GameHypercube

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“The GameHypercube will revolutionize the way people see video game consoles in more than one way at once.”

~ Reggie Fils-Aime on GameHypercube

“Oh for fuck's sake, come on, it doesn't even exist. Are you guys trying anymore?”

~ Everyone on GameHypercube

“I will break you.”

~ Reggie Fils-Aime on Everyone

The GameHypercube was Nintendo's unsuccessful follow-up to the GameCube. It was Nintendo's 129th system after the creation of the Nintendo 128. Blame for the system's failure is usually placed on its unconventional 4D shape that renders it completely unviewable to the human eye. This problem would later be tackled by the PlayStation 3.

A promotional image displaying the GameHypercube, its controller, headset, other peripherals, and three games

[edit] History

The GameHypercube was originally unveiled at E3 in the year 2006. The announcement was quietly slipped in during Satoru Iwata's keynote address. Many attendees were so amazed by the complexity of the system that they were unable to document it, and all cameras currently recording the conference mysteriously blanked out for exactly the amount of time it took to introduce the GameHypercube.

Among its features were the abilities to convert math problems into light, the power to reverse the space-time continuum (advanced models only), and the previously unheard of ability to reticulate splines.

Iwata holding a GameHypercube at E3 2006. This photo was not destroyed by Iwata's laser breath

The GameHypercube had immediate critics, most notably former Nintendo CEO Bruce Springsteen. The most immediate complaints included the limitations brought about by a human's inability to see in 4D and the price point of $800,000 for a single game. Critics were also confused by the system's lack of any games to begin with. The system instead featured infomercials and, in later versions, still images of Abe Vigoda. The inclusion of Abe Vigoda was seen as a pitiful attempt at reclaiming a lost market.

When it launched 1 second after being announced, the GameHypercube sold 10 systems before being completely discontinued the next day. It is often considered to be Nintendo's greatest success of all time.

[edit] Controller

The GameHypercube's controller was operated entirely through the use of the Butcheeks, this limited the variety of games to Crap games that you don't want to get your hands on for fear of being attacked by Chuck Norris. Hence, the ingenious solution of playing with the butcheeks was spawned and consequently created the popular gaming term: Buttock-Bashing.

[edit] Games

The GameHypercube launched with four games.

A video of gameplay footage from Baseball

• Super Mario White-water Rafting Adventure
• Baseball
• Duke Nukem Forever
• Mario Party

[edit] Other Games

• Mario Kart Nitro
• Goldeneye's Revenge
• Adam-12
• Dragnet

[edit] Disputes over existence

Many historians are unsure as to whether or not games actually exist for the Nintendo GameHypercube. As no store has even stocked the games, and the games are equally as intangible as the system itself, there is no way to confirm the existence of any games claimed to be made by Nintendo.

A copy of Baseball was recently spotted being played by Elvis Presley, adding credibility to Nintendo's statements.

[edit] Rumors

Rumors say that Nintendo still plans to release games for the HyperGamecube, among them a true sequel to Q. No source has been able to confirm this, probably because everyone thought Q was a piece of shit.