys.
These 6 1337FORCES had clashed in the forums for over 90 centuries and had now exploded and molten into a huge pile of squirming fat that wobbles and shrieks. They also think Old memes like Rickroll, ORLY??? and MAH BOI funny and will abuse it to the ends of earth.
Scientists had also reported that most of the userbase is less than 20 years old, with the highest being 19, and that's an admin, which might explain their abuse of old memes and premature console wars.
All non-gaming topics are most likely about game babes, religion and scientology. Mostly Scientology vs christianity wars.
edit How to pwn
They are very simple to pwn. Here are a few methods;
- Claim that you are a retro gamer and halo and call of duty sucked, battletoads and contra were the best.
- Say that sony supported SOPA.
- Say Playstation 3, Xbox, wii, tourneyfags or scientology sucks. if you see a public outcry, just tell them they prove your point. ah, don't forget the bronies.
- Insult autism or assburgers. This is very effective against gheymers.
If you had done one of these, rabid fanboys will bring you down. Don't worry, make a proxy and start over.